BDSM - Personal Observations and Thoughts

[Ri****]

I’ve chatted with a number of subs from this site and others, some experienced submissives, some serious or casual wannabes. Of the wannabes, some have read (or watched) 50 Shades of Gray and think that’s what the lifestyle is about. Others are looking for a little excitement in their life but think it’s all about black leather and chains, whips and racks. While it can be any of these, it is more likely to be somewhere in between. Below I’ll share some of my own personal thoughts and experiences on the alt lifestyle.

First, about me. I’m an average guy, 65 years old. I’ve been married, but for much of my adult life have been single. I’ve been fortunate to have had a strong libido and a full and satisfying sexual history. I came of age in the 70’s, the age of free love, marijuana and plentiful sex. I’ve always practiced safe sex, partly to avoid unwanted pregnancies, partly to avoid STDs. I care about my health and appearance, and don’t dress all in black or other drab colours. I am well-educated, and gainfully employed in a professional occupation. I have spent most of my adult life in training and coaching environments, and am patient with my sub partners, especially newer ones.

While BDSM or the alt lifestyle is not all about sex, it’s the aspect that most people are familiar with, respond to and/or are looking for. We are all at our most *** when we are naked (physically or emotionally) and have given another person access to our private physical parts or sensitive feelings. I’ve gone to restaurants, museums, movies, nature walks and more with subs. For the rest of this blog, however, I’ll dwell specifically on my alternative sexual experiences.

All of my life I have enjoyed introducing kink aspects into traditional sexual play. I enjoy anal play, and take the time to help my partners (no matter how initially resistant) find enjoyment from it also. I like introducing toys into sexual play to make things more interesting, more fun for (both of us). I like restraining my partners, tying them with rope, scarves, chains, and more, so they feel ***, and out of control.

Role-playing can stimulate the imagination and the libido, charging sexual encounters. Outdoor sex and sex in public places can be exhilarating, the possibility of discovery boosting feelings. I’ve had sex on a golf-course, a blow-job in a car while I was driving, a hand-job in a museum. Release denial or delayed orgasms has always been a favourite of mine, as I’m in control of my partners ability to find satisfaction. Finally, ***. I’m not a sadist, don’t enjoy inflicting gratuitous *** on my partners. I am, however, fully capable of punishing a sub partner who has failed to follow my expectations. Spanking is my personal favourite. Whether by bare hand, or with a flogger, crop or leather belt depends on the partner and her needs. I also enjoy the judicious application of *** to keep a partners focus and/or to increase her overall stimulation and ultimate pleasure. I enjoy taking photos of my partners, for my enjoyment only. I have never violated trust by posting or sharing a recognisable photo of a present or past partner.

Early on, I learned about the basic tenets of kink play, that is, all activities should be safe, sane and consensual. I have never ***d a partner to do anything, it is always voluntary. To get to this place requires communication, open discussion of likes and dislikes, ***s and desires. My first meeting with a potential submissive partner is usually in a public place, over coffee or a light bite to eat. It’s like an interview, sizing each other up. I’m trying to decide if I am willing to train the potential sub, she is trying to decide is she can trust me if she surrenders control of herself to me. We will likely discuss hard limits, the activities in which each of us is not willing to participate. For me it is always no bodily fluids, no ***, no permanent marks. Anything else we can discuss.

Bottom line, I enjoy being the Dominant partner in a sexual encounter. I want my submissive partner to be comfortable surrendering herself to me completely. She will accept whatever I do to her, do whatever I request, answer whatever I ask. I will know things about my sub partner that no one else knows. For me, there is an intimacy in a D/s arrangement that is deeper than that attainable in traditional relationships. It’s this intimacy which I try to help my partners experience also.

[Do****]

I certainly- from experience- agree that the emotions between two kinksters can be more intense and intimate than vanilla relationships, and I've done both. It really |IS all (mostly) in the mind...

