Kink, BDSM and hook ups

[CopperKnob]

19 minutes ago, pagancntrygurl said:

Yeah because I don't know him..but I have had some issues with my kinky tiktoks idk if it's one of them maybe searched me out..but could you send me the details I'll call about it but idk I'll go to it..not alone. And again I'm sorry

No need to be sorry. It's not the first time that profiles done it

[ge****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

No need to be sorry. It's not the first time that profiles done it

If you read up this thread you can start to get a picture 😉

[pa****]

Yeah we moved to TN and I'm not familiar with the community here..we lived in Connecticut plenty of people there i could trust..I been here a while and don't know anyone but the family we moved back for..don't assume you know me Sir..thanks againCopperKnob for your help I will keep you posted on what I find out so if anyone else here in the area needs the contact information

[CopperKnob]

16 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

If you read up this thread you can start to get a picture 😉

I saw it which, combined with his messages asking me to reach to two females as well as the two profiles in quick succession really made me stop and think

[ge****]

11 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I saw it which, combined with his messages asking me to reach to two females as well as the two profiles in quick succession really made me stop and think

Yep more red flags than a communist parade 😂🤣

[Ri****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

If you read up this thread you can start to get a picture 😉

And it ain't a very pretty one

[Deleted Member]

So here I am again. Folks who were disappointed that I'd left after I'd been totally schooled deciding that yes,  I was a on balance a Royal shit, well rid. 
In fact what actually happened was a lady from Bristol, Tennessee asked for help. One person tried,  a very pleasant chap who I respect. Wrong Bristol, but all the same, he made the effort and mentioned FL.
I found on FL a lady who runs a Munch, just up the road from her. She leads the Bristol TN/VA BDSM group no less. In three days time she's going to the Appalachian Fetish Munch in Starbucks, Johnson City TN.  For more risque events, she goes to Domination in Asheville NC. 

The information that the lady asked for and which I tried to convey. I just came back to help her, nothing else. Her filters blocked me, Fetish deleted my post here because I mentioned a name (the FL Munch Organiser) and I asked CK to try, on the off chance that being younger and female, she may get through the filters to someone who had very clearly asked for help and CK being a commenter.

As an aside, the forums appear to be open to the general public. I saw the unwarranted unpleasantness, confirmed my dislike of this place. Red flags... give me a break! Since when has trying to help been a red flag. Utterly pathetic. Dangerously so. Hound the decent folks off.  

If you would take the effort to scroll back to my ramblings... this is the Fetish intro.

 

 

Hey fellow kinkster!
Welcome to Fetish.com, your kinky home from home. If you need any help getting to grips with the site just give me a nudge - we're a family here. I recommend downloading our app "FET" and checking out our learning portal, the BDSM Training School "here" 
Please remember to keep it professional! I am NOT interested in getting steamy or hooking up. I am here to help you navigate the website.
Keep it kinky!
Your Fetish.com Family

Extremely bland. No mention of 'Here be Monsters'. Nor ***rs and rapists. We all know they are though. Lots of them. A very significant minority. 
I really do not know what I have to do to shake some folks out of their complacency. The community is extremely dangerous. 
I'm somewhat ambivalent towards you CK. Your writings are soul searing, your caterpillar analogy very apt. You have yourself suffered at the hands of an abusive monster from Fetish. Yet you hate me, for trying to prevent others from being taken in as you were, for trying to reach this lady, through you, who clearly asked for help and which I tried to give. Did you even look at the profile on FL I suggested to see if it made sense? I can't magic up a 20 year history of someone in TN to fit my evil machinations.   

So... as before. Peace to all. I tried. I have a lot of Kinky Subs, all friends, who I should talk to more, rather than just collecting for show. I've learned that now. Just could not help myself wanting to reply to that lady from Bristol, TN. 

As an aside, I don't do TikTok so I'm definitely not one of her weirdos. 

