Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 Hi out there all my subbies! I’m new to the BDSM scene. Me and my fiancé are spicing things up. I’m curious to learn what you all are looking for. Let’s share! What qualities are you seeking in your perfect dom?
Re**** Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 Too broad a question, I suggest you watch and read and research more first. Everyone has different needs and limits, talk openly about yours are and take it from there. Don’t expect that others desires will be the same as your own. Get more in tune with what turns YOU on, and encourage your partner to do the same. Honesty is key!
ge**** Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 In general terms the same things as I'd look for in *any* relationship - connection, chemistry, mutual trust and respect, the ability to talk openly and honestly and more specifically to kink being on the same wavelength in terms of our views of what BDSM means to us. . That about sums it up - it really is no different from how you approach finding any other relationship whether that be sexual, friendship or someone to go to pottery club with.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 1 hour ago, a-verynaughtyboy said: Too broad a question, I suggest you watch and read and research more first. Everyone has different needs and limits, talk openly about yours are and take it from there. Don’t expect that others desires will be the same as your own. Get more in tune with what turns YOU on, and encourage your partner to do the same. Honesty is key! Asking for other people's opinions isn't a call for prescrptive advice. Chill out man. You shouldn't be on here telling people what they can and can't ask, this could be an important first step for OP, not all research has to be reading dry ass articles.
Re**** Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 2 hours ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said: Asking for other people's opinions isn't a call for prescrptive advice. Chill out man. You shouldn't be on here telling people what they can and can't ask, this could be an important first step for OP, not all research has to be reading dry ass articles. Who said anything about “dry ass articles”?! That’s your perceived limitation. If you don’t like my advice don’t follow it, but it’s still perfectly sound.
Re**** Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 2 hours ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said: Asking for other people's opinions isn't a call for prescrptive advice. Chill out man. You shouldn't be on here telling people what they can and can't ask, this could be an important first step for OP, not all research has to be reading dry ass articles. Nor should you be telling people what they can and can’t answer.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 Intelligence, empathy and fun.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 As some have mentioned already, the qualities of a “perfect” Dom/me will run across a vast spectrum depending on who you talk to. Which I assume is the point of your post- to solicit the varied opinions of subs as to their ideal dominant counterpart. For me, what I look for is someone that is genuine, patient, kind, intelligent/articulate and confident. I also fall for an aura of grit, determination, independence and charisma…but also having a sense of patience and calm when in time is right. That said, do I have a list that I go down and check all the boxes during a conversation, of course not. In the end it’s about the intangibles- making a connection, nurturing that connection and see how we click over time when the initial meet/greet fades. This is why I value meeting in person. Text and phone just isn’t the same as face to face (call me old fashioned 🙂). Anyway, just some of my thoughts for you. Others may be more interested in professional play for a specific timeframe where a scene with all desired kinks is scripted and acted upon. While this is certainly fun, I value the lifestyle side even more. Again, there’s no wrong answer here. Thanks for opening up a thread for us to add our perspectives.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 9 hours ago, a-verynaughtyboy said: Nor should you be telling people what they can and can’t answer. The difference is, you're trying to shut down discussion, I'm not. And yea there are lot's of interesting ways to learn about kink, but, let's be real, that's not the implication people are going for when they make elitist comments about how people should properly discover kink.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 3 minutes ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said: The difference is, you're trying to shut down discussion, I'm not. And yea there are lot's of interesting ways to learn about kink, but, let's be real, that's not the implication people are going for when they make elitist comments about how people should properly discover kink. I feel I've made my stance clear, and I'm not going to continue discussion on any replies, not out of disinterest, but because I don't want to derail the main thread.
Re**** Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 1 hour ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said: The difference is, you're trying to shut down discussion, I'm not. And yea there are lot's of interesting ways to learn about kink, but, let's be real, that's not the implication people are going for when they make elitist comments about how people should properly discover kink. Grow up. I gave an opinion encouraging investigation. Not shutting down. You need to go do some self inquiry too about why you need to comment. Boy.
