A Question re Meets

[CopperKnob]

44 minutes ago, kiseu said:

@Lockfairy... Thank very much. Good for you regarding your date! I would do the same thing. After careful thinking... what I meant was, what if it was a person you knew more personal? This is a "Catch-22". What's your take on this @CopperKnob?

It is a catch 22 because the more you look for something the more you're likely to find. No ones perfect, we've all made past mistakes/errors, the point is, did what did we learn/what would we do differently.
Equally, if you don't look hard enough, you'll be blindsided.
In all honesty, i don't think you can ever know someone fully, not really, you can know someone well but, we're human and we react to things differently all the time.
At the end of the day though, we have to trust that others are well intentioned unless proven otherwise else none of us would have any relationships with anyone romantic or otherwise

[Deleted Member]

@Lady_Char, @CopperKnob, @Lockfairy... again, thank you very much. You are all correct, and see each of your views. Reminder ladies... this is how alot ***rs and "not" nice people run their deceit. It leaves some people to question things. Recently, I have come across more than a handful of these types of people. I asked, because I wanted to be clear headed. Back to @CopperKnob topic...😘😁

[so****]

If im meeting the person for the first time, I always, always, ALWAYS arrange it in a public setting. Not only to put her mind at ease (since there's soooooo many crazy people out there), but also to create as laid back, easygoing atmosphere as possible. Everything is off the table on the first meeting. Zero expectations. Just a friendly, casual dinner in a nice restaurant or something, maybe a walk through a public park or something afterwards, just talking & feeling each other's vibes. This has also served me well in vanilla world too👍lol just take it easy & focus on conversation & learning whatever you can on the first meet. Comfort is key.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

I'm judging how they respond to the arrangements... Are they trying to make it somewhere private? Are they making vague suggestions to "hey, if it goes good maybe after we can ...". How do they react when I tell them my safeties will know who they are and where and when we're meeting? I'm also the type of sub to wrest control if it's there for the taking, so did they let me take the lead in the organization? Or did they guide it but try to make sure I was comfortable?

I got an A+ on our first meeting.   A spa facial and pedicure eased the tension for both of us. Cackling in the bar like two witches helped too.😂

 

[SubFU]

The problem with meeting new people is,i think,many of us do not want to divulge our bdsm life to Family or Friends.For whatever reason that may be.This leaves us *** to extremely convincing people on the internet etc,with their own agenda!.This agenda can put us open to fanancial *** or even worse!!I am a novice here(or perhaps not,who knows but me!).I am a novice as said,wondering,what can we do to safeguard ourselves from,person/s who do not have our interests at heart.Not trying to be a smart arse here,would value other peoples wisdom x

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, SubFU said:

The problem with meeting new people is,i think,many of us do not want to divulge our bdsm life to Family or Friends.For whatever reason that may be.This leaves us *** to extremely convincing people on the internet etc,with their own agenda!.This agenda can put us open to fanancial *** or even worse!!I am a novice here(or perhaps not,who knows but me!).I am a novice as said,wondering,what can we do to safeguard ourselves from,person/s who do not have our interests at heart.Not trying to be a smart arse here,would value other peoples wisdom x

Ultimately it comes down to using common sense and gut instinct - the trouble is, with sites like this, too many people (and it is mainly men because of the number imbalance) are too desperate to get a meet or find what they want, that when that seeming gift horse appears to come along, they're too eager to believe it.
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You hear it all the time on here with people having been duped with promises of things if they sign up for a paid site etc - when if they actually stopped and thought about it for a moment it's glaringly obvious they are being scammed.
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It's sad that people are taken advantage of in such ways of course, but sometimes it's about self-protection and taking the steps to safeguard yourself too, and that starts with being wary of all things that seem to glitter.
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Likewise with those who end up with abusive dominants, with a little knowledge and awareness before diving in, a lot of the time situations could be avoided.
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Now that all sounds like I am victim blaming and I absolutely am not - there are some very clever and devious people about only too ready to take advantage of others, and I can totally understand how people may fall for such things, but I also think people could protect themselves better.
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Unfortunately regardless of all that you can't always tell, some abusive people can play "nice" very well and even with guards up, know all the right things to say to get round those guards.

[Lord_Talion]

I like to see how they work with their brain before I see how they work with their body

[Deleted Member]

As well as all thet safety protocols remain true to yourself. If the magic isn't there or you feel yourself being pulled along stop and review. Also I try not to make a spontaneous decision for example if they want to meet again agree that in a follow up phone call or whatever. 

Some people pressure for play on a first mert due to distance etc, but if it's too far to plan a second meet it is probably too far to maintain a relationship anyway.