Total newbie with questions

[mm****]

I’m fresh out of a long unsatisfying relationship & trying to figure out how to figure out what I want. How does a dom make a girl like me feel comfortable enough to get tied up? How do I articulate limits? I’m so curious but also a little afraid

[Tom777]

Lots of communication, time and a safe word!

[Le****]

Hello! Honestly it boils down to communication. Explain to your prospective dom the issues you have had and take the time to try and work your way through telling them about what makes you uncomfortable. Tell them about the things that make you nervous and the things that frighten you then go through the things you most definitely want to try. Ask if maybe you could start small and work your way up as your comfort level grows. A good dom will be MORE than willing to work with you based on YOUR comfort level

[Deleted Member]

Lots of communication and trust

[Tw****]

First and foremost.. 100% trust in your DoM must be established.

[So****]

The first thing to remember is that you are still a human being. You should find a dom who cares about you, even if you are just looking for play and not a relationship. Ideally your dom is someone you want to hang out with outside play.
Then remember that trust is earned, not demanded. Most doms understand "I am a sub, but I am not your sub (yet). Someone demanding respect is a red flag.
Vetting is good if you can. Talk to other folks in the local community, especially prior play partners. Exes may say bad things just because, you know, exes, but it can give you an idea of things to watch for or discuss.
Start slow. Public play parties can be great as you will have a DM who will step in if you safeword. Ideally your potential dom is already backing off and checking in. But if not...probably not a dom to trust. If a dom won't respect your safeword they don't respect you, and you shouldn't respect them.
Not sure where you are, but a lot of kink benues have classes on consent (e.g. Subspace in Seattle has one this Saturday).
Or ask folks. I'm sure I'm not the only person here who is happy to answer questions.

[Tw****]

If that trust isn’t there, then things may seem off or uncomfortable for you and you won’t be able to express that if you and your DoM are at that level

[Caylabear]

U should start slow, when I started out I was 18 and fell in love with a domme we had many discussions before anything naughty happened I knew a few of my limits, and I knew some of my kinks, my ex domme recommended writing them down, we explored and discovered a few others I still have the list, u should ALWAYS have a safe word and check ins,

[Matttster]

It depends if you are looking for a dynamic type of relationship or a more formal relationship.

By more formal I mean someone that your arrangement is for tying/impact/whatever. I cannot answer your question there aside from references and a contract perhaps.

But for a dynamic relationship, I feel it is really not much different then a vanilla relationship. Just get to know the person and build trust and respect. In a vanilla relationship most get to k is the person first, eating in public first, a few dinner dates where they pick you up or meet you, then go to someone’s home, then to someone’s bedroom. In kink it is another step, from the bedroom to getting tied up.

I oversimplify it, but my point is that I don’t that it is really any different then vanilla. The first time you spend the night with someone, you don’t know that they are not going to *** themselves (or try to), so you get to know them and trust them before moving to the next step.

[Co****]

You'll feel what you want. If you don't want to be tied up you still may like to be called a slut. You may even like tying up a man or a woman. It has to be based on what you feel. Not on what is shown to represent bdsm. Not everyone is going to be a wild freak. Especially not getting into bdsm for the first time.

[Of****]

It's a lot of communication and sitting down and discussing boundaries. If you're not comfortable, don't go through with anything, it's better to be wrong and trust your instincts instead of right and traumatized

[ge****]

Some very good advice about how to take those steps with a prospective dominant has already been given - but some advice from a slightly different perspective.
.
Before you get to the point of talking to prospective dominants, you need to understand both the lifestyle and yourself first - take some time to truly think and learn about what makes you tick from a BDSM perspective, what interests you about it, why you think you're submissive, what you'd like to explore, what your limits and boundaries are, what type of submissive you think you'd be or want to be and more.
.
Once you undertsand yourself and the lifestyle better you'll have more confidence in articulating that to potential partners.
.
Also remember that just because you're submissive doesn't mean you don't have a brain, preferences and a voice - and it *should* be perfectly OK to use them - anyone that tries to tell you otherwise is someone to be avoided.

[al****]

Is this your first time into the experience make sure that someone you trust to take care of you first and foremost.

