New to kink questions

[li****]

Hi, I’m new to this community and wanted to see if any more experienced people can help me out

First off how do people find the confidence to introduce kink into their lives? I don’t know many people who are openly kinky and I don’t know if it’s a thing I would be open about to people I know?
Secondly, is it weird if I find the thought of kink more of a turn on than sex. I don’t know how to describe it but I think the best way to say it is I don’t find sex appealing unless there could be an element of kink to it. Is that normal or?
Also how does one start off? I can imagine it’s something you take slow but should it be one new thing per session?
Thanks and I appreciate any help 😊

[ge****]

Firstly welcome - haven't been here that long myself but have found this to be a great place to gather the thoughts of others 🙂

As for your questions, there really is no single right way to any of this, although there are plenty of wrong ones. I'd suggest the first thing to understand is yourself and what your specific interests are, along with informing yourself as much as possible about the lifestyle and the various elements of it - from that position of knowledge you can start to gain the confidence to take the first steps to introducing it to your life - as well as recognising the dangers to avoid.

You obviously have a certain level of confidence just by having joined this site - so build on that and use this site and others to do so - maybe consider getting along to munches or kink related events where you can observe and interact with others, without any pressure to get involved.

And there is absolutely nothing weird about finding your own sexuality and what turns you on as an individual - there is no single rule that says you have to like a, b, c or even d type of sex or even sex at all - we're all unique and individual and have our own likes and dislikes.

I'd also say that at 18, you are at the start of your sexual journey and finding what works and doesn't work for you is all part of that - embrace it and celebrate it 😊

[7o****]

Hey, thanks for this nice thread.
Kink is a lifestyle, something that you love, and you are willing and able to front judgement and discrimination about just because you're proud.
BDSM is often sexual but can be non-sexual: so I wouldn't label it as just a sexual thing, not at all.
But if your libido needs it to turn on I wouldn't be worried, it's normal, everyone is their own person, same as those who can't get arousal without kissing or a tender hug for a start, there are those who can't get it without a slap or a restraint.
I strongly recommend to any newbie to always NEGOTIATE BOUNDARIES beforehand and in full, and to choose safe sex and safe situations to start your kinky dates.
Feel free to text me in private for more advice, hope this is useful ;)

[Ja****]

Hi Welcome to the community
I will try to answer things as per my experience in Kink world and it may vary from person to person.
1- To introduce kink in life with your partner communication is the key factor. Talk with each other and start slow with spanking choking and if it works out gradually move towards collars cuff ropes etc
2-Its hard to find kinky people openly but mostly people like some of the kinky stuff no one is totally vanilla and we have great forums like this and you can attend kink events to find like minded people. Need to work hard to achieve greater. The people around you doesn’t need to know before hand that you are kinkster slowly make them realise and they will know in the end its your life and you have the right what u want to do with it
3- Its totally normal that kink excites you more than intercourses. Enjoy it !!
4- try one thing at a time in start and then start mixing it together. once u have confidence do as many as u like per session

Happy to answer any thing else

[TheBookCollector]

I see your profile shows that you are in preston. There are quite a few munches and events in that area.

I suggest trying to get along to a munch, which is basically a social gathering of kinky people who gather in a pub or restaurant and chat about anything and everything including kink there is generally no play or dynamics in play,

You will meet people across the D/s spectrum. There are resources out there to find these events, one of the best places is Fetlife as it seems to have smaller muches as well as larger ones.

[Leisa]

Good morning @livg and welcome to the most open forum I’ve found to come to get answers. I will try to go through one by one. You’ve never said if you identify as Dom(me), switch, or sub. It’s perfectly ok and somewhat normal at first to be unsure. Introducing and merging your kink lifestyle with your vanilla existence is both risky and thrilling. To do so or not is a personal choice and neither path is the only part or even the right one. Understand that doing so will forever change relationships and such. I did not willingly come out at first but rather outed and lost so much in the process. Once I was outed by someone out to do harm, and he did plus a *** I’ve never felt before, I myself came out to my parents but have not come out to friends. One parental group was very accepting while the other parent has not been. The one who accepts me for who I am was the ultra conservative while the one who has refused to believe is exceedingly liberal. While I do not hide who I am I also don’t advertise my life choices and that’s ok. We all live this journey in an independent manner. Know that some will accept and many will reject before taking that risk. It’s a double edged sword. Personally, I’d rather be sexless that engage in a vanilla experience again but to reiterate, everyone is different but it is far from abnormal. Before introducing anything but lite kink do a ton of research and have lots of open, honest, raw communication with your partner. Never jump into a kink relationship trying kinky acts until you are sure you can do things safely. Light bondage, I’d recommend lined bondage cuffs at first as rope and standard cuffs can burn, chafe, and cut off circulation, if applied wrong, blindfolds for sensory deprivation, and light spanking with easy to control implements such as paddles, brushes, or hand. The rest take some practice and skill. Lastly, if you can find a mentor, be it here or outside, it’s helpful to do so.