Deleted Member Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 (edited) I've been wondering roughly what the gender ratios are in the fetish world? There definitely seem to be more males actively posting.... Edited May 23, 2022 by Deleted Member Typos
Sh**** Posted May 23, 2022 Posted May 23, 2022 I'd love to see some actual statistics of the userbase of sites such as this. I suspect, like all online dating sites, the users are predominantly male.
gr**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 At events I have noticed a 10 to 25% higher ratio of Females. But that may just be what I have see.
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 It's hard to say. Like any modern platform, there is a statistical rube-goldberg machine constructing a bubble around you to keep you here/engaged. I've only come in contact with men when actively looking for them. Probably because I listed myself as straight and interested in women.
ge**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 Not this site but the more swinging related site I was on the ratio was between 10 and 15 men to every woman - would suspect it's similar here. . The thing is women are less overt about their sexuality than men generally, then you have to factor in the number of women who join sites like this and immediately find them overwhelming because of the amount and type of attention they get so delete their profiles pretty much immediately never to return, or to use "safer" more dating focused sites. . In fact that's another factor to consider - compared to men, most women aren't looking for hook ups and one night stands, which sites like this tend to be seen by many men as, so they use the more dating focused sites. . I can't honestly ever see those ratios changing much to be honest.
BruiseWayne Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 (edited) On sites like this the ratio of men to women is always going to skew heavily in favor of men for all different kinds of reasons. But RL I'm pretty sure it's relatively close to a 50/50 split plus or minus in either direction. Interest in kink isn't something I feel is really influenced by gender one way or the other. Edited May 24, 2022 by BruiseWayne
Sl**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 I think like all sites/apps males are very very large in numbers vs females
ey**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 it's often difficult because aside from social experiments and sock puppets it's difficult to get a balance depending on how you constitute 'active' Online - men ARE louder. They are more likely to post personal ads and more likely to complain about things not working out And that makes it feel like other men are outnumbered - but if you start kinda factoring "logs in, but doesn't post" this already starts to even. On Fetlife some people have scoured some groups and found it massively tipped towards men in that group - but that is often because it's a group that women haven't seen benefit of being in. Some of the groups could be renamed "Freeloader Entitled Men and the Mugs that Pity Them" But, ahem, yeah kink spaces are often more evened out - it does tilt a little if it's a fetish-specific event but then often that is because the women feel like they're the product rather than it being of benefit ("Foot Fetish Party - women, have strangers slobber over your feet! Men - we're hoping some women will turn up so you can give them a disappointing foot rub") but certainly the numbers are a lot closer than some think.
Sh**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 Entire thread responded to by men, no women. Case closed? :P
ey**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 17 minutes ago, Shockr said: Entire thread responded to by men, no women. Case closed? haha men are noisier sometimes for understandable reasons (a lot of threads aren't inclusive, or, just feel like it's trying to bait people - i.e. the OP or other lurkers will message any women that reply)
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 Some great responses, thanks. My own thoughts are social conditioning still has an influence over women's perception that their sexual desires etc should not be made public. Thus using platforms like this is somehow unacceptable. Tthat if they do particularly if they are younger they get flooded with requests and overwhelmed, possibly having so much choice they find their match very quickly and leave. That women tend not to be looking for quickies and casual encounters whereas a lot of men are. I also strongly believe in the old fashioned ideology of men being more primal and hunting for a mate/sex partner and sadly but still true there is an inherent risk in using these sites which makes women more wary.
Sh**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 1 minute ago, Pheonix2786 said: Some great responses, thanks. My own thoughts are social conditioning still has an influence over women's perception that their sexual desires etc should not be made public. Thus using platforms like this is somehow unacceptable. Tthat if they do particularly if they are younger they get flooded with requests and overwhelmed, possibly having so much choice they find their match very quickly and leave. That women tend not to be looking for quickies and casual encounters whereas a lot of men are. I also strongly believe in the old fashioned ideology of men being more primal and hunting for a mate/sex partner and sadly but still true there is an inherent risk in using these sites which makes women more wary. Nail on the head.
