Bdsm questions

[Deleted Member]

Hi, I'm writing a book that heavily involves bdsm. It's basically several short stories focused on sexual interactions.

I want to make sure that everything is portrayed healthily, without the abusive nature that can easily be mistaken for bdsm. Even still in the aftermath of 50 shades of Grey i know that there is still a lot of controversy and it's hard to fight misinformation. 

So I've decided to go straight to the community for guidance. 

I understand it's built on trust, and it's consensual. 

 

Does anyone have anything they can explain to make sure everything stays clear from stigma?

Are there any fantasies that I should make sure to include?

 

Thanks in advance.

[ca****]

Research the SSC, PRICK & RACK concepts, they're the foundations to a healthy kink dynamic.

[Ki****]

I would add aftercare to the list of things to include. Making sure the involved parties are taken care of after a scene is key to keep interactions healthy

[ey****]

While things (like) 50 Shades people rightfully pick apart - they often do so from a position of feeling things should be perfect when, actually, a lot of kink relationship and play scenes and stuff are NOT perfect and/or went through a lot of trial and error and challenges to get there.

There can be advantages to short stories in the sense that you can fast track characters relationships they can be perfect, ethical, so on 

One suggestion I might put in that one of the stories involves, say, use of a safe word.  That the Dominant then stops, finds out what was wrong, ensures the sub they haven't let them down, provides care for them at the moment before making a decision as of if they can resume.

Another could be to do a scene where the Dominant actually makes a mistake and the submissive pulls them about it 2-3 days later (because it will never be at the time in reality) and they talk and work through it (perhaps that story could begin after whatever the incident was)

Of course the kinda problem is that stuff like aftercare, scene negotiation, talking through issues, trial and error, etc. is rarely sexy and difficult to keep interest in story telling
 

It is of course also difficult to tell that something they are doing might have taken a lot of practice.

Let us imagine this as a set up.  Dominant walks across to submissive. Puts his hands on her shoulders and gives a look of disappointment. Tells her she hasn't done something and will be punished.  She pleads no.  He turns her around and bends her over. Hitches her skirt, spanks her. She starts to apologise for the thing.  He tells her she hasn't learnt her lesson and will get a cane. She pleads no. He canes her anyway, hard, across the bottom.   He then pushes her to the floor, fucks her, and she is already extremely wet and he is hard and they have lovely sex.

And, actually, for some (with proper story telling and not my overview) that is HOT AS FUCK and is also probably quite ethical, to others that would be terrifying, just the look of disappointment would be too much.

But in this fictitious story, the Dominant is signalling by the hands on the shoulders he wants to play, and the look is him getting into role for this play.  Begging might be a kink of one or both of them OR they may have a CNC arrangement.  The spanking is also part of the warm up and him telling her that he will cane her is a pre warning of what to expect.  She is wet cos actually in this scenario it is one that she finds arousing, and also one he finds arousing.  But for other people this could be terrifying.

At multiple points she was given opportunity to safe word.

Now. I could write up two versions of this story - in version one it is just the action and that would be very titillating but lack the context.

In version two it could explain this is a dynamic they'd worked to and how he was checking things were OK even though he didn't, at any point, outright 'ask'.  But adding the context massively increases the story length and probably makes it less sexy, even if it explains more and makes it more ethical.

[Th****]

There is no way I can put this better than blacksheep just did.

One big thing for me is the characters in the stories are as fudemental as the action. Unless you are just into casual play you are with the person you are with because of who they are.

Don't let the BDSM and kink make you lose sight of the tenderness, love and caring.

It is all about balance.

[CopperKnob]

Also, I would love a book which shys away from having the following storyline
Female, living a chaotic life, meets male. Its hate at first sight. They paths continue to cross and they enter into a sexual relationship practising BDSM. The female initially thinks its wrong and something she has no intention of being involved in. The female then realises she loves it.
The male takes the female under his wing, he coaches her and all of a sudden her life is right on track, they fall happily in love, marry, spawn kids and live happily ever after.

I would absolutely love a strong, female lead submissive who knows exactly what she wants, searches it out and obtains it. Its no bother to me if they live happily ever after of not, but reading whats currently out there is tedious

[BadDesires]

There is certainly plenty of scope for interesting stories in the BDSM world. Especially in some areas most writers skip past. For example a young dominant learning and developing there skills. Learning some basic first aid as well as all the kinky stuff. How they practice and learn from there mistakes.
The negotiation of consent is another interesting area to focus on so people can learn safer ways to explore without rushing in.

[Vi****]

17 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Also, I would love a book which shys away from having the following storyline
Female, living a chaotic life, meets male. Its hate at first sight. They paths continue to cross and they enter into a sexual relationship practising BDSM. The female initially thinks its wrong and something she has no intention of being involved in. The female then realises she loves it.
The male takes the female under his wing, he coaches her and all of a sudden her life is right on track, they fall happily in love, marry, spawn kids and live happily ever after.

I would absolutely love a strong, female lead submissive who knows exactly what she wants, searches it out and obtains it. Its no bother to me if they live happily ever after of not, but reading whats currently out there is tedious

I read a book yesterday by Kitty Thomas called Comfort Food, master slave Stockholm syndrome dynamic.  Good twist at the end. Can't say anything more as spoilers.  Though I feel she was strong in her wants ultimately. 

Edited May 20, 2022 by Vic1077

[Su****]

17 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Also, I would love a book which shys away from having the following storyline
Female, living a chaotic life, meets male. Its hate at first sight. They paths continue to cross and they enter into a sexual relationship practising BDSM. The female initially thinks its wrong and something she has no intention of being involved in. The female then realises she loves it.
The male takes the female under his wing, he coaches her and all of a sudden her life is right on track, they fall happily in love, marry, spawn kids and live happily ever after.

I would absolutely love a strong, female lead submissive who knows exactly what she wants, searches it out and obtains it. Its no bother to me if they live happily ever after of not, but reading whats currently out there is tedious

You should be the one writing it!!!

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, Vic1077 said:

I read a book yesterday by Kitty Thomas called Comfort Food, master slave Stockholm syndrome dynamic.  Good twist at the end. Can't say anything more as spoilers.  Though I feel she was strong in her wants ultimately. 

Thanks i shall have a look on the kindle

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, Subtlety said:

You should be the one writing it!!!

Oh no, i have no ability to write erotica 🤣

[Su****]

10 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Oh no, i have no ability to write erotica 🤣

Then maybe there’s a different book inside u!

[BadDesires]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Oh no, i have no ability to write erotica 🤣

There is now Audiobooks if you want to avoid writing, although something tells me this is probably not what you meant.

Although from the glimpses of writing I have seen here I'm sure it would make a very enjoyable read what ever happens.

[Juicylicius]

As mentioned

On 5/17/2022 at 3:25 AM, LAngel said:

it's built on trust, and it's consensual. 

Hey, right, communication builds trust. Negotiating makes out the consent. There is nothing more beautiful than what can resolve as dynamic when these things meet.