Kink, BDSM and hook ups

[Du****]

They want the privileges of being Dom without responsibilities. Man who refuse responsibility is immature boy who never became man.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said:

I'm sorry but like, you know what app you're on right? I wouldn't have a conversation about kink, no matter how respectful, with somebody I'd just met in public.

Yea, people come here to look for likeminded people, but this isn't a chess club, most people are going to come to this bdsm app looking for people to practice bdsm with.

Now I know what you actually mean here, your problem is the guys who are gonna slide into your DMs being way too upfront and way too demanding when you're just not interested.

That's a problem basically everywhere there's men, and the internet makes it worse, because instead of one asshole harassing the women he meets, all the assholes can harass all the women which massively skews their experience to be predominantly dealing with assholes. I don't have any answers to that problem, but condecending posts probably arn't helping.

You are literally harassing her with your voice of contempt. You are not sorry. If you had one ounce of empathy for what women face, you wouldn’t have even said this. Maybe you should go back to play chess?

[Deleted Member]

@MoricoWillin... Too many think they can just find better by ignoring what's in front of them in favour of what might happen next. Please do not shoot me. I agree with you, but some people are born to have options. They are going to choose the best. If I was born to have options, I would be like them too. I deal with so many men always looking for someone better. They are doing what they think is best for them. Well, I do what is best for me... leave! I get disappointed, but this is life. Life can be unfair.

[Deleted Member]

What I don't like is when they try to play me.

[Pe****]

7 hours ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said:

I'm sorry but like, you know what app you're on right? I wouldn't have a conversation about kink, no matter how respectful, with somebody I'd just met in public.

Yea, people come here to look for likeminded people, but this isn't a chess club, most people are going to come to this bdsm app looking for people to practice bdsm with.

Now I know what you actually mean here, your problem is the guys who are gonna slide into your DMs being way too upfront and way too demanding when you're just not interested.

That's a problem basically everywhere there's men, and the internet makes it worse, because instead of one asshole harassing the women he meets, all the assholes can harass all the women which massively skews their experience to be predominantly dealing with assholes. I don't have any answers to that problem, but condecending posts probably arn't helping.

This post is only condescending to people that want to come into my messages and be plain right rude to me straight off the bat. No introduction or hello and they’re not even talking about kink! And I’m sorry, like you know. I do know what site this is but that doesn’t give people the right to behave like absolute arseholes!!!!

[Pe****]

3 hours ago, Honey_Cunt said:

You are literally harassing her with your voice of contempt. You are not sorry. If you had one ounce of empathy for what women face, you wouldn’t have even said this. Maybe you should go back to play chess?

Exactly!!

[Pe****]

9 hours ago, shadowmenace said:

Absolutely! I believe that they just see it as a way for their newfound "dominant" or "submissive" sides to come out. I may get roasted for this comment, but some are pathetic enough to try anything for a quick lay. Just my own $0.02

Agree!!

[Pe****]

7 hours ago, DomDaddySir said:

You can say this site is about the community, it's not a hook up site but on profiles in the "i'm looking for" section, there is options to say you are looking for NSA & Swingers, which to many, means hook ups & there are many profiles that are posting stuff about basically saying who wants to come use me, you see them regular.

So whilst there are a lot not looking for hook ups & to just get used, the site is clearly for hook ups too, so it's going to attract those looking for hook ups & use people as trash & there are those on here who want to be used & treated that way. 

That’s fair enough for those who want NSA etc but others don’t and make that clear and still get spoken to like trash. BDSM and sex are 2 totally separate things

[Deleted Member]

Very, very few people. Most I've run into on here have no clue. :(

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for posting this because it's something that has been puzzling me ever since I joined, having seen so many profiles with comments about blocking people who are rude or disrespectful.  
I'm still fairly new to this lifestyle but the one thing I brought with me was that you always treat people with politely as you would want to be treated, and that respect is earnt, not demanded. That's the case in any other walk of life, so why do people on here think it's any different. There must be some antecedent driving the behaviour but I'm dammed if I can fathom out what it is. And surely no one ever responds to a rude or disrespectful message? 

