Qualities of a Dom

[Leisa]

The following are qualities in a dominate that I’d like to have but would love it if people could add on because I know I’ve forgotten some. Intelligence and creativity; humor and wit; caring, compassion, gentleness; strength of character, integrity, and a strong moral compass; honesty and forthrightness; humility and humbleness; code of honor.

[Deleted Member]

I like a sense of cunning and a hint of wickedness, because I like to be outsmarted.

Quiet energy that can calm when you're cutting the line to your self control.

Confidence that isn't arrogance, so I feel safe putting my faith in you.

A commitment to communication that remembers me when I'm not in front of you, and a sense of empathy and insight that knows when I want to be teased through text messages, or sometimes just reminded that you're there and you have me.

I need solidity and strength. If you give me rules and I commit to them, hold me accountable. Don't let me walk all over you.

And, well, a nice cock.

[Leisa]

1 minute ago, Lady_Char said:

I like a sense of cunning and a hint of wickedness, because I like to be outsmarted.

Quiet energy that can calm when you're cutting the line to your self control.

Confidence that isn't arrogance, so I feel safe putting my faith in you.

A commitment to communication that remembers me when I'm not in front of you, and a sense of empathy and insight that knows when I want to be teased through text messages, or sometimes just reminded that you're there and you have me.

I need solidity and strength. If you give me rules and I commit to them, hold me accountable. Don't let me walk all over you.

And, well, a nice cock.

I knew I was not adding everything. Let’s build RoboDom.

[Deleted Member]

If he's a RoboDom, can his cock vibrate?

[Leisa]

Just now, Lady_Char said:

If he's a RoboDom, can his cock vibrate?

It better.

[Leisa]

I forgot patience. As a brat it’s required because whilst I may not always seek a loophole when I can tell it’s time to be serious the patience to deal with my need for fun is essential.

[BigPolly]

Manners! A huge tick in my book
The ability to be trustworthy & show that clearly.
The ability to make you feel relaxed & know that it’s ok to be yourself.
You’ve got ‘Humour’ (another huge one for me) which is so important along with being able to laugh at yourselves. Something will slip up (excuse the pun) at some point & the ability to laugh when even in the worst of positions is soooooo important.

[kb****]

+1 Creative — just because you’ve done it before with others, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy it or add my own twist to the game.

+1 Patience— I think some experienced Doms just want to go straight to the hard core stuff without realizing some areas might be a hard boundary or I’m just not comfortable with them yet

+Emotional intelligence— my cooperation or brattiness may need a different type of play for that day. I might be telling you it’s what I want but what I need might be different and if you’re really good, you’d know my mood = what type of play

+Memory — you’ve done this game before, what’s new? I made a joke about the last experience or I’ve dressed a certain way because I wanted a certain scene played out. But you don’t remember our talk about certain desires? You don’t appreciate my effort to please you? Why are you still here

+ Empathy — when you push my boundaries am I taken care of after? Aftercare aside doesn’t just take one time after the event. It’s a need to check in and grow and learn together. Boundaries change thru every relationship and sometimes things outside play can trigger something else inside me. Empathy goes along way in keeping us human, even when I’m your pet.

[Mo****]

8 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

If he's a RoboDom, can his cock vibrate?

I read that at first as cook and vibrate.....now that would be something! 

[Mo****]

But I also second (3rd?) Sense of humour and patience....my D has to have it spades with me! 

The ability to see the long game.....not to rush in at everything and be a calming ***.

To read the hesitations and pauses, although that one only come I think if communication is good, often I don't realise I've done it but it's when I don't want to voice something or I'm not sure about something and he knows and gets it out of me!

[Leisa]

1 hour ago, Morganna said:

But I also second (3rd?) Sense of humour and patience....my D has to have it spades with me! 

The ability to see the long game.....not to rush in at everything and be a calming ***.

To read the hesitations and pauses, although that one only come I think if communication is good, often I don't realise I've done it but it's when I don't want to voice something or I'm not sure about something and he knows and gets it out of me!

I recently met someone who makes me say what I want or am thinking. Like he will wait until I tell him before responding or insist that I specifically ask. No open ended requests accepted.

[ge****]

Whilst all of the above qualities are indeed desirable - I think there's one over-arching quality that's very individual and works both ways round and that is that certain "je ne said quoi" that can't be defined it just is and it's pretty unique to the two people involved.

Whilst I'm submissive, I can't and won't be submissive to just anyone, I need to *feel* submissive to a person to *be* submissive towards them and that takes that magic ingredient that can't be defined - although a lot of those qualities already mentioned *do* play into it.

[Th****]

My most important characteristic of a Dominant is self control. If you cannot control your self you have no chance of controlling anyone else.
In fact if a Dominant loses their self control they are no longer in charge. As someone or something else is now controlling their actions.

Don't get me wrong we do not have to be totally cold fish, there just has to be that other side of your self that watches over your own actions and motivations.

[Leisa]

3 minutes ago, Thebian said:

My most important characteristic of a Dominant is self control. If you cannot control your self you have no chance of controlling anyone else.
In fact if a Dominant loses their self control they are no longer in charge. As someone or something else is now controlling their actions.

Don't get me wrong we do not have to be totally cold fish, there just has to be that other side of your self that watches over your own actions and motivations.

Thank you for the this. While I know to ensure self control I forget that some newer subs may be reading and paying attention.

[CopperKnob]

Banter/sarcasm, someone who can give as good as they get. He doesn't take life too seriously, except the serious stuff

Someone whose able to debate what matters in life. They don't need to have the same views as long as they can have a meaningful conversation about the subject matter. It shows how well they can negotiate.

A calmness when I'm not, the ability to ground me and help me see the wood from the trees when I'm overthinking

Patience, the ability to let me have my time, I'll bail more times than some have had hot dinners. Check in on me, because whilst I've done it, its not really what I wanted. On the flip side, I hate feeling abandoned. I'm also a terrible 1st 2nd and 3rd date 😂

To know me better than I know myself (AKA a mind reader 😂😂) I tend to ask questions that aren't the actual question. He's studied me. Like a language. He remembers, he becomes fluent in me. He's mastered my language.

Someone who has clear communication skills. Sets clear expectations and boundaries. In turn I communicate better

Honesty, I'll know if someones lied, I may not know what it is, but I'll sense somethings off.

He shows up. On text. On the phone. At the coffee shop. To dinner. He show on time because he prioritised it.

His words make me want to submit.
They’re not ***d. They’re not random. They’re not suggestions. They’re not options. They’re said in a way and in a tone that compels me to do it. That bomb dom energy.

To hold me accountable, not to allow me to take the mick/walk all over them. Someone who'll say 'no' and mean it.

[Leisa]

@copperknob thank you.

[Th****]

@CopperKnob As per usual you nailed that one.

One of the most complete descriptions I have read. 

[CopperKnob]

[Leisa]

16 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

We must become friends. You’re thinking plus my thinking should keep me in dresses and ice cream for years to come

[CopperKnob]

28 minutes ago, Leisa said:

We must become friends. You’re thinking plus my thinking should keep me in dresses and ice cream for years to come

@leisa friends share dresses right?

[Leisa]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

@leisa friends share dresses right?

Absolutely

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, Leisa said:

Absolutely

We'll absolutely be friends then!

[Leisa]

Awesome. I actually would like to be able to follow you so I get notifications of your posts.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

Awesome. I actually would like to be able to follow you so I get notifications of your posts.

I cant msg or send a friend request to you Leisa

[Leisa]

40 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I cant msg or send a friend request to you Leisa

I tried you too. I will lower my filters.