Fem dommes what's expected?

[Ravenous7]

2 hours ago, colorado-springs758 said:

If I may…
I sincerely hope the banter back and forth in this pseudo victimhood olympics of which gender is more snarky is truly meant to be hyperbolic…
Yes… I’ve been ghosted and/or had no responses from women across many different platforms… such is life… Do I take that as a blow to my ego or confidence? No… Do I question every woman and their intentions? Of course not… and neither should you…
Look dude… there’s over 7 billion people on this planet… you (and I) are only one of them… you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea… take the L and move on 🤷‍♂️
If you allow an internet stranger to have that much control over the way you see yourself, you give them more power than they deserve…
That being said… I’ve also been told (which I appreciate far more than you’d imagine) things like “not interested”… my response to that is usually always “no worries! Thank you for taking the time to let me know. If something changes, let me know. Have a great day”… and I move along…
There have been a couple times where I got a good conversation out of it as a response… and… the expectation was set at the beginning that the conversation was NOT happening with the intentions of moving forward anywhere…
This isn’t directed as a slam or to denigrate anyone… but if you have to announce that you’re a nice guy or that you are nice… you may not be as nice as you think you are… said differently… you may be coming across as pushy, hostile, untrustworthy, etc… and not even thinking you are…
I find it interesting that people can be told no for a car loan, job, etc… and they can just shrug it off and go to the next car lot, employer, etc… if your credit and/or resume wasn’t good enough for those, you don’t blame the establishments…
Move on! Build better credit and/or a better resume! Or… find the places that really want what you have to offer…
It’s no different for people… 🙄
Bottom line… people suck… but not all of them! Respect yourself enough to respect the wishes of others… and trust yourself enough to know that you’re equipped to handle whatever is thrown at you…

Amen brother

[ge****]

4 hours ago, colorado-springs758 said:

If I may…
I sincerely hope the banter back and forth in this pseudo victimhood olympics of which gender is more snarky is truly meant to be hyperbolic…
Yes… I’ve been ghosted and/or had no responses from women across many different platforms… such is life… Do I take that as a blow to my ego or confidence? No… Do I question every woman and their intentions? Of course not… and neither should you…
Look dude… there’s over 7 billion people on this planet… you (and I) are only one of them… you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea… take the L and move on 🤷‍♂️
If you allow an internet stranger to have that much control over the way you see yourself, you give them more power than they deserve…
That being said… I’ve also been told (which I appreciate far more than you’d imagine) things like “not interested”… my response to that is usually always “no worries! Thank you for taking the time to let me know. If something changes, let me know. Have a great day”… and I move along…
There have been a couple times where I got a good conversation out of it as a response… and… the expectation was set at the beginning that the conversation was NOT happening with the intentions of moving forward anywhere…
This isn’t directed as a slam or to denigrate anyone… but if you have to announce that you’re a nice guy or that you are nice… you may not be as nice as you think you are… said differently… you may be coming across as pushy, hostile, untrustworthy, etc… and not even thinking you are…
I find it interesting that people can be told no for a car loan, job, etc… and they can just shrug it off and go to the next car lot, employer, etc… if your credit and/or resume wasn’t good enough for those, you don’t blame the establishments…
Move on! Build better credit and/or a better resume! Or… find the places that really want what you have to offer…
It’s no different for people… 🙄
Bottom line… people suck… but not all of them! Respect yourself enough to respect the wishes of others… and trust yourself enough to know that you’re equipped to handle whatever is thrown at you…

Couldn't agree more - now perhaps we can get back to the original intent of the thread which was for dominants to advise how they like to be approached and, to a lesser extent, submissives to advise approach methods that work for them - as eyem said perhaps people might learn some things rather than this being the usual and done many times thread about the problems of men vs women.

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

while I know I have been sometimes guilty in the past

I think this is specifically "women - how do you like to be contacted" which is hijacked by men moaning they're not getting what they want

maybe possibly take this as a time to learn rather than talking over people. 

Haha... yeah I had noticed this and am having a right laugh about it... thanks for pointing it out! Like people, it's OK to have mens clubs, it's OK for women to have football teams... its one is for the ladies! But I do appreciate reading sub perspectives and I get it's not easy, for any of us, to find connection! Since posting this I've been inundated with messages and still have no time so am feeling now guilty for engaging with the forums and now not being able to reply to everyone, but its really interesting reading everyone's thoughts!

