Plus size & a Domme: Overcoming body shame

December 20, 2021

Im always saddened me when i hear or read of anyone who has confidence issues because of body size. Its become the most common reason for lack of confidence and its down to, (in my view), the way women are treated in media. The idea that slim and beautiful is the only acceptable form that, particularly women, have to conform to is one of modern lifes biggest dishonesties.

We are all bombarded every day with perfection, from ads, magazines, tv and cinema. And it doesnt surprise me that women take the brunt of it, and consequently how it batters their confidence across all aspects of their life, regardless of age. If women were to be comfortable in their own skin, dozens of industries would be bankrupt in no time. So much *** is made off this lack of confidence. I believe those people or partners who insult, degrade or belittle others are, in the main, the ones who have the problem, are jealous, or so ***ful that they need to tear down someone so they can feel better about themselves. Its being nothing but a coward, and i have no time for anyone who does that to others.

As a guy (well sometimes, lol) i understand anything i say could be taken as either sexual, patronising or condescending, none of which is the case. As much as everyone else has said above, everyone here is amazing, gorgeous. But in reality, as much as anyone else might try to lift you, try to inspire you, and compliment you, it will only change when you (guy or gal), are comfortable in yourself. Its a hard road, i know, but every single one here is worth so much more than they believe. Size shouldnt matter, beauty comes from the person as much as the amount of skin, and if i had one wish, it would be that people could see themselves as how others see the best in them. You are all fabulous, and i thank you for sharing that with us all here.

December 20, 2021

You know what I think of you, you’re gorgeous, inside and out 🥰

December 20, 2021

8 minutes ago, Slutty_cpl said:

You know what I think of you, you’re gorgeous, inside and out 🥰

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Miss 🥰♥️

December 23, 2021

Just stop giving a shit, surround yourself with body positivity, and listen to Good Body by Mona Haydar. I'm 240lbs and have been in the lifestyle for 5 years, it's very freeing and fun once you accept yourself for who you are.

January 14, 2022

All women are beautiful and to be appreciated and respected. It is a privilege for me being intimate with any woman !!
You women are all unique and special !!
You bring us into this world and we really try hard our whole lives to reunite with that miracle between your legs !!

January 14, 2022

But also with the entire , complete woman that is you,

January 14, 2022

Hey I just wanted to say I can empathise with you Redrider. I'm still tackling body confidence I've been various sizes over the years, but now on hrt and 2 kids later the body I'm with isn't always the one I'd choose. I am a size 18, big all over but I feel Really sexy when I'm dressed up in my lingerie. For me that brings me confidence. Its finding something that will do the same for you, as the ladies said trying to take different photo's too. But mostly we need to remember to be kind to ourselves because we rock!!! Xx

January 14, 2022

54 minutes ago, Vic1077 said:

Hey I just wanted to say I can empathise with you Redrider. I'm still tackling body confidence I've been various sizes over the years, but now on hrt and 2 kids later the body I'm with isn't always the one I'd choose. I am a size 18, big all over but I feel Really sexy when I'm dressed up in my lingerie. For me that brings me confidence. Its finding something that will do the same for you, as the ladies said trying to take different photo's too. But mostly we need to remember to be kind to ourselves because we rock!!! Xx

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This!!!!! ☝️☝️☝️same for me I feel most sexy and confident in my lingerie and I agree it's definitely finding something that you're comfortable in and us as women are more hard on ourselves and really bring other women down but we should love each other and build each other up not rip each other apart!!!!!

January 14, 2022

Agree 100% lil-monster xx

January 14, 2022

You women all rock! With confidence and self belief you are all powerful!

January 15, 2022

I really loved reading this thread and wanted to share my own experience and the current journey I am on! As a youth I was really skinny and was obsessed with penis size - I wouldn’t even talk about it but always knew about it and was deeply ashamed that anyone would find out to the point of not ***ing in a urinal next to other people. An ex I had grown confident with (vanilla I might add) knew my insecurity and had taken nude photos of me when I was blind drunk and several months later, after a row she shared them over Facebook with people I knew. I was devastated, crushed and thought I could never trust another human being again, I felt worthless and useless. I let my size define who I was as a person. Add a few more years and metabolism catching up with me which has turned the skinny guy into some dad with a few fat bits and I have come to realise I’m just below average and it’s not as bad as I thought (through some help from a good person as well!) learning to accept myself for who and what I am. It’s ok if people are not attracted to me because of this, and there is so much relief in my soul when this is unimportant, and what I have come to realise as I have gotten to near 40 is that what is between someone’s ears is SO much more important than what their body looks like or what is between their legs! You can be a size 0 super model but if you can get into someone’s mind, especially as a Dominant and devour a persons being and make them yearn and quake and feel suspended and enthralled, and all those delicious things, what your body looks like is so unimportant compared to all that magic goldust! I can’t speak for what a Dominant sees in a submissive, but I strongly strongly suspect it is a something similar. Good luck on all of your healing journeys!

