How do you know what you like?

[sW****]

Naturally kinky vs Discovering kink:
Some people just know what they like. I have had moments throughout my life where I was turned on by something I read or watched that wasn't supposed to be sexual in context. I just thought I was damaged in some way for the longest. So, when I found a whole community online, I felt I had finally met my people.
Other people explore their likes just like any other kind of intimate or expressive activity. It can be like art for some folks. For others, it's more akin to meditation or exercise...the elation, transcendence, endorphin rush.
If you are the first sort of person, try a search here in the app or even a search engine. What you are interested in probably exists as a kink. And nobody here should judge you as long as you are following very basic etiquette: safe, sane, consensual.
If you are the second type of person, do research on your own, then keep coming to the forums and ask questions.
Hope that's helpful.

[ey****]

10 minutes ago, sWitchHazel said:

There should be a forum especially for newbs asking questions

There is

The whole purpose of like this Kink Academy section is for asking questions or providing information to learn.

11 minutes ago, sWitchHazel said:

Every movie/porno I have seen about kinky sex or BDSM is geared toward titillating via the taboo. And most of it is hetero male fantasy stuff.

What you have to remember with porn is what it is. And what it is not.

On occasion people do instructional or "how to" clips - but you might be surprised (or not) that these do not do that well.  I put out a POV clip with someone which was her demonstrating and showing how she liked having her feet worshipped and tips on how to do foot massage with either herself or other people - it... didn't sell well.   Package up a POV clip with two ladies with sweaty feet insulting the viewer for not doing the housework and... ahem, it's my best selling clip.

Someone of course buying the latter what they might get out of it - that they enjoy this as a role play scenario, that they like sweaty feet or that they like being humiliated.   What they shouldn't get out of this... that if they don't do their share of the housework that their flatmates will do their fetish with them.

For any clip of any kink you could watch and get an idea of "I would like to watch other people do that" or "I would like to try that" what it doesn't tell you is any of the back story of how well the two know each other (or don't) or levels of experience - or so on.

And there's often sometimes a little tie in story - but - yeah, especially in Femdom, women don't sit in houses with a dungeon with slaves who sit in cages with nothing to worry about other than "does Mistress need a foot rub" - and MaleDom tends to overdo the whole "submissive sluts" thing and is usually really really light in actual kink.  Because the viewer it's aimed for isn't someone with an interest in kink, but in an interest in someone who is sexually obedient and will do anything asked - just, what's asked is usually kinda limited. 

[ro****]

Ya I'm new to all that . Kinda. Lol.ive asked chicks to *** me ,slap me whip me and lots of other stuff. I sometimes enjoy doing stuff to the chicks .only if I don't push to hard .and never crossing the limits .on purpose anyways.maybe spank to hard or off target a bit . Most the time I just say do it to me and leave them out of it cause most have not been into it .Wich is fine .an also why I'm open for more . Always Been chicks other than swinging switching blabla

[Deleted Member]

I found all my kinks watching bdsm porn videos and you must have a great imagination😁

[Ha****]

What works for me is to remain open minded and let it be known that you will give something a try!!.

[Deleted Member]

I'm being somewhat misunderstood and misinterpreted here. I never said go watch sound porn and find out who you are, and what you need. I said chances are you found yourself drawn and looking for something specific and that may offer some insight. This was very much the case for me.

[Bt****]

2 hours ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

I'm being somewhat misunderstood and misinterpreted here. I never said go watch sound porn and find out who you are, and what you need. I said chances are you found yourself drawn and looking for something specific and that may offer some insight. This was very much the case for me.

Legit man. For me tho, I'm not interested in watching other people have sex. I don't even want to Google cause some of the stuff is pretty good 2g1c kinda stuff was 😝 lol but seriously. I've only ever had a girl want me to *** her gently with my left arm. She also was into stuff like keeping her legs together while I'm doing it. Obviously that's CNC, it was really f**king 🔥 I know I like that but it's not something I would initiate on a girl. I guess it's more about having a partner that's wild too so you can even broach the subject in the first place. I've Google plenty of porn tho. I like the VR pov stuff the most so far. You can basically create the feelings of the video and it can get legit when both people can see. Anyway, I know I like spitroasting a girl, haven't done it but it turns me up when talking about it during sex

[Va****]

And was the case for me. In my instance, I was naive to porn as an industry and shamed myself for much of my life for my kinks. It was only through post-college conceptual understanding of my self and the world and preference watching/reading that I was able to discover my direction in kink.

[gr****]

Find an experienced partner and talk about all this way beforehand

[Va****]

I’d love to. Where?

[Va****]

2 minutes ago, VanEverSent said:

I’d love to. Where?

It really is easier said than done, as many failed attempts have created a ***ful avoidant attachment type personality in me. Try me. I just don’t care.

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, VanEverSent said:

I’d love to. Where?

Well you're on a site designed to help you do just that for starters, then there are local kink events and munches, other sites similar to this and more - not pretending it is easy, but with the right approach and attitude it's entirely possible.

