Experienced Doms

[Deleted Member]

It seems to be that "looking for a dom" is like saying " looking for a vehicle"
You don't want a moped or a van, you want a jeep Wrangler with 35" mud tires and a snorkel. Get spacific.
Dom means different things to everyone.
For some it's hold me against a wall and kiss me while my hands are tied above my head.

For others its put a collar on me,

Just " dominant partner" is soooo vague.

[Deleted Member]

Sadly because a lot of people think sub girls = easy shag. There's a lot of misunderstandings out there about kink. What's more fake Doms tend to be the kind of people who don't take clear signs well. For example I've seen many a copy and paster on here in the past and I've even seen people confront them. Yet when told what they are doing (putting the same sentences in every women's comments section) is annoying and sad they get hyper defensive and claim to have a "inbox full of pussy" which was one actual response I saw during such an argument 🙄.
I suppose it's like mining really, gotta dig through a lot of worthless rocks before finding a jewel.

[bd****]

One of the tells, I think, is that someone experienced will start anywhere but throwing their twue domly weight around. Topping requires patience, communication and humility, as well as a big dollop of self-awareness. It’s not that they’re not here, I don’t think, but they’re probably not screaming their presence from the rooftops.

[TeeJay_98]

7 hours ago, ropesandknotsaz said:

I always question a 20 something Dom just from sheer lack of life experience. Treating submissives correctly takes an experienced hand to make the session memorable in the right way.

I don't think a person's age should declare whether they have life experience or not... 

I get that young people have a bad reputation in this lifestyle. But I've also met some 'older' people in this lifestyle with little to no REAL life experience.. 

[Ax****]

One thing I have noticed is that alot of men don't know how to confidently navigate the role. It makes it seem so ***d and uncomfortable.

[Glitch-5338]

To be fair. Its not an easy thing full stop. Either way you look at it. A Dom looking for a sub is expected to be experienced. Ok so how experienced is experienced worth. One or two previous play partners. Or are you looking for the one who has everything nailed down tight hes the beez kneez. Seriously come on. Inexperienced Doms. That is in my opinion a Dom who has had one or 2 experiences in the past still counts as experienced to a degree. If all anyone looks for is the creme de la creme. These 1 or 2 lesser experienced Doms will never get more experience. Better with experience. Or evolve with experience. Therefore the pool of Doms remains low. Your an inexperienced sub looking. Why not give a Dom a go. Do things at a slow pace learn together the things that perhaps the Dom has not quite gotten right yet. Increase their experience as well as your own. An experienced Dom will probably not frequent these sites too much because he already has his forever playmate/s. Think outside the box. Ask yourself how does anyone become experiwnced without experiences. (Good or bad) This is how we all grow.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, calikink4ya said:

Thats because. Just talking is boring. And why do all the subs are not subs if they were told to go to a place or to come in person. Because. Thats how. You want it to be. The subshould obey and come to meetingpoint

Someone being a submissive doesn’t mean they should obey some random person they’ve never met, but thanks for flagging yourself up as having weird views and being potentially dangerous 😚

[Glitch-5338]

I agree subs should not be treated as a piece of meat. Especially not until its been established that that's how they want to be treated. (Unlikely) To be a good Dom is to first make a connection. You can't expect someone to just take your word that your a good Dom and they should do as you tell them. You would not do that in the vanilla world so why would you do it in kink.

[Da****]

2 hours ago, ariana_grandad said:

Someone being a submissive doesn’t mean they should obey some random person they’ve never met, but thanks for flagging yourself up as having weird views and being potentially dangerous 😚

I agree and calikink4ya... Dude why should a sub submit to you with that attitude... subs submit by choice not by demand...

[Do****]

Any dominant worth his or her salt first gets to know a potential submissive. Some one who just dives in not knowing a person is just preparing for disaster.

Either the people you have been involved with were twisted self centered creatures, or you are the one who is inexperienced.

Too many shades of gray perhaps?

