BrandyE Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 My sub is going through a world of self-discovery. And has mentioned how she may not be interested in being a bedroom sub anymore. I do not know what this is going to mean for us domestically since we do live together. But it has put a sad place in my heart. I'm not looking for a new sub at all. As a dom with her being my first sub, I'm at a lost on what to do.
Wolfie-Ouroboros Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 The lifestyle is about openness and trust, best to be open with your sub about this and explain how you feel, ask what they feel and talk about what this means for you both going forward and how you see things. It’s not the easiest of conversations but bottling it up will only create a toxic environment for you both. I genuinely wish you the best of luck
Argent Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 It's understandable to be emotional after being with someone for a considerable length of time and watching them change. You just have to let them figure things out for themselves and be a pillar of support for them on their journey.
sc**** Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 This is part of being a Dom. We teach the person through example. If they outgrow their station, we’ve done an excellent job.
Li**** Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 Firstly, I send you tons of love and support as this can be a hard experience. But it can be a great opportunity for both of you to become even closer. Is she interested in dominating or just topping? Are you open for a switch dynamic? I used to lead relationships so singing my sub side was a great relief as I can give the power over instead of controlling everything and it can work the other way around too so I can see where she may be coming from. I am a switch, my D is not, so I've figured out I can perform my domineering actions as a form of service. Making a choice for them or being responsible for something so they can relax.
Cimky Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 From a fellow Domme yes its hell when they outgrow an stage but as said before growth is good and all it means is that you guys need to have a long and honest talk. Do this on neutral ground being that you are living together home might not be it. Its a firm belief of mine that being dominant/submissive is part of our DNA its simply who we are yes we can grow and become stronger we can due to circumstances change roles but the primal need for that dopamine release will always be there. Your post is written in a way that makes it feel like your sub is female but your profile states that your hubby is your submissive and that you also pulls toward switch...... I will take it as your sub is your hubby and from that perspective life is hard on male subs on a constant basis are they told to be submissive is wrong and this from a very very young age most of the time subconsciously. For lifestyle submissive (those living it fulltime not only bedroom kink - dont get me wrong nothing wrong with that just a different emotional balance) this becomes even harder as they get to made to believe that they are wrong and we all very well know that telling someone their sexually is wrong just means the person is an close minded fool. But to talk openly in a neutral space will allow you to find the reason behind the change of mind. Not a bedroom sub still leaves a ton of space for a domestic dynamic and beyond the walls of your home the world is waiting. Plus if he/she are showing an leaning towards switch it might just be what you need as well your moments of being the princess instead of the queen
Cimky Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 16 minutes ago, LilSnowflake said: Firstly, I send you tons of love and support as this can be a hard experience. But it can be a great opportunity for both of you to become even closer. Is she interested in dominating or just topping? Are you open for a switch dynamic? I used to lead relationships so singing my sub side was a great relief as I can give the power over instead of controlling everything and it can work the other way around too so I can see where she may be coming from. I am a switch, my D is not, so I've figured out I can perform my domineering actions as a form of service. Making a choice for them or being responsible for something so they can relax. 100% there is so many little things where a submissive with a strong personality can help their D, and it does not mean taking over or being disrespectful if so negotiated within each dynamic there is tons of space to put that strong will to work and it helps a lot to clear schedules and time for fun if a D has a sub that can and does help taking care of the little things
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