January 15, 2022

Yes, that is something I carried for most, if not all my life. Only recently I looked up some information on sph and discovered why I would be okay with that now in BDSM.
I realised that because I have come to terms with it not automatically being important but something that I can laugh at comfortably myself. There are many more important attributes for Dom/Dommes and subs to make up the whole package.

Personality is important and our eyes are mirrors into our innermost being.

January 16, 2022

On 1/14/2022 at 6:53 PM, Vic1077 said:

Hey I just wanted to say I can empathise with you Redrider. I'm still tackling body confidence I've been various sizes over the years, but now on hrt and 2 kids later the body I'm with isn't always the one I'd choose. I am a size 18, big all over but I feel Really sexy when I'm dressed up in my lingerie. For me that brings me confidence. Its finding something that will do the same for you, as the ladies said trying to take different photo's too. But mostly we need to remember to be kind to ourselves because we rock!!! Xx

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Love this!

January 16, 2022

On 1/15/2022 at 12:19 AM, Veryigosub said:

I really loved reading this thread and wanted to share my own experience and the current journey I am on! As a youth I was really skinny and was obsessed with penis size - I wouldn’t even talk about it but always knew about it and was deeply ashamed that anyone would find out to the point of not ***ing in a urinal next to other people. An ex I had grown confident with (vanilla I might add) knew my insecurity and had taken nude photos of me when I was blind drunk and several months later, after a row she shared them over Facebook with people I knew. I was devastated, crushed and thought I could never trust another human being again, I felt worthless and useless. I let my size define who I was as a person. Add a few more years and metabolism catching up with me which has turned the skinny guy into some dad with a few fat bits and I have come to realise I’m just below average and it’s not as bad as I thought (through some help from a good person as well!) learning to accept myself for who and what I am. It’s ok if people are not attracted to me because of this, and there is so much relief in my soul when this is unimportant, and what I have come to realise as I have gotten to near 40 is that what is between someone’s ears is SO much more important than what their body looks like or what is between their legs! You can be a size 0 super model but if you can get into someone’s mind, especially as a Dominant and devour a persons being and make them yearn and quake and feel suspended and enthralled, and all those delicious things, what your body looks like is so unimportant compared to all that magic goldust! I can’t speak for what a Dominant sees in a submissive, but I strongly strongly suspect it is a something similar. Good luck on all of your healing journeys!

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I am very sorry you went through this at the hands a of a girlfriend or partner, someone you trusted! Fucking shame on her indeed. I am pretty sure this is a crime in most places (revenge porn) and can be dealt with but depends on the history of it I guess, but yeah, she'll get her karma dues.

Penis size isn't everything! Some people are size queens and like a bigger rod, some like smaller, some like average ones. But like, women have obsessed with boobs in the same fashion, "oh mine are not big enough, hers are bigger, people will think I'm ugly" yadda yadda. But thats us shaping or wishing to change to suit someone else no?! And that's not something we should do. We should be appreicative of what we have and proudly wear our skin. But I also get that saying that is much easier than doing that. I am one of those with my insecurities due to shape and size after childbirth and just blantant 'letting myself go'.

But now I have grown I am more on a "I don't care what Bob own the road thinks, I am me and I can't immediately change that, why would I want to change ME to suit narrow minded Bob anyway?!"

I hope now you feel more comfortable in your own skin and love who you are. Skinny, slim, toned, chubby, fat, obese, muscly, arnold swartnjdbheflnf, we all are different and that's something to be proud of. <3

January 18, 2022

As a very big plus size girl what I will say is that we are all attracted to different people for different reasons

I say I’m like marmite you will either love me or hate me .

Im not going to me everyone cuppa tea but that’s just life no matter what size you are … there is nothing wrong with having likes and preferences

Everyone has traits they seek in a partner , doesn’t matter If you are Dom Domme Switch or sub

I have learned over time that most people don’t just want a particular body type , on a whole they want to share chemistry connection and commonalities and adventures

Howver what I will say is that embrace who and what you are … easier said than done … look at your positives and your strengths and find people who see them too

January 22, 2022

I have lost roughly 7 stone in about 18 months, and I'm currently between a 16/18 and a 36 G.

I am most happy with the weight loss from my boobs! Compared to what they were before (a 40GG) they now feel like little B cups!

