Thoughts on video chats before agreeing a date/meet

[iv****]

If they won't video chat us we refuse to meet

[ed****]

Absolutely agree with everyone above :) And now it's so easy to do and maintain a level of seperation from 'real world' Comms that anyone declining would be major red flag in my eyes.

[Deleted Member]

I hate video chats. The whole zoom thing during the pandemic was cringe for me. I'll happily send a video message but I hate vid chats. I get phone anxiety too 🤣🤦‍♀️ Having said that, if someone wanted to do that before a first meet to be comfortable, I'd suck it up and we'd have to video chat.

[Deleted Member]

Hey all, I'm somewhat bleary eyed (my glasses are lost somewhere in the living room 😂) but just a quicky to say thanks for sharing and I'll respond in the morning. 💖

[Ar****]

I think it's a good safe shout, as you say even a quick five minute call can be reassuring and it's a red flag if somebody avoids a video call

[Cheekysub247]

Im an absolute no on the video chat thing, but thats just me 🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, YesDaddyYes said:

Hey all, I'm somewhat bleary eyed (my glasses are lost somewhere in the living room 😂) but just a quicky to say thanks for sharing and I'll respond in the morning. 💖

Welcome welcome

[OT****]

I couldn't agree more, video chats are extremely important for all the points you've raised

[Deleted Member]

I agree I have to know the person

[Pl****]

I don't necessarily think it's a red flag if someone doesn't want to, as long as they're okay with other security measures you might have. I don't even have a camera that can do video chats, and I don't want to go out and buy one just for this purpose. I also don't think video chats alone are not sufficient security. I love to engage with scammers, and while chatting with an obvious one, I of suggested a video chat, figuring they'd never be willing, but they surprised me and were happy to do so. Aside from that potential, there's also the issue that just because someone's photos are legit, that doesn't mean they have been honest with you in other areas, and unless you are also vetting them in other ways, I don't think it necessarily makes you much safer. 

I generally think meeting in a sufficiently public place, or with a friend present is sufficient security for a first meeting, and is quite a bit safer than meeting someone alone after a video chat. I think the only thing the video chat really brings to the table is to remotely verify your interest in the person. And that's still worthwhile, but don't forget the more effective safety measures either.

[ey****]

So. Personally.  I don't ask for it.  Partially as it means I probably need to get dressed despite not leaving the house

But, if someone asks for it with me it's absolutely no problem.

I say this, one of the last people I video chatted with I was in my dressing gown - and we went on to have some wonderful play (and are seeing each other on Fri again) so it's not all bad. 

[Deleted Member]

I always at least get their Snapchat so they can send actual pictures of their face and something that’s clearly been downloaded. I avoid giving my phone number out as much as possible

[Ja****]

Smarter to video chat before hand so you can see what eachother actually look like and helps break the ice a bit. As a shy guy I find it easier to get to know someone through video chat ahead of time so when we do meet the Ice has been broken already so to speak.

[Deleted Member]

Definitely pro video chat and to be honest, those times where a WhatsApp video call has taken place - so has a really fun meet! X

[gr****]

I have never done one. But I always insist in a none BDSM date when I am first meeting others. Kind of for similar reasons. I mean I am pretty good with my Mental Health. Just not wanting to be catfished, or start establishing too much trust till I have met and know the person.

[ph****]

I completely agree 👍

[R1****]

I just did one yesterday to get some of that initial meeting awkwardness out of the way. I think it could be a potential red flag if someone doesn’t want to, but there are always extenuating circumstances.

[Ja****]

I hate the whole photo/video thing altogether. I have taken one good photo in my life and the rest are garbage. I look at what the camera produces and it’s a terrible facsimile of the real me. I just don’t look like my photos. Adding video helps a little because I have a big personality and video allows an inkling of that to shine through. For me, I try to get a face to face as soon as possible. I look great in person and when I can exhibit my intelligence, charm, wit, and genuineness folks soon relax and realize I am trustworthy, safe, and fun to be around.

[tr****]

Yeah I agree

[Deleted Member]

You're in control of your own life, no one can fault you for being cautious, if anyone is genuine of themselves and has interest in you, then it shouldn't be an issue, but that doesn't stop it from being outside the norm. That being said, I applaud you for being precautious, never can be too careful! 🤗👏

[TheBookCollector]

I dont see why there would be a problem video chatting before a meet especially if it is purely to verify they are real and the person matches thier profile picture, also if theres no attraction on cam then you dont waste time or ***.

[TheBookCollector]

Video chat red flags for me are the 'i dont have a cam or mic' which usually translates as 'im a man and dont want to let you see'

[ch****]

i am all for first chat, video chat, first meet public place go out to eat whatvever. sit and talk learn about the person and then go from there. if feelings are right exchange numbers stay in contact i personally would never just ghost someone. i would be like ya know i just dont feel it would work out. thank you for your time i really hope you find what your looking for. then if you remain chat friends ok to. but at least you let the person know. now other hand if it does work then of course you may make plans for another night out. i would never just expect sex but im looking for long term i am not the hit and quit it type. but over all go with the flow and see where it can lead. in my mho.

[Ba****]

Video chats are perfect! I normally hate calls, but my brain, for some reason, doesn't see vcs as calls. Its always a good way to interact with a person before you "meet" them. It shows that all parties are who they say they are, and it also shows bits of them that might not come through in text. It isn't unreasonable to request it.

[sv****]

In pro video calls but most times I meet them in a public place. I don't meet anyone I haven't talked to for a while and that I'm sure are who they say they are. My intuition hasn't failed me yet.