Autism and kink

[Deleted Member]

This is purely anecdotal but it's been my experience that the kink community seems to have a higher number of individuals with ASD than I come across in real life. By this, I mean those with autism or Asperger syndrome. I have kids with Asperger's so it's something I've experience of and interest in.

Has it been your experience? Any thoughts?
Do you have ASD? Do you think this bears any relation to your interest in kinks or fetishes?
Is the community/lifestyle comfortable to exist in?
Love to hear from anyone about this. 🤗

[ge****]

Interesting topic and anecdotally I've seen similar said in swinging circles too - however as I said on another thread where a similar point was made about mental health and links to kink, I'm not sure if there is a link between the two, or whether it just seeks they'll way because people are more open to talking about it by necessity because of the levels of disclosure that can be required following this lifestyle, that maybe aren't required in day to day life.

[Deleted Member]

I have ASD & personally I don't think it has any bearing on my kink.

However to your point about you come across more people with ASD online than in real life, I think that maybe more down to people possibly feeling more able to openly discuss their ASD online than they are in person. Online their is a degree of seperation & I believe people with ASD feel more comfortable discussing it online than face to face & there is less chance of judgement, gossip & people talking about your ASD that you really don't want to talk to about it. It's same often with mental health & ***, that people feel they can discuss those topics more openly online, with what is essentially total strangers, so their is less pressure & judgement & you don't get the same reactions from people online as you do face to face discussing these types of subjects.

[ge****]

20 minutes ago, BDSMkinkydom said:

I have ASD & personally I don't think it has any bearing on my kink.

However to your point about you come across more people with ASD online than in real life, I think that maybe more down to people possibly feeling more able to openly discuss their ASD online than they are in person. Online their is a degree of seperation & I believe people with ASD feel more comfortable discussing it online than face to face & there is less chance of judgement, gossip & people talking about your ASD that you really don't want to talk to about it. It's same often with mental health & ***, that people feel they can discuss those topics more openly online, with what is essentially total strangers, so their is less pressure & judgement & you don't get the same reactions from people online as you do face to face discussing these types of subjects.

Actually that's a very good point - perhaps it isn't a "kink vs real life" thing but an "on-line vs real life" thing - I know for sure there are many things I'm more comfortable and open about discussing on-line than in reality, even with people I have known for years.

That relative anonymity affords you the opportunity to be so and (mostly) without judgement - although I have seen some fairly horrendous examples where on-line judgement has been far worse than it might have been in reality.

[TheBookCollector]

I havent been diagnosed though i do exhibit some traits of high functioning Aspergers, such as having to research the hell out of subjects, being highly focused in my joband finding it difficult to read people.

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Actually that's a very good point - perhaps it isn't a "kink vs real life" thing but an "on-line vs real life" thing - I know for sure there are many things I'm more comfortable and open about discussing on-line than in reality, even with people I have known for years.

That relative anonymity affords you the opportunity to be so and (mostly) without judgement - although I have seen some fairly horrendous examples where on-line judgement has been far worse than it might have been in reality.

I come to this topic from a personally & professional view. I'm trained in counselling, mentoring, support work & some psychology & worked as mentor & support worker, working with a wide range of ages & issues, kids coming from care, young offenders through to women escaping domestic *** & middle aged people with drink & drug issues. 

 

It can be difficult to get people to open up about their issues face to face, whether its them having ASD or talking about their mental health or *** they have experienced. Lot of people are embarrassed by these issues or conditions, feel they are being judged or simply don't like talking about them when someone is looking at them. However I found using online methods to talk, having a session online, such as WhatsApp, that they were able to talk more freely & openly about things they found difficult to say to me face to face. So I do think, as you say, it's more real life vs online, that you would find people more willing to talk about things, just as for many, it's much easier to discuss their kinks & fantasies online than they would to people in real life. I'm sure there's many who would agree that they can say so much online about their kinks & fantasies online than they ever could to someone in person because of the stigma, judgements & lack of understanding & support & the same goes for ASD, mental health or ***. 

[Ae****]

Atm i basically think the interest in BDSM comes from people having issues of some kind - it's a comfortable place/space for such people, certain social norms are different, or bypassed, certain dynamics are comforting for those issues - and those same issues cause symptoms, ways of being, that are linked with diagnoses, e.g. autism.
So socialising and dating that's hard in the vanilla world becomes possible here, along with certain needs caused by certain conditions being soothed or stimulated in a pleasurable way.

