1st meets for long distance?

[Deleted Member]

First, I have read the threads here re:meets. Thanks for the advice!

My question is, how to tailor said advise for meeting an out-of-state or long distance potential partner (D or s)?

The distance is manageable for a weekend or meeting midway for a day. So, is it better to plan for a short 1st meet (an HTC over coffee), maybe take a break to reflect, and meet later longer (say a meal)?

I'm trying to balance safety, communication, and connection with distance, time, and costs. Obviously, if these 3 aren't met by either party, you walk away.

When you've talked for 6 to 8 weeks (usually daily), is it better to plan for that midway meet and maybe get a hotel if want to move ahead? Or better to strictly keep to no play 1st day in person?

I think planning a weekend could be/is too much too soon. What's the balance? Anyone with experience?

[Deleted Member]

HTC =typo. That should be HR

[CopperKnob]

The first kinky person I met was some distance away. We'd chatted daily via text/phone daily. We'd originally planned a short meet however that changed (on his terms) to a weekend and, well the rationale all seemed logical to me in sub frenzy
To be honest I wouldn't do it again.
We met 'halfway' in a town I didn't know.
A hotel was booked, the fact I asked for my own room (and offered to pay for it) didn't go down well.
part
Boundaries were broken in the lead up to the weekend
There was an expectation that kink happened on their part and when it didn't gaslighting occurred.
Maybe it was just this particular individual given what I now know about them so my first advice would be to vet as best you can. Speak to others that may be aware of them. That'll be harder if you don't know people in their area
I personally wouldn't do a weekend meet again. I think that there's too much opportunityfl for expectations to be raised that things 'will happen'. I found it overwhelming and difficult to leave when my gut was telling me things didn't 'feel' right. Whereas knowing you can leave after a couple of hours without worry of conflict/confrontation, for me seems a lot safer

[Cheekysub247]

Personally ive always 'played' on the first meet, most of my partners have been a little distance away, anything from an hour to 6hrs . Probably after a month/6 weeks of chatting also.
So it really is personal choice.
Advice has always been have a public meet first, be that a drink or meal.

[Seeknwifencucks]

I always told the sub that she needs to have a safe call setup texting her friend while we talked I always went all the way to her area that way she knows area and can be safer I never played first date. I’m a combat vet so I never worried about myself I feel her safety is more important. Sometimes the person brings a friend to first meet for exchange of info etc

[ey****]

I sometimes feel distance can be a game changer.

Depending on the distance it can be a lot of time and expense for a coffee.  But obviously you don't want to travel (say) 3 hours and then find you just.... don't get on.

I think this is when kinda having phone and video calls until you both feel a bit comfortable can be good.

If you do need to stay overnight then you don't necessarily have to even tell them where you're staying if you don't want to 

[ge****]

I have had a lot of "distance" meets through sites like this, although admittedly most have been of the "swinging" variety rather than strictly kink related, and they have usually been after weeks/months of exchanging messages and getting to know people better (I think the fastest I have ever met anyone was 2-3 weeks after the initial message). Apart from one, none have involved phone/video calls either.
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Once we've agreed to meet, which is usually when we both have a fair idea that it will progress to something more, the format has usually been to agree a midway point between us, and to meet at lunchtime-ish with a plan to do something socially for the afternoon, but to have a hotel room booked if we're agreeable to use it, on the strict understanding that neither of us is obliged to take things further, and that if either one of us doesn't want to, that the lady gets the hotel room for the night and I come home (in the UK for most locations that's no more than a 3 hour drive back if it's a mid-point).
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It's worked well for me and provides plenty of social time to confirm what we think we know through messaging.
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Ultimately it comes down to both people feeling comfortable enough to do that of course and it may vary on a case by case basis but is one way of working it.
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Comes down to gut instinct and building connections and chemistry and taking your time to be sure they are in place.

[Go****]

Personally, I tend to make it clear that I won't play to begin with, and initial meets will be 'vanilla' until we both feel comfortable. Sometimes it'll be halfway between us, it depends on what we're comfortable with.
I have played on a first meet before, it ended up as a weekend, but that was after speaking to them for months (it was very long distance). However, it's not something I would recommend, and I'm not sure that I'd do it again.

[Deleted Member]

For me personally, I agree with @GoodGirlBetterBrat. First meeting as only coffee, then while scheduling second... you can see if they act weird, change, play games, stay the same or anything else. But a while back... as @CopperKnob said "a clever ***r can wait a long time".🤔

[ey****]

4 minutes ago, kiseu said:

"a clever ***r can wait a long time"

if you think about it

of course, you can meet someone for coffee whatever and just think... you know what... no... there is just something where... I don't want to continue this or do this again

the people who end up in any form of relationship which is abusive or where there's boundary pushing, consent ***s, etc. these are not people who when you meet for this coffee show that.   They don't turn up 30 minutes late then act like it's your fault for picking a weird coffee place.  They don't give the server ***.  

Some, in this coffee meet, might even tip heavily or feign generosity 

I mean of course, no, you don't go on to play with the person who does set off all the flags - but, yeah.  

[Deleted Member]

@eyemblacksheep... you forgot one scenario. After coffee or a meal... say "need to go to the bathroom", then run for it!! Make the other person pay.😅 I think a member wrote this on a forum.🤔 Back to topic....

[sm****]

one of the things i was told when i started out many moons ago, always have a backup plan as a just in case they are a no show, saves a wasted journey and time/***.  For example i would do a 4 hour train journey down to London but always have places or an event to attend/visit as a just in case.  One of my favs was always a trip to my fav fet shop of all time, it was worth the journey in itself.

Another thing would be and may not be practical have someone you know in or near that local who could be a safety net in case things go pear shaped.