To be, or not to be..(a switch predicament)

[Deleted Member]

I'm naturally dominant by nature.  Though I've had certain experiences that have tempted me towards switching now and again.  Being a dom means that you always have to be in control, the idea of relinquishing that control in the back of my mind is quite appealing.  The female, in whatever mode of expression, are godesses incarnate.  The notion of submitting to the feminine abyss of potential is intoxicating.  I can't bring myself however to invest fully in submitting.  The experiences I've read sound very intense.  I suppose it might be the sort of thing that grows on you? 

A very vanilla example of what makes me drawn to being dommed; I love going down on a girl while she pulls my hair and holds my face tight against her pussy, not letting me move until I've made her cum.  I like the act of sexual worshipping and pleasing.  Being restrained in doing so.

Anyway...Do any other switches face this predicament?  If so, how do you balance your innate desire to dominate with the feeling of wanting to abandon control? 

[Be****]

This sounds really familiar to me but from the other side. I naturally tend towards submission, which I believe has a lot to do with my love of ropes and being restrained. The complete ***ness is so liberating.

However, I also really love being in control when it comes to feminisation scenarios. I like being in charge of every little detail of what they wear, how they act and what they do for me. I also love the duality of making them feel both cared for and desired but also used slutty. I can't tell if this is truely dominant on my part or if this is just about me playing my role in a shared fantasy?

In either sense, I'm personally not into being worshipped or worshipping and I wonder if that makes any difference?

[Deleted Member]

I found this article on domsubliving.com and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as me.

I found it very educational and explained in great depth & detail the subject.

Everything You Need to Know About Being a Switch
When most people think of a BDSM relationship, they usually only think of the Dominant and submissive roles (typically a guy and a girl). The truth is, there are many shades of gray on the kink spectrum. Many people (even vanilla ones) enjoy being what’s called a “switch,” and switching from Dom or sub can be a lot of fun. But what exactly is the definition and meaning of a switch, and how do you do it right? Keep reading to find out.

BDSM, Dom, sub, switch, meaning, relationship, vanilla, kink, definition, submissive, dominant, switching, girl, guy, roles
The definition and meaning of switch in BDSM
The definition of a switch is someone who enjoys engaging in both Dominant and submissive roles, or both topping and bottoming. But what does that mean exactly? Well, the answer is: it depends on each individual dynamic. Here are some aspects about switching:

Switching doesn’t always involve a sexual relationship
You may be a Dom with one partner, but a sub with another
You may enjoy switching, but prefer a specific role.
Some couples switch as a way of taking turns
As your life changes, you may switch to fulfill an emotional need
Some or all of these points may apply to you. That doesn’t mean you have to label yourself a switch (unless you want to). Choose the BDSM identity that makes you feel the most comfortable.

Can only a girl switch or can a guy switch too?
The porn industry has perpetuated the idea of one girl topping another girl, while the guy enjoys the show. Many Doms have this fantasy, but society doesn’t accept it as easily when the roles are reversed. A guy who is a switch, even if their partner is a girl, may be seen as weak or unmanly.

However, gender doesn’t have to have a deeper meaning, or play a factor at all when someone decides to switch in BDSM or vanilla dynamics. It simply involves domination and submission, and both can be enjoyed whether you’re a girl or a guy.

You can switch even if you’re in a vanilla relationship
Switching isn’t just for those in the kink community. A lot of vanilla couples switch roles in the bedroom either part-time or full-time. It’s a great way to keep the relationship new and exciting. Letting your vanilla partner be the more dominant one can help you see what they like and are into.

Taking turns in a vanilla relationship also lets both of you have all your needs fulfilled. If you’re nervous about bringing up the idea of switching with your partner, you can say something like, “I think it’d be really hot if you took control tonight (or, if I took control tonight).” Just be sure to start slow, and have fun with it!

Switching can help you test out the Dom/sub roles
You may be in a Dom/sub relationship, but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way all of the time. Switching can be a way to see what the other side has to offer, and who knows, you may like it more than you think.

I believe switching, even lightly, can help both BDSM partners appreciate each other more. It’s like when a parent and child switch roles for the day.