I used to categorise myself as a BBW, and I think it's still applicable. Despite the weight loss, I am and always will be a "big" girl, as I am curvaceous, all tits and hips! But I carry it well, proportionally.

I have no weight goal in mind. I just want to feel "comfortable" with myself, my body, in my own skin!

I last felt truly content with my figure when I was a size 14.

I have struggled massively with body issues throughout my life. I've had such battles with my self-esteem because of it. My weight has fluctuated significantly. I enjoy indulging, and still do in moderation. But previously I have used food as an emotional crutch during difficult/stressful periods of depression.

I've always been a "bigger" girl, naturally because I am medium built, but have a thick frame, curvaceous, big boobs and large hips. "Child bearing hips!" And I'm meaty!

Now, we all have areas we dislike, and other areas we like and try to accentuate. For me, I hate my boobs/belly! I would love to have them lifted, or reduced! I have a tendency to cover my belly with camisoles, basques, corsets - preferably ones that include bra support. It makes me feel more comfortable. As much as I love skin/skin contact and intimacy, I tend to only uncover for intimate cuddle fucks. If I were actively playing and moving around, I will cover up. It's the only way I can regain my confidence. Otherwise I feel horribly exposed, ***, unattractive. Plus, if I put on a corset etc, immediately the clothing flips my mindset and makes me feel more comfortable and confident. It accentuates the womanly curves I have and makes a feature of my bust. It hides away my belly, marks, and my big boobs - the parts I dislike the most about my body, and instead transforms them into a more desirable form. An hourglass, accentuating the curves, whilst hiding the jiggly imperfections that affect my self-esteem. Plus the feel, texture, tightness of the clothing is arousing in itself, and the subsequent boost to my confidence - I can.. and do.. feel "sexy" and attractive.

Since losing the weight, and adjusting to this new size/shape, and being able to buy clothing that used to be unavailable to me, it really has boosted my confidence. But I cannot shake this low self-esteem. How do you all manage such negative feelings? Negative body image?

Edited January 22, 2022 by Deleted Member

January 22, 2022

I can only say that I am foremost an intelligence fetishist. In other words, whatever body hang ups you have carried in your life, I enjoy you intelligent insights. Strive for body improvement but the beauty that lives in a woman’s eyes and spirit is to me breathtaking. Love you all.❤️💕💘

January 23, 2022

4 hours ago, MidnightRaven said:

I have lost roughly 7 stone in about 18 months, and I'm currently between a 16/18 and a 36 G.

I am most happy with the weight loss from my boobs! Compared to what they were before (a 40GG) they now feel like little B cups!

I used to categorise myself as a BBW, and I think it's still applicable. Despite the weight loss, I am and always will be a "big" girl, as I am curvaceous, all tits and hips! But I carry it well, proportionally.

I have no weight goal in mind. I just want to feel "comfortable" with myself, my body, in my own skin!

I last felt truly content with my figure when I was a size 14.

I have struggled massively with body issues throughout my life. I've had such battles with my self-esteem because of it. My weight has fluctuated significantly. I enjoy indulging, and still do in moderation. But previously I have used food as an emotional crutch during difficult/stressful periods of depression.

I've always been a "bigger" girl, naturally because I am medium built, but have a thick frame, curvaceous, big boobs and large hips. "Child bearing hips!" And I'm meaty!

Now, we all have areas we dislike, and other areas we like and try to accentuate. For me, I hate my boobs/belly! I would love to have them lifted, or reduced! I have a tendency to cover my belly with camisoles, basques, corsets - preferably ones that include bra support. It makes me feel more comfortable. As much as I love skin/skin contact and intimacy, I tend to only uncover for intimate cuddle fucks. If I were actively playing and moving around, I will cover up. It's the only way I can regain my confidence. Otherwise I feel horribly exposed, ***, unattractive. Plus, if I put on a corset etc, immediately the clothing flips my mindset and makes me feel more comfortable and confident. It accentuates the womanly curves I have and makes a feature of my bust. It hides away my belly, marks, and my big boobs - the parts I dislike the most about my body, and instead transforms them into a more desirable form. An hourglass, accentuating the curves, whilst hiding the jiggly imperfections that affect my self-esteem. Plus the feel, texture, tightness of the clothing is arousing in itself, and the subsequent boost to my confidence - I can.. and do.. feel "sexy" and attractive.

Since losing the weight, and adjusting to this new size/shape, and being able to buy clothing that used to be unavailable to me, it really has boosted my confidence. But I cannot shake this low self-esteem. How do you all manage such negative feelings? Negative body image?

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lovely I sent you a long message 5hrs ago I don't think you have got it, I am working on it xxx

January 23, 2022

4 hours ago, MidnightRaven said:

I have lost roughly 7 stone in about 18 months, and I'm currently between a 16/18 and a 36 G.