[Deleted Member]

I’m new to this site and I joined because I googled bdsm dating site. This came up plus a friend recommended so that is exactly why I’m here. If people take the time to read my profile then that’s exactly what I’ve said. I’m not here to discuss my hard limits on the 3rd message I’m here because I want to find my Sir. I’m not long in the lifestyle but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want. I understand you don’t use this site as a hook up site but that’s exactly the way it’s described on google so maybe the issue is there. It definitely gives off that vibe, probably to grow numbers, thing is that’s what attracts all the undesirable people. They are only reacting to the way it’s advertised, plus an ignorance about the lifestyle.

[Pe****]

2 hours ago, NewToThis65 said:

Thanks for posting this because it's something that has been puzzling me ever since I joined, having seen so many profiles with comments about blocking people who are rude or disrespectful.  
I'm still fairly new to this lifestyle but the one thing I brought with me was that you always treat people with politely as you would want to be treated, and that respect is earnt, not demanded. That's the case in any other walk of life, so why do people on here think it's any different. There must be some antecedent driving the behaviour but I'm dammed if I can fathom out what it is. And surely no one ever responds to a rude or disrespectful message? 

Exactly!!! People think that just because it’s a bdsm app that you can just talk to people however you want. Like the ridiculous response above “you do know what app you’re on, right?” Yes we’re on a BDSM app not a Please disrespect my boundaries app.

[Pe****]

43 minutes ago, findingme2020 said:

I’m new to this site and I joined because I googled bdsm dating site. This came up plus a friend recommended so that is exactly why I’m here. If people take the time to read my profile then that’s exactly what I’ve said. I’m not here to discuss my hard limits on the 3rd message I’m here because I want to find my Sir. I’m not long in the lifestyle but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want. I understand you don’t use this site as a hook up site but that’s exactly the way it’s described on google so maybe the issue is there. It definitely gives off that vibe, probably to grow numbers, thing is that’s what attracts all the undesirable people. They are only reacting to the way it’s advertised, plus an ignorance about the lifestyle.

Agree!!

[ge****]

1 hour ago, findingme2020 said:

I’m new to this site and I joined because I googled bdsm dating site. This came up plus a friend recommended so that is exactly why I’m here. If people take the time to read my profile then that’s exactly what I’ve said. I’m not here to discuss my hard limits on the 3rd message I’m here because I want to find my Sir. I’m not long in the lifestyle but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want. I understand you don’t use this site as a hook up site but that’s exactly the way it’s described on google so maybe the issue is there. It definitely gives off that vibe, probably to grow numbers, thing is that’s what attracts all the undesirable people. They are only reacting to the way it’s advertised, plus an ignorance about the lifestyle.

And I think to an extent this is where we each have to use the site how it works for us individually and not expect others to take the same approach.
.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying we should *have* to, nor am I in any way dignifying or giving credence to those that are abusive or have the wrong approach in any way shape or form - but sadly as nothing can be done about those people, short of blocking/reporting, there really isn't any other option.
.
I've long taken the view that the way others use the site is up to them, if their ways mean they're not "successful" then it's their problem to deal with.
.
Sure the actions of others can have an impact and again I'm absolutely not excusing that because it isn't right nor is it something anyone should *have* to put up with - but I keep coming back to not being sure there is any other option.

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, Honey_Cunt said:

You are literally harassing her with your voice of contempt. You are not sorry. If you had one ounce of empathy for what women face, you wouldn’t have even said this. Maybe you should go back to play chess?

People like you are just as bad as the men you complain about. Take a step back from your buzzwords and think about what you're actually saying.

I have plenty of empathy for dealing with assholes, who, you will be shocked to find, exist outside of dating apps and are not a unique experience to women. And I'm aware of the staggering volume of idiots most women have to deal with (cuz these clowns will just message EVERY women).

It's perfectly reasonable to want to complain, vent those frustrations, I just think if you're gonna complain about the dickweeds in your dms you should actually do so instead of making a broader point about 'people not knowing what kink is about' and 'do you all know what this app is for'

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said:

People like you are just as bad as the men you complain about. Take a step back from your buzzwords and think about what you're actually saying.

I have plenty of empathy for dealing with assholes, who, you will be shocked to find, exist outside of dating apps and are not a unique experience to women. And I'm aware of the staggering volume of idiots most women have to deal with (cuz these clowns will just message EVERY women).

