Nylon-Nellie Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 Wide berth for me and video chats before a meet. I have done one video chat, it went well but felt uncomfortable (this wasn't a video chat before a meet more like a general video chat). Far better to feel an attraction whilst having a coffee, instead of been judged during a video chat. With regards to safety, isn't it common sense to 'look after' yourself, before during and after a meet?
Do**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 Vid chat - a must before agreeing to meet in real world. A ‘no’ to a video chat request is a very large red flag
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2022 Author Posted June 14, 2022 Yes 👏🏼for me I’m looking for specific qualities in a man/Dom. I am a full brat but I can switch. If I can see myself or allow myself to dominate you in a video call there’s zero hope for you and im probably laughing at the time I wasted. I can usually tell after 5 mins which way it can go.
HOTLOAD-3138 Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 I think it is good. You can learn from face expressions and body language if you can trust more.
Fu**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 I’ve tried different dating apps over the years and have found that they are so full of fake profiles and scammers that i personally wouldn’t want my face and voice recorded. I’d prefer to talk and see if there are any red flags first, maybe send a photo that can’t be used to make a fake id or something after i’m pretty sure it’s a real person. Even then, there is a good chance the person will flake or doesn’t actually want to meet. I always assume first that i could be dealing with a potential scammer, then go from there. For all i know, it could be a 59 year old guy living in texas and not the woman suggested by the profile. This may sound jaded, but there are a lot of ppl out there with bad and ulterior motives, so i am personally cautious about giving out info or a voice recording that can be used to open a credit card or something.
Fu**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 Can just arrange a meeting in a public restaurant once reasonably sure the person is legitimate and matches a photo.
Sh**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 I think in this day and age, with hi-res cameras on 5 year old phones, there are no excuses to refuse a video chat before meeting someone for the first time, especially if you are male. The environment is hostile enough for women without having to deal with more unknowns. Just some time to see how someone interacts, their mannerisms, how they communicate without having time to think up a clever written answer. If you're worried about how you look, what makes you think it'll be any different when you meet? If anything, that's just hoping to trap someone in an awkward social situation. If you've got so far with someone that the next step is face-to-face, you may as well do it on a grainy 640x480 camera from 2002 than pass up the chance of meeting this person.
ey**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 26 minutes ago, FunPleasureDominant said: This may sound jaded, but there are a lot of ppl out there with bad and ulterior motives, so i am personally cautious about giving out info or a voice recording that can be used to open a credit card or something. I mean, while, there are responsible steps to take - there's also a case of being realistic I mean, by that logic (which is incorrect anyway) they could meet you somewhere public, use a phone to record the conversation and use that to open a credit card.
Ja**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 1 hour ago, Shockr said: I think in this day and age, with hi-res cameras on 5 year old phones, there are no excuses to refuse a video chat before meeting someone for the first time, especially if you are male. The environment is hostile enough for women without having to deal with more unknowns. Just some time to see how someone interacts, their mannerisms, how they communicate without having time to think up a clever written answer. If you're worried about how you look, what makes you think it'll be any different when you meet? If anything, that's just hoping to trap someone in an awkward social situation. If you've got so far with someone that the next step is face-to-face, you may as well do it on a grainy 640x480 camera from 2002 than pass up the chance of meeting this person. I think this attitude perpetuates the bogus stereotype of the aggressive, unsafe male. The instances of dangerous male kinksters attacking women is so low as to be a statistical anomaly. Honest men operating in good faith IS the norm and an attitude like Shockr’s is unnecessary. Safety should always be the priority but our attitudes should be more in line with how we treat seatbelts not Ted Bundy. It’s very trendy in our culture today to bash men and treat us all as misogynists…or worse. I don’t like doing video chats or even posting photos and there is no human on this planet safer than me. My reasons have nothing to do with deception or anything nefarious I just don’t think cameras give an accurate representation of who I am.
