No means No (even when said politely)

[BigPolly]

4 hours ago, MsJax said:

 

@BigPollyWell said 

Thank you @MsJax it drives me insaaaaaane where people have clicked on my profile, liked my pics & haven’t read the write ....like flicking through a comic! 

Then they talk to you like you owe them a living!? 

I hate the old ‘I’ll teach you this or I’ll teach you that’ maybe they could but if I’m not connecting with them in the first place for any reason that’s not happening, simple as! I really don’t want some 18yr old beating my 42yr old ass...that’s never ever ever going to turn me on no matter how big the knob is that they then send in an uninvited pic 🙄

 

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

It appears to be very different on here for men & women, the women seem to all have a barrage of messages & sometimes you just can’t be bothered as there’s so many or you look & think ‘Really???’ 

Occasionally ive had a few make a joke of the age difference or kink difference & we’ve had a laugh but others just make you think ‘SOD OFFFFFFF’ x

 

Of I receive a message and it’s polite then I will reply, but after a lot of small talk it gets tedious and I find it much kinder to stop replying and ignore them, than to tell them to *** off and stop wasting my time. I have also experienced on the odd occasion men who will purposely try to wind me up to get a reaction, because having a woman talk down to them is what gets them hard. But the majority of messages o get are from Dom men and “Dom’s” (the second are the guys who think that they’re a proper Dom, because they like sex a little rough and they want control) thinking I’m a submissive, or likely to switch for them. Those are the messages I tend to just ignore and delete!! Sadly I never get messages of female submissives :( those I would t ignore at all 😈

[BigPolly]

 

 

4 hours ago, Novice1959 said:

It seems to me that men are the issue and they just to respect the woman's answer.

Not necessarily some of us receive it off occasional women as well

[BigPolly]

2 hours ago, sammyb45 said:

feet

awful thing not my things 

 I've horrible trotters

when I tell you that please don't come back say send me feet pics or talk to me bout feet , ewwww 

 

please be respectful of others choices 

please don't take it personally 

no means no 

be polite when you are told it's no for you 

don't be a keyboard warrior you wouldn't behave like that in pub or restaurant or club 

  

 Listen and read ...it will make the site a better place for everyone 

Hahaha feet is one of the few kinks I can’t get my head round & although I respect peoples love for them, I agree, after saying ‘feet aren’t my thing’ I then don’t want to hear what you’d like to do to them!?! 

Theres just a huge lack of respect going on & many are desperate for a quick kinky kick x

[BigPolly]

1 hour ago, Jed said:

Women deserve the respect that they are entitled too they are not *meat on the counter* they have feelings, want to be wooed want to feel that they have worth regardless of there position be it sub/Domme and here's the clincher.....they may well engage you if you show them said respect and approach them like a gentleman....its not hard in fact it's very very easy to be nice cos guess what people are nice back when you treat them nicely....

Nice one @BigPolly ❤

Thank you @Jed & you’ve hit on a mega point for me, strangely on a vanilla night out I’ll chat to anyone & have fun & I have the mouth of a navvy. I won’t flinch if someone says something crass in fact I’ll probably say something worse back yet as a sub my persona is different, I’m important & im powerful & im looking for a connection that compliments that so yes I want to be woo’d or just spoken to with respect. If you want my submission or my knowledge or my experience then you earn that the same way I’d earn the respect of any Dominant. You either speak to me like a Gentleman or you engage in conversation & make me laugh but you don’t put demands on me & tell me what I want or what I should be liking

(that’s not a personal ‘you’ by the way 😂 )

[BigPolly]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

and this male friends - is why she just hits no thanks even if you think you're one of the good ones.

Spot on! 😁

[BigPolly]

Well blow me!!! (Not literally...unless you’re blowing on me to cool me down but you’d need some mega lungs as I’m not little 😬) ....it would appear I’m not the only one who gets slightly exasperated at people who simply don’t/won’t listen & where as I appreciate many of you are desperate for a piece of me 😁 I’m sorry but we’re not all suited to each other. 

If someone says No then simply keep our community the beautiful place it is, giving newbies the comfort to know they’re in the right place & a safe place & just accept that we’re not all matched & No means No....in any walk of life 😊

You guys ***y rock!!! 😁😘

[3S****]

36 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

It’s odd but I can’t bring myself to use that or the ‘ignore’ button, how strange is that! I’d rather ignore their message or respond to say no, maybe I should try those buttons 

They do come in handy, i tend to use them automatically if busy chatting on here and someone messages me more than once and is annoying. Sometimes i ignore messages as well, depends what they've said really.

[ey****]

the other thing

if they're not going to take a "no" to "I'm not interested" - what else are they're not going to take a no on ?

 

[Daddys_little_girl]

6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the other thing

if they're not going to take a "no" to "I'm not interested" - what else are they're not going to take a no on ?

Ding, ding, ding!! 

