Pushing Boundaries…!

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, mount-pleasant834 said:

Laws and rules were always made to be broken

So it’s ok to do butt play with you? Just think about what you said when you think about what you’ve noted as your limit on your profile!

[Ch****]

I believe boundaries, and limits are two different things. Boundaries are things you have no interest or desire to even try. I don’t think you can set limits until you’ve been with someone, like you like being spanked but he has no idea how hard til he does it, or you like having your hair pulled but if he pulls to hard, until you say yellow he has no idea. Just my thoughts.

[Ch****]

I respect boundaries, but have to push/find your limits.

[Ch****]

Maybe they are not doing a good job of explaining the difference between hard and soft limits.
.
Soft limits are meant to be pushed, meant to be teased against.
Hard limits are a no, and should be kept away from u less the sub changes their mind outside of play. Not while playing.

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, Chesterfield_Dreams said:

Maybe they are not doing a good job of explaining the difference between hard and soft limits.
.
Soft limits are meant to be pushed, meant to be teased against.
Hard limits are a no, and should be kept away from u less the sub changes their mind outside of play. Not while playing.

I disagree, no limits should be explored during play unless discussed beforehand. I have breath play as a soft limit that I would eventually like to try but after a lot of discussion and how it will look.

[CopperKnob]

Yesterday at 05:27 PM, WhatsYkurFantas420 said:

 I think I’m the perfect person to speak on this. I just got out of a 10 year long marriage. It was basically sexless when we did have sex it was shitty sex and so I came out of that relationship with a lot of fantasies I wanted to get out of my system. But a lot of those fantasies pushed some of the boundaries that I’ve set for myself over the last 10 years. But there are boundaries that are hard limits that I’m willing to push in order to have the experiences that I want if that makes sense. Now this will make me sound like I’m bat shit crazy but I’ll tell you the biggest one. I really wanted to do the BDSM thing nothing out of the ordinary just being tied up. A little experience with the crop whip on the receiving end. Some heat and ice play. Things along those lines. I made up a scenario in my head that I very much wanted to get out because it was really hot. I definitely had to put myself in a super *** position in order to do what I wanted. I had talked to this guy online for like three weeks and came up with a scenario where he would walk into my house(first time meeting) And I met him on my knees next to my bed completely blindfolded With music playing in the background. Didn’t look into his eyes till he lifted my chin to do so. Now that pushed a lot of my boundaries probably not the smartest idea a lot of people would never do that but it was something I wanted so I was willing to push those limits it up makes sense. And to me the once in a lifetime first encounter that I could talk about forever was worth it. I should add him that I’m very physically fit and had safety precaution set around my room in case something was a little crazy. I also had messaged a friend to come and check on me if she didn’t hear from me. Sent pictures of the dude his phone number and a lot of other things tattoos just for safety. But I wouldn’t change it for the world best decision I ever made. I’ve also recently had a threesome with another girl. Not really into girls and that kind of crossed a religious boundary with me that I’ve had any since I was a kid. But I did that in order to get the threesome I wanted with another dude.(still looking for the third if any hung man interested) so that’s just too out of an entire list of things but I think you get the point. Now I have these lifelong experiences that I will remember forever and I just had to push the boundaries to get there.

I think that the difference here, to what the OP os describing is that it sounds like you decided what your limits were for that specific occasion? I'm reading the OP as if D-types are suggesting that they push limits. Which is fine assuming that that's been consenting to be the s-type.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Chuck50 said:

I believe boundaries, and limits are two different things. Boundaries are things you have no interest or desire to even try. I don’t think you can set limits until you’ve been with someone, like you like being spanked but he has no idea how hard til he does it, or you like having your hair pulled but if he pulls to hard, until you say yellow he has no idea. Just my thoughts.

I think you can absolutely set limits before being with someone, trust and connection to try stuff comes with time, not straight away. For example, I’m not going to try breath play until firstly I know the person I’m with, know that they will take my safe word seriously or maybe I’ll never want to try it. Again, this would all be prior discussion brought up by time as they are my limits. Just like I would respect my doms limits unless he brings them up first to want to try.

