The 'Gift' Of Submission? What About The 'Gift' of Dominance?

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Well, it can go in a blinking bowl, I'm not a heathen!

Might be more fun in your lap

[Phoenyx]

On 10/9/2021 at 3:38 AM, CopperKnob said:

I’m baffled by Doms. I’m profoundly grateful for your willingness to tie me up and spank me etc. (Thank you. Have some icecream. OK, that's enough) but, I don’t know how you find it in yourselves to hurt, albeit consenting, subjects. The idea of it terrifies me. What if I went too far? How would I cope with the guilt when the tears started falling? When would I cross the bridge between Evil Me and Gentle Me? Would I ever find my way back or do they nuke the bridge as soon as you reach the other side?

Of course, I can only answer this from my own perspective.  Still, it is a question that has been often asked.  Dominance (in the BDSM sense) is not about causing harm or being cruel.  Instead, it is about getting inside the mind of the sub---of feeling what she is feeling, as she is feeling it.  It is about finesse.  It is just the two of us within a bubble---a field of flowing energy.  For that moment, the outside world no longer exists.  My mind is picturing a half-dozen different scenarios---forever watching for clues, and calculating which path to take next.  It is not about what I want.  Rather, I am trying to follow what the sub is subconsciously telling me that she wants!  Yes, it is a very stressful and draining process.  But, the rewards are worth it.  To see that smile, to feel the energy of her ecstasy---there is no other sensation like it.  But, that energy must always be returned, through skill and concentration.  It turn, more energy will be offered, as the intensity continues to build.

In my case, I have a very tongue-in-cheek approach to sadism.  I jokingly speak of cruelty, to add ambience to the scene.  It is one of those little details that enhance the moment.  My words are not my true intent.  Rather, they are there to spur the imagination.

There is that *** and doubt that I always feel, before a "scene".  It is much like the adrenaline felt by a race-car driver before a race, or a fighter pilot about to embark on a mission.  I need to have confidence in my abilities.  At the same time though, I can never lose that "***".  The *** keeps my senses sharp, and forever wary of mistakes.  Note though, that "ego" never plays a part in this.  Should the *** go-away, and ego take hold, terrible things could happen.

Unfortunately, this is not like "riding a bike".  Such skills need to be constantly practiced and honed.  After being away from The Scene for so long, I may have lost my touch.  It's not that I couldn't relearn it.  I already have the needed mindset.  Still, I would need a sub who could have patience with my unsteady hand.  Perhaps, like retirees in any other profession, I should focus more on "consulting", rather than active participation.

[Sophie58]

21 hours ago, Phoenyx said:

Of course, I can only answer this from my own perspective.  Still, it is a question that has been often asked.  Dominance (in the BDSM sense) is not about causing harm or being cruel.  Instead, it is about getting inside the mind of the sub---of feeling what she is feeling, as she is feeling it.  It is about finesse.  It is just the two of us within a bubble---a field of flowing energy.  For that moment, the outside world no longer exists.  My mind is picturing a half-dozen different scenarios---forever watching for clues, and calculating which path to take next.  It is not about what I want.  Rather, I am trying to follow what the sub is subconsciously telling me that she wants!  Yes, it is a very stressful and draining process.  But, the rewards are worth it.  To see that smile, to feel the energy of her ecstasy---there is no other sensation like it.  But, that energy must always be returned, through skill and concentration.  It turn, more energy will be offered, as the intensity continues to build.

In my case, I have a very tongue-in-cheek approach to sadism.  I jokingly speak of cruelty, to add ambience to the scene.  It is one of those little details that enhance the moment.  My words are not my true intent.  Rather, they are there to spur the imagination.

There is that *** and doubt that I always feel, before a "scene".  It is much like the adrenaline felt by a race-car driver before a race, or a fighter pilot about to embark on a mission.  I need to have confidence in my abilities.  At the same time though, I can never lose that "***".  The *** keeps my senses sharp, and forever wary of mistakes.  Note though, that "ego" never plays a part in this.  Should the *** go-away, and ego take hold, terrible things could happen.

Unfortunately, this is not like "riding a bike".  Such skills need to be constantly practiced and honed.  After being away from The Scene for so long, I may have lost my touch.  It's not that I couldn't relearn it.  I already have the needed mindset.  Still, I would need a sub who could have patience with my unsteady hand.  Perhaps, like retirees in any other profession, I should focus more on "consulting", rather than active participation.

I think you are closing in on it. It’s the energy exchange, like the infinity symbol between us both. And for that to happen, we both need deep self awareness, emotional maturity and open hearts so we can feel each other. I can say it resembles the experience of connection to all of life that I get in my Tao practice. So is it I gift? Maybe in that both of us are willingly opening ourselves to the other. But more, I see it as a treasure, a blessing and a healing for both.

[Sophie58]

[Ae****]

There's no gift for me. Submission isn't a gift. I think that's a dramatic, grandiose description. When a girl likes me, I earned, deserve, her attention by being me. We enjoy eachother. She likes what I like, just like a puzzle piece. She enjoys being submissive, and having someone be dominant towards her, and I enjoy the opposite. We're both doing what we both like, and are happy someone gives us the opportunity to do it. No one is the special gift-giver. We're both great for eachother, equally.

This is pretty standard stuff for relationships im general, but in bdsm people get really involved in roles and what they mean. Over engineering some stuff, getting support anal 😉, forgetting we're just people, in relationships, who match up and like eachother, ultimately. No one better than anyone else.