Does anyone else find it intimidating?

[WP****]

Looking around, I see all kinds of men (I'm straight get over it), the sadists seem scary (to me), the predators seem fun, I don't even know what a "kinkster" is, and the Daddys aren't really daddies at all, they just want to bark orders and leave bruises on butts... The bulls maybe need to lay off the steroids (a little) and NO means NO! Submissive men, I do not wanna be your Dom so stop it right now!

How in the world is a Princess supposed to find what she's looking for in a sea of diversity? It feels like a lot and I feel overwhelmed as I sit here and hug my stuffie.

Maybe I'm supposed to keep playing by myself...

[ja****]

I know right? I just joined today but I didn’t even think something like a sadist would be a thing. Like what kinda kink is that? I’m just looking for someone to help me loose my virginity but everyone on here’s so extreme.

[Pettymort]

I guess it a communication style. The internet and algorithms are designed for loud binary arguments and statements. Subtlety and nuonce gets crowded out. Instant gratification wins over steady gain. Most blokes will be trawling this site with a d**k in their hand thinking with the small head. I generalise here but for blokes visual stimulation is the big turn on, I believe for women it needs more than a picture of a d**k to get moist. 

[ey****]

yeah - the kink/fetish scene is a melting pot at times - which can be good or bad - and while it can be easier to be open to your wants especially regarding kink/fetish/etc. that there are still a diverse section of people so not everyone is going to be a match 

[ey****]

8 minutes ago, jalion said:

I’m just looking for someone to help me loose my virginity but everyone on here’s so extreme.

you might not like this answer - but people are no more or less likely to want to help you on this than in any other circle 

[DarkArts1066]

Isn’t the new technological age - and the internet a wonderful thing ?

Here - for what it is worth, is my insight.

If we want to make contact with another human being now, we can ‘talk’ to anyone, anywhere in the universe - (well, pretty much…. I mean, we can send and receive messages and video to and from space..)

Used to be, you’d bump into someone’s trolly in the supermarket - or, God forbid, actually offer to buy them a drink in a pub - face to face.

And then along comes the internet, and over time, we no longer need to think about how we approach another human… because we can do it all now two dimensionally.

I can write “hello, how are you this morning ?” And then add some witty quip or a strap line that I have extrapolated from reading your profile (yes, I am one of ‘those’ people, who do actually do that) that I know will pique your interest, because I now ‘understand’ exactly what you are looking for.

Or do I ??

I can now offer you that ‘thing’ you want, and appear to be the best thing since sliced bread was invented….

(All standing in my underpants, in my bathroom, wiping the *** of my last victim from the shower curtain.)

Maybe, what I want, happens to fit a sentence that you have added to your profile.

I mean “looking for an older male dominant, with a sadistic streak” sounds exactly like me.
Older, check.
Dominant, check
Sadistic, - well I’ve got a collection of whips and things, so I must be a sadist if I like using them - right?

Wrong.

And - this is where the internet lets us down somewhat… because without actually having a proper dialogue with someone, you don’t have a snowballs chance in hell of hitting their full persona on the head.

Descriptions on sites should come with a warning of some sort - like everything seems to have to these days.
Something like…..

“Warning, the information contained within this profile has NOT been verified by the site operators, and you are required, for your own safety, security - and sanity, to carry out your own ‘due diligence’ checks, upon penalty of death, r*pe, theft of undergarments, or some other nasty event which you haven’t yet considered”

We do like to pigeonhole people into categories these days.
My thoughts are that descriptors are merely a guide… part of the jigsaw that is the whole person, if you will.
And we ALL owe it to ourselves to seek advice - preferably from another, experienced human being - but, yep, you’ve guessed it, most likely from that interwebnet thingy.

If someone messages me on here, and tells me they are a brat, sub, masochist, fire engine…… etc, then I will go to the trouble if asking them what they believe makes them such …. I’ll have a chat with them on the phone, maybe video call them over a coffee - and put more pieces of that jigsaw together.

Life is a game played in three dimensions.
No one can ever hope to price together a persons nature from a two dimensional page.

[Sh****]

Some rather sweeping generalisations there. The kink community is far more open about things than you may be used to on vanilla apps etc. But like every app out there, it's also filled with guys (and girls) who are only out for one thing, and that usually only involves satisfying themselves.
This is a community, talk to the good folks, block the bad ones and learn at your own pace.

[Lord_Talion]

Everyone has their own spin on things which makes it harder for many to find the right partner

[Ve****]

Everything that's worth anything requires work. There is always a diamond in the rough, just take your time to find it.

[Hu****]

You're not looking very hard.

[DarkArts1066]

1 hour ago, Shockr said:

Some rather sweeping generalisations there. The kink community is far more open about things than you may be used to on vanilla apps etc. But like every app out there, it's also filled with guys (and girls) who are only out for one thing, and that usually only involves satisfying themselves.
This is a community, talk to the good folks, block the bad ones and learn at your own pace.

