Fem dommes what's expected?

[Deleted Member]

Hey Ladies. What do you expect when a sub messages you? What do you ignore? What do you like? What annoys you? What conversations tend to go somewhere?

[TxFrank]

Why would it be different for a Domme than anyone else? Show respect. Show an interest in the person and don't objectify them. Make it comfortable and interesting. And FFS, don't lead off with some drivel like "I want to worship you and please you always." Or " I want a submissive slave to train and keep as my pet forever in *** and pleasure. "

[Ravenous7]

whe i start talking with someone who claims to be sub i ask questions. if they seem to be fishy and their answers or conversation is a miss. i give them specific tasks to perform with proof (by sending a pick) real sub if interested will respond as told. those who don't respond are wasting my time and usually confused brat instead of a sub.
also if I'm not interested in them i use same technique to make them f**k off instead of flat out rejection. 😈

[ge****]

Know I'm neither a Domme nor a lady, but was talking about this earlier and from the perspective of a male submissive, I much prefer the D/s element to develop naturally and organically with a prospective dominant than to make that the focus of conversation with someone from the start.
.
I'm more interested in the person than their dominance to begin with - for me to *be* submissive I need to *feel* submissive to someone, and not just because they say they are dominant, but because that balance has been found naturally.
.
I've had messages from apparent dominants where they've started off from a dominant stance and it just doesn't work for me - let me get to know the person first and the rest *may* follow.

[Deleted Member]

Pointless asking the question, I have tried every approach to messaging, it's a just nonsense, people just aren't sincere in their profiles, and look at some of the gorgeous women that are supposedly looking for kinky hook ups, its all fantasy.

[sv****]

A respectful message without honorifics. Something about who they are as a person, what they can provide as a sub. Not a list of their kinks or sexual preferences. Not a d**k pic.

[ge****]

53 minutes ago, TissyCdimyours said:

Pointless asking the question, I have tried every approach to messaging, it's a just nonsense, people just aren't sincere in their profiles, and look at some of the gorgeous women that are supposedly looking for kinky hook ups, its all fantasy.

Or maybe you've just not found the right approach or person for you? Which ultimately is what it comes down to, along with the right attitude, expectations, a well written profile and just a hint of luck.

Personally I don't have expectations of meeting anyone through sites like this, just enjoy them for the forums and interactions I do have and if anything develops from there then it's a very pleasant bonus

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, TissyCdimyours said:

Pointless asking the question, I have tried every approach to messaging, it's a just nonsense, people just aren't sincere in their profiles, and look at some of the gorgeous women that are supposedly looking for kinky hook ups, its all fantasy.

Please excuse me, but this is not true. It takes time. If you think like this, and have expectations... you will only disappoint yourself. @gemini_man writes alot about how he met some good people here on other forums. You should look at other forums with his comments, and try to have this mind set. Also,  I know over a handful of couples that met here. There are some good people. Do not get me wrong, I get frustrated too. I am only human.  

* Reminder: Alot of couples who met here are not... NOT going to announce "We met here" on Newfeed!!

[sl****]

Thank for creating this topic @swphoenix this topic really resonates with me as a male sub with an anxiety and depression tag over my head I find that approaching first with a simple " Hello my name is please may be granted permission to talk and get to know you" message and in a few cases I get no thank you or yes granted.


This then leads to further dialogue however more cases than not it's no response or after a couple of message exchanges.

they go completely silent and I guess the term is become a "ghost" it really hits me hard for reasons as said I previously.

A simple sorry not my type of this not really going in the right direction would be nicer.

[BlueEyedSolarKnight]

Humbling yourself to them, using their chosen title seems to work well.

[Deleted Member]

Please excuse me, but this is not true. It takes time. If you think like this, and have expectations... you will only disappoint yourself. @gemini_manwrites alot about how he met some good people here on other forums. You should look at other forums with his comments, and try to have this mind set. Also, I know over a handful of couples that met here. There are some good people. Do not get me wrong, I get frustrated too. I am only human.
* Reminder: Alot of couples who met here are not... NOT going to announce "We met here" on Newfeed!!


@kiseuOK faie enough but is it too much to ask that folk even reply to a message, a very respectful enquiry message, to say thanks but no thanks.

[BlueEyedSolarKnight]

1 hour ago, BlueEyedSolarKnight said:

Humbling yourself to them, using their chosen title seems to work well.

