Craving The Word 'No'

[CopperKnob]

I find myself in this really strange position.  One where I just want to be told "no". One where I want a person I respect to tell me a better way to do something, that I'm wrong, to stop whatever silliness I'm doing at the time
It's not easy for me to admit to, because I REALLY HATE being told no

USUALLY.

When you're on the dating scene, people are trying to win you over and 'woo' (yes I'm old) you. I appreciate this.

TO A DEGREE

There comes a point it just makes me cringe. After a while, an emotional masochist just wants all the compliments and kindness to stop, not completely, but I do need a break from it.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate kind words as much as the next person, but I need balance. I love praise, I need to know I'm appreciated, that I've done something well but,

BALANCE.

Not everything I do or say is great, funny or interesting. I can be moody, temperamental and stubborn. Procrastination and I are best friends.

I know this and I want someone to tell me how I'm failing or not measuring up.Tell me I'm not doing my best. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm pushing too much. Tell me that I should probably step back, be quiet and think things through.

Because that, to me, means He cares. He cares enough to stop me in my tracks, stop me from making a fool of myself, stop me from making a mistake and support me to be a better person.

BUT

It has to come from Him. It's not the same if I'm told  "no" by someone else. It doesn't hold the same clout, if any at all. Tell me "no" outside of a dynamic and you're definitely going to get an eye roll with a snarky comment.

But when it's His words, His power and His authority denying me...
It's what i need. It's what I crave. It's what I'm missing.

Can I explain it? No

Do I need to? 🤷‍♀️

Emotional masochist? Definitely.

Power exchange? Sigh...

Rules, structure and authority? Oh my goodness... yes!

Obey? Pfffttt!!

No? Yes, yes please!


(Todays 5am ramblings bought to you by the letter P for patience...ok I for impatience ssshhhuuussshhhh)

[Ch****]

Amazingly detailed, accurate and comprehensive description. I love emotional masochists.
An other exceptionally good writing . Amazed

[Deleted Member]

 Finally. I refer you to comments made in the post "Somethings Missing". Took your sweet time getting here.

[Puppy6411]

Fantastic writing. It's all about balance; without any hint of a "no" does "yes" have any meaning?

[Leisa]

You’ve explained perfectly the essential elements of “no.” It’s a word I seldom hear but need to hear more often even as a bratty switch.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

You’ve explained perfectly the essential elements of “no.” It’s a word I seldom hear but need to hear more often even as a bratty switch.

It's a love hate relationship i have with 'no' 😂

[StickyTrickster]

14 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Procrastination and I are best friends.

Ah procrastination, as a recovering perfectionist I have a few tales with that old bastard!  Whilst I’m predominantly a play-focused BDSMer (though I can turn quite a lot of things into play or games) BDSM is also an awesome tool for personal development especially with procrastination.  After all nothing does a better job of overcoming procrastination regardless of underlying cause than a deadline with consequences.

What better way to tackle that than have your dominant slip into BDSM Life Coach mode.  Tell them what it is you want to achieve (let’s say write a book), agree on appropriate progress goals (write 10,000 words a month) and that they will reward or punish you for meeting or missing those goals.  And I mean genuine punishments that whilst you’d consent to them you would rather not have to do them – something that gives the “oh crap” factor when you think of the approaching deadline to motivate you to get started.  Obviously “funishments,” that everyone enjoys but secretly pretend are punishments won’t work here.  The idea here is you’re trying to avoid the punishment by meeting your goals, secretly desiring it won’t work.  Similarly whilst such punishment shouldn’t be enjoyable, it should be something you’ll consent to and that your dominant is willing to administer.  The “oh crap” factor won’t apply if you don’t believe your Dom will actually administer it or if you never intend to submit to it if you fail an agreed goal…  But done right you have to wonder why BDSM Life Coaching isn’t the recommended treatment for serial procrastinating.

Anyway I’m dragging things off topic so I should try get them back on topic…

Well besides that many people just want what they can’t have if you’re regularly used to hearing yes from people “no” can have some pretty novel effects on people.

My problem isn’t not being able to say no.  Indeed my favourite way to dominate, pleasure control, depends upon it.  Tease with the hint of possible pleasure.  Want more?  Nope.  Let’s see you earn that yes.  So much so even things like spanking a masochist I give the same treatment… with long teasing waits between each spank.  No what I struggle with is being able to give out the praise – so often praise is wrapped up either as phony politeness or flattery to get something that I’d much prefer to tie a sub up and “***” them with an overabundance of heartfelt compliments than healthier options lest they mistakenly believe such compliments might have strings attached.  At the very least there is a refreshing honesty with “no.”

But then I’ve probably got something wrong with me…  I mean I have to stop myself from saying, “what do you want?” whenever I’m complimented.  If a genie were to give me wishes then you better believe I’d make it so in the dating world people had to lead with an honest reflection of their flaws.  But whether we can accept each other at our worst is a much stronger indicator of whether a relationship will be successful than making the same judgement from our best and easiest to love qualities.  Better an honest no than a yes built on illusion.

Anyway I hope that puts it back on topic…