What is an Alpha Sub?

[Ri****]

An alpha female is a female who is in control of most aspects of their lives. They are the supervisor or go-to person at work. They are the responsible partner in their marriage, making sure the home runs smoothly repairs are done and the bills are paid. They handle all the offspring-related issues, and make time for sports, bake sales, PTA and other extra-curricular activities. Their friends look to them for comfort or advice, and the extended family assumes they will always be there in a pinch. You get the idea. For many of these alphapersonalities there is little opportunity to cycle down, relax, let go. It's difficult for them to safely give up control, even for short periods of time. Here's where I come in. These females are sometimes called alpha subs. Strong, intelligent and confident in their daily lives, desperately needing a break. For my alpha sub partners, the few hours a week we spent together can be the only time they can truly let go of control and allow themselves to really feel and relax. It's a form of stress management without huge therapy bills.


Yes, an alpha sub is extra work on my part, more or tighter restraints, sometimes a flogging or spanking more aggressive than my norm, one even needed to be talked to quite derisively, which out of respect I usually avoid with my subs. Really breaking an alpha sub out of their daily mindset can be a challenge. With one alpha sub I drove about an hour out of town (to avoid meeting anyone she knew) put her on a collar and leash and took her for lunch and a walk. She had to explain to anyone I directed that she was my pet and she had to do anything I asked. Hard for her and shocking for some of them, but when we were done, she cried in a deep catharsis during our cool-down period (aftercare). That’s a term you should know and be sure your Doms practice, aftercare. During a D/s session, physical and emotional feelings can be powerful. It’s important that time is left for holding and reassuring, comforting the sub, like a cooldown period.


Communication is key in developing a trust bond between Dom and sub. If you plan to give up control to a Dominant partner, be sure you discuss hard limits extensively beforehand, possibly clarifying them in writing. These are the activities you definitely will not participate in. There is an degree of trust in a D/s arrangement that cannot be over-emphasized. Always use a safe word (words) with your Dominant partner and be sure they will respect it. It's a word that means stop whatever you are doing. It's a safety net for the sub if they feel things are getting out of control. For me the trust I feel when a sub surrenders to me is intoxicating. I work hard to help my subs feel safe and cared for. The intimacy born of that trust is often deeper than any I’ve known before. For me, that intense intimacy is what it’s all about.

[Leisa]

Thanks for mansplaining.

[qu****]

Sounds more like a stepford wife.

[CopperKnob]

'Alpha sub' or just someone who identifies as submissive who does what they need to do to survive, you know, pay bills, eat, deal with misogynists, male supremacy, having boundaries, not giving up their submission to every Tom, Dick and Harry. There's always down time, in this house its called 'Netflix' but yeah, 'alpha subs' 🙄
NB: I'm sorry that subs who are able to take care of themselves are harder work for you, I'm sure those that you Dom are extremely grateful for your effort

[ey****]

Generally. I dislike the term 'Alpha'

It is something that is commonly misused and misinterpreted.  

Also the whole "Dominant in the streets submissive in the sheets" is a common trope - that is tiresome.

 

[QuirkyRed]

Another definition of alpha sub has to do with poly relationships. It refers to the most important sub in a Don’s life. It’s the sub who gets first priority.

[ey****]

23 minutes ago, QuirkyRed said:

Another definition of alpha sub has to do with poly relationships. It refers to the most important sub in a Don’s life. It’s the sub who gets first priority.

Technically - that would be their *Primary* rather than Alpha - and someone can have multiple partners or subs without any actually being the Primary.

If someone does have multiple subs - it *may* be that someone who is longer serving *might* have a kinda 'Alpha' role - but that wouldn't be applicable in every relationship.

In that structure the 'Alpha' might take on some responsibility for helping/assisting newer subs.

 

[qu****]

I think it's more a case of modern interpretation to the term,

[Deleted Member]

Well said, it’s a big responsibility and many powerful women (and men) may be the alpha in all walks of life and just need this to switch off. It’s mentally exhausting to be an alpha all of the time and let go and trust in another that they can give themselves to, and for once not think and do as their told can be so fulfilling. It really is like the best therapy for so many when done properly by an experienced, intelligent and respectful dom, who not just punishes a sub but cares deeply and will look after their sub and cherishes that special two way bond

[Ja****]

This is all interesting. I’ve been doing the cuckold and femdom thing but I am starting to wonder how it works when it’s not what women seek much and I believe maybe this article gives me insight into the error of my ways. A femdom is always like me powerful in charge and needs a break from it. That’s why maybe I can empower submissive women who need the ego boost instead. It’s not really expert level knowledge I possess but I’m certainly not a beginner. Any chance of some more insight this alpha sub idea makes sense to me explaining a lot of things I needed.