Disregard my comment. I realize now I read the initial post wrong. I apologize. I can't find a way to delete it.

[Deleted Member]

Solarknight how does one get the clip of the message into your own post please?

[BlueEyedSolarKnight]

@TissyCdimyours under the comment next to like is the option to quote

[go****]

If they start the convo with "Hello mistress/Mommy/Ma'am/whatever, I want to worship you," it's a no-go. If they say hello like a normal person and take the convo from there, we tend to have better luck. I like to get to know you before I tell you how to serve me.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Ravenous7 said:

whe i start talking with someone who claims to be sub i ask questions. if they seem to be fishy and their answers or conversation is a miss. i give them specific tasks to perform with proof (by sending a pick) real sub if interested will respond as told. those who don't respond are wasting my time and usually confused brat instead of a sub.
also if I'm not interested in them i use same technique to make them f**k off instead of flat out rejection. 😈

Oooft. A "real sub" given a task by a Dominant who doesn't know them and who is viewing them with suspicion and doubt will tell you to take a hike. Because a "real sub" doesn't give submission until it's earned and until trust is established. And you *just said* at this point you don't trust them.

[Fe****]

48 minutes ago, btwnyourlegz said:

If they start the convo with "Hello mistress/Mommy/Ma'am/whatever, I want to worship you," it's a no-go. If they say hello like a normal person and take the convo from there, we tend to have better luck. I like to get to know you before I tell you how to serve me.

Yeah I like to build chemistry or common ground before I go into character because both parties have to feel comfortable before moving forward

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, TissyCdimyours said:

Please excuse me, but this is not true. It takes time. If you think like this, and have expectations... you will only disappoint yourself. @gemini_manwrites alot about how he met some good people here on other forums. You should look at other forums with his comments, and try to have this mind set. Also, I know over a handful of couples that met here. There are some good people. Do not get me wrong, I get frustrated too. I am only human.
* Reminder: Alot of couples who met here are not... NOT going to announce "We met here" on Newfeed!!


@kiseuOK faie enough but is it too much to ask that folk even reply to a message, a very respectful enquiry message, to say thanks but no thanks.

Before I begin, there are some rude women as well. Did you think about the harrassments, or the craps we get for being polite. Please think about other people's experiences. If you want to blame,  please blame your fellow men who made it difficult for the polite gentleman. I had so many men that I politely said "not interested". Do you know what did? Most used this opportunity to keep coming back, and messaging me. I had to chat block "all" of them, and actual block too! Going through this, I had no choice not to respond to all. Now, basically "if" I do write... I politely say "no sexual attraction". I had one guy reply... I am not looking for sex, but relationship. Seriously, what part of "no sexual attraction" cannot be understood?.  Look, we cannot tell who is a gentleman, or guys who cannot take a polite rejection. Again, blame your fellow men that screwed it up for you!

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, TissyCdimyours said:

Please excuse me, but this is not true. It takes time. If you think like this, and have expectations... you will only disappoint yourself. @gemini_manwrites alot about how he met some good people here on other forums. You should look at other forums with his comments, and try to have this mind set. Also, I know over a handful of couples that met here. There are some good people. Do not get me wrong, I get frustrated too. I am only human.
* Reminder: Alot of couples who met here are not... NOT going to announce "We met here" on Newfeed!!


@kiseuOK faie enough but is it too much to ask that folk even reply to a message, a very respectful enquiry message, to say thanks but no thanks.

I keep forgeting... Most men I sent messages do not reply! Some were not even romantic interest, but compliments. I think about 6/7 men only responded. No offense, but men do it too!  **The only difference is you don't hear women complaining about it.**

[Ravenous7]

3 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

Oooft. A "real sub" given a task by a Dominant who doesn't know them and who is viewing them with suspicion and doubt will tell you to take a hike. Because a "real sub" doesn't give submission until it's earned and until trust is established. And you *just said* at this point you don't trust them.

exactly. i don't start my conversations with that, but when i feel like gaging the personality type do to something that is slightly off i will tell them to do simple task. with that I'm looking for is the response. how they respond is a telltale of what kind of sub they are. I'm looking for intelligence behind that facade, some playfulness and finesse of the response. no response to my request immediately tells me there's nothing i would be interested in exploring with that individual. I'm not here to stick my dick in every hole possible i have plenty of that outside of the apps. I'm looking for completion of the puzzle that's all

[Deleted Member]

I am nice, respectful, try to be jolly and have a good conversation if I even get that far lol. Mostly get ignored. Lot if the time I get one or two word answers when I put in effort to the supposed conversation. Sometimes get blocked mid stream. See loads of posts from women moaning about rude men. 

