sheloveshim Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 I find I have a history of bickering with my partners and having power struggles over things, and am only calm in the relationship when being dominated/fucked a lot. When there are periods where everyone is too tired for that kind of play, or we aren't playing as much, I become a difficult person to get along with. I don't have 24/7 relationships for a tangle of logistical reasons (and trust issues), so that's not a good solution. Has anyone experienced this, been to therapy around this, etc? What typically happens is that when my partner has not topped me for a few days everything he does starts to get on my nerves, whereas for a day or so after a scene, especially a heavy scene, I am as sweet as pie and very amicable. I know and understand that I am being unfair and this is an issue with me. I am just not sure what it is or how to resolve it. I wonder if part of this is a mismatch in libido, I have a very high libido and have some embarrassment around this (the old "women aren't supposed to be like that" crap). Last week we fought after going to bed and I tried to prod my partner into manhandling me a bit and he was like I'M TIRED OMG GO TO SLEEP (I was very embarrassed and hurt). In the past I have tried polyamory to remedy this, but did not have good experiences/a deep connection with it.
Deleted Member Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 When it’s 24/7 we have to learn it’s not all kinks and fun . And topping from the bottom is not the answer in my experiences. Like my therapist tells me , we cannot control others actions or words , just how we react to it . Would say communication is the key , respectfully talk to Him and explain your frustrations . One may not be aware , also a journal can be a wonderful venting tool .
ge**** Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 Have you tried talking to him, calmly and rationally, when you're not feeling irritated about it? Explaining to him, just as you have done here, how you feel? Perhaps if something more structured is put in place around when you will play, it will give you *both* something not only to be prepared for, but to look forward to, rather than it being spontaneous. . Nothing wrong with spontaneity of course, but it does take *both* to be in the mood for it at that given moment - and with BDSM that would include having the right mindset too. . So having that routine in place of specific days to play would address some of that? . Either way communication is the key here, as it often is with things like this.
ol**** Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 @sheloveshim, You seem to understand the problem already. From what you describe it's about the frequency of your sessions. While I can understand a reluctance to have multiple partners you need somebody who can keep up with you. Maybe a younger partner with more energy? Some of what you describe could be thought of to be bratty behaviour. Are you certain that your partner is not denying you as a part of your wider D/s dynamic?
Dustykat Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 I think I understand I had some of these issues in the past but my way to resolve it was to take things in hand and have a conversation with my partner about my needs 🧚🏻♀️
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