Staying safe online

[Deleted Member]

Not kink related but it's about safety online.

I for one do not like telling people where I am from in case someone becomes obsessive and starts stalking me. A girl close to my hometown got killed because her stalker tried to ask her out and she respectfully declined, if you've ever heard of Gracie Spinks then you'll know the story.
I am super weary of guys regardless of whether in person or online and I like to know what someone looks like before I talk to them, because they could be anyone, their pics might not even be of them.
Stay safe stay weary! And always bail when something seems off or fishy.

[ge****]

We all need to be aware of the risks of on-line interaction and how we don't really know the people we are talking to - and yet so many let their guard down and reveal information about themselves far too easily, both men and women.
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I don't divulge any personal information until I am comfortable to do so, and also take steps to provide reassurance to others about myself when the time is right, for instance if I am meeting someone they'll always know my full name, phone number and car reg if they want them and I'll encourage them to pass those details to a trusted friend, again if they want to.
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Yet so many people dive into meeting strangers without taking those steps to protect themselves, and yes you could say the same about meeting someone out and about in a bar who you've never met before, but at least there you have the benefit of seeing that person interact publically to form an impression.

[Therapist]

Always listen to that little voice in your head, it's always right, sorry to hear about your friend sadly scum like that give us all a bad name

[la****]

Yep, better be safe. FYI, even from phone number, people could already tell our location if he/she is skilled enough, and maybe know our social media. So i advice if you want to play in apps like this, use alternate number or emails that never got used in your irl social media. That doesnt mean you are fake, you are just protecting yourself before you are reallty sure that your opposite partner doesnt have any evil intention.

[Deleted Member]

Totally agree, especially with these dynamics. Take your time and get to know someone first

[Deleted Member]

I would love to meet for coffee first, get to know each other then discuss kink

[VILKDUJA]

Always, always make at least the first meeting in a neutral public venue away from where you live. Let a third party know where you are & with whom & arrange for them to take steps if they haven't heard from you after a given period of time. Have someone on standby with a plan or excuse to help you bail if you need to. Even have a third party attend incognito if necessary. You really cannot be too careful

[Go****]

4 hours ago, gemini_man said:

for instance if I am meeting someone they'll always know my full name, phone number and car reg if they want them and I'll encourage them to pass those details to a trusted friend, again if they want to.
 

Whilst I know that any genuine person wouldn't mind being asked, I always feel uncomfortable asking for this kind of information. 

I really think this type of behaviour should be normalised.

The problem is. I would be extremely uncomfortable sharing that kind of information for a first meet, and that leads to me being conflicted; on one hand, women are far more likely to the victim of a crime when it comes to meeting someone, but I'm also aware that there are women who are the perpetrators. Is it all just down to common sense and gut feelings?

[Je****]

18 hours ago, Baadkiity_x said:

Not kink related but it's about safety online.

I for one do not like telling people where I am from in case someone becomes obsessive and starts stalking me. A girl close to my hometown got killed because her stalker tried to ask her out and she respectfully declined, if you've ever heard of Gracie Spinks then you'll know the story.
I am super weary of guys regardless of whether in person or online and I like to know what someone looks like before I talk to them, because they could be anyone, their pics might not even be of them.
Stay safe stay weary! And always bail when something seems off or fishy.

Personally I think it's very sad and scary you worry about being Stalked or harmed  It's telling of todays society. No one should ever *** other human interactions. 

But I can understand that if it has happened close by, you're naturally going to have that in your mind. 

What I would say is, never ever meet someone where you don't know or feel comfy to go. Always stay in public until convinced you are in good safe hands. Have a safety call / check in before during and after a meet, especially the first one.

I do wonder some times how many people on here are real, but on here long enough you can sort of judge what pics are from the internet and magazines etc haha. So they're quite easy to spot. I never go near non pictured accounts or those unverified for this reason! 

