Where are all the ‘genuine’ Dommes

[we****]

I have noticed that there isn’t a very strong presence from female Dom’s on here. The narrative seems to be that there are no ‘genuine’ female Dom’s, only FemDom’s who want to be paid for their services. I recently read something a fellow Domme wrote and it gave me the confidence to put something up here.

So, we do exist, but I think we hide a little, because the truth of our experience is that we are constantly approached being asked to provide FemDom services at no cost. So, what’s the difference? The difference is what you get back. A FemDom gets ***. A lifestyle Dom negotiates her relationship with her sub, so both people’s needs are met, in the very normal etiquette of our wonderful community. Not all men want to engage in this way, but feel resentment when they are asked to contribute for the service they are requesting. A genuine D/s dynamic is not transactional, it offers mutual benefits to both parties. If you are the half of the dynamic that do not want to participate in this way then I question whether it is unreasonable for the other half to request a different type of relationship that meets her needs as fully as his are being met. We don’t expect a taxi driver to give us a lift for free because they enjoy driving their car, if you want to pick the destination you are going to have to pay for the service.

So, if you are looking for a ‘genuine’ Dom, don’t give up we are here, but we want a genuine relationship and that will take equal effort on both parts. Be honest about what you want and what you are offering, that way you can both start negotiating a healthy relationship.

[Dustykat]

I found that it’s very true what you say many of my guy friends complain about this all the time and it’s nice to see someone that’s in this for the relationship and not what she can get 🧚🏻‍♀️

[ey****]

As long as I've been active (this site and others) I've seen the similar moans and, I know it can be disheartening

But, a lot of the guys who moan literally just message anyone in a radius. Some radius bigger than others. Some, we know, will sit and wait for new sign ups (partially we know this as some admit it) to pounce and it's extremely creepy and toxic behaviour.  

Because of this, then of course they're going to message all the scammers.  And of course, their approach is often off-putting to everyone else.

A lot of the "where are the genuine Dommes" they cry is a mixture of baiting and negging - that they want people to chime up and say "I'm real" so they can then message them (or do the whole "it's a shame you're so far away" as if you would automatically be interested) 

But, yep - you're right and that - one day a lot of these guys will either give up (and little of value will be lost) or kinda realise they get more results when they show they are interested in getting to know a person, and not just... anyone that meets their fantasy.

[we****]

20 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

As long as I've been active (this site and others) I've seen the similar moans and, I know it can be disheartening

But, a lot of the guys who moan literally just message anyone in a radius. Some radius bigger than others. Some, we know, will sit and wait for new sign ups (partially we know this as some admit it) to pounce and it's extremely creepy and toxic behaviour.  

Because of this, then of course they're going to message all the scammers.  And of course, their approach is often off-putting to everyone else.

A lot of the "where are the genuine Dommes" they cry is a mixture of baiting and negging - that they want people to chime up and say "I'm real" so they can then message them (or do the whole "it's a shame you're so far away" as if you would automatically be interested) 

But, yep - you're right and that - one day a lot of these guys will either give up (and little of value will be lost) or kinda realise they get more results when they show they are interested in getting to know a person, and not just... anyone that meets their fantasy.

I absolutely agree with what you’re saying. Perhaps the title i used not totally descriptive of the content I wrote. A more accurate title would be “where are all the Dom’s who will give me what I want, with minimal effort from me”. I felt a title like this would be inflammatory and attract hate rather than debate. The conversation I would like to open is that a relationship is two sided, contribution is required from both parties. Also, I want to challenge the hate that FemDoms get for providing a fair service for a fair fee. Because, the answer to the question my alternative title poses is ‘working as a FemDom’ x

[ey****]

I genuinely liked your title

But yeah, this is it - the guys fall flat because their starting points is often either all about their fantasies/fetishes or almost like they're trying to book a Pro Domme session (only without paying)

And yep... there's a lot of women of various degrees of sex work who get a lot of hate for it.  But, like, in most cases - even if these ladies weren't doing any SW - they still wouldn't be interested in entitled guys

 

[ge****]

Regardless of whether it's Dommes or people to meet for vanilla sex on a hook up site the "lack of genuine women" complaint is a common one from many men who simply don't "get" how the sites work, and who, as eyem says, make it all about their wants and needs - they sign up and are dazzled by the "sex site" sign mistakenly thinking it equates to "women on tap", losing sight of all the regular foundations of relationships, like mutual attraction/pleasure, respect, courtesy etc in the process.