Pl**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 42 minutes ago, Shockr said: I think in this day and age, with hi-res cameras on 5 year old phones, there are no excuses to refuse a video chat before meeting someone for the first time, especially if you are male. The environment is hostile enough for women without having to deal with more unknowns. No excuse? Just going to reiterate that not everybody uses a smartphone. There are dozens of us. But seriously, there are plenty of reasons why some people don't, whether it's because they don't want to be one of those people glued to their phones all day and prefer being less connected, or to save ***, or because they simply don't need one. You're not wrong that women need to be careful, but video chats don't really provide much security, and there are plenty of more effective safety measures. As long as there's a willingness to accommodate more effective safety precautions, I don't know why a largely insufficient one would be necessary. The real value of a video chat is to further verify interest/attractiveness before wasting time on an in-person meeting.
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2022 Author Posted June 14, 2022 I have a lot to catch up on. I was only gone an hour 😂💖
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2022 Author Posted June 14, 2022 18 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: So. Personally. I don't ask for it. Partially as it means I probably need to get dressed despite not leaving the house But, if someone asks for it with me it's absolutely no problem. I say this, one of the last people I video chatted with I was in my dressing gown - and we went on to have some wonderful play (and are seeing each other on Fri again) so it's not all bad. This made me smile as I've done a video chat too in my jammy bottoms 😂 Aww hope you have an awesome time Friday.
Ja**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 2 hours ago, FunPleasureDominant said: Can just arrange a meeting in a public restaurant once reasonably sure the person is legitimate and matches a photo. This is wisdom. Your subconscious can’t operate as well through thousands of miles of cable & electronics so there is no substitute for sitting across a table from someone. We like to think WE are making all the decisions about potential partners but neurologists would strongly disagree. Our subconscious mind takes in torrents of cues from people in our presence and decides who we will like long before we are aware of it and I’m a proponent of giving it all the input it needs by actually meeting a person. It’s actually true that deception by camera is easier than in person. Unattractive personality characteristics or creepiness can be throttled or masked online but it’s much harder to do in person. Don’t we value having ALL the information needed to make good decisions? Personally, I have made mistakes online and picked women apart mentally until they were disqualified but never in person.
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2022 Author Posted June 14, 2022 2 hours ago, Shockr said: I think in this day and age, with hi-res cameras on 5 year old phones, there are no excuses to refuse a video chat before meeting someone for the first time, especially if you are male. The environment is hostile enough for women without having to deal with more unknowns. Just some time to see how someone interacts, their mannerisms, how they communicate without having time to think up a clever written answer. If you're worried about how you look, what makes you think it'll be any different when you meet? If anything, that's just hoping to trap someone in an awkward social situation. If you've got so far with someone that the next step is face-to-face, you may as well do it on a grainy 640x480 camera from 2002 than pass up the chance of meeting this person. Thanks for being a legend. I think it's important for safety. I liked what lady chat said to about being happy to do a lil "hey" video too. Totally agree with you on the bit about communication and mannerisms too.
TheBookCollector Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 The main reason i do it is so that neither party wasted their time. To be honest the 'i dont have a cam/mic' doesnt wash, a web cam costs what £20, and most laptops have had them built in for the last 10 years. Also you have to ask what have people go to hide if they wont face time, and have a vanilla conversation, is it that they arent who they aim to be, afterall its easy to get pictures off social media and put them on a profile claiming to be that person.
Ch**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 It's very good to do a video chat before meeting up, a lot more can be told about a person through voice and video than just text. 100% a great thing to set a limit for - that you won't meet up without such first!
TheBookCollector Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 2 minutes ago, PuppetMasterC said: It's very good to do a video chat before meeting up, a lot more can be told about a person through voice and video than just text. 100% a great thing to set a limit for - that you won't meet up without such first! I completely agree also you are in control and can just disconnect the call if you arent happy or they start making demands,
CopperKnob Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 I wish I'd bothered with video chats rather than just phone calls before meeting up with someone. You get more of a feel for a person with the environment, facial expressions, and body language. Something we'd learnt at work through the pandemic, not something I applied to my own life 🤦♀️
Ro**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 Tell that to those that you ask for they're WhatsApp and block you like you can do with a f**king phone number.LoL.
