Brat behavior

[KG****]

I’m new to BDSM but have met quite a few Doms in passing and as the convo steers towards BDSM, they’ve all pretty quickly defined me as a “bratty sub”. I’ve done some research on it and it seems to fit but I’m not too sure what to do or how to maneuver in this space. Do I go looking for a Dom? Do they come and find me? Boundaries? I have no idea about anything.

Please help this baby sub out 😇

[Sl****]

I don’t actually know 😅 probably the least helpful comment you will get but as a sub I was told to keep approaching but I gave up after a while so I’m just reading discussions and stories occasionally posting my own plays sometimes.

I think you will attract approaching if your profile is showing the complete you which the right people will take interest in

[Ceejayuk]

If you are searching for people in your area and you come across a profile of a Dom you think you may like, then there is no harm in messaging them. At the same time if you have an intersting profile, then I am sure you will be messaged too. 

[Se****]

Being a (smidge of a) brat myself what you’ll likely find, at least my experience, is that there are many people out there who claim to love brats/are brat tamers until they actually meet one and then we’re too much. There are however a special few who know exactly how to deal with a brat - this varies dependent on the person. 
 

I don’t see anything wrong whatsoever in messaging people you like the look of and you may well find your submissiveness “changes” as it were dependent on who you’re speaking with and what qualities they bring out in you. 
 

m Nothing is right or wrong per se in the way you act and are it’s just finding the right person to complement that. 
 

Good luck

[Ir****]

I have had some brats in my day. Let me see if I can help. First of all... I would put that you are bratty in your description, so any potential Dom has fair warning. Because being a brat to a soft dom is just mean 😆

Then just be yourself! A Brat tamer will know how to handle you. Just start put playful and rebellious and once you and your partner get going... you can turn into a full on anarchist hellbat if you want. Hahaha. The brat/tamer relationship is about making him work for the submission. Most tamers find that really rewarding!

[Deleted Member]

I have spoken to lots of Doms who claim not to like brats but have enjoyed me bc they enjoy the way I do it - banter and mental games over defiance or pranks (tho I do like the odd loophole exposure). It's all very personal. I've also met a lot of so called brat tamers who thought they could squash me. It was less that they could or couldn't, more that I'm not interested in that sort of "dominance". Labels are great guides, but sometimes they unhelpfully give the wrong impression.

[Deleted Member]

Just because others defined you first doesn’t mean they got it right! You could be a switch who hasn’t figured it out yet 😉

[CopperKnob]

Be aware that some Doms will label you as a 'brat' because they fell you aren't being submiisive towards them. I could go on regarding this, but essentially some will use the label in a derogatory way.
Don't let others label you. You say you're new, take some time to figure put who you are first. That may change over time/who you're in a relationship with and that's totally OK

[Di****]

Just be you, this is about you, you're the sub and should be saying what you like and don't like. Labels like bratty etc restrictive but help a little. It's up to you and an intelligent, respectful, consensual Dom to understand you over time.. you're an individual, no a labeled pack of meat.

[ge****]

As for what to do and how to manoeuvre - you don't have to "do" anything or behave in a particular way, just be authentically you - if others want to define you as something as a result then that's up to them - ultimately some people will be interested in the authentic you, others won't.
.
There's nothing to stop you going looking for a dominant, and am sure there will be plenty come looking for you too - but before you do anything having an idea of your boundaries and limits is a good move, as is learning as much as you can about the lifestyle, what motivates you about it etc

[KG****]

EVERYONE thank you so much !!

[Deleted Member]

Just be who you are and if you decide that you are a brat then put it in your profile. I find it helpful to read someone's description of themselves so I guess it works both ways in that. I have got some messages from Doms who think they like bratty subs but turns out they just don't want my playful brattiness and just plain obedience. Nothing wrong with that of course just not something that I like. I choose for being myself and not hiding my brattiness.

If you come across a profile of someone you might like. Just send a message to them. If I hadn't done it, I wouldn't have chatted with someone and get to know him. While there's this great connection online with him and hopefully still there when we're meeting up 😉

[Je****]

You don't need a dominant to be in this lifestyle. Nor do you need to be a submissive. You are who you are.
Yeah so what you have traits of something? That doesn't mean you need that dynamic or role if you don't want one. Be you <3

[pi****]

I am also a brat new to the BDSM community and reading these comments is helpful. Thanks KGbrat for posting, and everyone replying.

[Deleted Member]

Sub with brat undertones here and listen, you don't NEED a Dom. Just be, makes friends, read up on and learn concepts, etc. I myself was apart of online communities for years just vibing, learning and getting comfortable before I even felt like I wanted a D/s dynamic. Don't worry about finding a Dom, you'll find yours when you find yours. Honestly just enjoy the ride & process of finding yourself out on your own and not through the eyes of Doms. Listen, this community has dangers just like any other and honestly you shouldn't jump into getting a Dom right now, you need time and pressure free freedom to learn, ask questions. Learn about soft limits, hard limits, boundaries, safe words, scenes, etc free from expectations. Do not worry about getting a Dom and just be for now. Best advice I can give!

[Sa****]

I recommend reading on the BDSM topic to get started, from there ask yourself what feels fun & what doesn't/ what doesn't feel ok