[Ae****]

... But also, i think everyone has issues - just that some people have bigger ones than others in certain areas in life, and some people choose other ways of working through them / coping,whether they're healthy or unhealthy ways - workaholic, other addictions, various distractions, exercise etc etc.

[Deleted Member]

Ok….so was diagnosed with aspergers 12 years ago….and it all made perfect sense, in so much as when young I didnt feel I "fit" in as it were. I always felt on the outside of any social group and as at the time I was a kinky young man who didnt know he was kinky it was shall we say challenging. When I finally found my way into this scene/community it felt so much more comfortable as my oddities/weirdness seemed much more acceptable, as with respect to all who may be reading this none of us fit the mould….as far as a vanilla society would dictate what is normal….so yeah, for me on a personal level it's much easier to interact with others compared to a vanilla scenario as the acceptance of my "difference" seems much higher, and is less likely to raise eyebrows. Basically I feel more comfortable….its really as simple as that.

[Deleted Member]

Oh lovely to have some thoughts and openness. A lot to digest and return to. Thank you all.

[Phoenyx]

I have ASD.  Still, I don't think that it was the source of my kinks, per se.  For example, I doubt that it led to my taste for leather.  That likely came from a different source.  Still, ASD did seem to lead to my ability to function in "The Scene".  Even so, the reasons may be a bit controversial.

It has been said that those with ASD are unable to read people.  For years, I ***ed that to be true.  Through my training and experience, however, I learned that it was actually the opposite extreme.  Folks with ASD are said to have "laser-like focus".  That "focus" caused me to see multiple layers of those with whom I interacted.  For me, that was a confusing mess.  So, I wrongly assumed that I was just reading noise.  Direct eye-contact was the worst.  I could only describe it as "information overload".  It wasn't until I received training in "The Scene", that I learned how to sort those layers of info, and make sense of what I was reading.  It was that ability to see multiple layers, that got me pushed into the "Dom" role.

Has anyone had similar experiences?

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Aeonova said:

... But also, i think everyone has issues - just that some people have bigger ones than others in certain areas in life, and some people choose other ways of working through them / coping,whether they're healthy or unhealthy ways - workaholic, other addictions, various distractions, exercise etc etc.

What I will say with that, if you’re talking in a specific ASD case, then no, that’s not the case as your either autistic or not autistic, there is a spectrum but saying everyone has issues is detrimental to those who have the condition and their lived experiences daily.

If that’s not what you meant then please ignore this comment

[Ae****]

4 minutes ago, tendring681 said:

What I will say with that, if you’re talking in a specific ASD case, then no, that’s not the case as your either autistic or not autistic, there is a spectrum but saying everyone has issues is detrimental to those who have the condition and their lived experiences daily.

If that’s not what you meant then please ignore this comment

I just meant issues in general 🙂

[Deleted Member]

I am borderline ASD and quite severe ADHD. I think the latter definitely has some connection to my attraction to kink.
 

Firstly, I struggle to concentrate, even on sex and need more stimulation to remain focused.

Secondly, I struggle to be organised in every area of my life and live in a constant, stressful chaos. I love and am so grateful to have structure imposed by someone else. Being submissive with an understanding Dom makes my life so much calmer and reduces my stress levels. 

[ki****]

Absolutely bang on it. My son has ASD and I have traits. I believe it’s very linked in part due to sensory processing. A lot of behaviour in ASD kids comes from sensory seeking or sensory avoiding behaviours. Some of the therapy for sensory processing are impact based such as rolled up tightly in a blanket and squished, deep pressure massage, hitting things stretching.
If you understand sensory processing then you can real see why some fetishes appear extreme. One part of sensory processing, particularly in sensory seeking, is you have a high *** threshold, so seek high impact activities such as hitting things so you can feel a sensation. it’s all to do with your brain being neurodiverse and the way in which it reads and processes information between your brain and body. In general with asd/adhd you also have less of certain brain chemicals so crave a ‘high’ to rebalance it. Be that from giving or receiving of what pleases you. It is so fascinating, if you like to chat about it I’m up for it so feel to message me. It’s kind of helping me learn more about my self and the experiences.