[Mz****]

10 hours ago, Riccar56 said:

I’ve chatted with a number of subs from this site and others, some experienced submissives, some serious or casual wannabes. Of the wannabes, some have read (or watched) 50 Shades of Gray and think that’s what the lifestyle is about. Others are looking for a little excitement in their life but think it’s all about black leather and chains, whips and racks. While it can be any of these, it is more likely to be somewhere in between. Below I’ll share some of my own personal thoughts and experiences on the alt lifestyle.

First, about me. I’m an average guy, 65 years old. I’ve been married, but for much of my adult life have been single. I’ve been fortunate to have had a strong libido and a full and satisfying sexual history. I came of age in the 70’s, the age of free love, marijuana and plentiful sex. I’ve always practiced safe sex, partly to avoid unwanted pregnancies, partly to avoid STDs. I care about my health and appearance, and don’t dress all in black or other drab colours. I am well-educated, and gainfully employed in a professional occupation. I have spent most of my adult life in training and coaching environments, and am patient with my sub partners, especially newer ones.

While BDSM or the alt lifestyle is not all about sex, it’s the aspect that most people are familiar with, respond to and/or are looking for. We are all at our most *** when we are naked (physically or emotionally) and have given another person access to our private physical parts or sensitive feelings. I’ve gone to restaurants, museums, movies, nature walks and more with subs. For the rest of this blog, however, I’ll dwell specifically on my alternative sexual experiences.

All of my life I have enjoyed introducing kink aspects into traditional sexual play. I enjoy anal play, and take the time to help my partners (no matter how initially resistant) find enjoyment from it also. I like introducing toys into sexual play to make things more interesting, more fun for (both of us). I like restraining my partners, tying them with rope, scarves, chains, and more, so they feel ***, and out of control.

Role-playing can stimulate the imagination and the libido, charging sexual encounters. Outdoor sex and sex in public places can be exhilarating, the possibility of discovery boosting feelings. I’ve had sex on a golf-course, a blow-job in a car while I was driving, a hand-job in a museum. Release denial or delayed orgasms has always been a favourite of mine, as I’m in control of my partners ability to find satisfaction. Finally, ***. I’m not a sadist, don’t enjoy inflicting gratuitous *** on my partners. I am, however, fully capable of punishing a sub partner who has failed to follow my expectations. Spanking is my personal favourite. Whether by bare hand, or with a flogger, crop or leather belt depends on the partner and her needs. I also enjoy the judicious application of *** to keep a partners focus and/or to increase her overall stimulation and ultimate pleasure. I enjoy taking photos of my partners, for my enjoyment only. I have never violated trust by posting or sharing a recognisable photo of a present or past partner.

Early on, I learned about the basic tenets of kink play, that is, all activities should be safe, sane and consensual. I have never ***d a partner to do anything, it is always voluntary. To get to this place requires communication, open discussion of likes and dislikes, ***s and desires. My first meeting with a potential submissive partner is usually in a public place, over coffee or a light bite to eat. It’s like an interview, sizing each other up. I’m trying to decide if I am willing to train the potential sub, she is trying to decide is she can trust me if she surrenders control of herself to me. We will likely discuss hard limits, the activities in which each of us is not willing to participate. For me it is always no bodily fluids, no ***, no permanent marks. Anything else we can discuss.

Bottom line, I enjoy being the Dominant partner in a sexual encounter. I want my submissive partner to be comfortable surrendering herself to me completely. She will accept whatever I do to her, do whatever I request, answer whatever I ask. I will know things about my sub partner that no one else knows. For me, there is an intimacy in a D/s arrangement that is deeper than that attainable in traditional relationships. It’s this intimacy which I try to help my partners experience also.

Reads more like a personal ad than a topic for discussion to my eye..

[My****]

Very well said I’m a guy from the 70s also so I truly understand where you’re coming from

[Deleted Member]

I have never and will never watch/read 50SoG. I watched 365 Days but see that for exactly what it is, Stockholm syndrome and ***.

[Ri****]

1 hour ago, MzJax said:

Reads more like a personal ad than a topic for discussion to my eye..