It's perfectly reasonable to want to complain, vent those frustrations, I just think if you're gonna complain about the dickweeds in your dms you should actually do so instead of making a broader point about 'people not knowing what kink is about' and 'do you all know what this app is for'

Maybe instead of making negative comments about women, you begin to listen to what they have to say so you can actually understand their struggles? Only a recommendation.

[Du****]

I dissagree with Honeycunt , his writing makes no sense.

[Du****]

I dont even think its healthy to stay on site like this, all these messages from sick men, their photos screaming sociopathy, then these nasty comments from weirdos, it increases *** pressure, makes you more stressed, kills your soul and shortens your life. It also distort your picture of men in reality. These sites are highly toxic. Its poisonous.

[Deleted Member]

@kiseu - Apologies for the delay, I'm having network issues today, apparently, (slightest breeze and the local cell tower has a hissy fit?), 🙄

Oh no, that was entirely my point. It's self-entitlement that's the cause of all this... Too many options in today's world... Some believe they'll always 'deserve' better, while some believe they aren't 'worthy' of what's handed to them on a plate? - Either way, it's a funny world and people, well, just like the door's said; people are strange... 😂😳😉

[Deleted Member]

@MoricoWillin... I understood your point, but sometimes it is not their fault. I been around alot with very attractive people. You have no idea behind the scenes. This was before the internet, their phones would ring like crazy. Women showing up early in the morning. Men would call in the middle of the night, confessing their love. My point... this is what they are used to, and only know. The same things goes for men seeing constant pictures of women, and the same for women as well. Like I said, they are doing what is best for them. I am going to do what is best for me... leave. If they use or play with people, then it is a different story!

[Deleted Member]

@kiseu - I could not agree more... If a person play's with another person's heart they deserve to have their's broken. 💯👌

[DundeeSM]

Very good post .
As I’m not claiming to be a seasoned professional or anything like they , as still on a journey and exploration.
I’ve met a couple of people (not from here), but you hit the nail on head with what you say. As some people who probably msg you on here etc are more after a quick fix to save them wanking behind their keyboard.
But things like this takes time, and mutual trust. As I can be a shy/quiet kinda guy in normal day life, as I’m not an in your face person , plus I’m absolutely crap at starting off conversation or msg etc.
I’ve met a couple 3 times over last 18months when they have visited the area , and as time has went on, the trust/bond has also grown , meaning all is comfortable trying new various things, whilst also knowing if someone doesn’t like a certain thing.
Can imagine since you being a good looking lady, you will get all sorts of nonsense thrown at you in msgs or comments, and like I said some of them will just get kicks hiding behind keyboard.

I’ll shut up now, as nearly written a novel 🙈😂 x

[Pe****]

7 hours ago, OneKinkToRuleThemAll said:

People like you are just as bad as the men you complain about. Take a step back from your buzzwords and think about what you're actually saying.

I have plenty of empathy for dealing with assholes, who, you will be shocked to find, exist outside of dating apps and are not a unique experience to women. And I'm aware of the staggering volume of idiots most women have to deal with (cuz these clowns will just message EVERY women).

It's perfectly reasonable to want to complain, vent those frustrations, I just think if you're gonna complain about the dickweeds in your dms you should actually do so instead of making a broader point about 'people not knowing what kink is about' and 'do you all know what this app is for'

I’m saying certain people don’t understand that BDSM is about respect and consent because if they did, they wouldn’t violate peoples boundaries. If you were to go up to someone in a BDSM club and say the things I and other people get in our inboxes, you would be thrown out and banned. I’m talking about people not respecting others so please stop being so condescending.

[Sa****]

BDSM is not Monolithic Art from . It's artful lifestyle that should not be looked upon as being hypocritical or judgemental by that I mean. We all have the will to choosine what we like or don't like what we agree or not agree to . What some people as disrespectful to the lifestyle others may find it appealing and acceptable to them . For me if I see something that is nonsense as far as the lifestyle is concerned. I just move on to things that are appealing to me and what I look for in the lifestyle without passing judgemental . They why I embrace the lifestyle because it gives me the freedom to not be judgemental and find like minded people .

[Du****]

I love to judge. Call me aunty Judger. 😉