Guys that do well on sites like this are those that recognise that nothing has changed and that as you say a relationship is two sided and takes input/output from both people with the aim of mutually pleasurable times - they're the ones who put effort into their profile, attitude and approach, and show respect and courtesy etc and who recognise that it's not just their fantasy that is to be fulfilled.

As for pro-Dommes, I have absolutely no issue with them, and agree that a fair service for a fair fee is only right - personally I would struggle to come to terms with paying, but that's more because for me D/s is more relationship based and as a result a transactional thing just wouldn't do anything more than scratch an itch at best.

[Nylonlick]

Tend to agree, met one last night, then as soon as we strike up a conversation, she wants paying for having online fun.

i thought it was too good to be true , and sadly it was 

[we****]

18 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Regardless of whether it's Dommes or people to meet for vanilla sex on a hook up site the "lack of genuine women" complaint is a common one from many men who simply don't "get" how the sites work, and who, as eyem says, make it all about their wants and needs - they sign up and are dazzled by the "sex site" sign mistakenly thinking it equates to "women on tap", losing sight of all the regular foundations of relationships, like mutual attraction/pleasure, respect, courtesy etc in the process.

Guys that do well on sites like this are those that recognise that nothing has changed and that as you say a relationship is two sided and takes input/output from both people with the aim of mutually pleasurable times - they're the ones who put effort into their profile, attitude and approach, and show respect and courtesy etc and who recognise that it's not just their fantasy that is to be fulfilled.

As for pro-Dommes, I have absolutely no issue with them, and agree that a fair service for a fair fee is only right - personally I would struggle to come to terms with paying, but that's more because for me D/s is more relationship based and as a result a transactional thing just wouldn't do anything more than scratch an itch at best.

Yes, I am here because I too want more from a relationship than that of a FemDom set up would offer. But the role fulfils the need of some people who do not want to it can not engage like that x

[ge****]

7 minutes ago, Nylonlick said:

Tend to agree, met one last night, then as soon as we strike up a conversation, she wants paying for having online fun.

i thought it was too good to be true , and sadly it was 

If she was upfront about expecting payment though is that a bad thing? It then left you with the choice as to whether to go ahead or not? If she had strung you along and led you to believe it was a non-transactional thing then mentioned payment then it's obviously different, but doesn't sound like it was.

[ge****]

5 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

Yes, I am here because I too want more from a relationship than that of a FemDom set up would offer. But the role fulfils the need of some people who do not want to it can not engage like that x

Oh absolutely and like I said I have no issue in the slightest with those who both offer and take those paid services.

The problem is when either side of the coin either expect payment when it wasn't expected - or feel they are entitled to paid services without payment.

[we****]

9 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

If she was upfront about expecting payment though is that a bad thing? It then left you with the choice as to whether to go ahead or not? If she had strung you along and led you to believe it was a non-transactional thing then mentioned payment then it's obviously different, but doesn't sound like it was.

Exactly, and the converse applies as well. Endless reassurances and fantasy-meeting promises, which once a scene has been played evaporates into the ether, followed by being ‘blocked’. Sadly, both parties suffer in this scenario x

[ge****]

27 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

Exactly, and the converse applies as well. Endless reassurances and fantasy-meeting promises, which once a scene has been played evaporates into the ether, followed by being ‘blocked’. Sadly, both parties suffer in this scenario x

This is very true and another reason that personally I like to spend time getting to know someone (before even considering suggesting meeting) building not only a level of trust and respect, but also establishing we're on the same wavelength in terms of what we're looking for, and through that a reasonable level of confidence that it won't be a one-off, or even a one-sided thing - of course you can never *know* that for sure until that first scene/meet has played out, but if you've spent the time and effort getting to know someone you can have that level of confidence at least.