 

[ey****]

it's good to see you back - and - as a general message that is a million times better than your previous drafts

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, VKD said:

So here I am again. Folks who were disappointed that I'd left after I'd been totally schooled deciding that yes,  I was a on balance a Royal shit, well rid. 
In fact what actually happened was a lady from Bristol, Tennessee asked for help. One person tried,  a very pleasant chap who I respect. Wrong Bristol, but all the same, he made the effort and mentioned FL.
I found on FL a lady who runs a Munch, just up the road from her. She leads the Bristol TN/VA BDSM group no less. In three days time she's going to the Appalachian Fetish Munch in Starbucks, Johnson City TN.  For more risque events, she goes to Domination in Asheville NC. 

The information that the lady asked for and which I tried to convey. I just came back to help her, nothing else. Her filters blocked me, Fetish deleted my post here because I mentioned a name (the FL Munch Organiser) and I asked CK to try, on the off chance that being younger and female, she may get through the filters to someone who had very clearly asked for help and CK being a commenter.

As an aside, the forums appear to be open to the general public. I saw the unwarranted unpleasantness, confirmed my dislike of this place. Red flags... give me a break! Since when has trying to help been a red flag. Utterly pathetic. Dangerously so. Hound the decent folks off.  

If you would take the effort to scroll back to my ramblings... this is the Fetish intro.

 

 

Hey fellow kinkster!
Welcome to Fetish.com, your kinky home from home. If you need any help getting to grips with the site just give me a nudge - we're a family here. I recommend downloading our app "FET" and checking out our learning portal, the BDSM Training School "here" 
Please remember to keep it professional! I am NOT interested in getting steamy or hooking up. I am here to help you navigate the website.
Keep it kinky!
Your Fetish.com Family

Extremely bland. No mention of 'Here be Monsters'. Nor ***rs and rapists. We all know they are though. Lots of them. A very significant minority. 
I really do not know what I have to do to shake some folks out of their complacency. The community is extremely dangerous. 
I'm somewhat ambivalent towards you CK. Your writings are soul searing, your caterpillar analogy very apt. You have yourself suffered at the hands of an abusive monster from Fetish. Yet you hate me, for trying to prevent others from being taken in as you were, for trying to reach this lady, through you, who clearly asked for help and which I tried to give. Did you even look at the profile on FL I suggested to see if it made sense? I can't magic up a 20 year history of someone in TN to fit my evil machinations.   

So... as before. Peace to all. I tried. I have a lot of Kinky Subs, all friends, who I should talk to more, rather than just collecting for show. I've learned that now. Just could not help myself wanting to reply to that lady from Bristol, TN. 

As an aside, I don't do TikTok so I'm definitely not one of her weirdos. 

 

Let's clear up some facts
1. I've not said I hate you either in/directly
2. I've also not used the term 'red flag/s' in relation to you
3. You've had 3 accounts here, a site which you make no bones about saying you have a 'dislike' for, in as many weeks. No profile picture either
4. You initially messaged me regarding one female member who had left asking me if I knew the reasons why. If that member had wanted to share with you they would have done
5. You deleted your acct. I then have another message from you saying you'd 'returned quickly' to share (the above) information. This leads me to think that you chat to people here off site. Theres no issue with that, but if thats the case 'they' could have shared your knowledge with the second female member you asked me to reach out to on your behalf. Either that or you have a duplicate acct.
6. The information you wanted to share was yours not mine. I have no idea whether it was factual and had no need to fact check it. I see no issue with pointing that out to the receiver of said information
7. Wanting to 'help' isn't a red flag. The way in which people to try acheive it may be.

So, when considering the above, I absolutely reconsidered behaviour/motives.

[CopperKnob]

3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Let's clear up some facts
1. I've not said I hate you either in/directly
2. I've also not used the term 'red flag/s' in relation to you
3. You've had 3 accounts here, a site which you make no bones about saying you have a 'dislike' for, in as many weeks. No profile picture either
4. You initially messaged me regarding one female member who had left asking me if I knew the reasons why. If that member had wanted to share with you they would have done
5. You deleted your acct. I then have another message from you saying you'd 'returned quickly' to share (the above) information. This leads me to think that you chat to people here off site. Theres no issue with that, but if thats the case 'they' could have shared your knowledge with the second female member you asked me to reach out to on your behalf. Either that or you have a duplicate acct.
6. The information you wanted to share was yours not mine. I have no idea whether it was factual and had no need to fact check it. I see no issue with pointing that out to the receiver of said information
7. Wanting to 'help' isn't a red flag. The way in which people to try acheive it may be.

