Kink, BDSM and hook ups

[Sa****]

Then you should be able to answer your own question then .

[in****]

We do

[DJ****]

It's
stigmatized by people who know too little and speak too much. I'll admit, I'm fairly new to the desire for deep exploration into what I can derive a sense of pleasure from that mat be x"out of the ordinary" but not in my life have I ever shamed or disrespected another person for trying or liking something I had no experience with. Seems a fool's errand to dismiss any idea as a bad one ìspecifically because I don't up with it myself. So of course those same people would have zero knowledge of respect for boundaries and

[fa****]

We still have to respect the people on here like anywhere else when we meet then after

[Pe****]

6 hours ago, DuckArtist said:

I love to judge. Call me aunty Judger. 😉

Hahaha!! 🥰

[Al****]

I am a Gentleman Dom and I respect people because I want to be respected. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for about 12 years now.

[Pe****]

29 minutes ago, Alphawolf1121 said:

I am a Gentleman Dom and I respect people because I want to be respected. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for about 12 years now.

It’s not hard to show a little respect is it🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

@kiseu - I cannot apologise enough, you must think me so rude... I'm on a data only connection... I wasn't ignoring you, I couldn't stay connected long enough to reply... I am so sorry... I could not agree more... If a person play's with another person's heart they deserve to have their's broken. 💯👌

[Deleted Member]

@MoricoWillin... Thank you very much, and you are very kind. I did not think anything negative. I understood your last comment. We should all have freedom of voice. It is how ideas are born, and we gain more knowledge. Well... I hope so.🤔 I have learned alot from people, like the "Danger of bent penises".😨 Back to disrespectful, unknowledgeable people... 😡

[Deleted Member]

On 4/7/2022 at 8:58 AM, MoricoWillin said:

The real issue is always the damn same... Doesn't matter who you are, what you are or why you are... Bubbles, echo chambers and tribes... People like people like them... And if you don't know who they are, you're unlikely to entertain them. Rudeness, a lack of manners or a default misunderstanding of the social platform makes no difference, really... Fine line between being passive and ignored or aggressive and prominent... Even finer line between introduction of self and here's my ego, enjoy that privilege... Reciprocation is the issue... Too many think they can just find better by ignoring what's in front of them in favour of what might happen next... And, sadly... That's why so many men feel the need to be so aggressive today... It's a one-sided battle they were almost destined to lose... (No, I'm not referring to the lost causes who think shoving a DP in your dm's before saying hello is the answer, they're an entirely different waste of space?), what I am saying is, those who attempt a hello and are met with blank after blank after blank will eventually think their game is off and need to step up the threshold... Which, ironically, actually creates the very fabric of why so many men are shoving DP's into women's dm's... Catch.22 🙄💔

Now this I can definitely relate to. I blow my 100 Icebreakers a month within a few weeks. So..100 messages out, usually a very tailored intro to the lady in question, warnings about the dangers to be found here and then a ton of links to all sorts of BDSM education. Offers to keep them safe and happy, introduce them to Munches and workshops, the full 9 yards. As a friend, that is all. Newcomers.
Return rate is barely 5%. Why I frequently trash my account and retire to lick my wounds. I've never, ever sent a single d**k pick, a "Yo! Wud, fancy a f**k?", "I want to own/use/break/destroy u" - ever. Courteous, polite, supportive..... blocked or ignored. Thankfully I do collect a few wonderful friends along the way, which makes me hang on, but it is soul destroying at times. 
Also when you get a brief moment of VIP membership... think you have something interesting going on, only to notice the dreaded dustbin by your messages... they've been wiped as inconsequential.
Yes... I know that this sounds like I'm a desperate, entitled shit. However, this is primarily a dating site, or for friendships. To be honest a polite f**k off is nicer than being ignored. It at least acknowledges your existence. 

[ge****]

3 hours ago, VKD said:

Now this I can definitely relate to. I blow my 100 Icebreakers a month within a few weeks. So..100 messages out, usually a very tailored intro to the lady in question, warnings about the dangers to be found here and then a ton of links to all sorts of BDSM education. Offers to keep them safe and happy, introduce them to Munches and workshops, the full 9 yards. As a friend, that is all. Newcomers.
Return rate is barely 5%. Why I frequently trash my account and retire to lick my wounds. I've never, ever sent a single d**k pick, a "Yo! Wud, fancy a f**k?", "I want to own/use/break/destroy u" - ever. Courteous, polite, supportive..... blocked or ignored. Thankfully I do collect a few wonderful friends along the way, which makes me hang on, but it is soul destroying at times. 
Also when you get a brief moment of VIP membership... think you have something interesting going on, only to notice the dreaded dustbin by your messages... they've been wiped as inconsequential.
Yes... I know that this sounds like I'm a desperate, entitled shit. However, this is primarily a dating site, or for friendships. To be honest a polite f**k off is nicer than being ignored. It at least acknowledges your existence. 

