So be honest, what am I doing wrong?

[Co****]

Hogwash mate… I met all my dates in person. None that came through true from any of my online profiles. Lots of flankers on line. Of the entire population of single friends I know, they’ve all said the same thing. My advice to you is, if you’re a gamer, put that shit down and get out there more and travel and meet people. You’re not a bad looking dude. But you have to be a go getter and know what to say and when to say it. Dis any creepy tendencies cuz I promise that’ll drop you like a hot potato, and spread words like fire.

[Ir****]

How do I portray confidence even when I'm scared shirtless and have 0% self-confidence!?

[ge****]

1 hour ago, IronDagger said:

How do I portray confidence even when I'm scared shirtless and have 0% self-confidence!?

The simple answer is you can't - I'm the same, have very little self-confidence at all and so don't try to portray it - am open and honest about my perceived shortcomings and limits and if others aren't interested as a result then they weren't right for me.
.
I'll say though that most of the time people are very understanding and considerate when you're honest with them and usually take it in their stride.
.
And when it comes down to it I just put on a brave face and accept that whatever happens happens.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, IronDagger said:

How do I portray confidence even when I'm scared shirtless and have 0% self-confidence!?

you can start by working on confidence

think of some thing, one thing, that you like about yourself

then tomorrow, think of something else.

if you struggle there, instead, each day write down three things which felt nice each day - which can be anything so trivial as "I found a cool website" to "the sunset was nice" - after a couple of weeks you can find patterns in what you enjoy and appreciate

[Aleksador]

On 5/26/2022 at 9:50 AM, Deleted profile said:

Your bio says "female supremacy" yet you're calling others sexist? 😆🤡

The thing is – as long as sexism are prejudice or discrimination based on one’s sex or gender, especially discrimination against women, and sexism mostly affect women and female persons, not men and male persons, then female supremacy, as long as consensual, is, let’s say, less f**ked up and more valid than widely seen (and mostly non-consensual) male supremacy.

[Aleksador]

It can be your age, if you text to younger women. Most of us would see you as creepy af if you do that. And be scared/angry, even if you haven’t thought anything bad, when texted.
Exception is those, who mentioned in their Bio that they are into older men, then it’s appropriate. But still be careful. As man, in social interactions you still automatically are socially perceived as more powerful, + you’re dominant. Power is good in scenes and agreed upon dynamics, but when it’s outside of that, in real life, it’s a privilege, in this case – male privilege, that you should be aware of and should use to give space to others, who are less privileged in this certain way, listen, learn about their experiences, empower them, and always be respectful to them.

[Aleksador]

It can be your looks – profile pic with forehead, another pic from bathroom in strange pose with strange face expression… In context to the fact that you are “old fashioned in views on roles of men and woman” it’s a gross, because I, as submissive woman, (if I would be a submissive woman that are attracted to dominant man) would assume here that you would demand me to be great looking all the time, when you will be not paying attention to your own appearance, because “who cares, I’m the one on lead”. That’s not how true dominance works. True dominant is like true leader – always one step ahead, caring and empowering those who are under Their/She’s/He’s control and accountability, and responding to their needs.
You can add to “old fashioned views” part, that your views is a kink thing, not thing that you take in your vanilla life, and that your views can be discussed more specific in private conversation. And that outside of play you are mindful about fact that you, as man, are raised in patriarchal society, and probably had internalised some prejudices towards woman, and in your vanilla life you’re trying to get to know about them and unlearn them.
(And I really hope that you actually are doing/will be doing that! Because honestly I’m done with creeps that see every woman, even dominant ones, as secretly carving to submit to man, and as unhappy, if alone/in D part of D/s relationships. And that’s do have to do a lot with societal stereotypes and the way that you, as man, and we, as woman, are raised, without perception about diversity of experiences and with a lot of the same fucking gender roles. You can use them for play, explore them in play, and that’s good, but I swear, if you outside of play believe that “women are generally more predisposed to be submissive/enjoy cooking/enjoy cleaning”, or that “women’s place is kitchen/women owe to be good looking/women can’t be good leader” or “women is nothing/somehow less without a men”, then you’re not dominant, you’re fucking sexistic creep. Or you’re dominant but also sexistic creep and no wonder that no one would like to play with you.)

