So you want to meet a Domme

[Do****]

13 hours ago, forever_slave_7 said:

ok sure. understand. So basically would you prefer a standard approach first?

Read the profile first so see if that gives any hints. And then a nice approach with some friendly/witty comment which is likely to illicit a response, if you’re less confident. Or some send me a couple of paragraphs of thought out conversation from having read my profile, about themselves.

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Read the profile first so see if that gives any hints. And then a nice approach with some friendly/witty comment which is likely to illicit a response, if you’re less confident. Or some send me a couple of paragraphs of thought out conversation from having read my profile, about themselves.

Absolutely read the profile - but just as importantly don't try to fit yourself to that profile if you're not matched.
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Personally, when I was looking, I very rarely sent cold messages to people I had not interacted with before, but on those occasions I did, I would firstly read the profile to ensure sufficient likelihood of compatibility, then send them a note introducing myself, and providing a little detail about me, pick up on aspects of their profile to comment on, and leave some open questions for them to respond to. In closing I'd invite them to take a look at my profile to see if they were interested in chatting further - so it's just as important to ensure your own profile is up to date and makes good reading.

[SmidsUKsub]

Thank you for the information on here. Reall informative and useful for someone taking their first uncertain step on the submissve path....but very pleased to be doing so finally!
A bit of site related advice please...having trouble with messaging uncertain as to why.

[ge****]

8 hours ago, SmidsUKhornysub said:

Thank you for the information on here. Reall informative and useful for someone taking their first uncertain step on the submissve path....but very pleased to be doing so finally!
A bit of site related advice please...having trouble with messaging uncertain as to why.

There could be any number of reasons - but if it's specific Dommes/Mistresses, it may be because they have filters in place that rule you out of being able to message them.

[SmidsUKsub]

Thanks Gemini, makes sense.

[SmidsUKsub]

I also think I need to put some thought and effort into my profile. Looking at what you guys on here have done with yours is impressive.

[ge****]

5 minutes ago, SmidsUKsub said:

I also think I need to put some thought and effort into my profile. Looking at what you guys on here have done with yours is impressive.

Profile is fairly key, it's also worth remembering that sending messages blindly to profiles you like the look of is probably the hardest way to approach the site and find interaction - as I said further up, when I was looking I very rarely sent such messages, personally on this site and others I have used, I've found getting involved in the forums and demonstrating there that you are worth getting to know counts for a lot and generates interaction naturally.
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I also find not immediately trying to jump to a meet but taking time to get to know people and building a connection with them helps.

[SmidsUKsub]

Completely agree with everything there gemini. Very keen to spend time getting to know a person and if we match what each other is looking for. In terms of forums etc, I have been exploring the app today, is there more on the online site itself forum/chat wise?

[ge****]

2 minutes ago, SmidsUKsub said:

Completely agree with everything there gemini. Very keen to spend time getting to know a person and if we match what each other is looking for. In terms of forums etc, I have been exploring the app today, is there more on the online site itself forum/chat wise?

No, what you see on the app is pretty much what you see on the website and vice versa when it comes to the forums/chat - different formatting is about the only difference.

[SmidsUKsub]

Ok thanks, have updates profile a bit. Some critique would be appreciated. As would any domme suggestions. Spent some time in the forums today, learned a fair bit. Thanks for the advice.

[forever_slave_7]

22 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

Another tip is to actually *thoroughly* read their profiles first. Many will include the answer to this. 

22 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

I do but trustme... not all the time is clearly express what they are looking for

[ey****]

8 hours ago, forever_slave_7 said:

I do but trustme... not all the time is clearly express what they are looking for

I touch on that in another reply.

let's flip a bit.  a common thing I see women complaining about in men is them not having a complete or filled profile - that it feels often lazy, half-hearted and difficult to gauge potential/compatibility -- and men will often try to defend this anything from their own confidence/uncertainty on what to write, still finding feet, "not got round to it" (or of course, they're lazy and half hearted and expected the other person to give up time 'getting to know' them) 

the same is true for women - some haven't filled out a profile because they're uncertain themselves, still finding their feet, perhaps not wanting certain contact, just browsing, etc. 

This doesn't entirely mean not to message - but - you have to kinda be clear in your message why you contacted them, which doesn't scream "I sit waiting for new people to sign up to the site to pounce before they even find their feet" - but also to be aware that the odds are this is going to be difficult even if the other person is chatty.  

If someone doesn't give you much to go off, why message?  

[ge****]

23 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I touch on that in another reply.

let's flip a bit.  a common thing I see women complaining about in men is them not having a complete or filled profile - that it feels often lazy, half-hearted and difficult to gauge potential/compatibility -- and men will often try to defend this anything from their own confidence/uncertainty on what to write, still finding feet, "not got round to it" (or of course, they're lazy and half hearted and expected the other person to give up time 'getting to know' them) 

the same is true for women - some haven't filled out a profile because they're uncertain themselves, still finding their feet, perhaps not wanting certain contact, just browsing, etc. 

This doesn't entirely mean not to message - but - you have to kinda be clear in your message why you contacted them, which doesn't scream "I sit waiting for new people to sign up to the site to pounce before they even find their feet" - but also to be aware that the odds are this is going to be difficult even if the other person is chatty.  

If someone doesn't give you much to go off, why message?  