Firstly sending 100 messages a month to people in the hope of a response *does* sound a little desperate, as you've said yourself and almost sounds like a ***tergun approach of trying to attract someone - no matter how tailored and well intentioned your messages are. Can you honestly say you find sufficient true attraction to every single one of those people based on their profile and pics alone? I know I couldn't.
.
Let's assume however that you do and place this into an every day scenario - walking down the street you possibly find 20 in every 100 people attractive based on their "looks" (or pics) alone, so around 20% - by the same logic, of those 20 people, maybe 20% find you attractive too - so you're down to four people (4%) of that original 100 - then you start to get to know them a little (their profile text) and your interest halves - so you're down to 2 people (2%) of that original 100 and that's before you take into account the interest being mutual - so a 5% response to your messages is actually pretty good.
.
It's only soul destroying if you make it soul destroying by making your "aim" on sites like this to get meets with people and get the approach wrong - I've been around sites like this for a number of years and decided early on I wasn't going to take the "blind messaging" route and would find an approach for me and that meant making use of forums and chat rooms to get to know people - I'm fact in 6 or 7 years I've sent less than 10 "blind messages" to people I didn't have some sort of connection/interaction with previously (through forums and the like) and yet am more than happy with my experience and have met some wonderful people along the way.
.
Taking a more laid back approach and finding one that works for me has definitely worked.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Firstly sending 100 messages a month to people in the hope of a response *does* sound a little desperate, as you've said yourself and almost sounds like a ***tergun approach of trying to attract someone - no matter how tailored and well intentioned your messages are. Can you honestly say you find sufficient true attraction to every single one of those people based on their profile and pics alone? I know I couldn't.
.
Let's assume however that you do and place this into an every day scenario - walking down the street you possibly find 20 in every 100 people attractive based on their "looks" (or pics) alone, so around 20% - by the same logic, of those 20 people, maybe 20% find you attractive too - so you're down to four people (4%) of that original 100 - then you start to get to know them a little (their profile text) and your interest halves - so you're down to 2 people (2%) of that original 100 and that's before you take into account the interest being mutual - so a 5% response to your messages is actually pretty good.
.
It's only soul destroying if you make it soul destroying by making your "aim" on sites like this to get meets with people and get the approach wrong - I've been around sites like this for a number of years and decided early on I wasn't going to take the "blind messaging" route and would find an approach for me and that meant making use of forums and chat rooms to get to know people - I'm fact in 6 or 7 years I've sent less than 10 "blind messages" to people I didn't have some sort of connection/interaction with previously (through forums and the like) and yet am more than happy with my experience and have met some wonderful people along the way.
.
Taking a more laid back approach and finding one that works for me has definitely worked.

How magnificently smugly put. Cherry pick a few candidates and ignore the rest. Leave the field wide open for the FakeDoms,  narcissists and sociopaths because if the person says they are new to the site and kink and need advice but have no picture and haven't taken the quiz they are unworthy of you. Bravo big swinging D**k. 

No wonder most Subs say their first contact with Kink was a n horrific experience with such indifference. 

 

[Deleted Member]

Sites such as these are just a microcosm of society generally. There’s nice polite people, horrible people (and everything in between). Some people are looking for endless meaningless encounters and some are looking for a long term relationship. Some people have their “s**t” together and some are drowning in ignorance. I just try to be polite and helpful to everyone. I don’t always succeed.

[we****]

Dirty encounters ? Naive or uninformed

[Du****]

No its not same as outer world. In outer world you can control to some level what sort of people you meet. You choose your location/ neighbours, you choose your workplace, you choose where to shop, gym etc but here you have absolutely no control of choosing. Anyone can send message or react in forums. If man is decent with decent intelligence he has never issue finding woman. Almost every woman wants intelligent educated man. That is a problem for men who complain they cant get woman.

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, DuckArtist said:

No its not same as outer world. In outer world you can control to some level what sort of people you meet. You choose your location/ neighbours, you choose your workplace, you choose where to shop, gym etc but here you have absolutely no control of choosing. Anyone can send message or react in forums. If man is decent with decent intelligence he has never issue finding woman. Almost every woman wants intelligent educated man. That is a problem for men who complain they cant get woman.

I agree. This site promotes the BDSM lifestyle. A lifestyle that is built on trust, respect and consent. So many people here, male and female don’t have that here

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, westville551 said:

Dirty encounters ? Naive or uninformed

????

[ge****]

4 hours ago, VKD said:

How magnificently smugly put. Cherry pick a few candidates and ignore the rest. Leave the field wide open for the FakeDoms,  narcissists and sociopaths because if the person says they are new to the site and kink and need advice but have no picture and haven't taken the quiz they are unworthy of you. Bravo big swinging D**k. 

No wonder most Subs say their first contact with Kink was a n horrific experience with such indifference. 

 

Eh? Not sure where any of that came from but I can assure you there was nothing smug or d**k swinging intended nor can I see how it was taken that way. Nor do I see how it's showing indifference to my fellow submissives (yes you somehow seem to have confused me as being dominant), or leaving anything wide open to anyone.
.
Was merely observations based on a number of years using sites like this of what works for others as well as myself. Observations based on your own comments about finding it soul destroying and how you may sound like "a desperate, entitled shit" (your words not mine).
.
How you take those observations is entirely up to you of course, but be assured they were well intentioned.