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, colorado-springs758 said:

If I may…
I sincerely hope the banter back and forth in this pseudo victimhood olympics of which gender is more snarky is truly meant to be hyperbolic…
Yes… I’ve been ghosted and/or had no responses from women across many different platforms… such is life… Do I take that as a blow to my ego or confidence? No… Do I question every woman and their intentions? Of course not… and neither should you…
Look dude… there’s over 7 billion people on this planet… you (and I) are only one of them… you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea… take the L and move on 🤷‍♂️
If you allow an internet stranger to have that much control over the way you see yourself, you give them more power than they deserve…
That being said… I’ve also been told (which I appreciate far more than you’d imagine) things like “not interested”… my response to that is usually always “no worries! Thank you for taking the time to let me know. If something changes, let me know. Have a great day”… and I move along…
There have been a couple times where I got a good conversation out of it as a response… and… the expectation was set at the beginning that the conversation was NOT happening with the intentions of moving forward anywhere…
This isn’t directed as a slam or to denigrate anyone… but if you have to announce that you’re a nice guy or that you are nice… you may not be as nice as you think you are… said differently… you may be coming across as pushy, hostile, untrustworthy, etc… and not even thinking you are…
I find it interesting that people can be told no for a car loan, job, etc… and they can just shrug it off and go to the next car lot, employer, etc… if your credit and/or resume wasn’t good enough for those, you don’t blame the establishments…
Move on! Build better credit and/or a better resume! Or… find the places that really want what you have to offer…
It’s no different for people… 🙄
Bottom line… people suck… but not all of them! Respect yourself enough to respect the wishes of others… and trust yourself enough to know that you’re equipped to handle whatever is thrown at you…

Beautiful 😍

[ey****]

I have a fairly good response rate. 

My secret

I don't message all that many people.   So the ones I do message are usually folk I am interested in and whom I think I may meet what they would be looking for.

This goes in anything whether it's "on here" or looking to do filming/collaboration elsewhere 

This doesn't mean if I haven't messaged someone that I am not interested in them : moreso : I don't think they're as interested in what I have to offer and/or I've not had the bottle yet  

How I message does depend on context, like if for example we have interacted online to any degree or if it's been viewing each others profiles and liking stuff - and - I know there are folks who like my stuff because they like me, but not like like me. But it's never just a hey and it's never the magna carta.  

 

[Deleted Member]

I think that's fair. If someone sends a one word message I don't feel guilty about not replying because they clearly haven't put much effort in and suspect also haven't bothered to read anything. People who engage in forums and get the kink etiquette tend to care a bit more and are more thoughtful in messaging, which now matter how exhausted and sensitive I may be at the time, I always at least try to reply to, because they took the effort to put themselves out there.

[Deleted Member]

One thing I will say, if there is one woman on this site that I could trust, I would laugh so hard I would almost pay my rent 

[Deleted Member]

By chance, the men I met were Subs/Bottoms. They were 300% a gentleman. Introduction was simple, and they never ever mentioned anything sexual.  They only did when I asked questions. We chatted and talked like normal people, and trying to see if there was any connections.  This is my format. 

[Deleted Member]

OhBuddha! Gee, shucks. Sounds like you're attracting some really confused folk. 😕 sorry to read that.

[Deleted Member]

I have generally found an awesome group of kinksters on here... lovely and respectful for the most part

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, swphoenix said:

OhBuddha! Gee, shucks. Sounds like you're attracting some really confused folk. 😕 sorry to read that.

Yeah, annoyed a little. Seems to be some agendas out there. I am sure it is the same the other way around. Obviously I can only comment on my experiences. There seems to be quite a few 'fendoms' just scamming for ***. Without the required financial account. Plus selling content and other things. A lot of them are quite young as well. There are other issues for me as well but that is just my problems😆.

It does seem to be more and more the case though.

It's a shame as I have spoken to some nice people and they have be kind and given plenty of good advice. 

 It has been mentioned before but you are dealing with humans. That is sometimes not a good thing.

[ey****]

11 hours ago, OhBuddha said:

One thing I will say, if there is one woman on this site that I could trust, I would laugh so hard I would almost pay my rent 

these are your trust issues you need to work on

[ma****]

I was actually messaged by a supposed domme, there was no introduction just literally " I have a *** fantasy and you are doing it" , then proceed to list how he was going to " *** fantasy" me, there was no mention of concent, limits, inclusions or exclusions, safety or anything apart from how I was going to be used in this so called fantasy regardless of what I want, this is just one of the " commands" I have been given and have to do regardless of what I want, I'm sorry but that is never and should never be an "introduction" to anyone, literally start with your name and a Hiya then add your own polite message to it, as my grandad alway said " manners cost nothing", why can't we just treat each other the way we want to be treated, simple as

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, madkitty76 said:

I was actually messaged by a supposed domme, there was no introduction just literally " I have a *** fantasy and you are doing it" , then proceed to list how he was going to " *** fantasy" me, there was no mention of concent, limits, inclusions or exclusions, safety or anything apart from how I was going to be used in this so called fantasy regardless of what I want, this is just one of the " commands" I have been given and have to do regardless of what I want, I'm sorry but that is never and should never be an "introduction" to anyone, literally start with your name and a Hiya then add your own polite message to it, as my grandad alway said " manners cost nothing", why can't we just treat each other the way we want to be treated, simple as

Read your profile. I do not know about english speaker. As a Switch like you, I put a message for the Doms (for me)... there is no blah blah blah until negotiations are made. This has helped alot! If they try, then I tell them you did not read my profile. Most times, they never come back, because they feel like fools.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

Read your profile. I do not know about english speaker. As a Switch like you, I put a message for the Doms (for me)... there is no blah blah blah until negotiations are made. This has helped alot! If they try, then I tell them you did not read my profile. Most times, they never come back, because they feel like fools.