Deleted Member Posted March 1, 2022 Author Posted March 1, 2022 Perfect Dom; somewhat sadist. Psychological, intelligent, likes to induce *** and tears. Loves to make me do it. ***ful!
Deleted Member Posted March 9, 2022 Author Posted March 9, 2022 Knowing that the person dominating you is better than you at making decisions for you
vi**** Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 Since you are already in a relationship, I’d start with a contract and training. He should ask and learn your limits. Though at times he may completely degrade you. He must respect you. It’s not easy to give yourself over as a loyal submissive. So know you can hand him your full trust with your body and mind. You don’t want to give it to the wrong person. Make sure he wants this as much as you do. This takes study, planning, tools, toys, etc. make sure he is in it for the right reasons. If you are being a perfect submissive and giving and giving and giving. But he is ONLY in it for the sex. You will not be happy. And can actually lead to mental trauma. That being said, It is a fun ride and can lead to a unbreakable bond. Best of luck on your journey. Learning is half the fun!
My**** Posted March 15, 2022 Posted March 15, 2022 My Dom is only in it for the sex. He only wants to spend time with me for the sex he never hangs around and he’s alway too busy for me 😞 I have to make him mad in order for him to want to see me which I can be very defiant and I’m can be extremely bratty. I loved to be spanked. And I love for him to pull my hair. What can I do to make him want to spank me more spend more time with me I need it.
Pe**** Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 Tuesday at 05:33 PM, southernbell48 said: My Dom is only in it for the sex. He only wants to spend time with me for the sex he never hangs around and he’s alway too busy for me 😞 I have to make him mad in order for him to want to see me which I can be very defiant and I’m can be extremely bratty. I loved to be spanked. And I love for him to pull my hair. What can I do to make him want to spank me more spend more time with me I need it. You’ve just said he’s always too busy for you and doesn’t event want to give you the time of day unless he’s using you for sex? Wow… get rid of him and find someone that’s wants to put a bit of effort in.
NV**** Posted March 31, 2022 Posted March 31, 2022 I would like to find a dom that just discovered that she's a dom. She would be new as I am at being a submissive. Then growing and learning together.
Deleted Member Posted March 31, 2022 Author Posted March 31, 2022 I need to feel the the person it’s a better dom than I. And make me want to sub.
Du**** Posted April 2, 2022 Posted April 2, 2022 Too many players here looking for easy ride with naive women who lack self respect. These players wanting your body only are just a control freaks , immature ***ages who never matured into grown up man. ..unfortunately these real men are rare, and hard to snap but they exist. Obviously not on here on sites like that.
Deleted Member Posted May 1, 2022 Author Posted May 1, 2022 Open communication. Direct honesty. Self knowledge and confidence without arrogance.
No**** Posted May 7, 2022 Posted May 7, 2022 March 10, vivaciousvibe said: Since you are already in a relationship, I’d start with a contract and training. He should ask and learn your limits. Though at times he may completely degrade you. He must respect you. It’s not easy to give yourself over as a loyal submissive. So know you can hand him your full trust with your body and mind. You don’t want to give it to the wrong person. Make sure he wants this as much as you do. This takes study, planning, tools, toys, etc. make sure he is in it for the right reasons. If you are being a perfect submissive and giving and giving and giving. But he is ONLY in it for the sex. You will not be happy. And can actually lead to mental trauma. That being said, It is a fun ride and can lead to a unbreakable bond. Best of luck on your journey. Learning is half the fun! Great advice!
No**** Posted May 7, 2022 Posted May 7, 2022 April 2, DuckArtist said: Too many players here looking for easy ride with naive women who lack self respect. These players wanting your body only are just a control freaks , immature ***ages who never matured into grown up man. ..unfortunately these real men are rare, and hard to snap but they exist. Obviously not on here on sites like that. I’m one of those rare men✋
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