FemDom's submission requirements vs. my Professional Personality-obligations

[Deleted Member]

FemDom's submission requirements vs. my Professional Personality-obligations:

i want to submit to a Woman who requires docility obedience and inherent inferiority, yet i have an obligation to the youth that i work with to be a man of Pride, Character andUnlimited potential.. is it that She is abusive maybe.. idk.

The scene is very taboo but has a very clearly factual basis at its modern application- perhaps fundamentally unjust but nonetheless its HOT and its undeniable.

Any takes..??

 

[Deleted Member]

Can someone pls translate?

[ey****]

OK. Translation.

The OP has a day job working with *** that requires him to be a leader, a role model - so to speak.

In his preferred D/s relationship - he is wishing to be subservient.  He'd also like the Dominant to be a little cruel.

He finds the latter hot, but think it contradicts with the former - even though many in the lifestyle manage this perfectly well.

I think it's potentially a good topic for the subject of discussion, some guys struggle with this - and others think they're special because it (mind, I think anyone who uses "Dominant in the streets, submissive in the sheets" deserves a punch) and it's a valid discussion.

However, this is also a classified ad.  Albeit we could be forgiven for thinking such because of the confusing wording. 

[Deleted Member]

Ok the lingo was very ghettos style but don’t see the prob here!! 1/4 of male subs have alpha jobs or ranks in society so it’s been talked, read, studied, identify, published, established 

[ey****]

whenever you get one of those newspaper stories "an interview with a Dominatrix who shares what it's really like" there's certain things where you can always get your bingo card out on what the article will contain.

There'll nearly always be some trope about some CEO or manager who has a job with lots of staff under him following his orders and comes to her as an escapism.

Mind.

I think that's valid for them but still overall an over-simplification in some circumstances.

Some people do see submission as escapism - but, I dunno.  It can be different things to different people.  

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

whenever you get one of those newspaper stories "an interview with a Dominatrix who shares what it's really like" there's certain things where you can always get your bingo card out on what the article will contain.

There'll nearly always be some trope about some CEO or manager who has a job with lots of staff under him following his orders and comes to her as an escapism.

Mind.

I think that's valid for them but still overall an over-simplification in some circumstances.

Some people do see submission as escapism - but, I dunno.  It can be different things to different people.  

Of course it’s part of the fantasm and it’s sell better, can’t see a story interesting with an accountant ! 

Escapism but also fantasy. But is it always a submission? Some just follow an order and get rewarded with a spanking, not real submissive then 

[Deleted Member]

eyemblacksheep 

friend my YODA thinks you is , you're a very intelligent man my friend x respect 

[ey****]

6 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

But is it always a submission? Some just follow an order and get rewarded with a spanking, not real submissive then 

this is something I think often causes a lot of confusion.

It's something that has caused myself a lot of challenges also - but I think there's always stuff we know, and stuff we don't know.

It is sometimes too common you get guys on the forums or wherever whom claim to be submissive but really just want to do a few kinks or fantasies and call it submission : it only works if everyone is on the same wave-length.

So, when guys come on "I'm a sub, I want to worship feet and be pegged and maybe you can dress me up" they get genuinely confused there's no bites.  But, they're not portraying as submissive.  (by contrast you then get the other guys somehow who've cottoned but think they're better and they're like "I'm not a sub or a piggy, I'm not weak, yadayada - I just like feet etc.")

I think there's a lot of confusion from the fantasy side of things.  

Of course, whatever people are into - to whatever levels - it's all cool.  

Mind, rewards can be a part of submission.  No matter how selfless the act, there has always got to be something that makes you wish to serve the person.

I did joke with someone earlier - I was saying sometimes when I film I barter in kinks - "OK, I'll do this scene for you I'm not going to enjoy, because I know you want to do it and it'll sell well... but, hey, if we could maybe also do a foot fetish clip?" - but, I guess then, I often say I'm not really submissive.

[Deleted Member]

THank you two for responding, i guess this is lost however anyway i decided to take it slow but comit to this Domme, she considers herself a norml person that capitalizes on the truth. i was hoping to discuss this with Women, tbh.. but this isnt the best site for my interests and there may perhaps be even more *** of "personal ads" than that OTHER site btu at least my questions got respect or at least follow up questions.. thanks anyway..

