Experienced Doms

[an****]

You may see the issue as a problem with inexperienced or fake Doms. However, based on my experiences and those of many that I have spoken with, the issue is heavily due to so-called subs that just want to “dabble” and don’t have the patience or commitment for a D/s relationship. I always start by discussing safety, limits, goals and rules. I don’t know how many times that I have been asked if we can skip this “boring” stuff and get to the “hot” sex. We all like sex, but these so-called subs have no idea of the D/s dynamics nor of the potential danger their ignorance could expose to them. There may be an issue with fake or inexperienced Doms, but I believe there is an equal if not greater issue with subs. Lastly, as I end my rant, are the false-brats. These are the ones that believe by declaring themselves as brats, that they can behave as they wish and the Dom is supposed to accept the behavior and punish as determined by the brat exclusively. I have had the time wasting misfortune to vet too many of these (I don’t know what to call them) brats. Real brats are fine. They aren’t really my thing, but they do challenge many of a Dom’s skills.

[Sa****]

Yes there are inexperiencedDoms here just like inexperience subs. There are few places for Doms to learn. And fewer of the ones that are not ***ing contests. There is also the fact that each sub requires different skills sets. So it takes time and experience to understand each sub. So once again communicate communicate and yes communicate 

[Deleted Member]

This topic reminds me of the fact that one needs job experience to get a job, but can’t get job experience without a job.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Garrett123 said:

This topic reminds me of the fact that one needs job experience to get a job, but can’t get job experience without a job.

the experience paradox is one where...

it's true that it is easier if you have and can demonstrate hands on experience - that it's easier to get references and show experience

But to be trapped in one shows a lack of initiative.    That of course a lot of places will be patient and don't expect you to be the finished product, but you would expect to be turned down for a chefs job if you can't cook, or a dev job if you can't code.

Luckily, of course, if this is something you really want to do.  You can learn to cook, you can do a part time qualification. Ditto for coding.  Or almost anything else.  You can then approach these places and be "Hey, so I haven't worked in a kitchen, no, but I have this industry recognised qualification, and a hygiene certificate" and there's a good chance you can get at least a junior or assistant role.

Exactly the same is true for Domination.  If you can't get experience cos no one will play with you, or give you a chance, citing lack of experience - then you can go and get experience.  While kink doesn't have industry recognised qualifications there's still plenty of opportunities to gain experience.   While this is easier if you have clubs and meets in your local area; if it's someone somewhere remote then - if there are an abundance of subs and experienced Dominants there then why isn't there some form of meet

[TheSpicyCleaner]

9 hours ago, Garrett123 said:

This topic reminds me of the fact that one needs job experience to get a job, but can’t get job experience without a job.

Yeah I gotta say, everyone seems to be so much more forgiving of inexperienced subs than inexperienced Doms. As if experienced Doms just appear magically out of thin air. 

It isn't as if subs don't have a say in who they engage with.

There are plenty of experienced Good Doms here (I know I've been lucky enough to talk to lots of them) and there are plenty of experienced but not good doms too. Just because someone has been doing this for 15 years doesn't mean that they are necessarily good, safe or sane. 

And if you're a new sub, then do yourself a favour and go learn, reach out to Doms who are active and other subs, it's your responsibility to be safe and able to sniff out a bad or dangerous dom...

Rant over. 

[ey****]

3 hours ago, TheSpicyCleaner said:

Yeah I gotta say, everyone seems to be so much more forgiving of inexperienced subs than inexperienced Doms.

Often true, but, also for the wrong reasons.

For example if someone said they specifically wanted an inexperienced Dominant then everyone would be quite boggled as of why

If someone said they specifically wanted an inexperienced sub, then they might shape that under the "too mould and train you" but it often comes across rather predatory - there was a guy not so long ago saying he specifically went after inexperienced subs, but then was really frustrated they wouldn't just do what he told them to do - almost as if his intentions werent honest here

[Deleted Member]

I run into that alot.
Not so the men but women.
But they be catfish. Calming to be someone else.

I am Switch
I like to be both.
But I am up front
I’m new to being Dominant
Been Submissive for so long

[Becjade]

Story of my life

[Ha****]

Its a problem for the D too. They think with there fatansy and everything around they forgot because what main thing to do for a Dom is Reading and listening to there slave for a optimal experience for both of them.