I think basic human gut instinct should alwyas come into consideration here too. Mine's never failed me, but with everything, if it's too good to be true. It usually is. Never be afraid to report someone or block them. Someone genuine will never be pushy and make someone uncomfy. Same with personal details. A good person is just as cautious as you would be. 

[ge****]

34 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Whilst I know that any genuine person wouldn't mind being asked, I always feel uncomfortable asking for this kind of information. 

I really think this type of behaviour should be normalised.

The problem is. I would be extremely uncomfortable sharing that kind of information for a first meet, and that leads to me being conflicted; on one hand, women are far more likely to the victim of a crime when it comes to meeting someone, but I'm also aware that there are women who are the perpetrators. Is it all just down to common sense and gut feelings?

Ultimately yes it comes down to trusting your instincts and personally I never even think of talking about meeting someone until the point where I'm 95% or more certain that they are genuine and unlikely to pose a threat of any kind to me and would hope they feel the same in reverse.
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Can understand the conflicted feelings though, and whilst personally I don't expect others to hand me a similar level of information, I do use my instincts to decide whether I want to meet someone, and as I said further up have usually been talking to someone for long enough by that point to feel secure.
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I wouldn't feel awkward about asking for information though - anyone worthy of meeting would understand and let's face it if it's someone you've shared your kinks with and potentially are going to get naked with, is it really that much more awkward to ask? Particularly if it provides a level of security?
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Personally I'd not have a problem with providing any level of information required to a point - there are some things I won't give such as home address or personal information about my kids for example, but basics like phone number or car registration no problem.

[DeviantInside]

Whilst I have met people quite quickly on occasions, I have also been more than happy to take the time to get to know each other, and to provide whatever reassurances the other party requires to feel safe. Whether this is meeting at a neutral, public place, my phone number, address or anything else (maybe not my bank details and PIN number…). But here’s the thing, I’m a 6’2 bloke, whilst there is still a risk for me it is significantly less, both in likelihood of happening and potential harm, than for a woman. So all of those safety protocols, as well as things like a predetermined time a friend will call, with a codeword or phrase for if you do need help, should be normalised as healthy safe practices. Anybody who seems cagey about ensuring you feel safe should definitely be a red flag. I have heard too many horror stories and would never want anyone else to go through anything similar. The reality is that there will always be someone that slips through, but the more that can be done to mitigate or deter that the better for everyone.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Whilst I know that any genuine person wouldn't mind being asked, I always feel uncomfortable asking for this kind of information. 

I really think this type of behaviour should be normalised.

The problem is. I would be extremely uncomfortable sharing that kind of information for a first meet, and that leads to me being conflicted; on one hand, women are far more likely to the victim of a crime when it comes to meeting someone, but I'm also aware that there are women who are the perpetrators. Is it all just down to common sense and gut feelings?

There is a lot to be said about trusting your gut instinct. 

[Deleted Member]

There is video conferencing in chat here. I don't know if it works. I had someone on here try to quickly move to phone numbers, and when I suggested we didn't have to, then silence. Honestly don't know if she was for real. I want her to be. It occurred to me this position of dom/sub is a perfect situation for someone to exploit. Great exercise in separating dom from fiction.

[Deleted Member]

A few Krav Maga classes certainly help me feel more capable of taking care of myself too. 😸 Just wish i would have done that years ago.

[Nylon-Nellie]

Common sense, gut instinct and intuition speak volumes. There is some stuff I won't share and there is stuff that I will share. Need to know springs to mind. If I am hosting, then at some point I will need to give out my home address and vice versa for the said person. Work is not shareable and neither is my immediate family shareable, unless my relationship with the said person does include them getting to know my immediate family.

 

[Deleted Member]

Same here

[wi****]

That also ties in to the vanilla world. What happens when we see someone on here that we know from the real world? Or they see you? Keep shit private yeah! I’ve gone as far as to message them to ask them as much. Peoples lives are at stake, the information we put on here can damage lives, relationships, jobs and careers.

[Is****]

You're absolutely right. This is kind of a do at your own risk sort of thing.