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Eh? Not sure where any of that came from but I can assure you there was nothing smug or d**k swinging intended nor can I see how it was taken that way. Nor do I see how it's showing indifference to my fellow submissives (yes you somehow seem to have confused me as being dominant), or leaving anything wide open to anyone.
.
Was merely observations based on a number of years using sites like this of what works for others as well as myself. Observations based on your own comments about finding it soul destroying and how you may sound like "a desperate, entitled shit" (your words not mine).
.
How you take those observations is entirely up to you of course, but be assured they were well intentioned.

I didn’t see your comment anything but trying to be honest and helpful. I see you a lot on the threads being the same. Then resorting to name calling? Says it all really *sigh* unless he does know that you’re well endowed 😂

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Firstly sending 100 messages a month to people in the hope of a response *does* sound a little desperate, as you've said yourself and almost sounds like a ***tergun approach of trying to attract someone - no matter how tailored and well intentioned your messages are. Can you honestly say you find sufficient true attraction to every single one of those people based on their profile and pics alone? I know I couldn't.
.
Let's assume however that you do and place this into an every day scenario - walking down the street you possibly find 20 in every 100 people attractive based on their "looks" (or pics) alone, so around 20% - by the same logic, of those 20 people, maybe 20% find you attractive too - so you're down to four people (4%) of that original 100 - then you start to get to know them a little (their profile text) and your interest halves - so you're down to 2 people (2%) of that original 100 and that's before you take into account the interest being mutual - so a 5% response to your messages is actually pretty good.
.
It's only soul destroying if you make it soul destroying by making your "aim" on sites like this to get meets with people and get the approach wrong - I've been around sites like this for a number of years and decided early on I wasn't going to take the "blind messaging" route and would find an approach for me and that meant making use of forums and chat rooms to get to know people - I'm fact in 6 or 7 years I've sent less than 10 "blind messages" to people I didn't have some sort of connection/interaction with previously (through forums and the like) and yet am more than happy with my experience and have met some wonderful people along the way.
.
Taking a more laid back approach and finding one that works for me has definitely worked.

Isn't that all finding love really is, a numbers game? - Retail sales 101, ten percent of ten percent. we're all looking for our one percent... Any product or brand label will tell the same story; take ten thousand people and only one thousand will be interested in that product, of that one thousand, only a hundred people will pursue with intent to purchase and of that hundred people, only one will be a repeat customer. And sadly, we are the product so, by sales logic, which finding love is almost identically modelled on, 100 messages, 10 replies, 1 of actual intent, so no, 100 messages is not an act of desperation... Sadly, no where near desperate... Which, ironically, is the entire reason why I don't like cold calling people in the first place. She's just gonna have to magically teleport into my living room!? 😂😳👌

[Deleted Member]

I do not know about the English speaking men. Being on the other side, some of the German men wrote to so many women, they cannot remember who they sent their message to. On Valentine's Day, a guy who I chatted with briefly before, sent me a message. I thought he wanted to wish me Happy Valentine's Day. Well, you can guess what happened. Before blocking him, I said thank you for making me feel so special on Valentine's Day.😂

[Deleted Member]

@MoricoWillinI love that “She’s just gonna have to magically teleport into my living room”
That’s kind of how I feel, first person I meet will be the one 🤣🤣 I’ve been reading too many trashy romance books 🙄

[Deleted Member]

@findingme2020 - (I've got some kind of bug going on with the last update of FET, so apologies if I end up spamming or appearing to ignore you, I'm not, I'm unpleasantly screaming at my phone because it won't send my reply?). 🙄
.
"first person I meet will be the one"... I've been saying that for a decade now? 😂😂😂😭👌

[ge****]

3 hours ago, kaycie said:

I didn’t see your comment anything but trying to be honest and helpful. I see you a lot on the threads being the same. Then resorting to name calling? Says it all really *sigh* unless he does know that you’re well endowed 😂

Ha ha - well if I'm well endowed no-one told me about it 😜 🤣

And thank you 😉

[ge****]

3 hours ago, MoricoWillin said:

Isn't that all finding love really is, a numbers game? - Retail sales 101, ten percent of ten percent. we're all looking for our one percent... Any product or brand label will tell the same story; take ten thousand people and only one thousand will be interested in that product, of that one thousand, only a hundred people will pursue with intent to purchase and of that hundred people, only one will be a repeat customer. And sadly, we are the product so, by sales logic, which finding love is almost identically modelled on, 100 messages, 10 replies, 1 of actual intent, so no, 100 messages is not an act of desperation... Sadly, no where near desperate... Which, ironically, is the entire reason why I don't like cold calling people in the first place. She's just gonna have to magically teleport into my living room!? 😂😳👌

I'm not sure it is a numbers game to be honest - certainly not in the retail sense you suggest - love comes down to things like attraction, connection, chemistry and more and I come back to the thing that you can't possibly be truly "attracted" to 100 people a month based on profile text and pics alone to warrant the mail shot approach, attraction is a lot more nuanced than that, so in that respect sending that volume of blind messages does strike me as being somewhat desperate.