So, when considering the above, I absolutely reconsidered behaviour/motives.

And, having just re read your comment, referring back to point 6, you hadn't made clear that you had no personal connection to the individual on FL. You don't therefore know the reputation of that individual and it was therefore absolutely appropriate that i cautioned the receiver of the information being shared.

[ge****]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it's good to see you back - and - as a general message that is a million times better than your previous drafts

Agreed though personally I'd question the way it is worded and presented almost as an official thing from Fetish.com, particularly with the sign off.
.
Welcome back VKD, and to set something straight, people were only commenting by trying to see how those that receive your "welcomes" might perceive them - and provided their own opinions based on years of using sites like this.
.
It wasn't an attack, more advice based on their own experiences - now you may not see it that way, and it's your choice to see it how you wish, but *all* people were trying to do was offer advice in the same way as you do to new people coming to the site, yet your advice to them is OK, but others advice to you is seen as an attack, surely you must see the irony in that?
.
While, as I said further up, it's laudable that you want to help others that are new to the site/lifestyle, there are ways to do so, and do so without potentially raising red flags.
.
And yes there's those two words again, now only you will know how genuine you are with your welcome notes (which by your own admission you send hundreds of) but surely you must see how sending them could potentially be seen as you trying to get an "in" with people by drawing them in when they know nothing about you and as a result *could* be seen as a red flag?

[Deleted Member]

Here we go again.🙈

[Deleted Member]

OK CK. The first time I messaged you was when a lady who is a prolific poster on the forums and has a very detailed profile suddenly vanishes. Leaving a years' worth of her own threads and musings on others just like that. You had both posted on my Jarring Profiles/ 50 shades dialectics thread and I saw that you had both posted and responded to each other's threads too. You were the only connection I had. I simply asked if you had any idea what might have happened, out of an abundance of concern for a fellow kinkster. You were extremely civil and courteous throughout. Regrettably, I was correct, something very unpleasant had happened. She'd turned her back on Kink in an instant. Thankfully she returned and explained why she took the steps that she did (in her new profile) and is now here for the forums only, blocking all messages. All that happened before I started posting on this thread I believe. 

The TN lady. As explained in detail, she asked for assistance. I did the legwork. Found a 40 year old married female Sub running a small and active munch in her home town. Logged back in to share the news, but her filters blocked me, my post here was deleted for having a FL member mentioned, so as you were the only person on the thread who had exchanged messages with me and had stood above the noise, it was your bad luck to be the obvious person to message. 
I agree that one should be wary of recommendations from unknown folks to meet other unknown folks but the first thing I say to new people is find your local Munch and get in with the good people fast.
That was my contribution.

As for the messaging others elsewhere etc. No. As I explained, the forums are public, you don't have to be a member to see them, so when I see my name getting dragged through the mud again, I came to set the record straight.

Finally TN lady. The message filters. I've just looked and there are none for distance, but there are for male/female/etc, age range, must have picture, must be a verified profile, must have a minimum number of characters in any message and a few more on top. Try and adjust these to suit your purposes and needs, you may be missing out on genuine contacts at the moment. They're in the Settings menu. I'm sure others will help you (or a FETMOD) if you need extra help.