I think switching can also be a way to see if there are any aspects of the other side you like, and want to test out and explore in scenes and play sessions.

How to know if you’re a switch
Since most people aren’t perfectly, 100% a Dom or sub, many people wonder if they could be a switch. After all, a switch doesn’t have to be an even 50:50 split between each role. So how do you know if you’re a switch? Here’s 8 clues:

You really enjoy or encourage topping from the bottom
You enjoy both giving and receiving ***
You’re more dominant outside the bedroom, but submissive in the bedroom, or vice versa
Your relationship tends to work better when there’s topping from the bottom
If you’re a sub, you’ve been told by others that you’d make a good Dom
If you’re a Dom, you’ve been told by others that you’d make a good sub
You like or encourage bratty behavior
You’ve been in a different role in the past and enjoyed it
IMPORTANT: Just because one or more of the above applies to you, doesn’t have to mean that you’re a switch. How you choose to identify yourself in the BDSM lifestyle is completely up to you.

The thing is you put your a switch some s types think your not “Dom” enough for them as they don’t fully understand the concept (I know better switch D types than full D types) but if you approach a woman as a D type bio they think you are trying to make them submit or dismiss you as you appear to be a “Dom” so it is a head scratcher at times sadly.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, LordAsriel84 said:

I found this article on domsubliving.com and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as me.

I found it very educational and explained in great depth & detail the subject.

Everything You Need to Know About Being a Switch
When most people think of a BDSM relationship, they usually only think of the Dominant and submissive roles (typically a guy and a girl). The truth is, there are many shades of gray on the kink spectrum. Many people (even vanilla ones) enjoy being what’s called a “switch,” and switching from Dom or sub can be a lot of fun. But what exactly is the definition and meaning of a switch, and how do you do it right? Keep reading to find out.

BDSM, Dom, sub, switch, meaning, relationship, vanilla, kink, definition, submissive, dominant, switching, girl, guy, roles
The definition and meaning of switch in BDSM
The definition of a switch is someone who enjoys engaging in both Dominant and submissive roles, or both topping and bottoming. But what does that mean exactly? Well, the answer is: it depends on each individual dynamic. Here are some aspects about switching:

Switching doesn’t always involve a sexual relationship
You may be a Dom with one partner, but a sub with another
You may enjoy switching, but prefer a specific role.
Some couples switch as a way of taking turns
As your life changes, you may switch to fulfill an emotional need
Some or all of these points may apply to you. That doesn’t mean you have to label yourself a switch (unless you want to). Choose the BDSM identity that makes you feel the most comfortable.

Can only a girl switch or can a guy switch too?
The porn industry has perpetuated the idea of one girl topping another girl, while the guy enjoys the show. Many Doms have this fantasy, but society doesn’t accept it as easily when the roles are reversed. A guy who is a switch, even if their partner is a girl, may be seen as weak or unmanly.

However, gender doesn’t have to have a deeper meaning, or play a factor at all when someone decides to switch in BDSM or vanilla dynamics. It simply involves domination and submission, and both can be enjoyed whether you’re a girl or a guy.

You can switch even if you’re in a vanilla relationship
Switching isn’t just for those in the kink community. A lot of vanilla couples switch roles in the bedroom either part-time or full-time. It’s a great way to keep the relationship new and exciting. Letting your vanilla partner be the more dominant one can help you see what they like and are into.

Taking turns in a vanilla relationship also lets both of you have all your needs fulfilled. If you’re nervous about bringing up the idea of switching with your partner, you can say something like, “I think it’d be really hot if you took control tonight (or, if I took control tonight).” Just be sure to start slow, and have fun with it!

Switching can help you test out the Dom/sub roles
You may be in a Dom/sub relationship, but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way all of the time. Switching can be a way to see what the other side has to offer, and who knows, you may like it more than you think.

I believe switching, even lightly, can help both BDSM partners appreciate each other more. It’s like when a parent and child switch roles for the day.

I think switching can also be a way to see if there are any aspects of the other side you like, and want to test out and explore in scenes and play sessions.

