Is it true? Do women not look for nice guys

[Taz2287]

Sometimes they want a nice guy when they’re thinking about settling down then give them a couple years and they don’t want a nice guy no more

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

I really object to "women like". I mean, you guys know we're all individuals, right???

But, men know better, particulary when it's about things relating to women! 🙄

[Cu****]

17 hours ago, Ash377 said:

They don't want nice guys until they reach to a certain age or realization. Women like novelty, multidimensional unpredictable characteristics. Nice guys are too predictable, and hence boring.

Really?! Please don’t speak for what women want.

[si****]

Very true nice guys are overlooked

[sp****]

4 hours ago, bigjoemaster said:

Very true nice guys are overlooked

Nice guys typically don't get noticed because they lack confidence.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, bigjoemaster said:

Very true nice guys are overlooked

Other females have said this... we are all different! If this is how you think... am I suppose to think I have no chance?. I should hate men, because all... ALL men want Hot Vixens?!

[Strix]

4 hours ago, spadeDs said:

Nice guys typically don't get noticed because they lack confidence.

I don't lack confidence and don't class myself as a "nice guy". I've been told I'm too good for someone, I've been told I am too soft and many other things, but never a nice guy...

I do struggle messaging on here because I do lack some confidence in messages as not really able to sell myself or be myself easily online. However, when in the company of friends at some munches I am able to talk and be myself. I know I'm an introvert in person and come across shy, but once people get to know me they have told me that I'm what I say I am, so as I've said before. Be yourself. Being yourself is the best way to show people who you are trying to be who you're not causes frustration for yourself and the person(s) you're trying to change/impress.

I am not trying to answer this as a male point of view, but saying this as it should be common sense for all sexes, that trying to change for someone doesn't do anything but causes confusion in the long run.

[ge****]

12 hours ago, bigjoemaster said:

Very true nice guys are overlooked

All kinds of guys get overlooked or feel they are not given a chance on sites like this - but it has nothing to do with whether they are "nice" or not and everything to do with their approach to the site.
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Things like whether they have a well thought out profile, their message content, how they interact with others on the forums and much more come into play.
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As I said further up, whether someone is "nice" or not is for others to decide and not the person themselves, but simple logic indicates that anyone who meets another person from sites like this must consider them "nice" to want to meet - so by that reasoning alone "nice" guys most definitely do not get overlooked!!

[ey****]

11 hours ago, spadeDs said:

Nice guys typically don't get noticed because they lack confidence.

I don't think nice necessarily equates with confidence.  I've seen people who have complained about social anxieties lack of confidence etc and then when someone has tried to help them it turns out they're an a**hole - and there are some people who kinda do come with both a confidence and kindness.

I do think of course there is this problem that there are guys who do lack confidence and feel they are nice or would be good if only given the chance or so on and might be right or might be wrong - but the notion they are nice is one that exists only in their head.   I think 'nice' is something that can only really be something other people get to dictate about someone so if they think you're nice, they're noticing you and if they're not noticing you then there's nothing to go off and it's just a notion that exists in their head.

[Deleted Member]

women arent a monolith. some women look for nice guys, others like bad boys. and some women aren't interested in men.

[Deleted Member]

I think some people who self label as “nice guys” may not be quite as nice as they think. Some people use that stereotype/trope as an excuse so they don’t have to look at themselves. I also think that sometimes people just aren’t attracted to you, and rejection isn’t always easy to take for some people, so they turn to blame

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, irishdomuk said:

I think some people who self label as “nice guys” may not be quite as nice as they think. Some people use that stereotype/trope as an excuse so they don’t have to look at themselves. I also think that sometimes people just aren’t attracted to you, and rejection isn’t always easy to take for some people, so they turn to blame

I frequently am asked why if I say no thank you to somebody's advances. I find it really uncomfortable, because I don't want to tell you what it is about you that isn't appealing to me because it might hurt your feelings, but I also dislike the idea that you are entitled to a reason. I should just be able to say no, and I always say it politely unless you have been very rude, and that be the end of it

[th****]

Saturday at 08:06 PM, Nick69420 said:

I’m just tired of being ignored, I try so hard and it feels like nobody wants me, I try and be polite and respectful, and I try to be exactly what they want but it never works

You should be trying to find someone who fits with who you really are, not trying to be what you think we want.

[Deleted Member]

44 minutes ago, thinkofallison said:

You should be trying to find someone who fits with who you really are, not trying to be what you think we want.