[mr_kink]

i have adhd and their are alot of articles posted on the net about adhd and bsdm  so it could be possible that people with asd have a similar connections with bdsm as adhd and asd share a lot of similarity's 

[ki****]

5 minutes ago, mr_kink said:

i have adhd and their are alot of articles posted on the net about adhd and bsdm  so it could be possible that people with asd have a similar connections with bdsm as adhd and asd share a lot of similarity's 

Yes indeed they do, personally I feel adhd should be on the spectrum along with asd and in a way it’s neurodiversity xx

[Deleted Member]

I know little about ADHD personally but from what I have read it's common that they overlap. As with autism there are different perspectives on why and how it would seem! Is ASD/ADHD a single condition with several subtypes for example 

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, kinkysub4dom said:

Absolutely bang on it. My son has ASD and I have traits. I believe it’s very linked in part due to sensory processing. A lot of behaviour in ASD kids comes from sensory seeking or sensory avoiding behaviours. Some of the therapy for sensory processing are impact based such as rolled up tightly in a blanket and squished, deep pressure massage, hitting things stretching.
If you understand sensory processing then you can real see why some fetishes appear extreme. One part of sensory processing, particularly in sensory seeking, is you have a high *** threshold, so seek high impact activities such as hitting things so you can feel a sensation. it’s all to do with your brain being neurodiverse and the way in which it reads and processes information between your brain and body. In general with asd/adhd you also have less of certain brain chemicals so crave a ‘high’ to rebalance it. Be that from giving or receiving of what pleases you. It is so fascinating, if you like to chat about it I’m up for it so feel to message me. It’s kind of helping me learn more about my self and the experiences.

That is a side I haven't considered. I have kids with Aspergers who have sensory seeking and sensory avoiding behaviour. I have rolled them up in rugs and sat on them! That element related to bdsm/kink makes sense absolutely.

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, kinkysub4dom said:

Yes indeed they do, personally I feel adhd should be on the spectrum along with asd and in a way it’s neurodiversity xx

Some scientists/researchers agree. Neurodivergent applies to those with ASD and ADHD I believe?

[mr_kink]

6 minutes ago, Dragonflylover said:

Some scientists/researchers agree. Neurodivergent applies to those with ASD and ADHD I believe?

i think it all comes under dsm5 but its still vague  as it dosnt cover the different types of adhd or asd

[Carnelian2]

I have been assigned many labels by various helpful people throughout my life; being "on the spectrum" is just one of those. If it has anything to do with my kink, I don't know. I can think of plenty of things in my childhood that could have triggered both behavioural patterns as well as "appearing on the spectrum".
I think there is a risk with putting labels on people, as they tend to apply judgement. Is it not much better to try to accept people as they are?
We are all different after all, and have much more to learn from each other than trying to assign us to pre-labeled boxes ..

[mr_kink]

8 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

I have been assigned many labels by various helpful people throughout my life; being "on the spectrum" is just one of those. If it has anything to do with my kink, I don't know. I can think of plenty of things in my childhood that could have triggered both behavioural patterns as well as "appearing on the spectrum".
I think there is a risk with putting labels on people, as they tend to apply judgement. Is it not much better to try to accept people as they are?
We are all different after all, and have much more to learn from each other than trying to assign us to pre-labeled boxes ..

i dont think anyone is suggesting to put a label on it i think its a case of learning and understanding why and helping people to accept and embrace it and to learn that we arnt alone in the way that we think and act

[Ae****]

1 hour ago, kinkysub4dom said:

Absolutely bang on it. My son has ASD and I have traits. I believe it’s very linked in part due to sensory processing. A lot of behaviour in ASD kids comes from sensory seeking or sensory avoiding behaviours. Some of the therapy for sensory processing are impact based such as rolled up tightly in a blanket and squished, deep pressure massage, hitting things stretching.
If you understand sensory processing then you can real see why some fetishes appear extreme. One part of sensory processing, particularly in sensory seeking, is you have a high *** threshold, so seek high impact activities such as hitting things so you can feel a sensation. it’s all to do with your brain being neurodiverse and the way in which it reads and processes information between your brain and body. In general with asd/adhd you also have less of certain brain chemicals so crave a ‘high’ to rebalance it. Be that from giving or receiving of what pleases you. It is so fascinating, if you like to chat about it I’m up for it so feel to message me. It’s kind of helping me learn more about my self and the experiences.

Omg fascinating

[Carnelian2]

11 minutes ago, mr_kink said:

i dont think anyone is suggesting to put a label on it i think its a case of learning and understanding why and helping people to accept and embrace it and to learn that we arnt alone in the way that we think and act

Don't get me wrong but I am not sure that the fact that I identify as one thing or the other helps me. What helps me is that people accept me as I am, that people accept that my values are mine and that this does not make me odd or unusual if it happens to be different from the norm. The beautiful thing I have seen in the kink community is that people accept us for who we are. Yes, some people want to assign labels but that is their burden, as this need often reflects something in their own reality and not in ours.

Who defines the norm in any case? :)