gr**** Posted June 7, 2022 Posted June 7, 2022 Watch and learn. The cream usually rises to the top (no puns intended), and the scum will eventually leave a bad taste behind. Read posts, see how people react, ask others about someone. And yes, there are tons of posers who just want a place to fit in.
CopperKnob Posted June 7, 2022 Posted June 7, 2022 7 hours ago, SrRolo said: With the advent of the internet, the kink world, like the world, is turned upside down. Nothing is as it should be anymore. I also had to get used to the fact that someone could call themselves a Dom/Domme after watching a porn movie. Theres pro's and con's to everything. If it weren't for the internet and sites like this I wouldn't have had the chance to read, speak to others or have an awareness of the events local to me that I've been able to attend In ahort, I wouldn't have had the ability to explore kink, explore myself, part of who I am would still be laying dormant and I'd be clueless/unhappy
Lo**** Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 The community is like a double edged sword. It can protect you and harm. Like everything, it all comes down to trust, honesty and knowing yourself. In my experience, the people who respect boundaries (even though it should be a given) are the ones who actually matter. There are a lot of pretenders or dangerous people out there. So I'd say, take your time. Get to know someone without the bdsm dynamics, and once you're comfortable with them. Then you can introduce/ have a conversation about play. Stay safe and trust your gut
Ti**** Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 Sometimes give the newbie a shot, we are blank canvases after all 😊
ey**** Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 28 minutes ago, tedydom said: Sometimes give the newbie a shot, we are blank canvases after all 😊 this isn't the appealing phrase people think. I will digest. Firstly, if you haven't done your own groundwork of knowledge then you have no idea if the person who approaches to "help" you is helpful or trying to manipulate, use, or scam you. This when you get someone who might say "I'll train you to be the best you can be - you just need a membership - pay $150 and I'll send you the address" and then you send, unknowingly and never hear from the person again. The next problem is anyone who is "genuine" is going to have to do a lot of work with you - and - over the years there's always someone daft enough to invest time into someone only for a few weeks or so later the person not be happy and saying "this isn't for me after all" which has wasted both people's time. Again, a slight line of groundwork of having an idea what they like and what route they would like to go down. But also... there are so many newbies and so finite time - *everyone* can't be given a shot just because they are "hi, I'm new" - there has to be some form of potential there that makes people want to do something with you.
WP**** Posted June 8, 2022 Author Posted June 8, 2022 12 hours ago, tedydom said: Sometimes give the newbie a shot, we are blank canvases after all 😊 So... The trouble with a "newbie" Dom is too complex to explain for so very many reasons. How am I supposed to submit to someone who doesn't know what they are doing? How is it safe if you have never been taught the correct and incorrect way to do certain aspects of BDSM? How do I put my faith in someone who doesn't even really know what it is to be a real Dom and not some guy who just barks orders and treats their Sub like garbage? Giving the new Dom a shot is a very scary request and one that I am definitely not qualified or far enough along to really consider... HOWEVER, there are many Subs with much more experience who can and would be able to do this and there are Doms out there who mentor with out strings and I think that is a wonderful next step for you to consider. I have been considering a mentor myself! 😌
Da**** Posted June 8, 2022 Posted June 8, 2022 Just line with any relationship...you need to take the time to get to know people and not just go by their profile..actually talk to people, see if your personalities fit together. Kink is not just a swipe right or left type of relationship... what you will find in the kink community is some of the most accepting group of people (for the most part). We all have different kinks and here you will find a group of people that not only will accept you for you, but also embrace and respect you for being who you are. Take your time and talk to people... and remember that they are just like you and trying to be who they are..