Ja**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 7 hours ago, Nylon-Nellie said: Wide berth for me and video chats before a meet. I have done one video chat, it went well but felt uncomfortable (this wasn't a video chat before a meet more like a general video chat). Far better to feel an attraction whilst having a coffee, instead of been judged during a video chat. With regards to safety, isn't it common sense to 'look after' yourself, before during and after a meet? Words of wisdom with which I agree totally. This superficial world is quick to write people off because they didn’t perform to expectations online when a face to face could have scored them a perfect match.
ey**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 25 minutes ago, JamesInConroe said: Words of wisdom with which I agree totally. This superficial world is quick to write people off because they didn’t perform to expectations online when a face to face could have scored them a perfect match. but then the guys won't turn on their cam to do a 5 minute face to face. haha
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2022 Author Posted June 14, 2022 Definitely more of a norm since Covid. I like it for the reasons you have provided and you get more of a feel for them
CopperKnob Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 3 hours ago, JamesInConroe said: I think this attitude perpetuates the bogus stereotype of the aggressive, unsafe male. The instances of dangerous male kinksters attacking women is so low as to be a statistical anomaly. Honest men operating in good faith IS the norm and an attitude like Shockr’s is unnecessary. Safety should always be the priority but our attitudes should be more in line with how we treat seatbelts not Ted Bundy. It’s very trendy in our culture today to bash men and treat us all as misogynists…or worse. I don’t like doing video chats or even posting photos and there is no human on this planet safer than me. My reasons have nothing to do with deception or anything nefarious I just don’t think cameras give an accurate representation of who I am. Says a male that in all likelihood doesn't receive the messages that females/femmes here and other online environments receive Who likely hasn't gone out of an evening and taken their drink with them to the ladies, who hasn't then had to think about a pre booked cab as opposed to standing waiting at the taxi rank who hasn't had to walk the last stretch home with your keys strategically placed between your fingers just in case, who hasn't had to take a different route home having hidden behind some big old dustbins first because 2 *** males were following you (real story) who potentially hasn't experienced any of the behaviours which fall under *** culture. Whilst I don't treat anyone as if they're Ted Bundy, when meeting someone for the first time kink or otherwise, it's a lot of planning and a lot of consideration. If you haven't had to think of the above, i'll admit to being envious of your privilege. If you have then I apologise. Perhaps though, you may consider that, that privilege is not seen across all genders
ey**** Posted June 14, 2022 Posted June 14, 2022 gonna be honest that, I don't have the stats on how many first dates go badly. by "go badly" some of this I mean, that there is just difficult getting rapport (something that a video chat might have helped vet) or that there's poor personal hygiene (something it might not have) or whatever And then going badly being any type of ignoring of consent or boundaries - from not taking a "no" to buying a double from the bar instead of a single (the most common thing used to spike women is more alcohol) to any form of post-date predatory behaviour (following home regardless as off if the date did or didn't go well) and a lot of this is stuff where I don't have the stats because a lot doesn't make it to the stats. A lot just gets chalked off as being a bad date or "he was a bit creepy, won't be seeing him again" I also don't think kinky people are necessarily safer given so many have hidden some of their wrongdoings behind kink (the consent advocate who was asking his sub for consent when she was in subspace - often even doing this publicly so people could see he had consent... then doing something she'd already privately told him was off the cards) I obviously don't think we're all dangerous either, but, honestly, as someone who is not only active in the local community but also runs events - there's a lot goes on you don't see of people who were either dealt with or where there was a complaint of some description.) Again, some of this a video chat won't prevet. But, if someone thinks they're one of the good or safe ones, then, spending a couple of minutes out of their life to put a camera on and helping give someone else a little peace of mind goes a long way. It's also ironic the amount of guys who feel they're useless at private messages and know they could impress someone if only given a chance but won't take that chance with a simple request.
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