[ey****]

I think the difference in the two sites is that the other one is poorly and inconsistently moderated, there are some forums flooded with clear or stealth personals on a site not set up for dating.  This one, there's all the tools to create ads on your own profile to avoid the forums being flooded with "anyone in my area" kinda posts.  (Mind, the odd one does get through) - but, never mind - it's good :)

Yeah, everyone or nobody is 'normal' really.  Even when people say "I'm not one of those Dominants/submissives" they're still basing that on just one side they see.  But, people work differently.

I do, however, think taking it slow and committing towards one person is often the best way to go.  Too many (particularly) guys want to rush into things - but - honestly, it's not a sprint it's a marathon.   It's certainly about the journey.

[Jonnyboy973]

I agree

[Deleted Member]

just a general question but for me personally is there a book ancient or otherwise where BDSM is learned,im an ex martial artist and had to learn from probably two of the best grandmasters in the world but this is passed down through centuries of learning and refining the arts, i understand that BDSM is mentioned in Sumerian txt but who if anybody enlightens the Doms and MISTRESS in modern times.

i wouldn't attend a doctor without medical certificates i wouldn't go to a Dentist who uses pliers,so how can a BDSM newbie as my self know the real from the fake.

Edited July 30, 2018 by Deleted Member
bit i missed

[ey****]

In modern times the internet is a massive resource.

 

But, not always the best tools.

 

When myself and my wife started (both of us are switches, but I tend to be more Dominant towards her) I bought a whole bunch of fairly basic bits and pieces - and almost learnt via reading bits and pieces and youtube tutorials.

 

And, we made some progress.

 

But, things moved a lot faster when we went to a workshop.

 

Among other things we could both experience some of the toys by those whom were more advanced with them.

 

I was using a flogger and someone was able to help me sharpen up my position and technique.

 

I was talking to a friend yesterday whom has been training with a view to be a Pro-Domme and a mutual friend is a caning enthusiast so she has been effectively allowing him to direct her and in exchange he gets a free caning.

 

There are people who will take on a mentor role to help people.

 

A learn a lot when people do things to me, especially if we chat about it afterwards (mind, not that I'll ever use the knowledge on how to ruin someone's orgasm because I'm unlikely to ever give a guy a handjob) 

 

And, yeah, we've been to workshops around the country particularly if there's a specific topic we want to learn about - so we went to a breath play workshop in Stockport (then stayed behind for a play party) or went to an all-day demo in London which, sadly one of the workshops we wanted to see was cancelled - but we went to one on CBT and also a fascinating one about knife play.

 

I think a lot of learning is still derived from fantasy fiction - but also a lot in ***r groups, talking to people at munches or watching others play.

 

Some of course like to purely self learn.  And that's fine also, albeit slower.

 

Ooh. Just saw your edit. I'll write a bit more on that. 

[ey****]

I wrote a blog a while ago towards outright scams - a little google search for you that'll work is : eyemblacksheep staying safe

 

However, that blog only focused on scams and I never did get round to writing one on dangerous play.

 

One of the first steps is to try to learn yourself what is safe.

You could see two people having a good time and you may think "you know, after they're done I might ask the Mistress if she will play with me"

 

(this is actually what happened to me the very first time I played)

 

But... if you can see subtle signs she's checking up on him, if there seems to be a way to safeword whilst gagged - these are positive signs.

 

If there are too many mishits, or intentional strikes to the kidneys, then she doesn't really know what she's doing.

 

If it's a Pro whose made videos, then it's often worth buying videos first, it's a good way to research.

 

If it's someone in your local club, a little bit more difficult but an opportunity to watch them play helps.

Perhaps talking to them and feeling they fill you with confidence, ideal if you already know stuff and their knowledge validates what you already know.

 

I'd never advise jumping into play too quickly, even if this is something I've done in the past.

 

Sometimes you can have confidence in someone via their associates.  If they're friends with someone you trust that might help, or of course you can ask a friend.

 

I once put myself in a slave auction and I did that - obviously it was a little bit exciting not knowing who'd "win" me, but I did have confidence in the venue and the event organiser, knowing they would ultimately vet any known idiot.

 

Anyway, the person who won me was a Pro from London whom was good friends with the organiser who is someone trusted in CP circles (even if she had to retire through ***... turns out 'tennis elbow' is a real risk with caning people!)

 

Remember, if you're talking to someone about play, it doesn't have to be that day.

 

[Deleted Member]

excellent love this my friend very good sound advice respect am still waiting to look up the Mistress you mentioned all in due time thanks again wise words x