You’re right, I could’ve left that one paragraph out. I was trying to make the point that I can be an effective Dom in polo shirt and khakis, it’s not all about black leather attire. I can’t find a way to edit that and fix it.

[Leisa]

I’m sorry but this is stuff that should be on your profile and not a forum post which is where discussions and debates happen. It’s not the forum to post your personal ad.

[Ri****]

5 minutes ago, Leisa said:

I’m sorry but this is stuff that should be on your profile and not a forum post which is where discussions and debates happen. It’s not the forum to post your personal ad.

You’re right, I could’ve left that one paragraph out. I was trying to make the point that I can be an effective Dom in polo shirt and khakis, it’s not all about black leather attire. I can’t find a way to edit that and fix it.

[Deleted Member]

As I learn more about the community and lifestyle, it’s helping me realize why I’m drawn to the submissive role. In my every day life, I have to make decisions for many people all day, almost every day. I am the one who is in control in the room all day, and that’s not something that will change. I am used to being independent, doing things for myself, and being the strong one in a relationship (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) that does the giving and helping. Many of my friendships, I’ve taken on the “mama bear” role because my natural instinct is to help. But I’m never the first one to ask for help. I’m the person they need to remind “put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.”

So the idea of having someone I can completely shut my brain off with and just relinquish my heart and body to is incredibly attractive. I don’t feel I need to be “tamed” or “punished,” I want to have a partner that we can both share collectively every fiber of our beings. It gets particularly tough when I also desire a long term romantic partner at some point. I’m not always sure if having a dominant and a romantic partner (or AS a romantic partner) would work for me.

I also relish in the idea of wonderful after care, sometimes even more than the idea of a good scene. I want someone dedicated for gentle attention to me and my needs, and then given the opportunity to be wholly devoted to their aftercare needs as well. That’s almost more exciting and attractive to me than a good play partner.

[Mz****]

1 hour ago, Riccar56 said:

You’re right, I could’ve left that one paragraph out. I was trying to make the point that I can be an effective Dom in polo shirt and khakis, it’s not all about black leather attire. I can’t find a way to edit that and fix it.

I can certainly relate to what you say about attire, I frequently point out I'm me whether in pj's, jeans, or dressed to impress..but thats not just the paragraph that I was referring to, I agree with Leisa, your entire post would fit nicely as a profile, and a good one at that.

[na****]

Well umm for a 65 year old dude you’re doing good 👍. I’ve done and been in this so called lifestyle for 20 years or so. I’ve traveled to Brazil 🇧🇷 Thailand 🇹🇭 personally learning. This honestly probably should have been like a profile kinda thing no offense and for anyone who reads this the pet thing I know everyone has like these fantasies I’ve done the cage thing as a punishment ( long story ) But being treated like a pet and being put in a cage overnight ( Sometimes reality has to set in ) I was talking to this girl from here ( totally new to the fetish sites ) That wanted me to put her in a cage overnight all I said was not sure about that my dog 🐶 hates being in a Cage for 5 minutes next thing I know BLOCK. I was like damn that was quick. Anyway old dude I totally respect you in being a Dom at 65. Honestly I had to get this off my chest.

[er****]

I agree, nice “profile”
65 is not old to be a Dom ✅
You are never too old and it’s never too late.
I discovered that I am a sub last year after a lifetime of vanilla sex (or lack of it lol)
I was 67 when I became Sir’s Princess. My Sensual Dom is 75 and we have an amazing strong s/D relationship.
So much lust, so much sensuality.
I love giving him my control. Love his spanking and oral on my knees the most.
I never in my wildest dreams would’ve imagine or predict I will enjoy this so much.
😈😈😈😈

[An****]

This sounds like perfect example of what I’m looking for maybe just with someone more my age but still with several years of experience.

[tr****]

Wow well said

[Deleted Member]

On 10/22/2021 at 10:32 AM, MzJax said:

Reads more like a personal ad than a topic for discussion to my eye..

My thoughts exactly.