You may be the sub and he may be the dom. But in reality the sub kind of controls how far things go . You must always have a safe word that stops everything if something is hurting you or you want it to stop . Also have a nonverbal stop signal in case you can't speak or have a gag in your mouth

And like they said before before you start anything talk with your dumb of what you're looking for or wanting to experiment with that's why I've also always had the sub to have a slow down word if things are going a little too far but not stop it completely but tone it down a notch other than that have fun be responsible and do your due diligence on who you pick to be that person

[Du****]

Well submission does not happen overnight. It naturally evolves from friendship, trust, knowing each other well. Otherwise it is not submission and the sub is deluded thinking she has a dom but she has not. Be careful on this site its full of narcissists who are sick, looking for their victim. They go for younger inexperienced subs as they are easily manipulated moulded, they pretend to be ' the alpha', they rush things, impatient, have no sense of humour, are depressed, bored, and generally very negative men. Its becauae they miss serotonin, endorphins in their brain they are wired to negativity, hatred. They r hidden mysoginists a women haters cos they eed to hate someone. They will not show it to you of course but will play games with you to get u in their net. As a sub you have to learn about narcissists and psychopathy and TAKE YOUR TIME.

[Du****]

For me, trust is very important. And it's even hotter if a girl trusts me and then I can *** that trust and drive her crazy.

[sw****]

Im in a very similar situation. Im getting h away my From a very uptight vanilla rr

[Lo****]

One established a safe word and make sure you both have a understanding that if you say that word he/she stops and if they don't make you feel comfortable from the first day thrust your gut

[Ch****]

I like “yellow” and “red”
Yellow means your getting close to your limit.
Red means stop.

Red is always a hard stop, probably a cuddle, and then a chat about what triggered the red and plans on how to not have it next time.
Red is always fine and allowed, it is never wrong to red.
Yellow can be ignored by the top, it’s advice and they are in control.
A red cannot.

[Deleted Member]

Every sub is different you just got to be transparent with the Dom... Some subs don't use safe words some do.. it's about what the sub wants to get out of the experience

[So****]

Yesterday at 01:17 PM, Chesterfield_Dreams said:

I like “yellow” and “red”
Yellow means your getting close to your limit.
Red means stop.

Red is always a hard stop, probably a cuddle, and then a chat about what triggered the red and plans on how to not have it next time.
Red is always fine and allowed, it is never wrong to red.
Yellow can be ignored by the top, it’s advice and they are in control.
A red cannot.

I also like to emphasize that "ouch, muscle cramp," "that tickles and I don't like it," and even "I gotta ***!" Are all valid reasons to use a safe word. It doesn't have to be *** or something the dom is doing wrong. That not only makes it easier for the sub to use the safe word, but it makes it easier for the dom to hear the safe word. Less "you crossed a line." And more "hang on, we need to adjust something." Vibes.

[Ja****]

Never forget safe, sane, and consensual! A good rigger should be able to tie you up in a way that doesn't restrict your movement too much at first!

[Ch****]

For rigging there is the risk of nerve damage, if the rigger doesn’t check in with you, ask you to look for pins and needles etc, then that’s a red flag.
*** isn’t bad, a lack on sensation can be very bad.
Watch a safety video on YouTube first so you know good prescribes.

[Deleted Member]

Feeling comfortable with your rigger, having a good connection and knowing you have trust within your gut feelings.
Riggers have different levels of experience and knowing what they are capable of doing is a good start. Sticking to their skill level and taking it slowly.
Basic hand and feet tying, being comfortable in a TK and floor tying to start with. This can progress over weeks and months before you try any suspension.
Most of all, your rigger should be clear with your expectations and limitations and when you feel uncomfortable.
Enjoy!

[ca****]

Why are you not comfortable maybe she just waiting on you to ask or try it

[Deleted Member]

I used to have a kind of non written agreement with my former sub that used to work very well. Every time she wants to be humiliated she calls me by a specific nickname. And I answer something like, “Oh, if you call me like this again, you will see what will happen to you”. And she, as a good brat, calls me by that nickname again. I say, “omg she doesn’t have a clue about the danger”. So every time she taunted me I knew it was a permission to be humiliated. It used to make us incredibly horn.