Help

[Li****]

I’m in a bdsm relationship but because of distance I can’t see my Dom all the time and I have been trying to get my Dom more engaged in online domination because I feel like I need more from the lifestyle and I’m experiencing a major sub drop atm and I don’t know how to say this to my Dom I just feel like my bdsm life is so so dry and I really really need to feel closer to the lifestyle how do I resolve this situation when my Dom says they can’t do much dominating online

[Je****]

You need to communicate more. And push for your point across. Raise any concerns, see if there can be compromise. If not then youre going to have to have a hard look at the relationship and if it is worth while, becuase if youre not happy, staying in that situation will only get worse. I personally am not into online play of any sort. I need physical interaction and while I have a long distance relationship, it does me as we see each other enough for our needs. If you or Dom can have other partners or play mates in the mean time to make up for lost interaction perhaps discuss that? Sorry i have no other advice

[Deleted Member]

Sub drop is never a good thing to be experiencing. Have a look at making an Aftercare kit for yourself if you haven't made one. Bdsm is about communication and you're feelings are important so I would definitely have a talk about your needs.

Long distance is difficult but look into the obedience app. It allows your Dom to keep a track of goals, reward you for doing well and punish you for not.

[Li****]

Thank you so much for your help that was really helpful I always push my feelings to the back to be a good submissive and I know what you mean about online but I can’t see my Dom all the time so online is probably my best bet but I just don’t know how to bring it up with my Dom how would I go about telling them xxx

[Deleted Member]

You're feeling should matter, you shouldn't push them away. Have an honest an open discuss with your Dom. A good Dom should take care of your emotional needs as well as your physical needs, if your emotional needs aren't being met then you need to bring that up to them. Something you can suggest is called porch time. It's where you and your Dom can talk openly and freely to each other about what is and isn't working.

[Si****]

Talk to your Dom, it’s more important that your feelings and wishes are heard by him. Much of BDSM is in the mind so there are always ways to keep you busy and enjoying play when there is a distance between you. Just takes some imagination and a sense of humour to make it fun. The key is to have a good knowledge of what the other person loves and desires then aim to tick those things with tasks, games and online play. Such as planning a facetime where both parties have to spend some time setting up the scene, lighting, background music, items laid out at both ends, dressing for the play (even though its online such as face time etc). This gives you something to look forward to in the week. Your Dom can send you an email with all the things he wants you to do in preparation ready for the play time. Simple things like ensuring you have your fav drink, chilled and ready, food and what have you. Even a mystery package sent to each other to open when the time is right sent in advance. But first, you need to have faith he wants to know how you feel so he can do something. If he doesn’t know something is wrong or not right, how can he make it better.

[Ch****]

One of the most important things in a long term (and all) relationships, as has been said a few times in different ways, is making sure communication is good and honest.


Everyone knowing where people stand and how they are emotionally will help partners adapt to each others needs better.

[Je****]

1 hour ago, Little_Doll19 said:

Thank you so much for your help that was really helpful I always push my feelings to the back to be a good submissive and I know what you mean about online but I can’t see my Dom all the time so online is probably my best bet but I just don’t know how to bring it up with my Dom how would I go about telling them xxx

Please know im not being critical pf you here..

 

But a good submissive is an honest one.

There seems to be this mindset with some that if they challenge or confront their dominant or mention things that may alter the dynamic.. that they are letting their Dominant down. That it will make them less than. 

 

Its not at all true. 

In order to be "good" you must always always communicate. Be forthcoming. Speak your mind and feelings. 

You wont appreciate the relationship if its always "good". You need to have the tough conversations too. To get rid of any concerns, grow and ultimately become stronger. 

 

He will appreciate that youve spoke yo him about your lack of satisfaction with how minimal play is at the min.  There's a good chance he possibly feels that too and doesn't want to disappoint you!! But i know if my partner or submissive or whatever sat on unease id feel like i was failing them for not identifying it. That they were maybe afraid to come to me about it. 

So i swear by having the difficult 'review' of how things are.. celebrate what's great and compromise on what needs tweaked.

 

In order to change things... id advise tp listen to @SirGreen above. Excellent advice indeed. 

If that isn't exactly doable id be mentioning the possibility of other people for play or companionship.. whatever youre looking for.

He may be ok with this and you can discuss boundaries and such. 

But if hes not ok with it youll either need to respect that and keep as you are.. IF you are happy to do so. If no compromise and needs not being met youre going to need to discuss where things are heading. 

 

Wishing you lots of luck!

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Little_Doll19 said:

Thank you so much for your help that was really helpful I always push my feelings to the back to be a good submissive and I know what you mean about online but I can’t see my Dom all the time so online is probably my best bet but I just don’t know how to bring it up with my Dom how would I go about telling them xxx

You are not doing yourself or your Dom any favours by pushing the way you feel to the background. Being submissive should definitely not require that and as a Dom I would not be happy if I heard my submissive dismissing how they feel as to survive any relationship needs open and honest communication from all parties about their feelings and needs.

[Li****]

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me and give me advice I really really appreciate it and with all your help me and my Dom can come out stronger because she is a great Dom and I really want to be able to make her happy but now I know I need to be open because that’s what good subs do I just want to say I really love the fact you guys were so helpful and kind and sweet made me feel much better about myself and my confidence as a submissive I just have no words for everyone’s kindness <3 <3 <3 <3