EXACTLY! 
Limits matter, No matters … 

 

[ey****]

as a further - it's something I think guys should consider in how they come across when they come on here to moan.  There's probably very little you can say that makes Ladies you wish to attract go "OMG!  He's perfect" - but there's plenty you can say that is off-putting.  So when you say "She's blocked me too easily" - then it screams things like, not taking ownership, blaming others, entitlement, and even expecting her to continue in a conversation she's unhappy in translates that you'd be happy to continue in play she's unhappy with ("you might like it if you try" - which can be manipulative) 

It's important to keep learning.

[Jed]

1 hour ago, BigPolly said:

 

(that’s not a personal ‘you’ by the way 😂 )

Lol....no worries 🤣🤣🤣 did make me chickle

[Jed]

56 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the other thing

if they're not going to take a "no" to "I'm not interested" - what else are they're not going to take a no on ?

 

Well said good point too as this also highlights a lack of respect towards limits and boundaries which evidently they have no perception or liking towards...goodpoint well raised @eyemblacksheep

[BigPolly]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the other thing

if they're not going to take a "no" to "I'm not interested" - what else are they're not going to take a no on ?

 

This really frightens me! It’s beyond a lack of respect & outright worrying 

[BigPolly]

17 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

as a further - it's something I think guys should consider in how they come across when they come on here to moan.  There's probably very little you can say that makes Ladies you wish to attract go "OMG!  He's perfect" - but there's plenty you can say that is off-putting.  So when you say "She's blocked me too easily" - then it screams things like, not taking ownership, blaming others, entitlement, and even expecting her to continue in a conversation she's unhappy in translates that you'd be happy to continue in play she's unhappy with ("you might like it if you try" - which can be manipulative) 

It's important to keep learning.

The guys I have had come back & make a joke of things be it age or kinks, strangely are the much younger guys! Almost like they’re more accepting of what I’m saying & it turns into banter. I have never yet had an older guy come back with a comedy quip. They older ones tend to be more apologetic but only after they’ve been pushy.....I’m not saying that’s how it is around the board but that’s what I’ve experienced which is good as some are learning early on. 

[Jed]

I think the more we post the more we can hope to educate the newer members and just add a sprinkling of etiquette on a daily basis....who knows we may just make a difference...🤞🤞🤞🤞

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

I’m not saying that’s how it is around the board but that’s what I’ve experienced which is good as some are learning early on.

Being a viewer on much of these discussions I'd say learning is the key. I'm a 41 year old and shit, what I don't know could fill a book. 

Maybe there ought to be a thread about what girls do like, how they do like to be treated etc, but then I've been wanting a handbook for women most of my life 😂

 

On a similar note I feel that there needs to be more guidance for the young girls on here too, it's scary to see what could happen to too many on here. It's scary how young girls seem willing to offer themselves essentially for *** rather than informed, mature and consensual play. 

[BigPolly]

14 minutes ago, Method said:

Being a viewer on much of these discussions I'd say learning is the key. I'm a 41 year old and shit, what I don't know could fill a book. 

Maybe there ought to be a thread about what girls do like, how they do like to be treated etc, but then I've been wanting a handbook for women most of my life 😂

 

On a similar note I feel that there needs to be more guidance for the young girls on here too, it's scary to see what could happen to too many on here. It's scary how young girls seem willing to offer themselves essentially for *** rather than informed, mature and consensual play. 

Hahaha good luck in trying to work women out 😂 if you’re being kind then you’re ‘too nice’ if you’re being arrogant then you’re a dick ....& anything inbetween is probably wrong too 😂😂

agreed! I don’t think many new subs know how powerful & important they are to the dynamic & are happy just to hand themselves over with no real knowledge, to the first pushy Dom with huge demands.

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Hahaha good luck in trying to work women out 😂 if you’re being kind then you’re ‘too nice’ if you’re being arrogant then you’re a dick ....& anything inbetween is probably wrong too 😂😂

agreed! I don’t think many new subs know how powerful & important they are to the dynamic & are happy just to hand themselves over with no real knowledge, to the first pushy Dom with huge demands.

Well I pride myself with being a bit of a wrongun (in the right context of course😉) 

 

This whole (often fake) findom craze/scam has the potential to be dangerous too, it only takes one crazy to take what they feel they've paid for from some 21 year old having a laugh with her mates. 

If and when that does happen some will say "they had it coming" and some will point the finger at sites like these saying "they facilitated it."

 

 

[Kitty74-4244]

Hello, I'm new to the site and new to a kink community. I have been one of those lobby lurchers the past few weeks. I have found the similar topics posted about politeness, manners and respect a comforting introduction. Thank you.

My experiences so far have fallen into:-

1 As a new profile being pounced on. As I was learning how to navigate the site I just want we to be left alone until my awareness and confidence increased. Deciding if this was the place for me. I ignored any messages I got for awhile. A few did creep me out so after finding the auto messages I used that function. My level of politeness relates to 'your' level. I still have a minimum desire to acknowledge a message but won't then engage any further.