[Aleksador]

It also can be too much sexual signs in bio. From men they always sound like you want only fast sex.
From men who call themselves dominants – fast sex&kink interactions with risk to be persuaded to do something that don’t actually want to do, because “please, I would like it, can you do it to please me, if you love/like me you would do it”. For example, for me kinky date with someone ended up with guy, trying to again and again persuade me to do oral sex, despite of the fact that I said that I don’t like it, don’t do it, and in general – NO.
There are too much creeps, please, be aware of your privilege.
And this text about hosting… Do you have at least a little bit of empathy?!
In situations like this one, (and most girls had experiences like this my experience, because cishet mens mostly grow up with this stupid stereotype that it’s in default needed to persuade girls and that women like to be persuaded in sex and kink) text about hosting would mean that guy, trying to persuade to do something, would be also in control of can a girl leave in any moment this situation, or not. Can you see the big internal sign of danger here? Till this moment – probably not, because you’ve never been in situation like this. That’s called male privilege!
At least, part of male privilege. Here are other things where you should listen, ask questions, and be empathetic, I’ve showed you only one little example.

[ho****]

Just be kind man, be yourself, never be too pushy. State what you want in an adorable puppy dog way and, these women will crawl all over you buddy. Keep your head up, change your username and, if your truly giant then post a picture in your boxers dude. These women are here for a reason just as you are.

[sW****]

Personally, I think this app is limiting in many ways. I was on a fetish website for a few years, and it had benefits: being able to post videos of you in action, you with tools and toys, you in "uniform," and chat rooms for specific kinks that were easier to navigate. I say, give it more time. Or engage more in threads? There is definitely someone looking for someone like you.

[Deleted Member]

For online dating in general the sex ratio is heavily skewed where men makeup most of the people, it's like 4:1 or 5:1. Obviously with these numbers there will not be anything close to a 1-to-1 pairing unfortunately. This also allows a very high degree of selectivity.  

For a kink website it's probably vastly worse to be honest lol. 

 

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Mathbro said:

For online dating in general the sex ratio is heavily skewed where men makeup most of the people, it's like 4:1 or 5:1. Obviously with these numbers there will not be anything close to a 1-to-1 pairing unfortunately. This also allows a very high degree of selectivity.  

For a kink website it's probably vastly worse to be honest lol. 

 

Whilst the ratio factors are undeniably true - in fact for sex/kink related sites like this the ratios are more like between 10 and 15 men to every woman - if you actually take out the number of men who simply don't "get" it and have the wrong attitude and approach to the sites, then the numbers are quite lot more evenly balanced.
.
Those men who understand how sites like this work, who find an approach that works for them, and put some effort into their profiles and interactions, remain respectful and considerate at all times etc, invariably have similar experiences to women in terms of their expectations being met.

[ey****]

I think if you look at someone

you then ask yourself two questions : are they what I am looking for // am I what they are looking for ?

If no, then it doesn't matter.  Obviously there might be more or less info that answers these questions - but there has to be at least a rough idea.

Then it might be "*sigh* but there are 100 men going to contact her."
So then you can mentally remove those who failed the first 2 questions but messaged anyway

then you remove those with the poor approaches, poor profiles, so on - then all of a sudden - the landscape changes

If 100 people apply for a job, but only 5 are qualified for it, you're not going to get an interview if you're in the other 95, but the odds for you aren't 1 in 100, they're 1 in 5

(a difference, of course, being the job has to be filled but this person doesn't have to select a partner from anyone who messages)

When you kinda start to think like that - it becomes - what can I do, all round, that means I won't be mistaken in the other 95 

[ma****]

May 25, fuckylager said:

Scrap the bio, little detailed leave more up to the imagination… especially when it comes to old school views. And when you do get replies, take time to get to know them as a person then as a kinkster and let it build real slow, days and weeks I mean. Good luck shrek, I hope you find your freaky Fiona

Leave it up to the readers imagination?The only thing its leaving is your profile to look at a different one.

[Deleted Member]

A person could be good at messaging and dressing up a profile and not be shit. Some people don't put time in creating a profile and are exactly what You need. But if you going off superficial things you will miss out every time. And men that protect themselves will never put too much info on these sites. How about having a phone conversation? You can size people up better hearing a person speak rather than reading messages.