Kink, BDSM and hook ups

[Deleted Member]

@VKD - Welcome back... It's not that you're trying to help, that's applaudable, and, while I'm at it, extremely noble of you... It's the way in which you are going about attempting such help...
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You personally are not throwing red flags of any kind, and, just for the record, no one used the term red-flag but me...
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It's the way your messages are going to be received that is throwing up red flags...
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These are people, who, rather sadly, for whatever reason, have had their inhibitions stifled...
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They are already on high alert.
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They are likely still coming here on the backwater of 50shades and extremely unsteady as to what to do or how to act or even behave and the last thing they really need is a veteran blasting them with dnds...
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Or worse, "welcome to the rapist quarter"... Can you see how that looks to someone who's barely got a toe dipped into the scene...
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Again I will state the sadly obvious fact.
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You are not a mod.
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If you meet someone and they message you and ask for help, blast them with it all, send every link at your disposal...
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They requested the information, therefore it is warranted and gratefully received...
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But you send anything as a cold-call or freelance welcome greeting and I assure you... It will be perceived as a threat, dude... 😕

[Deleted Member]

First world problems

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, kinkyviking013 said:

First world problems

😂😂😂👌

[Ri****]

@VKD- Welcome back, there are apparently r*pists here. I thought about writing a similar cold-call (tailored for you) but I decided that my humor might be misinterpreted as an attack and I'm not here for polymique.
Because from your posts I get the impression you truly care about newbie's well-being, and that is an honorable way to compose oneself. For which I applaud you.

But the tone of voice used, man! As well as it might be intended, it is unfortunately completely the wrong way of warning anybody. C'est le ton qui fait la musique. It's the tone which makes the music. (I agree with a previous statement of one of the users here that not everyone is fortunate enough to express themselves, and messages can easily be misinterpreted but in a long text like yours a very specific vibe popped up.)
The tone you used made the music sound creepy at the least and dangerous at most, and that is what this whole discussion essentially boils down to: you mean well but the words exit your mouth badly.
Have you considered taking a course in writing, to improve your writing skills or do you prefer we make this a group thing to help improve your writing? Or something altogether different?
 

[Deleted Member]

There’s a dichotomy here which relates very much to my attitude to kink. However much people think they can escape conventional moral codes or construct an alternative way of behaving we exist in the primarily vanilla world and are bound by the laws and norms practiced there. The overwhelming majority of time and activities in a D/s relationship are exactly like those in a vanilla relationship, unless you put the bins out or do the shopping in full bondage gear. The only way to construct anything meaningful or long lasting is to be respectful. If anyone’s not respectful just block them.

[XD****]

You know, unfortunately there is no way to filter out the inexperienced population.. some people watch a couple bdsm videos on pornhub and suddenly they are Pro-Dom... Lol..bdsm is about control...so for someone to display the inability to control themselve in corresponding via text...Quickly results in them spewing kink-fueled messages almost immediately.
..very annoying, but that's when their inexperience, appears to be immature, annoying, desperate......

[Pe****]

2 hours ago, XDRESSEDandCAGED said:

You know, unfortunately there is no way to filter out the inexperienced population.. some people watch a couple bdsm videos on pornhub and suddenly they are Pro-Dom... Lol..bdsm is about control...so for someone to display the inability to control themselve in corresponding via text...Quickly results in them spewing kink-fueled messages almost immediately.
..very annoying, but that's when their inexperience, appears to be immature, annoying, desperate......

Yes!! Exactly!

[Deleted Member]

April 26, Stepan331 said:

I find it strange that people who online date, give out so much information. Are afraid of the actual meeting. Were all here for the same reason. To enjoy human nature. People on here who immediately say your rude or that's dirty. Well, you liked me I tried talking to you and all I got was hostility. If your online dating you need to not take everything so personally. No one is trying to be rude right off the bat, but a rude response. There is no respect in jumping down someone's throat just because your over sensitive. I've had the most fun with people who I met the next day after chatting. That's why we're here. To ask eachother out. Not to figure out exactly what to say.

I also think thers a lot of people on here who are afraid to reply to a message, respectful or not ,I'm on a few online dating sites as well and to be fair most people are just Messers.or really arnt sure as to what they really want.

[ci****]

I'm with a women well was with a who pretty much introduce me to bdsm. I didn't and still don't understand alot. But now I'm aware that I have boundarie issues. Because I didn't really know what was goin on I had all this thoughts in my head that made me second guess our trust. But now that I'm researching I hope that some how I can really understand her more now and let here know that I understand more now. I love the bdsm concept and I love her but if I can't figure out away to get it right then I'm gonna lose the girl of my dreams as well as my change at the life style. I don't think I can be apart of this life style with other her. I donpt know how to get better and I don't want to ask her because I want to get this right for her. Any advise

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, cincere82 said:

I'm with a women well was with a who pretty much introduce me to bdsm. I didn't and still don't understand alot. But now I'm aware that I have boundarie issues. Because I didn't really know what was goin on I had all this thoughts in my head that made me second guess our trust. But now that I'm researching I hope that some how I can really understand her more now and let here know that I understand more now. I love the bdsm concept and I love her but if I can't figure out away to get it right then I'm gonna lose the girl of my dreams as well as my change at the life style. I don't think I can be apart of this life style with other her. I donpt know how to get better and I don't want to ask her because I want to get this right for her. Any advise

My honest advice...

If you don't believe you know what you're doing but you're trying to do it for someone who does...

Ask them.
Ask them everything.

Tell them you have absolutely no clue what's going on...

There is no wrong way.
There is no right way.

There is only what makes you both happy...

And for that, you need absolute, total honesty and a boatload of communication... Meh, not just communication but comprehension too...