How to know if you’re a switch
Since most people aren’t perfectly, 100% a Dom or sub, many people wonder if they could be a switch. After all, a switch doesn’t have to be an even 50:50 split between each role. So how do you know if you’re a switch? Here’s 8 clues:

You really enjoy or encourage topping from the bottom
You enjoy both giving and receiving ***
You’re more dominant outside the bedroom, but submissive in the bedroom, or vice versa
Your relationship tends to work better when there’s topping from the bottom
If you’re a sub, you’ve been told by others that you’d make a good Dom
If you’re a Dom, you’ve been told by others that you’d make a good sub
You like or encourage bratty behavior
You’ve been in a different role in the past and enjoyed it
IMPORTANT: Just because one or more of the above applies to you, doesn’t have to mean that you’re a switch. How you choose to identify yourself in the BDSM lifestyle is completely up to you.

The thing is you put your a switch some s types think your not “Dom” enough for them as they don’t fully understand the concept (I know better switch D types than full D types) but if you approach a woman as a D type bio they think you are trying to make them submit or dismiss you as you appear to be a “Dom” so it is a head scratcher at times sadly.

This is interesting.  For me personally I think I could only be a real sub for the right person.  The problem is unless I'm restrained.  The raw submission factor on my side is fake essentially.  Whether as when im dominating a girl, I don't need restraints to overpower her.  Someone came close to convincing me to sub recently but some of the things they proposed I jist couldn't get my head around 🤔 thanks for sharing 

[Deleted Member]

48 minutes ago, Ulysses said:

This is interesting.  For me personally I think I could only be a real sub for the right person.  The problem is unless I'm restrained.  The raw submission factor on my side is fake essentially.  Whether as when im dominating a girl, I don't need restraints to overpower her.  Someone came close to convincing me to sub recently but some of the things they proposed I jist couldn't get my head around 🤔 thanks for sharing 

I had a similar experience a kink friends ex Domme, wasn’t looking to be honest but she was.
Just ended up talking about said friend then we just clicked and she didn’t even ask any submission from me, I freely gave it !!

Unfortunately due to her pro Domme role thinking she’s bi due to her clients being male and not being able to distinguish work/personal caused her some confusion when she’s actually a Lesbian but not realised this yet.

So regrettably wasn’t to happen, there was a D type gentle man on another site called Domtillifindtheone, so maybe it’s also a case to individuals circumstances and chemistry.

[BigPolly]

I spent 20+years as a Domme & couldn’t see myself any other way until a friend who was also a Dom wanted to play. He (eventually) encouraged me to try subbing for him & it was like someone had flicked a switch, I loved it. However I then spent the next year or so subbing for different Dom’s but not fully submitting. I’d go & play & leave immediately to keep control & id spend each time comparing the Dom’s to myself & how I’d do things. This led to much disappointment & questioning if I was doing the right thing.
Then someone came along who has blown me out of the water, finally I’ve met my match, someone who has stopped me comparing, someone who made me want to stay & then return & someone who has allowed me to allow myself to fully submit.
I actually didn’t realise how much I had held onto control until he took me into that room & it naturally got stripped away which in itself is still me keeping control by allowing myself to fully submit.
So for me the thing that allowed me to abandon control was simply ‘the right person’

[Deleted Member]

I'm so incredibly dominant in life and my career. My colleagues joke about me being a dominatrix but I'm so submissive in private, or at least I feel like I want to be but being the way I am everyday at work and even in home life I actually find it very hard to be the submissive my brain wants me to be in sessions. I had a few try to dominate me and I've ended up switching, taking over and then losing interest because I turned them into complete subs. So weird when all my fantasies I am submissive.

[ey****]

one thing about switching in general - you don't need to be the Domliest Dominant on one side and the greatest sub on the other.

Like - it's OK to just like certain elements associated with being Dominant or submissive - it's not an all or nothing situation.    However, this doesn't seem entirely to be the issues here.

Submission is actually difficult (I'm not saying one role or another have it easier or more difficult) it's why there's often a little bit of eyebrow raising at people who throw themselves down at anyone saying they want to submit.   

It takes time and it takes trust.   And there's often these niggles and what if's in the back of your head stopping people from really letting go - sometimes the concept of giving up control is desirable for someone used to having or needing a lot of control; but there's still parts that desperately clings for control - which is why some people try to turn the tables when they're struggling to let go.    And, it probably can't happen with just anyone and unlikely, but possible, it will be on the first times playing together - so it then becomes a case of using your own restraint and patience to persist.  But also, to not lay down the "make me submit" gauntlet I've seen some try.