[sW****]

22 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

What you have to remember with porn is what it is. And what it is not.

On occasion people do instructional or "how to" clips - but you might be surprised (or not) that these do not do that well.  I put out a POV clip with someone which was her demonstrating and showing how she liked having her feet worshipped and tips on how to do foot massage with either herself or other people - it... didn't sell well.   Package up a POV clip with two ladies with sweaty feet insulting the viewer for not doing the housework and... ahem, it's my best selling clip.

Someone of course buying the latter what they might get out of it - that they enjoy this as a role play scenario, that they like sweaty feet or that they like being humiliated.   What they shouldn't get out of this... that if they don't do their share of the housework that their flatmates will do their fetish with them.

For any clip of any kink you could watch and get an idea of "I would like to watch other people do that" or "I would like to try that" what it doesn't tell you is any of the back story of how well the two know each other (or don't) or levels of experience - or so on.

And there's often sometimes a little tie in story - but - yeah, especially in Femdom, women don't sit in houses with a dungeon with slaves who sit in cages with nothing to worry about other than "does Mistress need a foot rub" - and MaleDom tends to overdo the whole "submissive sluts" thing and is usually really really light in actual kink.  Because the viewer it's aimed for isn't someone with an interest in kink, but in an interest in someone who is sexually obedient and will do anything asked - just, what's asked is usually kinda limited. 

Yes. You said it much better than I did. And more judiciously, too. (I didn't mean to porn shame).

[ey****]

I think there's a few bits to unravel.

While I generally brush off the whole "ratio" thing - the whole concept of an inexperienced male wanting an experienced female who is going to be his 'experiment' is rarely going to go down well.

(It is one of the reasons Pro's exist - an ability to go along for a couple of hours and try out a few different kinks and ideas and you leave with a better understanding of what you like, and if this is even for you, she gets paid) 

This often also rolls into the problem - like - imagine you connected with someone on a few levels and you got on well and then you met and she tried out a few things with you... and... oh, you don't like them.  Then what?  

----

I guess actually.  Nothing needs to be a rush.   I touched before where getting involved in a local scene, sometimes there might be friends happy to try things with you.  Going to workshops and demos can be like "ooh, that seems fun" and sometimes an opportunity to try.

Read. Lots and lots.  But of course remember the difference between someone's anecdotes and a fiction story (and even in true stories, a lot gloss over how long it takes to get to know each other and likes/dislikes) 

Of course, if you do meet a partner, then of course, experiment - but learn how to try things safely to minimise risk to each other. 

[ey****]

6 minutes ago, sWitchHazel said:

Yes. You said it much better than I did. And more judiciously, too. (I didn't mean to porn shame).

it's fine - I didn't take it as such.  it's just of course, like I say, understanding what it is and what it isn't.   I have different ways of working also depending on how well I know someone 

[My****]

Id like to Thank you everyone for their input not sure if I'm destined to be alone on here. I know I've obviously said all the wrong things to singles on here but I've not said the right things at least but I'm working on it but again thank you all.

[BigPolly]

On 6/28/2022 at 4:56 PM, Jerry99 said:

I found all my kinks watching bdsm porn videos and you must have a great imagination😁

I’m autistic & one of the downfalls of that is I don’t have an imagination, I do however know what I desire & the kind of scenes I like to play out so an imagination isn’t always necessary within BDSM 😊

[Bt****]

So after yesterday I guess I know for sure I like to bull for cucks, that's another one in the book!

[Bt****]

And throat f****** is pretty fun. Safe words are definitely a good thing to discuss prior to being with a sub!

[Sw****]

I found some of my kinks by reading smut. Or just going through a list of kinks and fetishes and seeing what interests you. You won't fully know until you try at least once but it's a good place to start

[Blklkmell]

Hello. I like yur style and there are a few of us with 12 years enjoying the lifestyle. Always tell newbies to be yourself. The lifestyle embraces the essence of yur desires. With no judgment.

[Bm****]

I like many fetishes and other things from knowing others and reading or seeing the action.

[ru****]

I just tried a bunch of things, and I figured out that some stuff I like and some stuff I don't like.

[Wi****]

This may have already been said, but it bears repeating: reading erotica can be incredibly helpful, and it's a safe way to explore. Kindle Unlimited has a low flat rate that affords the ability to download thousands of books with all kinds of flavors. I am new here today because I read a novel that showed me exactly what I apparently like, enough so that I made a profile and am trying to learn more.

Taboo themes also taught me a few things I didn't remotely suspect about myself, or things that I want to look more carefully into. I wouldn't ever consider doing these things, but before I read the books I didn't even know *anyone* thought of doing these things. Now I'm asking myself why I kept reading them if they were so terrible.

Those kinds of insights are really fun and also disturbing. But fun! And new!

[ch****]

Everyone has fetish back in the 90’s I didn’t know sorry I’m a late bloomer about Fetish. Till I was writing a cougar pen pal and I told her I had a mom thing .