ey**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 I know I appreciate this as a guy - but, particularly from some of the women I speak to, have spoken to, or have seen things in the past. 1) A lot of women really do not like the way they are treat on some of the sites and forums - from things in messages to comments on pictures so on - so many are not on the sites, don't log in often, or often 'appear' inactive. Being able to get what they want either at home or in the munch/event community 2) A lot of times when a woman starts a thread asking for advice - it is full of 'offers of help' or people trying to take things private which should be in the discussion. (e.g. "I'm looking to see where I could learn more about flogging", "you can practice on me!" even if the person is 2 continents away) 3) Or if it is a thread grumbling - i.e. messages are disappointing, a lot of subs are not, wannabe Doms - the posts get hijacked by men complaining about women in a way that renders it more off-topic than identifying - though, see also, "I'm sick of subs in my inbox who are not really submissive", "you should try me miss, I'm a genuine sub" 4) That if she happens to do any form of OF or fan sites, or whatever - people often will use derogatory names and/or accuse her of "looking for customers" even when contributing to a discussion 5) Commenting on threads where men are asking for advice often ends up in the man hitting on her
ge**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said: I know I appreciate this as a guy - but, particularly from some of the women I speak to, have spoken to, or have seen things in the past. 1) A lot of women really do not like the way they are treat on some of the sites and forums - from things in messages to comments on pictures so on - so many are not on the sites, don't log in often, or often 'appear' inactive. Being able to get what they want either at home or in the munch/event community 2) A lot of times when a woman starts a thread asking for advice - it is full of 'offers of help' or people trying to take things private which should be in the discussion. (e.g. "I'm looking to see where I could learn more about flogging", "you can practice on me!" even if the person is 2 continents away) 3) Or if it is a thread grumbling - i.e. messages are disappointing, a lot of subs are not, wannabe Doms - the posts get hijacked by men complaining about women in a way that renders it more off-topic than identifying - though, see also, "I'm sick of subs in my inbox who are not really submissive", "you should try me miss, I'm a genuine sub" 4) That if she happens to do any form of OF or fan sites, or whatever - people often will use derogatory names and/or accuse her of "looking for customers" even when contributing to a discussion 5) Commenting on threads where men are asking for advice often ends up in the man hitting on her And another nail gets hit firmly on the head 👍🏻👍🏻
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 Lol omg yes the 'can I be your Dom?' brigade. It says they are in Antarctica, and when you query it they are lol! I've had offers to fly Stateside etc seriously in the second message when you haven't even exchanged names... I mean I know they say you don't look at the mantleshelf when you are stoking the fire but surely there has to be some connection lol. I don't blame any woman for cashing in if they can/want to, to me it is a mutually agreed service no different to ordering a taxi or whatever. I just despise it when sex workers are exploited. I do wonder why there, are no professional Doms though? While male escorts are more common now as far as I am aware men are not yet cashing in on the kink market. For all this equality stuff (which incidentally I'm not a big fan of), the sex world and kink still seems out of kilter. Oh and my theory as to why there is a more balanced ratio in venues is most people turn up as a couple anyway. Some venues penalise single men with higher ticket prices while offering freebies to women. Personally I boycott places like that.
ey**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 A few months ago (maybe longer, time blurs) there was a post that a lady had made, which a guy bumped "offering to help" - about 2 years later and... I says... "you've bumped a post from 2 years ago to proposition someone who doesn't appear to have been active for 2 years and lives on a different continent? Really?" And he gave a sarcastic reply like "haven't you ever heard of flights?" and - it's like... no, but, don't shit yourself - you're not going to take a £600 trip or something to see a stranger you know nothing about. 53 minutes ago, Pheonix2786 said: Oh and my theory as to why there is a more balanced ratio in venues is most people turn up as a couple anyway. Some venues penalise single men with higher ticket prices while offering freebies to women. Personally I boycott places like that. some slightly mixed - that yep a lot of people turn up in couples - but also, there's others that feel they can be there as a single woman in a generally safer environment cos they're with friends and also may have the confidence any rando creeps will be ejected. The tiered pricing is always one... it's something where - on paper it's designed to balance and dissuade single guys - in others it is the whole "if you're not the customer you're the product" which does sometimes frustrate guys if they pay a premium fee and "don't get anything" this to the point some clubs have started paying people to play with those guys :/
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 I don't go with friends, I prefer to hunt alone lol
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 In terms of men being "louder", I am fairly "loud" on the site in terms of the forum/ Lobby/ posting pics, but I wouldn't ever post a personal ad here (or any other site like this). The reason is that it can be seen as basically encouraging men to come at me, and then having to fend off attention I don't want (What did you place an ad for if you don't want to meet up and fuck? Catfish/ cock tease/ faker!!!). Better to quietly and privately send out feelers to those who look like they might be interesting or (my usual MO lol) wait to see if anyone seems interested in me and then think if that interest is returned.
