Messaging People

[Cu****]

If these individuals can't be civil in an online situation, how on earth could you dare to trust them in a real life scene? Just because someone writes to someone whom they think might be interesting, doesn't give the instigator an automatic right to expect to receive a reply. If that individual receives a reply that disappoints them, then they should graciously and respectfully move on. Manners cost nothing.

[Ch****]

It’s good that you reply. It makes me feel like absolute s**t when I put effort into writing a long personal message and the person doesn’t even bother to reply at all. Sadly this happens a lot and this happens to many/most men to my knowledge.

Keep in mind that the male/female ratio, especially male sub/female D is really unequal on these apps or even in real life in many places. Men often don’t get much attention or love. Many good men can’t find anyone to explore their kink with for years and years. This can destroy a man, when you can’t have what you crave so much. It makes them bitter and desperate. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t excuse them at all. Especially when they behave shitty to women that actually bother to at least reply ^^. But this might explain why some men eventually turn out to be this way. Of course some people are also simply assholes, you always get that, no matter the community.

[Deleted Member]

I feel that a polite and well written message deserves a response. Whether it’s a yay or nay, a person has given this message thought.
If it’s a one liner ir rude, then no worries over spoilt milk.

[ro****]

F*ck em

[Deleted Member]

Yes, it seems you are one of the rare ones ... My experience is that not many do even if it is two words "No thanks"

[ap****]

So true

[br****]

Why do u try to be polite? Out of interest.

[Ar****]

8 hours ago, Christian1997 said:

It’s good that you reply. It makes me feel like absolute s**t when I put effort into writing a long personal message and the person doesn’t even bother to reply at all. Sadly this happens a lot and this happens to many/most men to my knowledge.

That's an entitlement mindset though, all of what you wrote is, even if you word it in a more diplomatic manner than most.

There are members of this site who literally get dozens or even 100+ unsolicited messages every day. These are people who frequently have lives outside of this site or may not even come on here all that often. Few people would have the time to open that many messages as often as they come through, never mind read them all properly, never mind reply.

Does your local takeaway feel like absolute s**t after they have gone to the effort of pricing all their products up, choosing a selection of photos, arranging a menu layout, soliciting prices from printing firms, placing orders, and paying for a company or staff member to deliver their finished promotional item through your door only for you to not get in touch with them and say "Thanks but no thanks, I appreciate you telling me what you can provide me but you don't sell the pizza I'm looking for"? Of course they don't - and while nobody would suggest it isn't occasionally disappointing if you don't hear back from somebody who particularly captures your attention - neither should you or I or anyone else when we don't get a response to an unsolicited message.

Edited March 6, 2022 by Aranhis

[ey****]

As an aside.  It does suck when you send someone a message that you think is... alright... and you get left on read, or the 'no interested' button is hit - but both kinda tell you the other person isn't interested and that should be enough.

And I know it sucks and I know it hurts, because I've been there. But learning to deal with this is massive.

[Deleted Member]

If you get too many messages, it doesn't mean you have to be rude - set your filters, look at how clear you are in your profile ... Those strategies should reduce many.

[ge****]

9 hours ago, Analover said:

I feel that a polite and well written message deserves a response. Whether it’s a yay or nay, a person has given this message thought.
If it’s a one liner ir rude, then no worries over spoilt milk.

Why does it "deserve" a response though? That sounds an incredibly entitled attitude to me.
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Yes, the sender may have taken the time to write, and may have put some effort in, but that doesn't entitle them to a thing.
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The problem with people that think they should get a response to every message they send, is they get caught up in the idea that they are a match to whoever the recipient is without actually knowing the recipient beyond the text and pictures on their profile.
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The sooner people accept that it takes two way attraction for there to be genuine "interest" (and even then a connection and chemistry is needed as the messages progress for it to develop) the less frustrated those that think they "deserve" a reply will be.
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No-one, man or woman, dominant or submissive, "deserves" a reply, nor can they decide for another person whether there is attraction sufficient for a reply to be given.
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If someone doesn't reply, they don't feel the same way as the sender, plain and simple. It's not rude, it's not arrogant, or any of the other things that are thrown about either.