[StickyTrickster]

On 10/21/2021 at 11:35 PM, Riccar56 said:

She had to explain to anyone I directed that she was my pet and she had to do anything I asked. Hard for her and shocking for some of them

I take it by their shock they weren’t people you had invited by like a personal advert go past wearing a specific thing or carrying an specific item to indicate they consented to being approached and so instead were directly engaging vanilla members of the public at lunch time to play a part in your play without getting their consent first… or any aftercare either.

I’m not going to repeat any of the points already raised above but I’m surprised with all the comments and likes this has got so far I’m the only one to have an issue with this.

If seeking an audience, there’s Chaturbate and dungeons where consenting audiences can be sought.

If it is the risk of getting caught then things like going to the woods very late at night or being in a car in the remotest corner of a car park.

There’s even use hypnosis that can have a submissive visualise they have an audience when they don’t.

Even with that described scenario could have had the submissive hide in a well-covered bush away from any paths put something like a frisbee in front of the bush and prepared some cards to hand to people passing by saying, “Hi I’m looking after a submissive pet player, they are currently hidden in the bush with the frisbee.  If you are curious and would like to say hi to them please take a look inside the bush and try to look surprised whilst doing so.  They have been instructed to explain why they like to be a pet to anyone that asks, I shall be observing from a distance to ensure their safety.  If this doesn’t interest you please continue walking on, pay little regard to the bush and discard this card in a recycling bin. Thank you.”  It might get a few choice words from people and certain looks but at least you’d be taking appropriate steps to ensure anyone interacting with your scene has consented.

Consent isn’t just a box ticking exercise you do just to get a partner but an ethical duty of care to extend to everyone.  I don’t particular care whether a submissive makes juggling everything look effortless or is just about managing to do whatever they need to do to get by but whether they’re willing to raise an objection if a dominant might be doing something unethical is a better gold standard in my books.  Granted given it is still a minority of people that pass the Milgrim experiment this century I’ll just make the selfish case for this as well…  How someone treats complete strangers reflects directly on how they will eventually treat you when the relationship grows cold and they no longer consider making a special exception for you.

[qu****]

Break someone's mindset to be submissive, sounds like she's not really a sub, some of the words and the way the terms appear are increasingly worrying, and certainly disrespectful,

[Sc****]

Very interesting!

[Sc****]

I’m an alpha sub for sure. I need someone to take control.

[la****]

Alpha subs and alpha female are not interchangeable and I feel like most of what you said is very immature and dangerous

[Ri****]

Yesterday at 07:22 AM, laine said:

Alpha subs and alpha female are not interchangeable and I feel like most of what you said is very immature and dangerous

I’d love to hear more if you don’t mind.

[Deleted Member]

On 10/22/2021 at 6:15 PM, CopperKnob said:

NB: I'm sorry that subs who are able to take care of themselves are harder work for you, I'm sure those that you Dom are extremely grateful for your effort

Thank you for this! Because opinions like the one from Riccar56 are out there I tend to feel inadequate and "hard work". So putting this right with a bit of sarcasm helps newbies like me to see my 'difficult' behaviour for what it is: my trying to make a potentially highly dangerous power play into a safe and enjoyable experience and your answer is very much appreciated! 🙏 

[Deleted Member]

On 10/23/2021 at 9:22 AM, StickyTrickster said:

take it by their shock they weren’t people you had invited by like a personal advert go past wearing a specific thing or carrying an specific item to indicate they consented to being approached and so instead were directly engaging vanilla members of the public at lunch time to play a part in your play without getting their consent first… or any aftercare either

Oh and this is such a good and important point! I stumbled over this part as well. That comes dangerously close to sexual harassment in my books. 

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, tazzy said:

Thank you for this! Because opinions like the one from Riccar56 are out there I tend to feel inadequate and "hard work". So putting this right with a bit of sarcasm helps newbies like me to see my 'difficult' behaviour for what it is: my trying to make a potentially highly dangerous power play into a safe and enjoyable experience and your answer is very much appreciated! 🙏 

Please never ever feel inadequate for being yourself (no one has the right to make anyone feel that way) or not knowing something, no one knows everything about everything including ourselves, every days a school day, some posts here, including some of mine are to be taken with a pinch (or a bucket) of salt

[Deleted Member]

Patronising, generalising, mansplaining tosh. 
People are alpha subs because they have strong personalities and don’t submit easily, not because they are have a well-organised house, clean *** and find time to bake cakes for the school fair. 

[4R****]

I’m not sure why this appeared in my news feed as there has been no activity on this thread in over a year. But I’m glad it did because it seems some education is needed.

[4R****]

Time for that education I promised: 

 

https://www.fetish.com/topic/51404-the-alpha-submissive-updated/