The other thing to consider is that a lot of women don't fill out their profile a great deal because that in itself can attract attention from those who either expect the things they mention laid on a plate, or those who try to "fit" themselves to the profile, rather than being genuinely interested in the person because they think there's a genuine match.
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That said unless there was something about a limited profile that I was attracted to, pictures or forum interactions for example, then I'm with you on why would you message it?
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For those that do decide to message such profiles then be creative and send something to pique the recipient's interest telling them about yourself and maybe asking some respectful questions for them to respond to, and see if that sparks anything.

[ey****]

I did as I say go through a "should I message more people?" phase and so there were a couple of ladies who I messaged who were local but had limited profiles.  My approach was a kinda... "Hey, so you're not far from me - have you ever been to this munch/event?" so a prompt and a question - and it got some replies but they all ultimately went nowhere.   Like one was someone who had a partner and was looking for more resources. Another was finding her feet.  One did invite me round for a shag that night - but, actually, when put on the spot like that it's not quite what I want from a stranger - someone else wanted me to be her Daddy, not my jam.  
And so I won't knock any of these ladies - and it wasn't a waste of time, it was insights, but the main value from this was that if I was going from metrics of achieving what I was looking for - none achieved that.  Compare this to when I've actually reached out properly.  Different ball game. 

[Suzy444]

15 hours ago, SmidsUKsub said:

Ok thanks, have updates profile a bit. Some critique would be appreciated. As would any domme suggestions. Spent some time in the forums today, learned a fair bit. Thanks for the advice.

Good Morning SmidsUKsub.

I have some general advice , and some Dominant advice for you. Profiles are your shop window, they are the first impression someone gets of you outside of say, a question here. That however doesnt mean you have to dress it like shop window. It needs to be appealing to those looking however, the more you know about yourself, who you are, what you want(even to try) is useful. If you are new, this may seem a bit daunting however you answered this yourself...you learned a fair bit by reading. You can learn a whole lot more and you can write about what you are learning.

Make sure you use the correct terminology for who you are and what you are looking for..so many people dont, and dont bother lying, its not worth it. if you are genuine and honest it will shine through.

I suggest free download online of The Control Book by Peter Masters, (he has a few books out there) that is so worth reading, for yourself and you can list things you have read on your profile.It shows you are learning and taking some responsibility for yourself. Submissives arent doormats, they are part of a dynamic, finding out what you naturally offer and want to be for someone IS half the dynamic.

Educating yourself will also safeguard you from those who pretend to be what they are not. you will know how to ask the right questions to see, if they are suitable for you. This is vital, if they do not know their style, or are not able to articulate how they ask for things and what they are looking for, these are as much red flags, as a sub saying for example that they have no hard limits. Everyone has some hard limits.

Take it slow or fast, but take the path safely, true psychological damage can occur with bad experiences, Even as a sub, it is upto you to look after yourself through the minefield. Educate and question, be respectful but not subservient in the beginning,

You should have some self protecting measures in place when messaging, and last but not least, get to socials/ munches and meet people. get known as a nice respectful, emotionally stable person. That can take you a long way and give yourself confidence in who you are and what you are looking for ..and then put that on your profile..update regularly and if messging a Dominant, tell them about these things, they are human after all and even if not interested in you for a dynamic, they will be pleased by how you are educating yourself and making yourself ready for the one who will be...

Good luck isnt needed, you do these things for yourself and im sure you will not only grow into who you were meant to be ,but you will find your match x

 

[SmidsUKsub]

Thank you Suzy for taking the time to reply in such a detailed informative manner. Very much appreciated. I will take onboard what you have said, the book will be an interesting read.

[Suzy444]

55 minutes ago, SmidsUKsub said:

Thank you Suzy for taking the time to reply in such a detailed informative manner. Very much appreciated. I will take onboard what you have said, the book will be an interesting read.

You are welcome. Enjoy the journey x

[Ve****]

Yesterday at 09:01 AM, gemini_man said:

The other thing to consider is that a lot of women don't fill out their profile a great deal because that in itself can attract attention from those who either expect the things they mention laid on a plate, or those who try to "fit" themselves to the profile, rather than being genuinely interested in the person because they think there's a genuine match.
.
That said unless there was something about a limited profile that I was attracted to, pictures or forum interactions for example, then I'm with you on why would you message it?
.
For those that do decide to message such profiles then be creative and send something to pique the recipient's interest telling them about yourself and maybe asking some respectful questions for them to respond to, and see if that sparks anything.

Yes, this. There are a lot of very demanding sub men who don’t care at all about the connection that’s necessary for a fulfilling dynamic. Or perhaps they are ignorant. Constantly requesting a particular act is not submissive. It’s hassling. Constantly asking for something that has all ready been denied is not submissive, it’s being demanding. Repeatedly asking to meet in a way that does not consider any woman’s life, preferences or attempts at safety is demonstrating a lack of care and empathy- again, not submissive.

[welshslaveboy]

What fabulous advice, thanks for taking the time to do this 👍

[ka****]

💕❤️💕

[Deleted Member]

Interesting advice from a blocked account.

[Th****]

6 minutes ago, FetBrian said:

Interesting advice from a blocked account.

What are you referring to? The OP or someone in the comments? Idk what you mean about a "blocked account"

[ey****]

31 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

What are you referring to? The OP or someone in the comments? Idk what you mean about a "blocked account"

the OP seems to have been booted for some reason :/ 

but it certainly doesn't invalidate this post

[Th****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the OP seems to have been booted for some reason :/ 

but it certainly doesn't invalidate this post

Ah, I didn't look at their profile.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, FetBrian said:

Interesting advice from a blocked account.

This is the type of response someone this advice is aimed at would give.