So it is like a business transaction to you?

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, OhBuddha said:

So it is like a business transaction to you?

I think possibly "you misread what I'm saying - discussions on play don't really start until we've introduced and been talking : negotiations don't take place until we've at least agreed to play"

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, kiseu said:

I think possibly "you misread what I'm saying - discussions on play don't really start until we've introduced and been talking : negotiations don't take place until we've at least agreed to play"

Oh, okay. It was just the way you you phrased it. I just had wondered if I was missing something lol. Thank you for clearing that up. 

[ma****]

7 hours ago, kiseu said:

Read your profile. I do not know about english speaker. As a Switch like you, I put a message for the Doms (for me)... there is no blah blah blah until negotiations are made. This has helped alot! If they try, then I tell them you did not read my profile. Most times, they never come back, because they feel like fools.

There wasn't even a mention of negotiations, it was I'm going to r*pe you and this is how I'm going to do it, it's fine if you have that fantasy but that should never be your first word's to anyone, weather they are male, female or any of the other classification's that someone identify's as because you have no idea if that has actually happened to them in reality and the trauma you could cause them, just be a person first and think of there feelings too and people might actually get somewhere instead of being turned down for being selfish, respect earns respect

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, madkitty76 said:

There wasn't even a mention of negotiations, it was I'm going to r*pe you and this is how I'm going to do it, it's fine if you have that fantasy but that should never be your first word's to anyone, weather they are male, female or any of the other classification's that someone identify's as because you have no idea if that has actually happened to them in reality and the trauma you could cause them, just be a person first and think of there feelings too and people might actually get somewhere instead of being turned down for being selfish, respect earns respect

I was going to ask if some actually say that sort of thing. Then I remembered, I am a man and of course they do lol. Is that from inexperience or just ignorance and arrogance? Could be all three I guess.

[Deleted Member]

Madkitty76... I am sorry for the miscommunication, because it was worded wrong, and I forgot the word "profile".🙈 Maybe you should put this in your profile ""Please do not address me with a dynamic already assumed - approach politely or not at all" to get rid of some bad Dom/Domme. If they still do it, you can point out they should read the profiles. I hope make sense. I put something similar in my profile. This has helped me so much!!

[ma****]

4 hours ago, OhBuddha said:

I was going to ask if some actually say that sort of thing. Then I remembered, I am a man and of course they do lol. Is that from inexperience or just ignorance and arrogance? Could be all three I guess.

I have interacted on here with some really nice men and some absolutely vile one's, so no not all of males are like that but some seem to just think that you on here you have to do everything they say and your automatically meeting them no matter where they live, and it could be either, neither, all or more, I guess it's just look who finds you or you find, but anyone can like what they like just don't *** it on other's and always expect a good reaction and I'm guaranteeing it's not just the males that are like this

[ma****]

4 hours ago, kiseu said:

Madkitty76... I am sorry for the miscommunication, because it was worded wrong, and I forgot the word "profile".🙈 Maybe you should put this in your profile ""Please do not address me with a dynamic already assumed - approach politely or not at all" to get rid of some bad Dom/Domme. If they still do it, you can point out they should read the profiles. I hope make sense. I put something similar in my profile. This has helped me so much!!

It's ok, I know cross language barriers can be hard sometimes because of cultural differences and when it text it be even more difficult, but thank you 😊

[Deleted Member]

Wednesday at 11:43 PM, madkitty76 said:

I was actually messaged by a supposed domme, there was no introduction just literally " I have a *** fantasy and you are doing it" , then proceed to list how he was going to " *** fantasy" me, there was no mention of concent, limits, inclusions or exclusions, safety or anything apart from how I was going to be used in this so called fantasy regardless of what I want, this is just one of the " commands" I have been given and have to do regardless of what I want, I'm sorry but that is never and should never be an "introduction" to anyone, literally start with your name and a Hiya then add your own polite message to it, as my grandad alway said " manners cost nothing", why can't we just treat each other the way we want to be treated, simple as

The very first message I got when I join fet was similar! I was amazed someone would message with "I'm gonna do this and that to you...." I was repulsed and blocked him immediately. Haven't had anything that bad since. I got "peg me" yesterday, which was ignored 😆

[ma****]

Friday at 05:38 PM, swphoenix said:

The very first message I got when I join fet was similar! I was amazed someone would message with "I'm gonna do this and that to you...." I was repulsed and blocked him immediately. Haven't had anything that bad since. I got "peg me" yesterday, which was ignored 😆

I blocked that one straight away, but I've had a few other's similar but not quite so vile, but to be honest I don't get what the fascination is with me because have you seen me, I'm literally a female hobbit minus the hairy feet 😂 I'm 5ft tall and fat, not some tall slender, beautiful thing, so it actually baffles me 🤨🤔

[Bi****]

I'm a magnet for them! Please help me, Ladies! I couldn't say no and have 3 (almost 4)