How would you have gone about negotiating for a change?

[Deleted Member]

28 minutes ago, Hove-modo44 said:

The corner stone of BDSM is consent. You clearly withdrawn your consent on this part of you relation with your dom. Which you are entirely entitled to.

I might sound judgemental, but your dom cannot brush aside your "request" to withdraw consent to have ask permission to go to the toilet and say we will discuss it later.

He should immediately knowledge it and agree to remove this from your rules immediately. Then he can agree to discuss more in depth the effect it had on you and if the rule has to be replaced or not and by which rule at a later date.

Very nice post well written. I really like how you expresed your point to your dom in a very polite, respectful and constructive manner.

I think for new subs should read your post to see how to address to your dom a concern or a request in a proper manner.

Thank you for sharing so candidly.

Thank you very much. We haven’t talked about it since, but fingers crossed it will be fine next time we meet. If not, I may be unlocking my inner brat for the first time 😂 I find it much easier to communicate things like this in writing. I wish I could be as measured and constructive in person, but I need to practice that 😏

[Ho****]

3 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

Thank you very much. We haven’t talked about it since, but fingers crossed it will be fine next time we meet. If not, I may be unlocking my inner brat for the first time 😂 I find it much easier to communicate things like this in writing. I wish I could be as measured and constructive in person, but I need to practice that 😏

It is important that you two talk about it as this should be part of your after care. In particular as you have told your dom that it had negative effects on your mental.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Hove-modo44 said:

It is important that you two talk about it as this should be part of your after care. In particular as you have told your dom that it had negative effects on your mental.

I need to learn and practice tact and submission when talking to my Dom in person. Previous conversations haven’t always gone that well. There must be a trick to doing that whilst being assertive about my needs at the same time 🤔

He’s lovely - we’ll get there. 

Thanks again. 

[Glasgowdom1991]

As a Dom if my sub little tells me I don't like this rule or this aspect then it's gone and I ask her what would you like to do replace it or keep it just gone because her consent to the rules is what makes then work and is the foundation of the dynamic if she withdraws consent then it becomes controling coercive behaviour and that is a crime

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Glasgowguy1991 said:

As a Dom if my sub little tells me I don't like this rule or this aspect then it's gone and I ask her what would you like to do replace it or keep it just gone because her consent to the rules is what makes then work and is the foundation of the dynamic if she withdraws consent then it becomes controling coercive behaviour and that is a crime

It’s all sorted, now. We had a chat about it and now we’re wondering what sort of things to replace it with. 

[StickyTickles]

I don't "negotiate."

Either what we want lines up or we just don't touch whatever we would be talking about.

I guess it helps that I don't put a massive emphasis on out-of-bedroom stuff.