[Ar****]

24 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Why does it "deserve" a response though? That sounds an incredibly entitled attitude to me.
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Yes, the sender may have taken the time to write, and may have put some effort in, but that doesn't entitle them to a thing.
.
The problem with people that think they should get a response to every message they send, is they get caught up in the idea that they are a match to whoever the recipient is without actually knowing the recipient beyond the text and pictures on their profile.
.
The sooner people accept that it takes two way attraction for there to be genuine "interest" (and even then a connection and chemistry is needed as the messages progress for it to develop) the less frustrated those that think they "deserve" a reply will be.
.
No-one, man or woman, dominant or submissive, "deserves" a reply, nor can they decide for another person whether there is attraction sufficient for a reply to be given.
.
If someone doesn't reply, they don't feel the same way as the sender, plain and simple. It's not rude, it's not arrogant, or any of the other things that are thrown about either.

Exactly! Can you imagine if this was thirty years ago and there was no internet but people sent well thought-out and elegantly crafted hand-written letters to complete strangers they were interested in?! Some of these people would still complain if they didn't receive a response.

[Je****]

52 minutes ago, tsvsubgmail said:

If you get too many messages, it doesn't mean you have to be rude - set your filters, look at how clear you are in your profile ... Those strategies should reduce many.

This would be applicable, assuming people read profiles. Which my inbox suggests 90% don't. which is a shame. Even some get passed the filters. You cannot block DMs from location sadly.

[Deleted Member]

@Christian1997 "But this might explain why some men eventually turn out to be this way."

This is only my experience. You mean most the men 90%. Instead of an appreciation of a reply "No Thank You", but most... again, MOST used my replies to make nasty comments, or keep asking me for a meeting. Keep asking is not 2 times, but 3-4 times! I came to this site for nice experiences... not harrassments!!

[ge****]

4 hours ago, tsvsubgmail said:

If you get too many messages, it doesn't mean you have to be rude - set your filters, look at how clear you are in your profile ... Those strategies should reduce many.

Whilst it's true that people can help themselves by setting appropriate filters and wording their profiles etc - there's an element of why should they have to? Why should it be incumbent on the recipient of unwanted/unsolicited messages to protect themselves, rather than those that expect replies to accept that they won't necessarily get one?
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And filters aren't necessarily the answer either - using them could rule out someone that person would be interested in for the sake of blocking those they wouldn't be from messaging.

[ey****]

there was a problem on another site (I think Adultwork) where you could set filters - but people were changing their own attributes to bypass the filters (i.e. if someone was set to 20-40 and someone was 45, they'd change their age to 35 to get through)

but also - with the treasure hunts for example people like to help each other and sometimes they can't because of message filters - and I'm not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing - but some people don't set filters because they want to partake in some of the social games.

[Bo****]

Reading the comments here shows me why men get such a bad reputation. Imagine someone going to the trouble to reply and getting ***d for it because it didnt meet the recipients expectations. How hard is it to reply to a 'no thanks' with 'thanks for your reply. Good luck on here' or words to that affect.

[Deleted Member]

It's not always the case of unwanted/unsolicited messages ... The person may very well fall within the criteria set by the profile, they may have spent time addressing that ... Alot of this non-answering seems to be an excuse for laziness and bad manners in not acknowledging that. It seems to me that many profiles are not clear .. even here there are many where you don't know whether they are Dom/sub/switch, and/or contain minimal information. Communication is a two way street which many don't want to acknowledge or just don't want to put themselves out to invest in building a much more supportive community.

[ey****]

A thing I've said before also.

When you send someone a message it's obviously nice to be a reply.   But, if you feel you automatically *should* get some form of reply then you are demanding someone's time, it's entitlement... "I took the time to message you, you at least owe me a response" is entitlement - and we can try to wrap it up in "manners", or "laziness" or whatever - it doesn't actually change anything.

I think also - if someone's profile has little/no information then I sometimes question why someone would message them - because it can often kinda come over desperate : "I don't know anything about you - but you're marked as F and in my area - so I'm going to hope for the best" - context applies, but, how can you be interested in someone you know nothing about?  

And sure, I get the idea of trying to open up conversation to find out if you're interested - but - the profile could be blank because they're finding feet or deciding what they want - or so many other reasons, they certainly don't need to bend to someone's demand to "get to know them" 

[ge****]

32 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A thing I've said before also.

When you send someone a message it's obviously nice to be a reply.   But, if you feel you automatically *should* get some form of reply then you are demanding someone's time, it's entitlement... "I took the time to message you, you at least owe me a response" is entitlement - and we can try to wrap it up in "manners", or "laziness" or whatever - it doesn't actually change anything.

I think also - if someone's profile has little/no information then I sometimes question why someone would message them - because it can often kinda come over desperate : "I don't know anything about you - but you're marked as F and in my area - so I'm going to hope for the best" - context applies, but, how can you be interested in someone you know nothing about?  

