The Infamous Fake Subbie Sketch

[Deleted Member]

The Infamous Fake Subbie Sketch

The cast:

MASTER MASTERMASTER:

A True Dom

MUNCH ORGANISER:

Ms TrendyBendyWendy, a well known and highly respected Domme.

The sketch:

A man dressed in leather waistcoat, black t-shirt and leather trousers enters a pub where the local munch is being held and approaches the Munch organiser. He is carrying a partially inflated life size blow up doll, which for some reason is wearing leather wrist and ankle cuffs, a leather studded collar with lead and a blonde wig which appears to be held on by a large elastic band and is slightly askew.

Master Mastermaster: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The organiser does not respond.)

Master Mastermaster:: 'Ello, Miss?

Organiser: What do you mean "Miss"?

Master Mastermaster: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Organiser: The Munch is just about over and we’re are on our way to a club, d’you want to join us?

Master Mastermaster: Never mind that, my girl. I wish to complain about this femsub what I picked up not half an hour ago from this very Munch.

Organiser: Oh yes, the, uh, the Swedish Blonde femsub...What's, uh...What's wrong with her?

Master Mastermaster: I'll tell you what's wrong with her, my girl. She's a fake, that's what's wrong with her!

Organiser: No, no, she's uh,...she's very shy and she is very quiet. She’s resting. She's very real.

Master Mastermaster: Look, missy, I’m a True Dom, I know a fake subbie when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Organiser: No, no, she's not a fake, she's, she's restin'! Remarkable subbie, the Swedish Blonde, idn'she, ay? Beautiful breasts!

Master Mastermaster: The breasts don't enter into it. She’s a complete fake.

Organiser: Nononono, no, no! She's resting!

Master Mastermaster: All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up! (shouting at the blow up doll, which is now ‘resting’, legs askew on a nearby chair) 'Ello, Miss Swedish Blonde! I've got a lovely piece of chocolate for you if you show...

(Organiser kicks the chair)

Organiser: There, she moved!

Master Mastermaster: No, she didn't, that was you kicking the chair!

Organiser: I never!!

Master Mastermaster: Yes, you did!

Organiser: I never, never did anything...

Master Mastermaster: (yelling and kicking the chair repeatedly) 'ELLO SUBBIE!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes blow up doll off of the chair and thumps its head repeatedly on the table. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor. The blonde wig finally falls off.)

Master Mastermaster: Now that's what I call a fake subbie.

Organiser: No, no.....No, she's stunned!

Master Mastermaster: STUNNED?!?

Organiser: Yeah! You stunned her, just as he was wakin' up! Swedish Blonde stun easily, major.

Master Mastermaster: Um...now look...now look, lady, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That subbie is definitely fake, and when I picked her not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged session with her previous Master.

Organiser: Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for her last Master.

Master Mastermaster: PININ' for her previous MASTER?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did she keep falling to her knees the moment I got her home?

Organiser: The Swedish Blonde prefers kneelin' on her knees at her Master’s feet! Remarkable subbie, id'nit, squire? Lovely breasts!

Master Mastermaster: Look, I took the liberty of examining that subbie when I got her home, and I discovered the only reason that she was kneeling at my feet in the first place was because her lead had been attached to her ankle cuffs.

(pause)

Organiser: (Very much aware that the blow up doll has a slow puncture and is therefore only partially inflated and will no longer stand up) Well, o'course her lead was attached to her ankle cuffs! If I hadn't secured her that way she have been off to see her previous Master! VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Master Mastermaster: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this subbie wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through her! She's a bleedin' fake!

Organiser: No, no! She's pining for her previous Master!

Master Mastermaster: She's not pinin'! She’s not shy! She’s not quiet! She’s not shagged out! THIS IS A FAKE SUBBIE!!

(pause)

Organiser: Well, I'd better replace her, then. (she takes a quick look around the now nearly deserted tables and chairs where the Munchies were sitting) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round, and uh, we're right out of femsubs.

Master Mastermaster: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Organiser: I got a butt plug.

(pause)

Master Mastermaster: Pray, will it kneel at my feet and suck my cock?

Organiser: Nnnnot really.

Master Mastermaster: WELL IT'S HARDLY A ***Y REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Organiser: N-no, I guess not. (gets twinkle in her eye, looks at Master Mastermaster in a Dommely way)

Master Mastermaster: Well.

(pause)

Organiser: (quietly, in that authoritative voice that only Dommes have) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Master Mastermaster: (looks around and kneels at Organiser’s feet ) Yeah, all right, sure. Thank you, Mistress.

Thank you for reading.

(and apologies to Messrs Cleese and Palin.)