Talk it through until you can't talk it through any more... And then start another conversation about it...

And if they are serious, they will not mind you talking about it... Ever!

(If they do mind... Well... That's a topic for another discussion?!). 😳

[DD****]

I'm all about respect. I've been a dom by choice my entire adult life. Ive done so due to unfavorable things when younger. To make new memories to cover the old I would like to be a DLB sub. Trying to find and understanding couple or as really good hearted daddy has proven tough. I'm all about respect

[Deleted Member]

I'm new here. This was beautiful to see. I definitely feel 100% safe and just more comfortable knowing there is someone like you on this app. Thankyou!

[Deleted Member]

Yes!!! This!!! New to the site, been here less than a week. What’s with people asking me to submit without even asking my name or literally anything about me? Ugh. I was so hoping to find experience, knowledge, and maaaaaaaaybe even a partner, but I’m already up to my eyeballs and literally hiding myself from horny men just looking for a quick lay. We all deserve better than that.

[Pe****]

17 hours ago, TigerLilyNC said:

Yes!!! This!!! New to the site, been here less than a week. What’s with people asking me to submit without even asking my name or literally anything about me? Ugh. I was so hoping to find experience, knowledge, and maaaaaaaaybe even a partner, but I’m already up to my eyeballs and literally hiding myself from horny men just looking for a quick lay. We all deserve better than that.

We certainly do indeed!! A wise friend on here has helped me realise that it’s all about patience. Just block and ignore and with time you’ll find the right one for you. Chatting with like minded people is the way forward to learn and make friends here 🥰

[Deleted Member]

If people want meaningless sex with someone they hardly know BDSM is definitely not the right choice!!. BDSM is about an honest no shame discussion and exploration of your true self with a willing partner, which will take a long time to negotiate. I state clearly on my profile what I’m looking for because I’ve had my whole life to get to know myself. Respectful interaction is necessary.

[Pe****]

3 hours ago, AssertiveHerts said:

If people want meaningless sex with someone they hardly know BDSM is definitely not the right choice!!. BDSM is about an honest no shame discussion and exploration of your true self with a willing partner, which will take a long time to negotiate. I state clearly on my profile what I’m looking for because I’ve had my whole life to get to know myself. Respectful interaction is necessary.

Absolutely!!👏🏻👏🏻

[bo****]

Even though sort of a newbie I know that you know BDSM is about car scent and respect and and honestly a lot of people that think a BDSM they think of Fifty Shades of Grey in and that's not a good repre representation a good movie to represent the BDSM community if they want to actual representation of BDSM they should watch the secretary it's a little bit more accurate some why don't people educate themselves before they join stuff like this I know for a fact about a dynamic is built on trust which takes time consent and being real

[ey****]

7 hours ago, boone664 said:

a lot of people that think a BDSM they think of Fifty Shades of Grey in and that's not a good repre representation a good movie to represent the BDSM community if they want to actual representation of BDSM they should watch the secretary

now; while Secretary is a fun film - it's not really a good/accurate representation either.

I mean their dynamic begins when he punishes her by spanking her over a desk after she makes a typo - but there was no real establishment on consent or that this would be acceptable.  There wasn't even a "do you trust me, I'd like to try something"

And while people slam 50 Shades - I mean, let's be honest - there was and still is plenty of male Dominants with poor grasps of consent and with manipulative tendencies - there was even a thread recently where some male Dominants admitted they would manipulate their sub. 

[Deleted Member]

I have ended more conversations with wannabees, liars, cheaters, and real dicks, than I care to remember. You may have dominant tendencies, but if you have never trained a sub before, then stay away from me. While I realize everyone starts somewhere, you should at least approach a local group and sit in on a BDSM 101 class, and be talking to other respected Doms. The motto of the community is - safe, sane, and consentual.

[sW****]

June 8, eyemblacksheep said:

now; while Secretary is a fun film - it's not really a good/accurate representation either.

I mean their dynamic begins when he punishes her by spanking her over a desk after she makes a typo - but there was no real establishment on consent or that this would be acceptable.  There wasn't even a "do you trust me, I'd like to try something"

And while people slam 50 Shades - I mean, let's be honest - there was and still is plenty of male Dominants with poor grasps of consent and with manipulative tendencies - there was even a thread recently where some male Dominants admitted they would manipulate their sub. 

A really good intro...if one is looking for something to watch is a Korean TV series called "Love & Leashes." It is pretty tame (not graphic) but the dynamics are pretty damn sexy, and the interactions are ethical. And there are a couple of visually delicious scenes.

[fa****]

Just depends on what kink you are into. If it's a Dom sub situation or relationship there is a lot more involved. My fetish or kink is making sure the person I'm going to engage or play with is comfortable with me and the fetish. No different than any vanilla date. Then it's a progression into sexual activity if that person is comfortable with me and the situation. No exploring of power dynamics or roles etc. etc. Maybe a little control and asking them to say certain things before the play or sexual activity happens.

[JC****]

It's like anything. There will always be gawkers and poseurs interacting with subcultures. Unfortunately , some can be dangerous due to misperception. Whether submissive, Brat or Dominant we all should proceed with caution. Be careful what we ask for and gentle with what we offer. I don't believe I can control what the other person's final desire is . How they want to feel or what they want to experience is only going to become truth when fully engaged .
That's when flags go up or gates swing open .
That energy shift can escalate in spectacular ways . But it can switch suddenly and the only thing I want to do is stop, drop, and roll .

[saintsaltysynz]

Not me that’s for sure.

Hehehe
Might have to ask Loki if he’s going to let me play

[Deleted Member]

I need to learn to how the BDSM Of a sub and Tom
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