ce**** Posted June 9, 2022 Posted June 9, 2022 I'm with wpbrat ..I'm new here and it just seemes like you all have your little private clubs that don't have room for any more so as I have the feeling of being ignored I urge you all to remember when you were in our shoes
Deleted Member Posted June 9, 2022 Posted June 9, 2022 Hey, honestly this site is pretty great, we're a friendly bunch so we can all help you learn the lingo. If you use the site you can click the tags and they take you to helpful info pages. However this like any other dating app is pretty much a case of weeding the wheat from the chaff or just chatting to people. There's also message settings too, I'm not sure if you can set it so subs do message though, it's worth a look. If someone is trampling over you boundaries (referring to the no means no) block and report. I get you're fire because we were all new once so it's natural that you're feeling overwhelmed. 💖
DarkArts1066 Posted June 9, 2022 Posted June 9, 2022 An interesting post - and statement. Please don’t judge us all by the same book cover. You have a clear understanding of what isn’t right in this world… there is a degree of sarcasm in your message … which alludes to your previous experiences. The key statement for me here is “No means No” Diversity is the new norm - so - with respect, you need to deal with that. Talk to people. Use your own intuition - and common sense… and the ‘block’ button if needs be. Simple. Learn to map you way through this site - and others, understand the dynamics … globally, multilaterally and unilaterally, and form your own opinions about what is right, wrong, and acceptable to you. If you would like advice, I am happy to offer my opinion…..
WP**** Posted June 9, 2022 Author Posted June 9, 2022 5 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said: An interesting post - and statement. Please don’t judge us all by the same book cover. You have a clear understanding of what isn’t right in this world… there is a degree of sarcasm in your message … which alludes to your previous experiences. The key statement for me here is “No means No” Diversity is the new norm - so - with respect, you need to deal with that. Talk to people. Use your own intuition - and common sense… and the ‘block’ button if needs be. Simple. Learn to map you way through this site - and others, understand the dynamics … globally, multilaterally and unilaterally, and form your own opinions about what is right, wrong, and acceptable to you. If you would like advice, I am happy to offer my opinion….. I'm glad you caught the sarcasm, in print it sometimes gets lost in translation. There have been both good and bad experiences and I take them all as a funny teachable moment... The problem arises when it's such a big wide world and looking around I feel that I'm facing the largest summit you have never actually seen. It's a little intimidating.
Da**** Posted June 10, 2022 Posted June 10, 2022 1 hour ago, WPBrat said: I'm glad you caught the sarcasm, in print it sometimes gets lost in translation. There have been both good and bad experiences and I take them all as a funny teachable moment... The problem arises when it's such a big wide world and looking around I feel that I'm facing the largest summit you have never actually seen. It's a little intimidating. Intimidating yes, but not something you can't conquer with time. We as a community are some of the most accepting people... don't let a few morons interfere with your journey.
Do**** Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 I feel that, I did not dare to put “a lot experience” on any, always played it middlefield with the questions, maybe I’m a daddy, maybe I’m just a wannabe to somebody else, it’s not intimidating but really out of scale.
em**** Posted May 4 Posted May 4 I understand what you mean, a lot of times people don't know where play begins and where it ends. Just because I'm mostly submissive, doesn't mean the first message has to be in a play context. Especially cis, straight, older men always seem to not look at someone on eye level, but rather as someone who is submissive and beneath them in general. That is misleading and could potentially be not so nice for at least one party.
st**** Posted May 8 Posted May 8 Saturday at 06:02 PM, emanzenqueervotze said: I understand what you mean, a lot of times people don't know where play begins and where it ends. Just because I'm mostly submissive, doesn't mean the first message has to be in a play context. Especially cis, straight, older men always seem to not look at someone on eye level, but rather as someone who is submissive and beneath them in general. That is misleading and could potentially be not so nice for at least one party. There is always a time & place for the bdsm stuff. Unless otherwise talked about beforehand. This is why communication and honesty are so important.
em**** Posted May 13 Posted May 13 Wednesday at 08:49 PM, steve-bdsm-cd said: There is always a time & place for the bdsm stuff. Unless otherwise talked about beforehand. This is why communication and honesty are so important. Yes that's what I said, but thanks for repeating it.
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