[Deleted Member]

Entitlement is the name of the game here, I believe.
I can see why they charge! I don’t, that being said I’m not here to play a round or two with anyone who has or shows some kind of entitlement and that is what seems to be the main driving *** of late.
Not every message gets answered anymore because even a hello can be used as a barrage of *** once they get that you really aren’t going to engage further. Maybe some are on the wrong site!

[we****]

23 minutes ago, Aimil2019 said:

Entitlement is the name of the game here, I believe.
I can see why they charge! I don’t, that being said I’m not here to play a round or two with anyone who has or shows some kind of entitlement and that is what seems to be the main driving *** of late.
Not every message gets answered anymore because even a hello can be used as a barrage of *** once they get that you really aren’t going to engage further. Maybe some are on the wrong site!

I hate not replying but I agree sometimes it is the only option x

[ey****]

A little thing on paying a bit

there's some stuff that is contextual.   

If someone comes into my inbox asking on any kinda financial deal, in most circumstances this is going to set flags off for me.   Exceptions apply - but - there are better ways to get clients even if they're genuine

And honestly - yep - most pros don't want to deal with entitled men either  

 

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

I hate not replying but I agree sometimes it is the only option x

I agree, it’s rude however I’ve learned sometimes it’s better than engaging as even from the start being polite and saying NO is some how heard as oh ok go on then!!!!
I’ve met some lovely people on here but I’ve also met some of the ones you would never want to meet, even online! Now I choose who and I choose when.
Although I do enjoy spending time on scammers and have my own script for them
😂

[Mz****]

Fabulous post..and wonderful you've found your voice..😊

[we****]

21 minutes ago, Aimil2019 said:

I agree, it’s rude however I’ve learned sometimes it’s better than engaging as even from the start being polite and saying NO is some how heard as oh ok go on then!!!!
I’ve met some lovely people on here but I’ve also met some of the ones you would never want to meet, even online! Now I choose who and I choose when.
Although I do enjoy spending time on scammers and have my own script for them
😂

I was quite proud when I managed to get a scammer to tell me to leave him alone (not exactly those words) and felt the need to block me to protect himself 😂

[ey****]

44 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

I hate not replying but I agree sometimes it is the only option x

in a way, I'd say... don't.

Not replying is, in it's own way, a reply.    I know there are men that try to convince women that it's rude not to reply - but it's really not.   If someone put a pizza menu through your door you wouldn't ring them to say "thanks for the menu, but I don't want pizza" - same applies.

[we****]

18 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

in a way, I'd say... don't.

Not replying is, in it's own way, a reply.    I know there are men that try to convince women that it's rude not to reply - but it's really not.   If someone put a pizza menu through your door you wouldn't ring them to say "thanks for the menu, but I don't want pizza" - same applies.

Good point!

[ge****]

37 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

in a way, I'd say... don't.

Not replying is, in it's own way, a reply.    I know there are men that try to convince women that it's rude not to reply - but it's really not.   If someone put a pizza menu through your door you wouldn't ring them to say "thanks for the menu, but I don't want pizza" - same applies.

At least with the pizza menu it's just put through your door and you don't have to do anything with it, but might be handy one day - I tend to think of it more like double glazing companies that persistently phone on a regular basis asking if you want new windows 😃

Seriously though on Fab their FAQs state quite clearly that "no reply" should be taken as a "thanks but no thanks" and that's how it *should* be viewed.

I never quite understand those that roll out the "it's rude not to reply" mantra, if they genuinely think it's rude, they wouldn't want to meet the person who's not replied anyway surely? So not worth getting uptight about

[Deleted Member]

Wake up call ! Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

[ge****]

2 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

Wake up call ! Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

And what are you basing that on? Whilst I've not actually met anyone from this site - there are a few I've swapped messages with and seen interacting around the forums who I'd certainly consider as "genuine" based on those interactions and the knowledge they regularly share.

[we****]

6 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

Wake up call ! Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

Sounds like you are hurting. Hope you are ok x

[we****]

5 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

And what are you basing that on? Whilst I've not actually met anyone from this site - there are a few I've swapped messages with and seen interacting around the forums who I'd certainly consider as "genuine" based on those interactions and the knowledge they regularly share.

I have met several people, and after following the usual procedures of talking on line, not just playing but getting to know the individual, all the people I have met have been genuinely who they presented themselves as. Hope springs eternal x eter