How should I talk to a domme?

[Deleted Member]

Since joining fet it has been hard to actually know what to say to a dominant.

It might just be a me problem but, since never doing this before it makes it difficult to know when your saying the right thing.

Everyone is different and dommes are not all the same from what I have heard, I just hope I don't put the dommes off before I have even started my journey.

 

Any insights are appreciated 🙏 

[Cheekysub247]

Just be respectful, make sure you actually read their profile and see if YOU are what THEY are looking for and vice versa, not just they seem perfect for you. It will really show if you dont read profiles properly.

[Solar]

Be polite and I have asked you to use an honorific then use it.
Each dom/me is different.
With me for example, if you came on strong begging to be degraded without any prior conversation I’d write you off as having little or no respect for yourself. But that’s just me. I like to discuss the dynamic first before diving straight in. It protects us both.

Another person might like that for example.

[Solar]

Be polite and if you have been asked*

[Deleted Member]

Just a simple hi would do. Strike up a conversation about what you're interested in. It's not a good sign if they start demanding things from the get go. As with everything, communication is key

[Deleted Member]

Definitely be forward with what you're looking for and willing to engage. Take initiative in the conversation. If they come out with a list of demands before you've negotiated anything or discussed aftercare or anything like that then my advice would be to block them. That's a sure sign that they are irresponsible with their subs and not safe.

[Cheekysub247]

Only use honorific's if you are comfortable doing it straight away, if not and that person requests it straight up then they probably arnt for you

[ge****]

Talk to them just the same way as you would any other person whether on here or in your normal day to day life - they're not a dominant until they become one to you after all - it really is as simple as that.
.
A dominant is a normal person, just as you are and you're far more likely to strike up a rapport and a connection over time by treating them normally to begin with and then moving into more defined roles.
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You are after all equals so why would you want to treat them differently?

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, gemini_man said:

Talk to them just the same way as you would any other person whether on here or in your normal day to day life - they're not a dominant until they become one to you after all - it really is as simple as that.
.
A dominant is a normal person, just as you are and you're far more likely to strike up a rapport and a connection over time by treating them normally to begin with and then moving into more defined roles.
.
You are after all equals so why would you want to treat them differently?

This. 100% this is correct.

[ey****]

so there's no magic formula

if you are contacting a pro-Mistress some do have some kinda of requirements on how you should contact.... but you'll not be contacting a Pro.

Sometimes it is worth reading someone's profile first to see if there are any instructions (and if you don't agree with the instructions : don't message them) and that should also help give conversation points if anything stands out.

The question is...

Why are you contacting them?

If the answer is "well, I'm a sub and they're a Domme - doh!" then you're not going to get very far.

Of all the Dommes in the world - why are you contacting THEM?   

What did you like about their profile, what makes them stand out, what do you feel you could ask them that is conversational.   Hell, you know. I once got a big conversation going just by approaching someone who used to regularly post on the forums to say I thought she rocked, that I always looked forward to her replies on forums and that I appreciated her.  (We were going to meet but, opposite ends of the country... not a problem, but then... covid happened.... and.... so on) 

[Deleted Member]

Be polite, get to know them, make a connection. If they dive straight in to kink yhen they probably aren’t a really Dominant

[Deleted Member]

Be polite, get to know them, make a connection. If they dive straight in to kink yhen they probably aren’t a really Dominant

[Deleted Member]

You're talking to a person, I'd start there. Every person is different, and has different tones and ways they like a conversation to run. I don't tend to initiate conversations with Doms very often, but start by being polite, interesting, open and friendly... And then use how they respond to guide how you continue.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve also struggled with getting back into talking from past experiences do I go straight into good morning mistress or use there first name due to the pandemic I’m struggling to trust people due to being scammed in the past.

Try not to give out much information about myself now spoken to someone on the phone off hear first call had mental block did not know how to start omg.

Second call did open up more about what I’ve done with previous mistress from a club then what im interested in doing next.

Shall I try more to be myself or keep my armer up ?

[MissJacqui]

I remember when I met my first sub. It was at a beach and we were both on holidays. We just talk as strangers and I noticed he was adressing me as miss. So I asked him to explain to me why he is so respectful and from then he explained to me what hes into and then our story and my journey as a domme started. So I would say yes. Be respectful and research and practice to know and developed your fetishes.