This advice comes from a good place but I don't agree . If people don't like what you're selling you're going to need to change or you won't sell anything.

I get the idea and it's a sweet thought but there's definite sets of behaviors and traits which are far easier to be successful as.  I wish it wasn't true but it is.

[ey****]

I think two minds.  

If people don't like what you are selling then can you find someone else that does?  Of course, sure there are things which can go against you or limit options but it can be better to be with someone that compliments your likes/interest/personality than be with someone so you are 'not single' and end up having to over-compromise.

Of course if there are improvements you think you can make that you would be happy to do - then go for it.  

But, there has to be something in common.

The kinda problem also is if you try to change into what you THINK somebody wants - you may well be wrong, and this can certainly result in you being more unhappy or if you do get a relationship on the back of it, never be content. 

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Mathbro said:

This advice comes from a good place but I don't agree . If people don't like what you're selling you're going to need to change or you won't sell anything.

I get the idea and it's a sweet thought but there's definite sets of behaviors and traits which are far easier to be successful as.  I wish it wasn't true but it is.

Whilst I agree that something has to change if you're not finding what you want from sites like this, or anything really, I totally disagree that changing yourself to fit what you perceive others to want is either the right thing to do, or even desirable, in fact it's presenting a total fake facade.
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Not only that while doing so *may* fit what it's perceived to be desirable to one person, you may actually be missing out on the someone that wants you for the person you really are.
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So it's not about changing personality but changing approach and figuring out how you can sell "you" better for most guys.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Mathbro said:

This advice comes from a good place but I don't agree . If people don't like what you're selling you're going to need to change or you won't sell anything.

I get the idea and it's a sweet thought but there's definite sets of behaviors and traits which are far easier to be successful as.  I wish it wasn't true but it is.

Maybe if you are selling a "product", or making sure you don't look like "crap". I don't want the guy to run away. You can put a facade, but most people will catch on.

[Deleted Member]

Talking about facade... maybe I should wear the padded butt/hip underwear all the Asian Youtube videos are promoting. The German Butt Lovers would be very disappointed.... huh, what happened to your butt?!😨😅

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think two minds.  

If people don't like what you are selling then can you find someone else that does?  Of course, sure there are things which can go against you or limit options but it can be better to be with someone that compliments your likes/interest/personality than be with someone so you are 'not single' and end up having to over-compromise.

Of course if there are improvements you think you can make that you would be happy to do - then go for it.  

But, there has to be something in common.

The kinda problem also is if you try to change into what you THINK somebody wants - you may well be wrong, and this can certainly result in you being more unhappy or if you do get a relationship on the back of it, never be content. 

Dating becomes vastly easier as a man if you're fit and economically successful. This is just truth unfortunately.

Few women will get with a poor fat slob, not saying it's impossible but it's the case for the significant majority. So as a man you make a choice as to conform or not. If you wait for the right one you're going to be waiting for a long time.

[sa****]

Monday at 10:46 PM, Lady_Char said:

I really object to "women like". I mean, you guys know we're all individuals, right???

Yes but just as men are an over all group so are women

[ey****]

9 hours ago, Mathbro said:

Dating becomes vastly easier as a man if you're fit and economically successful. This is just truth unfortunately.

 

Ah got you.  

In terms of economics.   I've found financial stability is a big boost and for a few reasons.  Wealth has it's own problems - but financial security is still an important trait for a couple of reasons.  One is that having disposable income allows you to do things and be places you're more likely to be able to meet women - and, also, regardless of the situation when paying checks it does make the first few dates a little easier.   

While going the other way sometimes someone who is struggling with debts feels pressured to pretend they're not struggling (at least at first) which can lead to some false expectations and often more volatile relationships.  

Poverty is a real problem and has a real impact on people's ability to date - and - there's not always stuff that can be done about it.

Sometimes this becomes a case of priority - and in this case the priority is trying to get finances in order *before* looking into dating.   How easy this is to work on depends on the cards in front of you.  But, in general, looking at improving finances (for those not in absolute poverty) is something a lot of men can work on - budgeting, prioritising spends, refinancing any debts, ditching costly/unnecessary subscriptions, etc. 

Obviously for those in poverty this is both more difficult to date and more difficult to improve financial situation - so some changes are temporarily beyond them. 

In terms of fitness.

