Society’s norms

[Deleted Member]

Women actively fantasize about being dominated. Most men are so hesitant, they are unwilling to be dominant because to do so is a social risk. This only makes the fantasy of submitting to a man that much more appealing, it is so rare in modern society to experience uninhibited lust – the rare man that can create such a moment is practically irresistible.

Thoughts?

[Wi****]

I agree. Now. Add sadist and masochist to that mix.

[ge****]

I think you need a "Some" at the start of the first sentence for starters. Not all women want to be dominated, or even fantasise about it, some want to be treated equally, and others want to be the dominant party.

Likewise, I'd swap "Most" for "Some" at the start of your second sentence - not all men have a desire to be dominant (I certainly don't - either in normal life or sexually) and therefore there is no hesitancy.

I think ultimately lust, and sexual hierarchies are very individual and subjective and come down to attraction and two people on the same, or similar one, finding each other and developing for themselves.

I find the notion of *any* person being practically irresistible across the board to be quite absurd to be honest - yes some people have more generally appealing characters and personalities than others, but it's still a very individual thing.

[Deleted Member]

I feel like you're generalising the gender roles and missing all the shades between D/s. Kink in general can be a social risk for both D and s. I agree it is rare to allow yourself to fully let go but I think in the kink world that's a question of building trust before engaging in any play.
From a society's point of view many vanillas have a misconception about Dominants being the ones in power and abusing subs. In my opinion that is the opposite of what kink really is. I think the general taboo of kink perhaps is a part of what makes it so irresistible. But personally the irresistibly for me is discovering a completely different and freer mindset that allows me to know myself better.

[do****]

I think it has to do with how society shuns a large number of sexual fantasies and people feel that they are “wrong” for having them. But two consenting adults should be able to explore their sexual fantasies without ***.

[TxFrank]

If that were the case, wouldn't you see a lot more professional male Dominants? It's an industry that's overwhelmingly Female. I suggest that the greater stigma comes from men wishing to be dominated.

[ey****]

I was surprised to read that apparently 64.6% of women (compared to 53.3% of men) have fantasised about being Dominated sexually

Though - sometimes the problem with such stats is they omit context like for example whether this is "just a one off", "Occasionally", "all the time" or "with a specific person in a specific scenario" 

I am less inclined to believe of the hesitancy of men - but again I think that is something that is missing the context here.  I mean, rightfully you can't go round Dominating random women cos they've fantasised about it.  I also disagree there's much of a social risk.  

[we****]

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think you need a "Some" at the start of the first sentence for starters. Not all women want to be dominated, or even fantasise about it, some want to be treated equally, and others want to be the dominant party.

Likewise, I'd swap "Most" for "Some" at the start of your second sentence - not all men have a desire to be dominant (I certainly don't - either in normal life or sexually) and therefore there is no hesitancy.

I think ultimately lust, and sexual hierarchies are very individual and subjective and come down to attraction and two people on the same, or similar one, finding each other and developing for themselves.

I find the notion of *any* person being practically irresistible across the board to be quite absurd to be honest - yes some people have more generally appealing characters and personalities than others, but it's still a very individual thing.

Well said x

[we****]

My thought is that this is a deliberately provocative statement to elicit comments that can be derided.
Maybe not?! The role of dominant has become ambiguous in our society. Men are not naturally dominant, just as women are not naturally submissive. We have to separate roles from duties and understand the place we take in society and our relationships x

[ge****]

9 hours ago, weaslekit said:

My thought is that this is a deliberately provocative statement to elicit comments that can be derided.
Maybe not?! The role of dominant has become ambiguous in our society. Men are not naturally dominant, just as women are not naturally submissive. We have to separate roles from duties and understand the place we take in society and our relationships x

Spot on - whether the intent of the OP was as you say we may never know - often find with threads like this that they're of the "light the blue touch paper and run" variety though.

That said it makes for an interesting conversation regardless and whilst there *is* still a long way to go in erasing stereotypes, as you say it's more an individual thing both in society and relationships, and may even vary from relationship to relationship - there is no black and white as the OP appears to be suggesting.

[Ch****]

Kink is for itself a social risk... But, for me, being submissive on a sec e or in a D/S has nothing to do with the rest of life in society... And I don't see hesitancy from most of men on being dominant because of social risk as BDSM requires consentment and agreement...
Those kind of misconception happens frequently in vanilla relationships, much more than in kink ones...

[so****]

This says more about your own views and ideas than how society works in these modern times.

[fl****]

Have you considered just what you want.

[te****]

Good topic. I like to think guys about who don’t dominant, is not so much about social risk. Especially if he is keeping his sex life private and not going live during sex lol. I think it would be more he is concerned he will be lame, its unfamiliar and could be awkward, not actually had talks with hid women about it. 
That can be led to “social risk” but if my gal says she wants me to do some stuff like that, i am willing to walk that down with her! Lol. What that point the risk is not valuing your woman’s desires or request lol