[CopperKnob]

10 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Agreed though personally I'd question the way it is worded and presented almost as an official thing from Fetish.com, particularly with the sign off.
.
Welcome back VKD, and to set something straight, people were only commenting by trying to see how those that receive your "welcomes" might perceive them - and provided their own opinions based on years of using sites like this.
.
It wasn't an attack, more advice based on their own experiences - now you may not see it that way, and it's your choice to see it how you wish, but *all* people were trying to do was offer advice in the same way as you do to new people coming to the site, yet your advice to them is OK, but others advice to you is seen as an attack, surely you must see the irony in that?
.
While, as I said further up, it's laudable that you want to help others that are new to the site/lifestyle, there are ways to do so, and do so without potentially raising red flags.
.
And yes there's those two words again, now only you will know how genuine you are with your welcome notes (which by your own admission you send hundreds of) but surely you must see how sending them could potentially be seen as you trying to get an "in" with people by drawing them in when they know nothing about you and as a result *could* be seen as a red flag?

I'm quite sure that it is the automated msg FetMods send when you first sign up

[ge****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

I'm quite sure that it is the automated msg FetMods send when you first sign up

Ah you're right - I misread, my apologies VKD, disregard that part of my post

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I'm quite sure that it is the automated msg FetMods send when you first sign up

Correct. In my opinion absolutely useless to prepare the *** folks for what is in store. I'm on a  freebie profile, therefore disbarred from contacting newcomers for a day or two. So when I finally pitch in with my messages, I'm not likely to be seen as passing off as a Fetmod, given it'll be message 101+.  My profiles state Friends only. 

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, kiseu said:

Here we go again.🙈

Thank you for your positive contribution to the discourse. Thankfully not another "Shut up and listen to your betters"  

[Deleted Member]

50 minutes ago, VKD said:

Thank you for your positive contribution to the discourse. Thankfully not another "Shut up and listen to your betters"  

Please excuse me. I only wrote my emotion. It was not intended towards anyone. Since I have your attention..."If" you disagree, can you still try to think about helpful people's comments. Personally... after careful thinking, I make my own ideas and conclusions. Sometimes, I do not like to hear. At the end, "sometimes", there maybe some truths to it. Growth does not only come from positive, but negative as well. Negative has such a bad wrap. Yes, when it happens... 1000% CRAP!! If we learn correctly from it... looking back "Oh, now I understand".

[St****]

I find it strange that people who online date, give out so much information. Are afraid of the actual meeting. Were all here for the same reason. To enjoy human nature. People on here who immediately say your rude or that's dirty. Well, you liked me I tried talking to you and all I got was hostility. If your online dating you need to not take everything so personally. No one is trying to be rude right off the bat, but a rude response. There is no respect in jumping down someone's throat just because your over sensitive. I've had the most fun with people who I met the next day after chatting. That's why we're here. To ask eachother out. Not to figure out exactly what to say.

[ge****]

4 hours ago, Stepan331 said:

I find it strange that people who online date, give out so much information. Are afraid of the actual meeting. Were all here for the same reason. To enjoy human nature. People on here who immediately say your rude or that's dirty. Well, you liked me I tried talking to you and all I got was hostility. If your online dating you need to not take everything so personally. No one is trying to be rude right off the bat, but a rude response. There is no respect in jumping down someone's throat just because your over sensitive. I've had the most fun with people who I met the next day after chatting. That's why we're here. To ask eachother out. Not to figure out exactly what to say.

I respectfully disagree that people are being "over sensitive" when they react to a rude or abusive or inappropriate message sent off the bat - nor do I think it's disrespectful, whereas sending a rude or inappropriate message to someone you've had little or no prior interaction with is.
.
I'd also suggest "figuring out exactly what to say" is paramount to achieving your aims from the site, whatever they may be - get it wrong and you are unlikely to.

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, Stepan331 said:

I find it strange that people who online date, give out so much information. Are afraid of the actual meeting. Were all here for the same reason. To enjoy human nature. People on here who immediately say your rude or that's dirty. Well, you liked me I tried talking to you and all I got was hostility. If your online dating you need to not take everything so personally. No one is trying to be rude right off the bat, but a rude response. There is no respect in jumping down someone's throat just because your over sensitive. I've had the most fun with people who I met the next day after chatting. That's why we're here. To ask eachother out. Not to figure out exactly what to say.