[st****]

Unichorny mentioned there is video conferencing in chat here. This is such an important part of the vetting process! Never go to meet someone unless you've face-timed/video-conferenced with them. You must be sure they are at least the person you thought you were getting to know. I also never let anyone come to my home - even someone I've vetted far enough that I feel like I can actually meet and engage with them could end up becoming someone I wish I hadn't after one or several encounters - I would not want that person to then be hurt or angry at my rejection. People can go cray-cray so easily... nice seeming people... it just takes that one situation to push them over the edge. Beyond that I just wholeheartedly agree with the other responses here on best safety practices. Don't be paranoid, be proactive!!

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, wilton923 said:

That also ties in to the vanilla world. What happens when we see someone on here that we know from the real world? Or they see you? Keep shit private yeah! I’ve gone as far as to message them to ask them as much. Peoples lives are at stake, the information we put on here can damage lives, relationships, jobs and careers.

Message people and ask them what? How they would feel of people found out they were into kink? I am super confused by your comment.

[BadDesires]

Such an aweful tragedy, a shocking reminder to be careful but also to respect someones boundaries. Sadly there are too many reasons for people to be guarded, makes it so much harder connecting with people but nice to see the sharing of some good tips here to help.

[wi****]

54 minutes ago, MommyDomme8484 said:

Message people and ask them what? How they would feel of people found out they were into kink? I am super confused by your comment.

No to keep each others kinks and anything else you may stumble across private

[ch****]

Mos def agree. Golden rule reigns in this arena.

[Deleted Member]

For guys it's a very tricky aspect too.
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On one hand you always need to be patient and polite with girls, as a gentleman, even a submissive one, should be, but on the other hand we all know that chatting/complementing for too long leads to them eventually saying:"Hey, look, had a great time and you are a wonderful guy, and I had so much fun talking to you, but... I found someone else."
And blah, blah, blah, just like that the story resets itself. All for nothing.
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Now, that doesn't mean you should be ***d to meet with someone right away, but it also doesn't mean you need to play games with people as you might break the spirit of a good human being as he/she is treated the same way as an untrostworthy person. And that is when evil gets a chance.
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I thought of it and sincerely believe it's all those dating apps that make the entry and the exit as easy as possible so danger can slide through, hidden behind all "goodness" (kind of like that fake InstaGrammy stuff that keeps coming back).
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-----> In the end we make our own choices and decisions, and we need to make sure that if we try something, especially kinky stuff you cannot get out of, that we trust the situation and the person 100 %. Not 98 % or 99.7 %, no, only the full 100 %.
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That being said, FET could maybe also try a litte better of being less premium and more safe... But it's all about the ***. And sometimes, unfortunately, *** beats safety.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, ilikedomimantgirlz said:

For guys it's a very tricky aspect too.
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On one hand you always need to be patient and polite with girls, as a gentleman, even a submissive one, should be, but on the other hand we all know that chatting/complementing for too long leads to them eventually saying:"Hey, look, had a great time and you are a wonderful guy, and I had so much fun talking to you, but... I found someone else."
And blah, blah, blah, just like that the story resets itself. All for nothing.

I hope you don't think guys are unique in that regard. I can't count the amount of times I have ended up ghosted by a boy after days or weeks of talking. And it has nothing to do with safety. It would be silly to think that someone isn't vetting more than one person at a time. You think someone is going to commit to the first person in their inbox? There is no reason to not weigh your options.

That being said, I am polyamorous and usually date monogs. It can be very hard because they tend to want to be monog so they end up choosing someone who is. So yeah, lots of 'wasted time' to get tossed aside for someone they deem better. It hurts and it sucks but it has nothing to do with gender.


Also, I would never push anyone to meet, regardless of gender or kink role. I just had a boy say he wanted to wait until the second week, to make sure he was comfy. And while it stung for a second having someone not all the way comfy with me, I knew I wish I had done the same in the past.