And sure, I get the idea of trying to open up conversation to find out if you're interested - but - the profile could be blank because they're finding feet or deciding what they want - or so many other reasons, they certainly don't need to bend to someone's demand to "get to know them" 

Saved me a whole lot of typing there eyem - perfectly put

[ge****]

3 hours ago, tsvsubgmail said:

It's not always the case of unwanted/unsolicited messages ... The person may very well fall within the criteria set by the profile, they may have spent time addressing that ... Alot of this non-answering seems to be an excuse for laziness and bad manners in not acknowledging that. It seems to me that many profiles are not clear .. even here there are many where you don't know whether they are Dom/sub/switch, and/or contain minimal information. Communication is a two way street which many don't want to acknowledge or just don't want to put themselves out to invest in building a much more supportive community.

The only thing I'd add to what eyem says above is you say "the person may very well fall within the criteria set by the profile" but the only person who can *know* beyond doubt if they do is the recipient - the sender can only think they may meet those criteria.
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To clarify - just because a profile states the owner is looking for someone "with brown hair, green eyes and into pegging" doesn't mean that every person "with brown hair, green eyes and into pegging" will be of interest - that is for the profile owner to decide and they will do that by checking the senders profile, pictures, forum interactions etc and based on the quality of the message they were sent.
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Until such time as someone replies in a positive vein the sender can only "think" they meet the criteria and even then it's a very subjective thing, with many senders trying to shoe horn themselves into "fitting".

[Je****]

5 hours ago, tsvsubgmail said:

 Alot of this non-answering seems to be an excuse for laziness and bad manners in not acknowledging that. It seems to me that many profiles are not clear .. even here there are many where you don't know whether they are Dom/sub/switch, and/or contain minimal information. Communication is a two way street which many don't want to acknowledge or just don't want to put themselves out to invest in building a much more supportive community.

I could not disagree any more if I tried. 

My profile is clear what I do and do not want. People who do NOT read do not get a reply. If they are too LAZY to READ my profile why shouldn't I be "lazy" back and not reply?

You said it yourself... It is a two way street with communication. If people read, they don't waste their own time and someone elses, so what gives them the right to whinge that they get ignored when they have ignored EVERYTHING about someones profile besides the photos..?

 

To address the "dom/switch/sub" part.... Not everyone on this site is into dynamics. Not everyone wants to have a "role". Mine says what I am, what I seek and I still have people messaging me begging to sub to me, be a slave or even trying to 'dom' me. When they don't meet my age range preference, location reference or kink preferences/matches. 

So why should I waste my time replying? People are on here to meet other people into weird and wonderful sex, kink stuff and shared fetishes. Not everyone needs a D/s dynamic to belong on here. 

 

And I agree about building a supportive community, but sadly when faced with those who don't respect your wishes laid out, you don't want to be around them so... Once people address their ability to read to know if they are suitable for a person, maybe then more people can reply and keep the community going.

Edited March 7, 2022 by Finally_Jen

[MissTakenDeep]

It’s too common on here tbh. If I’m not interested now, I just don’t reply anymore. Sick to death of getting *** of some entitled prick because I don’t want to  f**k him 🙄 when I first joined I was told someone could only message once unless you’ve replied, but I’ve had 2/3 messages off people I didn’t respond to, so I’m not sure how accurate that is.

[Je****]

26 minutes ago, MissTakenDeep said:

It’s too common on here tbh. If I’m not interested now, I just don’t reply anymore. Sick to death of getting *** of some entitled prick because I don’t want to  f**k him 🙄 when I first joined I was told someone could only message once unless you’ve replied, but I’ve had 2/3 messages off people I didn’t respond to, so I’m not sure how accurate that is.

That should be the case, They can respond within 10 mins multiple times until it applies that block. If you reply in any form then the message is open.

 

And (unrelated to you, just adding to the topic) it is not just males. I've had people from all genders at some stage give me grief. I think it is wise to just... gracefully accept people aren't compatible and move along.

[Ar****]

7 hours ago, tsvsubgmail said:

It seems to me that many profiles are not clear .. even here there are many where you don't know whether they are Dom/sub/switch, and/or contain minimal information.

Yes there are - and these profiles are ones which almost without exception I would never even consider messaging. Aside from those who are "trying their luck" I don't get why anyone would want to try to make such a connection, and these profiles typically have no photos either, which seems important to a lot of entititled mindsets. What is the appeal of a blank slate?