Maybe the messages you send are respectful. I can assure you that not all messages are. When you receive so many inappropriate messages that have not been thought out. That are very clear that the sender has not had the decency to read your profile. When all the sender is doing is thinking about their own wants/needs and how the recipient can meet them, then yep sometimes those recipients bite back because, it's absolutely tiresome
So yep, its imperative that thought is going into that initial message if you want the response you're hoping for. That thought should be, 'what have I read in their profile that stands out for me. How can I utilise that in my message to spark a conversation'
It shouldn't be 'this ones a nice bit of wank fodder, I'm feeling a bit horny and that's what I'll write about' which is what Kaycie's post is all about

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Maybe the messages you send are respectful. I can assure you that not all messages are. When you receive so many inappropriate messages that have not been thought out. That are very clear that the sender has not had the decency to read your profile. When all the sender is doing is thinking about their own wants/needs and how the recipient can meet them, then yep sometimes those recipients bite back because, it's absolutely tiresome
So yep, its imperative that thought is going into that initial message if you want the response you're hoping for. That thought should be, 'what have I read in their profile that stands out for me. How can I utilise that in my message to spark a conversation'
It shouldn't be 'this ones a nice bit of wank fodder, I'm feeling a bit horny and that's what I'll write about' which is what Kaycie's post is all about

Exactly!!! Thank you!!! Some people are just not understanding that that is exactly the point I’m trying to make x

[Pe****]

7 hours ago, Stepan331 said:

I find it strange that people who online date, give out so much information. Are afraid of the actual meeting. Were all here for the same reason. To enjoy human nature. People on here who immediately say your rude or that's dirty. Well, you liked me I tried talking to you and all I got was hostility. If your online dating you need to not take everything so personally. No one is trying to be rude right off the bat, but a rude response. There is no respect in jumping down someone's throat just because your over sensitive. I've had the most fun with people who I met the next day after chatting. That's why we're here. To ask eachother out. Not to figure out exactly what to say.

“No one is trying to be rude right off the bat”😂😂 you haven’t seen the messages I’ve been sent then have you? You’re part of the problem 🙄🙄

[ey****]

9 hours ago, VKD said:

n my opinion absolutely useless to prepare the *** folks for what is in store

but in due respect

what makes you the person to prepare *** folk?

How can these people see you are helpful and not a predator pretending to reach out to support them?

Personally - I'm generally a big believer of community knowledge.  There's stuff folk will disagree on (which can be healthy to a degree) but if I say something totally harmful, then there's plenty of people who can see this and respond accordingly 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

but in due respect

what makes you the person to prepare *** folk?

How can these people see you are helpful and not a predator pretending to reach out to support them?

Personally - I'm generally a big believer of community knowledge.  There's stuff folk will disagree on (which can be healthy to a degree) but if I say something totally harmful, then there's plenty of people who can see this and respond accordingly 

I concur that the community is the place to be. I've looked in on the chat room and decided quickly that it's not for me and only very recently noticed these pages after another Sub told me it was all she used the site for now after another dreadful experience with someone from here. 

It's also why the very first things I recommend are 1) take the real test to see where you fit in at present and 2) sign up to FL,  search for the nearest large place then look for the Munches. It's imperative to get in with the good people,  fast. 

Much as I suggested for the lady from Bristol TN. I even found a Munch in her own town. Exactly what she asked for,  where is my kinky community?  Voila here are the instructions on how to find them, exactly as I have just done for her. 

Plus, hopefully, how to fine tune her message filters. 

There was another thread here from quite a while ago. Things I wish I'd known when entering the scene. It was excellent and many of the contributions were from ladies who I would say were very established in the scene very familiar to me from the online listings. It's where I learned of the SubmissiveGuide.  As well as detailing how the internet has turned the scene on it's head,  from being a closed clique that was almost impossible to get into and in which you would never be good enough, to a much wider and more open community with Insta-Masters and all too often abysmal maneers. 

However the two salient points that these genuine experts (in my humble opinion)  stressed. 

1) Research,  research,  research 

2) I so regret my first Dom. An absolute bastard. 

Hence my intro. Here be monsters and links to all the research I personally am aware of. Skip what doesn't interest you.