Question for subs like it rough.

[Deleted Member]

So I value consent and respect limits. FYI I’m a switch. I’m also very open minded. But when ever I try and ask limits some people say test them. How should I go about that without ruining the moment?

[jo****]

If your talking the likes of impact play then start mild, slowly increase intensity, make sure everyone knows the safe word and feels comfortable using it. Check in with the sub throughout to make sure they are handling it and not pushing themselves to impress a new partner. Anything else like different types of play I'd say you need to discuss it more before you jump in.

[Pl****]

Not a sub, but if somebody asked me to test their limits, then my first thought is that they don't actually think about those things as limits, which means a more in-depth conversation is required. It's not uncommon for people to not know their limits, or not fully understand what is meant by the term. Make it clear beforehand that you still need to know if they do have any absolute limits.

Some people, particularly beginners, may not know what their limits are yet. If that's the case, make sure they know that you're willing to end things at a moment's notice if they're not okay with something, and that they know how to let you know effectively if something is too much. Also make sure that they understand it's perfectly okay to use that safe word so they don't still try to endure something they're not okay with. Progress gradually, and keep in communication to make sure they're in a good place during the scene, and if you're concerned that they aren't, you should also feel free to end the scene.

There are also people out there that like the danger of not knowing what's going to happen, and don't appreciate that safety net. If you think someone may be one of these, you may prefer not to deal with them, because that's a dangerous game to play for everyone involved. Hopefully that's not the case here, but consider it a warning.

[ge****]

To be honest I'd be very wary of anyone that is unable to express their limits and boundaries at some level and merely says "test them" - it suggests they're possibly either not experienced or haven't thought them through.
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So I'd continue to ask them further probing questions before going ahead - you can do so without turning it into an interrogation by asking things like "How much have you been able to take of X, Y or Z in the past?", "On a scale of 1-10 how hard do you like to be...." and similar.
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Simply being expected to test someone's limits without any prior knowledge of what they are is dangerous for both you and them.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks I like I got a better idea. Really appreciate the support.

[ey****]

if someone is unsure of their own limits - work from a whitelist instead of against a blacklist

rather than saying "what won't you do?" a rather "what would you like to do, what would you enjoy?"

If the answer is a rather "I don't know" then this can be again changed to, "What would you like to try?"

If they still come back with an "Anything and everything" then there are two choices

You can either then give them an explicit example "I am going to do this with you, is that OK?" or setting them a task to go and pick 2-3 things they'd most like to try.

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Sometimes I find one of the problems with limits in general is they're non-exhaustive

"What are your limits?", "Err, *** and... ummmm...."
"OK, so I can take a blow torch to your nipples and then sew up your genitals?"

"Well ummm, no"

"Ah, great - so I can shave all your hair off and then empty your bank account?"

So it is very important rather to establish what you CAN do

[Deleted Member]

The other comments are great. But also...ruin the moment. Don't be afraid of it. Its always better to kill the mood than to do something that actually hurts.
And after you've had a "boring talk" you can always get back in the mood if you're actually compatible.

[Deleted Member]

Being new I don’t really know my limits fully. However communication has to be key because without that it’s just too risky IMO.

[Deleted Member]

Ya, I’m big on communication. I’m just really straight forward, some answers I’ve been given aren’t.

[Dustykat]

Most people know how hard or how much *** they can take, that it's arousing and when it's not any fun. As a masochist, I know my limits

[Ae****]

Safe words. Communication during, maybe ask about how it was after. Safe words can be used to have a girl let you know they want more of whatever is happening. And to tell you she's not sure, or to competely stop.