 So, you tell me!!! 

[ey****]

while I know I have been sometimes guilty in the past

I think this is specifically "women - how do you like to be contacted" which is hijacked by men moaning they're not getting what they want

maybe possibly take this as a time to learn rather than talking over people. 

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, OhBuddha said:

I am nice, respectful, try to be jolly and have a good conversation if I even get that far lol. Mostly get ignored. Lot if the time I get one or two word answers when I put in effort to the supposed conversation. Sometimes get blocked mid stream. See loads of posts from women moaning about rude men. 

 So, you tell me!!! 

Like I said... how am I suppose to feel, when I get snarky comments, and constant coming back when I politely write a nice "no thank you". I even write "Wishing you the best". I know alot of women can undertstand me. Repeating... we cannot tell a difference between a gentlemen and those who cannot take a "no thank you". Most men do not respond either! Lastly, can you tell a difference betwwen a geniune interest, or those women only looking for "benefits" in the first messages?. Another example of snarky men, a guy recently wrote on a picture of mine ... too bad I was blocked. He should have wrote "She wrote a polite no thank you, and blocked me". He was blocked, because he kept bugging me after my polite rejection message. Blame your fellow men who made it so difficult for you. Lastly, I see lots of posts as you say "moaning" of your fellow men about women not responding to them!

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Like I said... how am I suppose to feel, when I get snarky comments, and constant coming back when I politely write a nice "no thank you". I even write "Wishing you the best". I know alot of women can undertstand me. Repeating... we cannot tell a difference between a gentlemen and those who cannot take a "no thank you". Most men do not respond either! Lastly, can you tell a difference betwwen a geniune interest, or those women only looking for "benefits" in the first messages?. Another example of snarky men, a guy recently wrote on a picture of mine ... too bad I was blocked. He should have wrote "She wrote a polite no thank you, and blocked me". He was blocked, because he kept bugging me after my polite rejection message. Blame your fellow men who made it so difficult for you. Lastly, I see lots of posts as you say "moaning" of your fellow men about women not responding to them!

This is all true. It is very hard to understand behaviour. As you have mentioned, a lot of damage has been done and you have no idea of a person's motives. The truth of the matter is that you are dealing with human beings who are a ***y weird lot at the best of times.

[co****]

If I may…
I sincerely hope the banter back and forth in this pseudo victimhood olympics of which gender is more snarky is truly meant to be hyperbolic…
Yes… I’ve been ghosted and/or had no responses from women across many different platforms… such is life… Do I take that as a blow to my ego or confidence? No… Do I question every woman and their intentions? Of course not… and neither should you…
Look dude… there’s over 7 billion people on this planet… you (and I) are only one of them… you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea… take the L and move on 🤷‍♂️
If you allow an internet stranger to have that much control over the way you see yourself, you give them more power than they deserve…
That being said… I’ve also been told (which I appreciate far more than you’d imagine) things like “not interested”… my response to that is usually always “no worries! Thank you for taking the time to let me know. If something changes, let me know. Have a great day”… and I move along…
There have been a couple times where I got a good conversation out of it as a response… and… the expectation was set at the beginning that the conversation was NOT happening with the intentions of moving forward anywhere…
This isn’t directed as a slam or to denigrate anyone… but if you have to announce that you’re a nice guy or that you are nice… you may not be as nice as you think you are… said differently… you may be coming across as pushy, hostile, untrustworthy, etc… and not even thinking you are…
I find it interesting that people can be told no for a car loan, job, etc… and they can just shrug it off and go to the next car lot, employer, etc… if your credit and/or resume wasn’t good enough for those, you don’t blame the establishments…
Move on! Build better credit and/or a better resume! Or… find the places that really want what you have to offer…
It’s no different for people… 🙄
Bottom line… people suck… but not all of them! Respect yourself enough to respect the wishes of others… and trust yourself enough to know that you’re equipped to handle whatever is thrown at you…