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 Eyem, love your movie titles!😅 Alot of people have said women do like to be treated like whores. This is my thinking... some are "afraid" to be labeled/treated like whores. They are in denial. Lastly, "maybe" some women feel dirty themselves. These were few of my issues, before deciding to return. My point... these are other reasons some women get scared and leave. Good for you going alone Pheonix2786! I am still mostly in the Chicken Phase.
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 In my opinion, looking at another well known website, it would appear there is a ratio of around 3 men to every woman. Look at the pages that show people I. Your area, definitely more men per page than ladies. This probably isn’t much different to any other dating sites…
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 The numbers dynamic presents each group with different problems to solve on the platform. I'm a guy, so I know the problem seems to be breaking through the noise of all the other, largely identical profiles. You also get very little feedback - so you are in a perpetual knowledge void regarding your impact on others.
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 Well I do at least try to reply to all polite, approaches, but to feedback as such if that is not what is sought might hurt an ego. I tend to think of me being sentient beings too 😂
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 7 minutes ago, Pheonix2786 said: Well I do at least try to reply to all polite, approaches, but to feedback as such if that is not what is sought might hurt an ego. I tend to think of me being sentient beings too 😂 Don't get me wrong, I don't expect any feedback. Especially understanding that most of the folks I reach out to are likely inundated constantly. But it does create an unfortunate positive feedback loop where, as a guy interested in women, one of the easiest and most effective methods of getting attention is to flood the zone.
ey**** Posted May 24, 2022 Posted May 24, 2022 One thing I said somewhere recently is that, at first when I joined a lot of fetish sites I was dismayed and felt that there was a lot of men for the women to choose from and also, they probably get so many shitty messages that it's harder to have a chance etc. But, actually. You can very quickly remove a lot of guys from the pool. Let us say someone posts that she is looking for someone - yes, her mailbox will blow up. Buuuut... Remove the people who are too far away If she is looking for mono remove the people who are poly, if she is looking poly then remove the mono if she is sub/switch/Dominant then remove all those who don't fit what she is looking for because she will get messages from all of those Remove all the 'heys' Remove all the inappropriate messages Remove all guys whose timelines "tell on them" And suddenly, providing you are loosely what she is looking for - a respectable messages then goes along way. Sure, she might still not reply, you might not be what she is looking for. But if she says "I got 100 replies and most of them were arseholes" you can at least hope you're not an arsehole
Deleted Member Posted May 24, 2022 Author Posted May 24, 2022 6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: One thing I said somewhere recently is that, at first when I joined a lot of fetish sites I was dismayed and felt that there was a lot of men for the women to choose from and also, they probably get so many shitty messages that it's harder to have a chance etc. But, actually. You can very quickly remove a lot of guys from the pool. Let us say someone posts that she is looking for someone - yes, her mailbox will blow up. Buuuut... Remove the people who are too far away If she is looking for mono remove the people who are poly, if she is looking poly then remove the mono if she is sub/switch/Dominant then remove all those who don't fit what she is looking for because she will get messages from all of those Remove all the 'heys' Remove all the inappropriate messages Remove all guys whose timelines "tell on them" And suddenly, providing you are loosely what she is looking for - a respectable messages then goes along way. Sure, she might still not reply, you might not be what she is looking for. But if she says "I got 100 replies and most of them were arseholes" you can at least hope you're not an arsehole I don't think I'm an arse, but one look at my profile will tell you that I am an insufferable. If you can get past that, well...
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