A useful feature for newbies would be able to turn off messages until you are ready to accept them, like an out of office message. I think this would allow people to be comfortable with the site first and not be put off. Better recruitment and retention, better business. People would not then feel inclined to be worried about blocking individuals because they don't yet understand the difference between an ahole and a strong personality.

2 Genuine welcome and advice. Thank you to those messages. It might of taken me a little time to reply but I made sure I did eventually.

3 'Hi', Hi,. I'm going to engage as much into a conversation as you do so hi will get a hi. How are you? The same, "fine how are you?" I do realize that these messages might the same as me, small talk is not my thing so starting up a conversation can be tough. I like to at least say hi if nothing else.

4 Conversations with motives. I've had some very nice conservations until a motive comes up. My answer has been, "just here for the site sorry not interested in..." "even just as....." Strangely most of these messages haven't come back hmmm. My profile does state no, but I am going to edit the wording to hopefully be a bit clearer.

Finally I do realise that this is a site for people to find that special someone or experience but I want to learn and interact with a community. The set up for profile doesn't seem to allow me to "not be interested". As a straight female I'm "interested in men" which filters my experience. I would like to interact with anyone polite and helpful of any gender (and non) and persuasion.

Thank you yet again to everyone that contributes to these forums to helps us newbies. 😺

[BigPolly]

7 hours ago, Method said:

This whole (often fake) findom craze/scam has the potential to be dangerous too, it only takes one crazy to take what they feel they've paid for from some 21 year old having a laugh with her mates. 

If and when that does happen some will say "they had it coming" and some will point the finger at sites like these saying "they facilitated it."

 

I understand what you’re saying. Like the people on here who want a quick kink fix so have no idea of bdsm, the new false Findoms have no idea what this world is really like. It ruins it for the professional Findoms & also for those whose fetish is to be controlled by payment. 

I guess it’s just a case of weedling out the idiots 

[BigPolly]

5 hours ago, Kitty74 said:

3 'Hi', Hi,. I'm going to engage as much into a conversation as you do so hi will get a hi. How are you? The same, "fine how are you?" I do realize that these messages might the same as me, small talk is not my thing so starting up a conversation can be tough. I like to at least say hi if nothing else

Thank you yet again to everyone that contributes to these forums to helps us newbies. 😺

Hellooooo & I’m glad you’ve looked beyond what we all get & you’ve stuck around! 

Yes I often reply with the Hi too whilst thinking ‘is there any point in this’ 😂

im glad you’re enjoying it so far & there are some amazing people on here 

[ey****]

8 hours ago, Method said:

Being a viewer on much of these discussions I'd say learning is the key. I'm a 41 year old and shit, what I don't know could fill a book. 

If it's any consolation - nobody knows it all - and ultimately, we're all still learning

Quote

Maybe there ought to be a thread about what girls do like, how they do like to be treated etc, but then I've been wanting a handbook for women most of my life 😂

the kinda problem is that becomes formulaic and I'm sure many hate being a formula.   I think lots of women like lots of different things, but as this thread shows there's clear things to avoid - and that's always a good start.

Quote

On a similar note I feel that there needs to be more guidance for the young girls on here too, it's scary to see what could happen to too many on here. It's scary how young girls seem willing to offer themselves essentially for *** rather than informed, mature and consensual play. 

I think a lot of these are ultimately sensible enough when it comes down to it.  They seem to be the type guys complain about when they start off a little "offering themselves" and then get cold feet.  Which possibly says more about the guys going for the "easy catch" then the ladies.

However... I do appreciate what you're saying.  But, the more people fill the boards with positive messages of consent, trust, relationship building - the more info comes available to help those/

[ey****]

8 hours ago, Method said:

This whole (often fake) findom craze/scam has the potential to be dangerous too, it only takes one crazy to take what they feel they've paid for from some 21 year old having a laugh with her mates. 

If and when that does happen some will say "they had it coming" and some will point the finger at sites like these saying "they facilitated it."

The risk comes with any form of sex work especially under some of the current laws/stigma.  

Miiiind.  Most of the wave of Findom, most give up relatively quickly when they see it does take a lot of time and work (and sometimes spending your own *** to make it look like you've a funded lifestyle in the hope people fund your lifestyle) - a lot of the others don't do meets - all online.    Then the ones who do meet largely do things either around a Pro set up, or "cashpoint meets" - which are usually  in quite a public place - often not in their home city/town.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, Kitty74 said:

1 As a new profile being pounced on. As I was learning how to navigate the site I just want we to be left alone until my awareness and confidence increased.

I've found this as a problem from myself - ooh new person in my area, should I say "hi" - no, she's new and will have all the vultures, let's not add to that...  then there never really seems a good time, haha.  But, maybe that's for the best.