[Glitch-5338]

Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
Or 6 p's Perfect Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

[Deleted Member]

@Blackbird22... Switch here. Becareful of male Switches. I have chatted with great ones (Clear and Open), but some can be really confusing, you have to be a can opener, can't make up their minds, or misleading. There are few who put "Doms", but actually are Switches. Rarely, did I meet a Sub who was actually a Switch. Men who put "Switch, but Sub" is more common. But... only my experiences.🤷‍♀️

[gr****]

Because most of the ones claiming to be one of us is a common thing so e guys think it gives them an easy way in but when called on the knowledge trust and respect a Dom gives as well as received it's found to be false. How to tell a true dom ask them this question. Who holds the most power in a Dom sub relationship . The answer is the sub the power and trust given to the Dom by the sub is a huge thing

[ka****]

Because some people don’t understand this is a lifestyle and commitment and something that should be taken seriously but so many people just see the kink side and not everything else

[ed****]

Most call themselves a dom but don’t have a clue that the first thing to establish is trust. A true dom knows that the trust in the relationship must be there before moving on to more physical activities.

[Deleted Member]

That kind of goes the same for subs. They’re plenty of people that say there subs but when you want to ch*ke them and spit in there mouth they get all weird about it.

[Glimmering]

Yesterday at 06:56 AM, Chesterfield_Dreams said:

Expecting every dom to be a master with 20 years experience is ridiculous.
.
Find someone who has potential. Learn with them. Grow with them.
Work on being a good sub, rather than just expecting the dom to keep the relationship functioning.

I do agree with this, if you are both fairly new it would be a wonderful opportunity and relationship to explore together. It’s nice with experienced dom but there’s also things I can offer that he’s never tried and it feels very pleasing

[Deleted Member]

The trust and reliability of it is what starts that bond. If you don’t trust him to stop when you want him to then the true “dom” aspect can’t be trusted. 🤷🏻‍♂️ 

[Deleted Member]

I got match many women but they talk ones then never talk back

[Zi****]

A real Dom will get to know you first. If they aren't taking the time to figure out your likes, dislikes, personality, limits, expectations, needs, fantasies, etc... They are just playing the role the way they think it is done. A real Dom understands that they are being given an extreme amount of trust and take it very seriously. Experienced or not if they immediately try to take control, run, they aren't taking the time to make sure they can handle or care for you. So if your issue is that they feel like they're trying to have a normal relationship at first, that's a good thing.

[Ch****]

Because older experienced Doms realize they’re not a Dom until a sub names them. Be careful of one’s that don’t take the time to get to know you, you’re kinks, and earn your trust.

[MissMeMeow]

13 hours ago, newdom13 said:

That kind of goes the same for subs. They’re plenty of people that say there subs but when you want to ch*ke them and spit in there mouth they get all weird about it.

Everyone has different limits. I’ve been a sub for over two decades and I would let someone spit in my mouth. That’s a hard limit for me. Submission is warned not given. A sub is the one take in control because they have their safe word. The Dom gets to explore and test her/his sexual desires Anna how far they can go. So saying no to spitting doesn’t make them fake. Plus everyone is new at one point. Just guide them but not in a deviant way.

[MissMeMeow]

1 minute ago, MeMeow said:

Everyone has different limits. I’ve been a sub for over two decades and I would let someone spit in my mouth. That’s a hard limit for me. Submission is warned not given. A sub is the one take in control because they have their safe word. The Dom gets to explore and test her/his sexual desires Anna how far they can go. So saying no to spitting doesn’t make them fake. Plus everyone is new at one point. Just guide them but not in a deviant way.

I meant to way wouldn’t** I don’t like spit

[bi****]

I find that there quite a few subs that distract them. There are many ways to find a good Dom. I enjoy getting to know my sub. Seeing what she knows about the lifestyle. So Vetting is important.
Asking specific questions pertaining to the lifestyle.
The BDSM lifestyle is not what most people think it is, it’s not all about whips and chains and sex, dynamics are built on the four pillars,
I like to find out what they know about things such as honorifics and protocols.
I enjoy an experienced sub, or one who is willing to explore and learn about the true meaning of the lifestyle.


[Ma****]

I'd say taste plays a significant role, and experience as informative as it is does not define intention or ability. Chemistry is the foundation of safe and informed interactions and it is clear when a man has something to hide and little to say that you don't count as important in his judgement. I find that point to be especially dangerous as physiological advantage of strength demands patience behind the wheel to make good decisions, if you can't trust that individual it's important to involve your safety as little as possible. A good Dom plays a long game with slow results to keep everyone involved safe.