[ma****]

1 hour ago, Chesterfield_Dreams said:

Maybe they are not doing a good job of explaining the difference between hard and soft limits.
.
Soft limits are meant to be pushed, meant to be teased against.
Hard limits are a no, and should be kept away from u less the sub changes their mind outside of play. Not while playing.

Soft limits are not to be pushed, played with or teased against - unless the submissive or the bottom has agreed to that (we must never forget about informed enthusiastic consent). Otherwise, it becomes ***.

[Li****]

Boundaries and hard limits are the same thing- a hard no with someone saying this is in this section for a reason, not a soft limit.
If they're going to add it as something on their profile they should specify "I'll help you push and play with soft limits" because generalising it as "I'll just push your limits" doesn't come across kink friendly, respectful, safe at all.

[Li****]

"a boundary is something that indicates a limit, not a limit in and of itself. This agrees with my intuitive understanding of the two. Boundary lines are lines that mark the limits of the field, etc."- boundary is insinuating that that particular thing is a hard limit and prohibited. Both you definitely don't push.
Thats why you should automatically list things you know without trying that you would be comfortable never trying. It just doesn't resignate with your interests/comforts/turn-ons

[Ch****]

That’s why a lot of communication is key, I’ve been in the lifestyle for a long time but haven’t been actively searching for anyone either. I was taught that limits were that you were good with something, but had your limits, such as I’ll use spanking as an example, you like it but you have a limit of how much and how hard as in no bru

[Ch****]

No bruises. And a boundary was let’s say no anal which meant don’t even try don’t want it that’s my boundary. I’m not arguing, and I appreciate the knowledge. Now I know

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, Chuck50 said:

No bruises. And a boundary was let’s say no anal which meant don’t even try don’t want it that’s my boundary. I’m not arguing, and I appreciate the knowledge. Now I know

I always value these conversations as I always find we all can gain and learn from them. Your comments make sense and if that’s what is learned and believed that is also fair! Life is a learning process as is everything always in this lifestyle😊

[Bm****]

A person with no experience should push their limit to see if they enjoy it or check their curiosity.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Bmydicklicker said:

A person with no experience should push their limit to see if they enjoy it or check their curiosity.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t push their limits! I’ve pushed my limits but pushed them by choice when I was ready but not someone else pushing them for me!

[Du****]

Thursday at 05:49 AM, mount-pleasant834 said:

Laws and rules were always made to be broken

How about that limit on your profile where it says “nothing goes in my ass” - is that made to be broken? Are you saying you actually want to be penetrated anally, in a CNC situation? How much *** should be involved? Do you have a safe word and is it okay to ignore it?
Think it through, dude 🤣

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

How about that limit on your profile where it says “nothing goes in my ass” - is that made to be broken? Are you saying you actually want to be penetrated anally, in a CNC situation? How much *** should be involved? Do you have a safe word and is it okay to ignore it?
Think it through, dude 🤣

This is a fair point, I would say though, some definite boundaries for me, are obvious public play, because the other members of the public did not consent to that!

[ey****]

12 hours ago, Bmydicklicker said:

A person with no experience should push their limit to see if they enjoy it or check their curiosity.

if it is something they are curious about trying/doing then it's not really a limit

a limit is something you can't or won't do.  

Like if being caned is a limit, you don't get caned whether you've done it before or not.

If you are curious about being caned but have never done it before - then you might try it (though, it probably wouldn't start with a cold thrashing from a smoked dragon cane) 

[Ma****]

I think growth comes from pushing boundaries. I also feel like the boundaries in question are more yellow or orange than red. You have to trust that someone has your best interest and is not seeking to harm you when they push you. Also some boundaries I have has all my life and I am willing to throw them out a window for one person… also have not enjoyed a certain type of play since I was 20 but recently enjoyed it. Some ppl push growth in healthy ways. I don’t *** change.

[Zi****]

There are hard boundaries and soft boundaries. Hard boundaries should always be off limits. But I found you can push a soft boundary respectfully if you explain what you wanna do and how you wanna do it. Then just give the other person the option to accept or deny. Also a person may have something they find mentally exciting but when it comes down to the wire they may not be able to handle it yet and need to experience more before they move onto that act. It's why Dom's will often ask about training. We want to know what you've gone through, where you want to go, and if you can handle it yet.