Where are all the ‘genuine’ Dommes

[Mz****]

17 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

Wake up call ! Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

Absolute tosh..

[ge****]

9 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

I have met several people, and after following the usual procedures of talking on line, not just playing but getting to know the individual, all the people I have met have been genuinely who they presented themselves as. Hope springs eternal x eter

Precisely that - the "everyone's fake" mantra is another common one across sites like this, yet, whilst not from here but another site I frequented for several years, I met and got to know many genuine people some who I consider close friends now.

I think ultimately it comes down to the expectations of some when they join, that when those expectations aren't met, it turns to frustration and lashing out.

[ey****]

"Everyone is fake" = "I find it easier to blame others than accept people don't want to be with me"

[NeshTheMistress]

lol u think people here say a domme isn’t genuine if she isn’t FREE! That hilarious

[Mz****]

7 minutes ago, NeshTheMistress said:

lol u think people here say a domme isn’t genuine if she isn’t FREE! That hilarious

Thats bad enough, but those of us who are Lifestyle get called fake or scammers simply because we don't comply to their stereotype, or because we don't give them what they think they're entitled to. There's a perception kinky means easy which seems to be at the bottom of most of their gripes which is laughable in itself..on the plus side, the guys hurling the crap rarely stay long, and those that do leave a trail A/anyone who might have been interested in them can see and avoid.

[we****]

23 minutes ago, NeshTheMistress said:

lol u think people here say a domme isn’t genuine if she isn’t FREE! That hilarious

😂

[ge****]

Have just tickled myself with this and had to share - do those that bemoan the lack of "genuine women dominants" need to be called "genu-whiners"? 🤔 😃

[we****]

52 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Have just tickled myself with this and had to share - do those that bemoan the lack of "genuine women dominants" need to be called "genu-whiners"? 🤔 😃

I guess they also have that experience, I think my gripe is they externalise their experience rather than reflecting inwardly upon it x

[Ar****]

49 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

I guess they also have that experience, I think my gripe is they externalise their experience rather than reflecting inwardly upon it x

Yes, it's poor form - and sadly it isn't the first time this particular chap has come onto a forum post to disparage so many of us without contributing anything worthwhile...

[ge****]

1 hour ago, weaslekit said:

I guess they also have that experience, I think my gripe is they externalise their experience rather than reflecting inwardly upon it x

Spot on - all too often the problems lie closer to home than they want to acknowledge or are able to see/admit

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for addressing this topic so well and opening it up for genuine discussion.

I don’t feel bad for not replying to every message anymore. If their profile doesn’t match what I’m looking for then I don’t feel obligated to engage in a one word or generic message.

[we****]

18 minutes ago, ScarlettDismay said:

Thanks for addressing this topic so well and opening it up for genuine discussion.

I don’t feel bad for not replying to every message anymore. If their profile doesn’t match what I’m looking for then I don’t feel obligated to engage in a one word or generic message.

The power to be silent! Thank you x

[su****]

11 hours ago, FreeUrMind said:

Wake up call ! Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

Incorrect (in my experience) 

[MissA01]

On 11/29/2021 at 11:23 PM, weaslekit said:

I have noticed that there isn’t a very strong presence from female Dom’s on here. The narrative seems to be that there are no ‘genuine’ female Dom’s, only FemDom’s who want to be paid for their services. I recently read something a fellow Domme wrote and it gave me the confidence to put something up here.

So, we do exist, but I think we hide a little, because the truth of our experience is that we are constantly approached being asked to provide FemDom services at no cost. So, what’s the difference? The difference is what you get back. A FemDom gets ***. A lifestyle Dom negotiates her relationship with her sub, so both people’s needs are met, in the very normal etiquette of our wonderful community. Not all men want to engage in this way, but feel resentment when they are asked to contribute for the service they are requesting. A genuine D/s dynamic is not transactional, it offers mutual benefits to both parties. If you are the half of the dynamic that do not want to participate in this way then I question whether it is unreasonable for the other half to request a different type of relationship that meets her needs as fully as his are being met. We don’t expect a taxi driver to give us a lift for free because they enjoy driving their car, if you want to pick the destination you are going to have to pay for the service.