[Je****]

I've never been great on either side of the coin. But my switch journey is only beginning and I am enjoying it. I haven't had a truely submissive experience, but I also haven't gave a fully dominant experience, as I am still finding my feet and discovering myself.

I think I would say it depends on your partner, if you are comfortable with them, willing to learn and experiment with patience and an open mind.
I know what I want, how I want it on both roles, but it's voicing it I struggle with. But I think of it as an exciting work in progress.
I love being in control, and taking control, and I do long to hit some sort of dom space as well as sub space. But for now I guess I am just enjoying the moments as they come. Sorry if I rambled off topic haha

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

I've never been great on either side of the coin. But my switch journey is only beginning and I am enjoying it. I haven't had a truely submissive experience, but I also haven't gave a fully dominant experience, as I am still finding my feet and discovering myself.

I think I would say it depends on your partner, if you are comfortable with them, willing to learn and experiment with patience and an open mind.
I know what I want, how I want it on both roles, but it's voicing it I struggle with. But I think of it as an exciting work in progress.
I love being in control, and taking control, and I do long to hit some sort of dom space as well as sub space. But for now I guess I am just enjoying the moments as they come. Sorry if I rambled off topic haha

Yes as I said, I've only had a small taste of what being a sub would be like.  But I know how I'm wired and the majority of the time I enjoy being dom.  That's not to say if someone comes along that blows my mind that I wouldn't commit the other way....thanks for sharing

Edited November 22, 2021 by Deleted Member
GR error

[BrattySweetheart]

I'm a switch, and I sometimes wonder if that's the right term for me too.

 

First and foremost, I'm a brat. I find that a lot of people consider brats subs, but I'm definitely not a sub. I can submit, but it doesn't take long to bore me. To me, being a brat is about empowerment and mischief. Difficult to call yourself a sub when you like power.

 

But I'm not a dom either. I wouldn't want to be in control all the time. I do love control, though. I love the power.

 

I love to give pleasure and see what it does to someone. It's still about power. Knowing what I'm capable of. I love being tied up and have my limits explored and pushed, safely, sanely, and consensually. I'd never beg for something naturally, but it's hot if someone can make me. I love the struggle. I love denying someone, make them more desperate. Watch them strain against the restraints. Exhaust them.

 

That's why I have Switch as a role on my profile. I'm not dominant, and I'm not submissive, but I can both dominate and submit, depending on the partner and our shared interests. I'm usually a switch during the session, too restless to stay in either position for too long. That's how I experience being a switch.

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, BrattySweetheart said:

I'm a switch, and I sometimes wonder if that's the right term for me too.

 

First and foremost, I'm a brat. I find that a lot of people consider brats subs, but I'm definitely not a sub. I can submit, but it doesn't take long to bore me. To me, being a brat is about empowerment and mischief. Difficult to call yourself a sub when you like power.

 

But I'm not a dom either. I wouldn't want to be in control all the time. I do love control, though. I love the power.

 

I love to give pleasure and see what it does to someone. It's still about power. Knowing what I'm capable of. I love being tied up and have my limits explored and pushed, safely, sanely, and consensually. I'd never beg for something naturally, but it's hot if someone can make me. I love the struggle. I love denying someone, make them more desperate. Watch them strain against the restraints. Exhaust them.

 

That's why I have Switch as a role on my profile. I'm not dominant, and I'm not submissive, but I can both dominate and submit, depending on the partner and our shared interests. I'm usually a switch during the session, too restless to stay in either position for too long. That's how I experience being a switch.

Variety is the spice of life for sure.

I guess I haven't found the right match for someone i would feel completely comfortable switching for.  I have certain triggers however that if someone capitalizes on definitely do the trick...

Though I completely understand the attraction of letting go of control.  When you're a dom you can never totally subvert reality for ***ful pleasures.  

I know I have switch inclinations, just takes the right match.  I totally get what you mean about being bored in one scenario.  

Thanks for sharing anyway.