I am most happy with the weight loss from my boobs! Compared to what they were before (a 40GG) they now feel like little B cups!

I used to categorise myself as a BBW, and I think it's still applicable. Despite the weight loss, I am and always will be a "big" girl, as I am curvaceous, all tits and hips! But I carry it well, proportionally.

I have no weight goal in mind. I just want to feel "comfortable" with myself, my body, in my own skin!

I last felt truly content with my figure when I was a size 14.

I have struggled massively with body issues throughout my life. I've had such battles with my self-esteem because of it. My weight has fluctuated significantly. I enjoy indulging, and still do in moderation. But previously I have used food as an emotional crutch during difficult/stressful periods of depression.

I've always been a "bigger" girl, naturally because I am medium built, but have a thick frame, curvaceous, big boobs and large hips. "Child bearing hips!" And I'm meaty!

Now, we all have areas we dislike, and other areas we like and try to accentuate. For me, I hate my boobs/belly! I would love to have them lifted, or reduced! I have a tendency to cover my belly with camisoles, basques, corsets - preferably ones that include bra support. It makes me feel more comfortable. As much as I love skin/skin contact and intimacy, I tend to only uncover for intimate cuddle fucks. If I were actively playing and moving around, I will cover up. It's the only way I can regain my confidence. Otherwise I feel horribly exposed, ***, unattractive. Plus, if I put on a corset etc, immediately the clothing flips my mindset and makes me feel more comfortable and confident. It accentuates the womanly curves I have and makes a feature of my bust. It hides away my belly, marks, and my big boobs - the parts I dislike the most about my body, and instead transforms them into a more desirable form. An hourglass, accentuating the curves, whilst hiding the jiggly imperfections that affect my self-esteem. Plus the feel, texture, tightness of the clothing is arousing in itself, and the subsequent boost to my confidence - I can.. and do.. feel "sexy" and attractive.

Since losing the weight, and adjusting to this new size/shape, and being able to buy clothing that used to be unavailable to me, it really has boosted my confidence. But I cannot shake this low self-esteem. How do you all manage such negative feelings? Negative body image?

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7 Stone well well done!

Most people would respond to you with I don't care how much you weigh, but I do and so should you! Please read on it's not nasty I promise! At my highest I was 27stone I at my skinny 11 stone When I was 27 stone I was dying! So would you! Yes I like other girls who are big too! Your gorgeous and you wear your hart on your sleve like me! Well done! I am curvey to say the least too, but the figure is there and lets face people into this seen are not normally very judgemental! Apart from the guy who started on me for having a smoking fetish LOL and yes I have noticed you smoke too. I dont smoke any more because of my health so it's very difficult and special!

I'll stop there and hope to hear back xxx

January 23, 2022

I've never found those who are body image obsessed to be worth talking to.

I do agree you can get to a point where weight / size can make you ill. That can't be good.

But it is also true that for ladies childbirth and the changes that brings can make your shape change. Oddly for men the aging process can do the same thing.

i was a skinny 28 inch wasted kid who weighed less than 10 stone (less than 65kg). A life well lived have changed that by a good 6 inches on the waist. (more in the winter!).

Penis size, I'm not huge in that department and I am sure it's not as big as it once was. I think my skill at using it has more than compensated for that though.

in all seriousness, it's about understanding all of us have things we'd like to be different, it's about how you handle that knowledge. I am short, that is never going to change, however Tom Cruise is also short and it didn't stop him in his chosen career.

Bottom line, if a potential partner finds you attractive then you are attractive. Those who bravely post their pictures understand this and the likes they get sort of prove the point.

June 19, 2022

Lots of women are plus size and still very cute! But the point I think we should bear in mind is that size is also a health issue.

And we should all try to improve ourselves for that motive alone.

Body shaming is something pricks do.

June 19, 2022

why is it we 'concern' ourselves of the health of someone who looks larger

but not, say, someone who is underweight

or, say, someone who smokes/drinks/etc heavily

or someone who eats a lot of considered unhealthy foods but has a faster metabolism ?

October 16, 2024

I have never and will ever have issues about the dimenstions (or physical appearance generally for that matter),i did have issues with dysmorphia when i was much much younger, and took many years to accept that despite my self deprecation i am reasonably attractive around the eyes at least, (face app gender switching made the most sramatic difference as some pics will attest. But for me its more about what you say and do, how can express your thoughts and desires, how to lift people and bring them with you , and communicate positive regard , reassurance and develop trust . Those qualities will have me eating out of your hand ,or belly button or toes,etc