pomonagirl Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 When dating in the vanilla world, when do you typically bring up Kinks or Fetishes? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quite a few years ago, when i was still in the vanilla world, i was working at a "big box" store that had lots of employees. It was really my first time ever being offered or accepting dates from male co-workers (none of which i should have accepted but, you live, you learn). One guy, i enjoyed working with him (we worked in different, but overlapping departments). He was very knowledgeable about the job, professional and friendly, charming in a bit of an eccentric way. He was good looking too. i didn't really have any major sexual attraction towards him, but had enough of a friendly/light crush and curiosity about him that when he eventually asked me out for drinks, i accepted. We met at a local watering hole that i knew well and was comfortable in. The place is small and gets quite crowded/loud on weekends, but on weekdays it's very quiet, perfect for a "get to know you" date and chit chat. When i was out in the dating world i would use it often on weekdays for this purpose. Over a couple drinks we talked (well, mainly he talked about himself, which was fine with me), but there was absolutely no flirting, touching, sexual banter, body language, etc. Nothing that made it seem or feel like a romantic "date" to me. Which was ok---i mean, not all first dates result in attraction or fireworks. It was this total lack of any "date-like" behavior from him that really threw me off when we went outside to leave. He walked me the short distance to my car and, maybe we hugged, i really don't remember. There certainly wasn't any sparks, tension, or a try for a kiss. But what i do remember clearly, is that there in on the near-empty street, he confesses to me his secret belly button fetish!!! A million things ran through my mind. i was still very much in vanilla-world (even though i knew at this point that my sexuality was "different") and had never heard of such a thing. But mostly, it just seemed so weird that after such a platonic (and honestly, boring) "date" he would confess such a thing, and ask me if i was into it. i REALLY did try to keep a straight face and not be disrespectful (after all, i'd have to see him at work all the time). But i just couldn't keep a poker face and, giggling, i made a crack about "innie or outie?" As i drove home i laughed it off, but honestly the huge disconnect between the tone of the "date" (extremely platonic and as normal and plain as two work friends having an after work drink) and the sudden confession of his sexual fetish was the biggest turn off and disappointment of the whole experience. Of course i kept his secret and remained on friendly terms with him at work. But wow, what a bizarre experience that was!
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