Submission Isn't Obedience

[CopperKnob]

(Although it may be)

My submission isn’t the finished product sparkling in your online shopping basket. It’s the matted and stained stuffed teddy at the bottom of the toy box. It doesn’t come when ordered or pose just so. If you tell it to sit still, it will squirm, and if you tell it to squirm, it will sit still. Even so, you won’t find me hunting through Fet for details on how to become a better sub. I won’t be doing any exercises to enhance my subservience or feeling guilty over my shortcomings. There’s a reason for that. I love my missing eye and tail hanging on by a thread. It’s the essence of who I am, so giving it up for a Dom who writes 20-point lists on the characteristics of a good sub would be quashing my very self.

I believe D/s should draw my essence out, not erase it.

My submission feels inherently uncomfortable to me, but add love, and it becomes my creed.

Six years ago I took on a neglected dog, one of my girls litter mate. He didn’t know his name, come when called. He didn’t know what a “sit” was, but he definitely knew how to mount his ***s, *** on the floor and growl if I got too close. House training was about as effective as trying to fly by flapping my arms. He. Would. Not. Budge, but then something beautiful happened.

First, he learned to trust me well enough to hand feed him, then to put his harness and lead on. His first walk was a whole week after I got him. Then, the miracle happened: he came when called. He began asking to go outside instead of ***ing on the carpet. He even stopped trying to hump the girls. Today, he follows me everywhere, and whilst he's still and over excited puppy at age 7yrs, he’s a pretty good dog really.

His obedience came from our bond. Pushing him to fulfil my expectations could only achieve so much. Love had to do the rest, and my submission is no different. It doesn’t submit to your expectations or my discipline. It submits to our connection.

'The Dude's' obedience isn’t consistent and it's not to be assumed. Sometimes, he falls back into old habits, and no amount of shouting or telling him off will fix that. I’ve got to figure out why his behaviour is changing.
Once I do, I can get him back on track.

Punishment is the antithesis of that process. Much of the time, his disobedience is my fault, he didn't get enough exercise, he's not had enough attention, he's hungry or I forgot to shut the stair gate to the cats litter tray 🤢🤢

My submission has a few things in common with that (not the litter tray). D/s is a mutual bond, and it needs to be nurtured by both of us, not pushed at by a domineering Dom.

See me. Find out my deepest drives. Count my stains according to their causes. Love my one eye and droopy tail. Isn’t that what you, as a Dom, want from me as well? I am no less human.

I’m inherently submissive. I don’t need lessons on that, just the right conditions to thrive.

[FF****]

Such a wonderful and well written and honest opinion! Brilliant 🤩 I really related to this topic

[ge****]

Beautiful, simply beautiful and spot on too - D/s is, or should be for me, the same as any other relationship - it has to be worked at, takes understanding on *both* parts, takes connection, chemistry and more besides. Like any relationship, if it's one sided or only seen through the eyes of one half, then it's liable to failure.

[Sophie58]

Ok I’m going to go there… I really love you CopperKnob, because you so exquisitely voice the truth of your *** subs. We are fragile, strong, imperfect and sooo beautiful. I love who I am and am grateful that I’m not alone. Thank you ***

[CopperKnob]

12 hours ago, Sophie58 said:

Ok I’m going to go there… I really love you CopperKnob, because you so exquisitely voice the truth of your *** subs. We are fragile, strong, imperfect and sooo beautiful. I love who I am and am grateful that I’m not alone. Thank you ***

We are all everything and more 😊 thank you for the compliment, its very kind

[Re****]

Thank you for the insight and inspiration x