So, if you are looking for a ‘genuine’ Dom, don’t give up we are here, but we want a genuine relationship and that will take equal effort on both parts. Be honest about what you want and what you are offering, that way you can both start negotiating a healthy relationship.

I’m a genuine Domme. 

[Ar****]

On 11/30/2021 at 4:19 PM, weaslekit said:

I was quite proud when I managed to get a scammer to tell me to leave him alone (not exactly those words) and felt the need to block me to protect himself 😂

How did you manage that? I want to take notes lol.

[we****]

2 hours ago, Arcues said:

How did you manage that? I want to take notes lol.

Just a gift x

[Ar****]

1 minute ago, weaslekit said:

Just a gift x

Since Christmas is coming, I need to know what to avoid lol

[we****]

1 hour ago, Arcues said:

Since Christmas is coming, I need to know what to avoid lol

It is a gift I have, rather than I gift I give. Pretty sure you wouldn’t enjoy being on the receiving end ….😬😘

[Ar****]

5 minutes ago, weaslekit said:

It is a gift I have, rather than I gift I give. Pretty sure you wouldn’t enjoy being on the receiving end ….😬😘

I agree, I definitely wouldn't want that lmao

[we****]

4 minutes ago, Arcues said:

I agree, I definitely wouldn't want that lmao

😈

[Deleted Member]

I'm new on here so I can't comment on this site yet but every so called domme I met on tumblr or Instagram turned out to be fake 

[we****]

13 minutes ago, Subbyste67 said:

I'm new on here so I can't comment on this site yet but every so called domme I met on tumblr or Instagram turned out to be fake 

Think about how you are presenting yourself. We are here, but you must be open and honest in your profile to connect with us

[ey****]

28 minutes ago, Subbyste67 said:

I'm new on here so I can't comment on this site yet but every so called domme I met on tumblr or Instagram turned out to be fake 

I've not used tumblr in like 11 million years or something - but Instagram... yeah, I'm not sure *why* you would look for a Domme on Instagram, it feels a bit like asking for a vegetarian meal in McDonalds - even if you think you've got what you want it's still coated in beef fat

But, kinda, there are Pro Domme's use Instagram for promotion - they are unlikely to reply to your messages unless it's telling you to book a session - ditto for models etc.

And then of course there are catfish

Anyone who is on there who is not a Pro but into the fetish lifestyle, probably isn't going to be too open about it given it's a platform that is rather public and linked to their facebook.  

[ge****]

3 hours ago, weaslekit said:

Think about how you are presenting yourself. We are here, but you must be open and honest in your profile to connect with us

Precisely this - being totally honest in my experience those who encounter (or even cry) "fake" are often those who don't present themselves well, or who have an incorrectly set expectation that just by sending a message or signing up to a site they will immediately unlock all of their fantasies - and that applies equally to pretty much *any* site where sex is the focus, regardless of whether it's kink related or hook ups etc.

In fact I'd go as far as to say that those that don't present themselves well and who don't show they are informed leave themselves open to be targetted by scammers and fakes who see them as easy prey.

[tank722]

I think this is a really good topic. I have been well away from the online Kink community for many years in vanilla land and coming back, I can say as a male sub that from my own experience what I have experienced goes like this…

Domme contacts you, tells you they want you to serve them, gets you into some other messaging app and demands tribute. It certainly comes across as predator like and is something new to me to cope with.

I completely get what the OP is saying tho, I have only really learned the difference between a genuine D/s dynamic and scratching a kink itch in the last few years. They do say men only get self realisation into their 30’s which was true for me. If you want a kink itch to be scratched go and see a pro-Domme, they can be wonderful at guiding you through this but I do think that the predator like way in which sub men are targeted in messages on sites like this gives true pro-Dommes a bad name.

If you want a D/s connection……. I will fill this out when I figure it out myself :)