PhantomFlogger Posted May 16, 2022 Posted May 16, 2022 Lately I've found it really hard to want to bring kink into my sex life, I'm starting to feel like a disappointment. I love my BDSM side, I'm attracted to deviants just like me, but I just don't feel comfortable playing anymore. I know this disappoints my partners, to see my wall of toys and never see me reach for them, to watch my fire build up but never unleash it. I just don't know why it feels so fake now, how i feel hasn't changed, what i like hasn't changed, but whenever I'm asked to let it out, i shut down. I don't think at this point that it's a secret that I have introverted Narcissism, but I'm in control of it for the best part, i hide it well and use it to my advantage.. maybe I've become ***ful that I shouldn't have the trust Submissives give me? I'm not sure, I love being trusted, I genuinely *** being seen as anything but trustworthy, i am a narcissist after all, how I'm seen is the most important part, taking care of what is mine is just as paramount. Lately I have been dealing with people saying I am a bad person, I meet these people with confusion, my friends say its just people being hurtful because they know ill second guess myself, after all... i do have a personality disorder that lies to me. Do i feel undeserving? Have i just not met anyone i want to play with? Am i too dangerous and somewhere deep inside I dont want to hurt anyone? I dont know, but what i do know is i miss enjoying it. Why am i kink blocking myself?
Deleted Member Posted May 16, 2022 Posted May 16, 2022 Hypothetically you could say that level of concern and self awareness, makes you worthy of this trust you dont feel you deserve.
ge**** Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 Could be any number of reasons and not all of them directly related to kink - changes in your general lifestyle, drop in libido, even health issues or your age and many more things besides - either way if you've found less interest, it's OK to take a step back and away from it for a while. . I do know what you mean though, albeit from a slightly different perspective, my mojo/libido hasn't really been there for some time now - it kind of lingers in the background and pops up every now and then, yet I am still a sexual being and have sexual thoughts and I'm sure when the right time comes it'll reappear with a bit of a kick-start. . It's one of those things that the more you let it worry you the more the downward spiral continues - so accept it for what it is right now, and take a step back and relax.
Deleted Member Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 This is very interesting to me. You see I served a, Dom for over 8 years, and one day out almost out of the blue mid session he stopped. Told me to get dressed and meet him downstairs. When I got there he apologised profusely and told me he just couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't realky pinpoint what had gone wrong other than we had recently experimented with a lTex hood that only had tiny nasal holes for breathing and he said the excitement he got from seeing my *** had, scared him. The thing is his playroom was set up so well he, always had a pair of sheers, and a, stanley knife on the botyom shelf of one unit along side a full first aid kit. He was very safety aware. I don't know how to help you but thought hearing of my experience with my ex might help you at least feel less alone.
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