This is good feedback. Simple, accurate, and to the point !

[Deleted Member]

Must be the new generation 😂 

[un****]

Im new to all of this and I've definitely been learning a lot just by reading posts and profiles. Take your time and feel things out.

[th****]

Wait, because I workout I’m a bull and on steroids? News to me.

[Deleted Member]

It is overwhelming when you first (metaphorically) walk in the door. And what makes people come unstuck is that they're so excited to finally be here (it often takes a little time and courage to join and then ...OMG... A pic? Of *me*?) that they rush instead of taking the time to work things out.

As someone said above, due diligence. This is your kink journey. It's up to you to a) protect yourself and b) educate yourself and then c) begin to explore - safely. The world doesn't owe you anytime and everyone here is here for themselves. There are some great kind people on here who are happy to offer their advice (literally on this forum thread right now) but you have to take responsibility for you.

[Da****]

Step 1: Know thyself.

The whole world is your mind put out.

It feels to me like too much of this is still in your head. Bring it down a bit. Bring it to your heart, bring it to your creative womb area...

Be kind to yourself. Choose a dynamic, find a dynamic that's close and then tweak it, find a person, go through the process, at any step you only need to be comfortable to take the next step. Step backwards and go down another route if you find something you don't like.

A real (BDSM) Princess demands and gets served. Do that and make yourself somebody else's project?

Learn as you play as you live. Live it, don't wait.

Pleae don't be generally blamey. It will strip the colour and fun and energy out of things. It will chase wonder away.

Good luck 🤞🌸

[Deleted Member]

With the advent of the internet, the kink world, like the world, is turned upside down. Nothing is as it should be anymore. I also had to get used to the fact that someone could call themselves a Dom/Domme after watching a porn movie.

[gr****]

There is a lot out there. Many have a variety of ideas on each of those. Which is why there are so many to choose from.

[WP****]

I see a lot of really great insight and much to consider and meditate on! It's nice to see all sides of the D&D dice (seriously, what other would YOU chose for such a complex new world?)
I think I will keep noodling around and see if he's hanging out on here somewhere...
THANK YOU ALL! 😘

For the trolls (this is NOT the Princess you're looking for).😈

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Pusaeater said:

Must be the new generation 😂 

more on the contrary that things are kinda going back to more how they were.

a lot of the original kink communities were melting points of people who possibly had nothing in common bar being in some way kinky or having a lifestyle outside of the mainstream

the kinda idea of D/s and what became BDSM pushed out a lot of the other over ideas as they came to (for want of a better word) Dominance in the late 80s and into the 90s - and now particularly with the rise of the internet and the coming together of communities again (for crossover if nothing else) we're now back to the point of having a diverse melting point

[Deleted Member]

38 minutes ago, SrRolo said:

With the advent of the internet, the kink world, like the world, is turned upside down. Nothing is as it should be anymore. I also had to get used to the fact that someone could call themselves a Dom/Domme after watching a porn movie.

Having said that, the internet has also opened the world up so that someone who was perhaps being ***d in private by someone calling themselves a Dom/me can reach out to the community (without exposing themselves) and see that the dynamic they are in is unhealthy. It's also given many people in rural communities access to a supportive kink community.

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, WPBrat said:

I see a lot of really great insight and much to consider and meditate on! It's nice to see all sides of the D&D dice (seriously, what other would YOU chose for such a complex new world?)
I think I will keep noodling around and see if he's hanging out on here somewhere...
THANK YOU ALL! 😘

For the trolls (this is NOT the Princess you're looking for).😈

Even if your person is not here, this is a great place to make friends and get help and advice. A lot of members are not on FET bc they're looking, they're here for the community.

[pi****]

Wpbrat, I am so glad to hear you say all this. I feel the exact same way. Feeling really scared and confused. I do just read and hug my stuffie or color.

[ey****]

22 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

Having said that, the internet has also opened the world up so that someone who was perhaps being ***d in private by someone calling themselves a Dom/me can reach out to the community (without exposing themselves) and see that the dynamic they are in is unhealthy. It's also given many people in rural communities access to a supportive kink community.

this is something that is massive

one of the things about the coming together of folk via the internet is people got exposed to information that they didn't have previously

And that might open people to new ideas.  It might make people feel they're not alone in how they feel.  

But, it also told people that how they were "told things were" might not all there is.   

And sure, it now means somebody might suddenly call themselves "Master" or whatever - but it gives people the tools to spot flags in that claim.   I mean, previously, however we talk up any prior rituals - there were folk who could talk up about training, vetting, experience to someone who was none the wiser.

And now there's info available to them also.   It turns out a lot of people over the years have picked a title for themselves they, well, picked for themselves.   

[Th****]

I having this issue where people ate speaking to me as a brat that needs a tamer but I'm a Goddess 😒