Some of this again can tie in with poverty - but - this is something again I think a lot of people can improve without a wholesale change in who they are - again, not everyone as disability can also play a part - but - budget permitting you can make food swaps - and, providing you have at least one room with some space, or access to some form of park - then 20-30 mins exercise even every couple of days can make a difference.

However, this still has to be something you're happy with - there are a lot of women acceptant of things like 'dad bod' possibly moreso than those who like those who do extremes at the gym.  Generally taking care of your health, in general (physical, mental, sexual) are good traits and good things to work on if you can.   Some more complex than others.

Though none of the above really changes personality at all; but can be a little more desirable in some cases.  

[Ky****]

think its a variant of what women used to be told about being a lady a cook and a whore in different circumstances, its not that women may not look for nice guys its that like men they don't always want the same thing, oh and women like men are hardly monolithic in terms of every woman wants the same thing, ppl have individual desires-even more so on here

[Deleted Member]

39 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Ah got you.  

In terms of economics.   I've found financial stability is a big boost and for a few reasons.  Wealth has it's own problems - but financial security is still an important trait for a couple of reasons.  One is that having disposable income allows you to do things and be places you're more likely to be able to meet women - and, also, regardless of the situation when paying checks it does make the first few dates a little easier.   

While going the other way sometimes someone who is struggling with debts feels pressured to pretend they're not struggling (at least at first) which can lead to some false expectations and often more volatile relationships.  

Poverty is a real problem and has a real impact on people's ability to date - and - there's not always stuff that can be done about it.

Sometimes this becomes a case of priority - and in this case the priority is trying to get finances in order *before* looking into dating.   How easy this is to work on depends on the cards in front of you.  But, in general, looking at improving finances (for those not in absolute poverty) is something a lot of men can work on - budgeting, prioritising spends, refinancing any debts, ditching costly/unnecessary subscriptions, etc. 

Obviously for those in poverty this is both more difficult to date and more difficult to improve financial situation - so some changes are temporarily beyond them. 

In terms of fitness.

Some of this again can tie in with poverty - but - this is something again I think a lot of people can improve without a wholesale change in who they are - again, not everyone as disability can also play a part - but - budget permitting you can make food swaps - and, providing you have at least one room with some space, or access to some form of park - then 20-30 mins exercise even every couple of days can make a difference.

However, this still has to be something you're happy with - there are a lot of women acceptant of things like 'dad bod' possibly moreso than those who like those who do extremes at the gym.  Generally taking care of your health, in general (physical, mental, sexual) are good traits and good things to work on if you can.   Some more complex than others.

Though none of the above really changes personality at all; but can be a little more desirable in some cases.  

Physical attraction and financial means can outweigh personality flaws for at least some women. 

I think your personality can be changed somewhat with discipline (lol) but I admit it will be a persistent struggle.

[ge****]

57 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

Physical attraction and financial means can outweigh personality flaws for at least some women. 

I think your personality can be changed somewhat with discipline (lol) but I admit it will be a persistent struggle.

Whilst physical attraction and financial means can have a bearing, as you say, for *some* women I think there's a very fine line to tread between that statement and the one often thrown about (by men) on sites like this that blames their lack of success on "women only wanting gym fit wealthy guys".
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The latter does a disservice to most women by suggesting they're actually quite shallow and *only* want those things.
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Ultimately meeting your own expectations of sites like this doesn't come down to wealth, how fit you are, or how you look, though they may play a part to a greater or lesser degree, it comes down to having the right expectations in the first place, finding the right approach that works for you, having the right attitude, a decent profile and pics along with a degree of patience and understanding of how the sites work.
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Get those things right and it won't guarantee a thing but it will improve the experience.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Mathbro said:

Physical attraction and financial means can outweigh personality flaws for at least some women. 

 

Physical attraction is often a form of 'first impressions' - and that is something which doesn't differentiate between any genders - that it is something we notice first.  

What I have noticed amongst men - is that some who *consider* themselves attractive get even more frustrated they don't get what they want - particularly on another website there's a lot of torso shots and "ooh, look at my six-pack" but it turns out that a lot of people do want a little more

As I say, there's plenty who also find that a little narcissistic

Finances, like I say, it opens opportunities but it is something where, excluding those in poverty, we can prioritise spending and some guys don't prioritise the right areas. 

I think particularly if you look at my username on other sites which permit pictures with others - I'm not exactly adonis but 'do alright'